A New Year

I'm glad the holidays are over. There were many wonderful moments spent with family and friends but I couldn't help missing my favorite person in all those wonderful moments. My tear ducts got plenty of workouts these last few weeks.

I came across a very helpful article by Nancy Guthrie. I resonate with everything she writes because she obviously is acquainted with grief and not only understands it, but is able to articulate it in a way that ministers to the heart and soul.

The article I am referring to can be read in full here. I will just review her five main points. She writes to those who have recently lost someone they love and to those who would like to be able to comfort them.

1.  Even the best times are punctuated with an awareness that someone is missing.

2.  Social situations are hard.

3.  Extended family can be awkward and uneasy.

4.  Tears are not a problem.

5.  It can be hard to remember why Christmas should be so merry.

She said that "tears do not reflect a lack of faith. Tears are a gift from God that help to wash away the deep pain of loss." I have come to not mind crying. I always seem to feel better after a "good cry." And when I have those moments of crying, I remind myself that someday, Jesus will wipe all those tears away. He sees and cares.

I've tried to keep busy and spend as much time with the kids and grandkids as I can. On Christmas Eve, I left home after lunch and drove to Christy's. I went with her family to her church's Christmas Eve service. She was busy with directing two numbers with the adult choir, then two more numbers with a children's choir, as well as playing with Grace for the offertory. She did an amazing job and I was right proud of her. I know Andy would have been, too.

I stayed overnight with them. The kids said they were going to sleep downstairs by the Christmas tree and invited me to join them there, but I declined, preferring a bed.

On Christmas morning, they awoke early and got permission to open the gifts in their stockings before Christian and Christy came downstairs. I stayed to eat breakfast with them, then drove up to join Amy and her family for Christmas Day.

We had our "Wallin" Christmas on New Year's Eve. Everyone was able to be here this year...no sickies. We had our usual brunch before opening our gifts. Then we just hung out and enjoyed being together the rest of the day.

I love these family pictures. Everyone's personality comes shining through. There are a lot of us, though, aren't there???


And here are my darling daughters. Don't mind my funny face...why am I scrunching my nose? Ha, ha

I was able to fit in a couple of hikes in November with friends. We've had so much rain (will it ever stop?) that made the creeks and waterways full and overflowing.

At one point we couldn't go any further and had to turn around and go back the same way we came.

I had not been to this spot before that I could remember and was delighted to take in its beauty: Goshen Pond in the Pine Barrens.

This past weekend, Friday and Saturday, I spent with Amy and her family. I played games with the kids on Friday afternoon, stayed in their guest room overnight, then just lounged on Saturday morning. Amy wanted to take me to a little coffee shop that she likes, so we took the kids and had our coffee and hot chocolate, and shared a peanut butter brownie, before I took off for home again.

 
The process has begun toward building an in-law suite onto Dawn's house. I hired an architect and he has given me an initial set of plans. Dawn, Tommy and I looked them over, tweaked them and got a revised set. I'm happy with the architect that we are using. He is helpful, courteous, patient in explaining why certain things can't be done but mostly very professional and knowledgeable. I think we'll all be very happy with the final result. There is still lots of work for him to do, some of which include adding in electrical, heating and air conditioning, plumbing, etc. But we're on our way...

Another big change is on the horizon. I am retiring from my job in the church office after 26 years. I only have five weeks left there. It has been a wonderful job, ministering to the body of Christ using the gifts and abilities He's given me, and working in an environment that honors Christ. I will miss being there but felt God leading me that it was time to pass the baton to the younger generation.

With all that's happening this coming year, I feel like the time was right to retire. I will have more time to spend with the grandkids. It's been harder to find a time that works for them and me. As they get older, they are involved in more activities and it's been a bit of a challenge to fit them in around my work schedule.

I will also be busy with supervising and overseeing the building of the suite onto Dawn's house. Many decisions will have to be made and it will be nice to have the time to do that. I also need to go through my house and systematically decide on what to keep (not much), what to throw away and what to give away or sell - major downsizing. I have accumulated a lot of stuff, and it will require much effort to clean out the basement, two garages and the shed, let alone the living spaces in the house. Most of my furniture will not fit in a smaller suite/apartment.

I'm also hoping to fit in a few trips this year. I've had some west coast friends invite me back for a visit. I'd also like to spend some time with my sister again. And I've already got a vacation in Maine on my calendar.

2019 promises to be an interesting year...no lack of new adventures.

And isn't that just like the Lord? I'm grateful that in spite of missing dear Andy, I'm still enjoying life and the blessings the Lord gives in this life. It's an interesting phenomenon how joy and sadness can co-exist. I anticipate that I'll always miss Andy. He will never be forgotten. What I went through with his illness and loss is a part of my story. In the midst of the pain and sorrow I experienced and the grief I still experience, I have also experienced the comfort of the Lord, answers to my pleas for help, his nearness, his presence through it all. He is a good God, full of grace, love, compassion, and yes, even joy.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I can overflow with hope because "Christ is [in me], the Hope of Glory." Colossians 1:27

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5

God continues to pour out his lavish grace on me. His mercies are new every day, multiple times a day.

In Sunday school class this morning, we read Lamentations 3 and were amazed at how awful Jeremiah's life was, all the horrible things he was experiencing. He is very detailed in his suffering:
"My skin and flesh grow old and my bones are broken (verse 4);
I am besieged and surrounded with bitterness and hardship (verse 5);
I dwell in darkness like those long dead (verse 6);
I am walled in so I cannot escape and am weighed down with chains (verse 7);
I am mangled and left without help (verse 11);
I am a target for arrows (verse 12);
I am a laughingstock of all my people, they mock me all day long (verse 14);
My teeth are broken with gravel and I am trampled in the dust (verse 16);
I have been deprived of peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is (verse 17).

But in spite of all these awful descriptive pictures of his terrible suffering, Jeremiah concludes:
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:21-23)

Is Jeremiah being realistic? I would wholeheartedly say yes, he is. I have experienced the goodness of the Lord in spite of going through suffering. I think his goodness is more evident when we are desperate, when there's no where to go except to the Good Shepherd, where we receive everything we need and lack nothing.

The intensity of my suffering has eased. In fact, in a way, I don't feel like I am suffering at all right now. For five years, I was so consumed with Andy's illness, making sure he was being taken care of, worrying about how to pay for his care, making decisions without his input, and generally, getting used to being a widow even though I technically wasn't one yet. But all that is now behind me. It feels like there has been closure, with a new chapter opening up before me.

That doesn't mean I don't think about Andy any more. On the contrary, I think of him all the time. And I expect that I'll always carry him in my heart. Having done life with him for 44 years makes a difference in the way I live my life now.

There are a number of changes that will be coming my way in the near future. This is helping me to have purpose to my life. I have a future and a hope, as Jeremiah says in Jeremiah 29:11.

I had another grandchild over this past weekend. This time it was 8 year old Katy. She chose to watch The Fox and the Hound and decided to watch it as a fairy.

Speaking of thinking of Andy at every moment of the day, one of the songs in the movie was Goodbye May Seem Forever:

Goodbye may seem forever
Farewell is like the end
But in my heart's a memory 
And there you'll always be. 

Yes, how true. It was hard not to get choked up on that one.

Katy has a wonderful imagination, and it was fun to play with her on some of her fantasies. When she woke up on Saturday morning, she was a vet healing the broken leg of a hurt dog.

We had a good time together, eating ice cream, watching a Veggie Tales video, coloring, playing with Kira, playing some games, and taking a hike. The weather was so inviting for hiking, and we went over to Black Run Preserve again. The leaves are past their peak, I think, but there was still enough color to make the walk a delightful excursion.

We found a very big leaf...bigger than Katy's head.

All in all...another beautiful weekend spent with one of my grandchildren.

We sang a song this morning in church with the lyrics in the chorus:

Oh Your grace so free washes over me
You have made me new, now life begins with You
It's Your endless love pouring down on us
You have made us new, now life begins with You
from Death Arrested by Adam Kersh, Brandon Coker, Heath Balltzglier, and Paul Taylor

I love the imagery of grace washing over me. Another song describes grace as an ocean, then goes on to add: "we're all sinking."


Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin!


John 1:16 ~ "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."

Romans 5:17 ~ "For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ."

2 Corinthians9:8 ~ "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

Ephesians 1:7, 8 ~ "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."

Ephesians 2:7 ~ "...In the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus."

Thank God for his amazing grace!

While  I was in Maine, I was reading Elisabeth Elliot's book, The Path of Loneliness. This was such an applicable book for me at this time. She was a widow twice, and I resonated with much of what she wrote.

I have been telling people when they ask me how I'm doing: "Amazingly well. People must be praying for me because God is lavishing his grace and mercy on me."

Then I came across this in Elisabeth Elliot's book:
"I did not cry at the memorial service for my first husband. It seemed very strange to onlookers, I'm sure -- 'She must be made of concrete!' -- but I am not the only one who has experienced this. It often happens that those whose loss is greatest receive the greatest share of grace, mercy and peace. This does not mean that they never cry, of course. But they do not collapse. Those who only watch and pray and try to put themselves in the place of the bereaved find it almost unendurable. Sometimes they weep uncontrollably, for their imaginations never include the grace."

She goes on to say that the "peace given simply passes understanding, and I am borne up by those intense prayers, as if on strong wings, far above grief."

Yes and Yes...so it is with me. Who can explain it except to say that "God is the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles..." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Another chapter in her book is titled, The Gift of Widowhood. She says that everything is a  gift, another assignment. How can she say such a thing? Widowhood a gift? She reminds us that "there would be no widowhood if there was no death. The inexorable love of God allowed me to become a widow. The Lord of Hosts is absolutely sovereign. He holds power over the universe, He holds authority over my life - not because He usurps the rights with which He endowed me in creation, but because I had specifically asked Him to be Lord of my life."

Are we serious when we pray, "not my will, but yours be done, Lord"? How often do we sing: "I surrender all"? Do we mean it? Do we trust God that he really does know what is best for us? These are hard questions. I suppose it is easier for certain personality types to be more compliant and trusting, but even then, we can really do nothing in our own strength apart from the grace of God providing for my endurance in whatever comes my way.

I believe God is enabling me to continue living, and not collapsing in utter despair. I am the recipient of many blessings and I'm grateful that He has given me eyes to see and enjoy those blessings. He has given me so many grandchildren that I could have one over once a month and occupy my whole year in that way.

Since I returned from Maine, I'm trying to get caught up on having the grandkids over for a sleepover with me. I got a little behind because of going on vacation in June, then being involved with Andy's illness and funeral.

I was able to have Chase over the end of September (see previous post). Last Saturday was Naomi's turn. We watched a lot of movies together, and it was so therapeutic to laugh together. We watched 2 Love Bug movies and several Andy Griffith episodes. We giggled at the silly expressions and antics of Barney Fife.

We also got in a hike at Palmyra Cove along the Delaware River. The weather was lovely. Naomi told me she was glad that I walked briskly and didn't lag behind. I took that as a compliment since I'm 56 years older than she is!

In the middle of the week, I went back to Palmyra Cove with a friend and we hiked the same trail. Again, it was a lovely day - perfect fall weather.

There was activity in the tidal pool with lots of gulls, but also at least 6 egrets. They were pretty far away from us so the pictures didn't turn out too well.

On our way out of the park, we paused to take pictures of deer that were in the woods right beside the road. They were very calm, not at all frightened of us. They were probably as curious about us as we were thrilled to be looking at them.

The sky was so blue, making a beautiful backdrop to this craggy old willow tree.

Then on Friday, Amy drove down with Joanna and Katy to leave Joanna for her turn with Grammy. She loved playing games, and we playing almost continually. I taught her a few new ones. She caught on quickly to the rules of the games and joined the tradition of all my other grandkids by beating me most of the time. Fortunately, they don't seem to hold it against me that I'm just not able to win when I play with them. (Actually, I think it boosts their self image to beat me!)

We also took a hike on Saturday morning...to another of my favorite places: Black Run Preserve. It was pretty dreary, but at least it wasn't raining, and wasn't too hot or too cold. There were hints of color in the leaves. I love the enthusiasm of the kids when they're hiking. I'm impressed with how observant they are, noticing details that I often miss.

We got back to the house, had our lunch, then picked up Kira to join us at the movies. 

What a fun weekend. Now it's back to my quiet house but I must say, I don't mind. I like both having the kids and having quiet. 

Elisabeth Elliot says that there is a difference between loneliness and being alone. I am alone, but I don't feel lonely. And that, too, is a gift. There is value in alone time. The Bible often speaks of and encourages us to "Be still and know that I am God." It's hard to know God when we're busy and distracted with many activities and things. But when we're quiet, we have  time to contemplate God and His goodness, thanking Him for the gifts He gives. Everything we have is a gift from Him.

Widowhood is a gift...it's a new beginning, an opportunity to watch God provide for my needs, to be my Protector and Caregiver. "The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow." Psalm 146:9

Children are a gift..."[They] are a reward from Him...Blessed is the [Grammy] whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3, 5

Alone time is a gift..."In quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15 "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

 

Because of the daily experience of dealing with Andy's Alzheimer's, it's hard to remember just how he "used to be." But God graciously gave me an encounter this week with a friend who knew us for a number of years. After asking how Andy was doing, he went on to remark how impressed he was with how Andy used to "star" in all those yearly Easter plays, memorizing all those lines and all the words to the songs he sang. I agreed that was impressive. That memory led to another one that I related to him. Andy used to like reading his Greek New Testament. He said he did it to keep his mind fresh in the language. I got out that Greek NT to look through it and sure enough, he had many notes in the margins - obvious that he spent time reading and studying the original language.

Impressive, right? It's a difficult language which is why you often hear the phrase: "It's like Greek to me."

The Sunday school class I attend has been doing the "No Guilt Book Club" this summer, where we've been taking turns to review books we've read and can recommend to others. I offered to take a turn which happened to be last Sunday. I reviewed the book, Be Still My Soul, edited by Nancy Guthrie. The book includes 25 authors, a few of whom are John Calvin, Martin Luther, Timothy Keller, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, who write about suffering. I gave a short background on my own situation, then used the book to share how those readings really ministered to me in my own suffering. It's such a blessing to have the examples of these Christian men and women who have gone through suffering through the centuries and have written about it for those of us who come after them. God is good. He knows our needs and is always "there" for us. Actually, he is "here" and "near." And there's nothing like suffering to know how needy and desperate we are and how close he is to the brokenhearted. I was really excited about this opportunity and happy to share some of the things I have learned and experienced through this journey.

Then the rest of the week was difficult. It feels like there have been another couple of steps downward in the progression of Andy's disease. Every night this week, he has sat at dinner with his eyes closed. I have to call his name to give him a bite. He'll open his eyes, take a bite, then close them again. Then the last two nights, as he continues to keep his eyes closed, he chews his food, but doesn't swallow. He chews and chews and chews while I wait to give him his next bite. I think last night he ate about 3 bites out of his whole meal. Tonight was a little better. He chewed and swallowed, finishing almost his whole plate of food. I spoke to the nurse about this, and she thinks he may have had a change in medications because he has been showing some combativeness. That is another disturbing detail.


Amy and her kids came down on Tuesday to visit. They met me at the house and hung out a while before going over to see Andy. Chase walked into the house with a Monopoly game under his arm. Amy explained that he wanted to play it with me. My heart sank. I do not like that game. It usually goes on interminably. But since I try to be a good Grammy (!), I agreed to play with him. Amy played with the two of us, which was kind of her to join me. Well, Chase being the typical competitive male, aggressively bought up the most expensive properties, then proceeded to buy up houses to jack up the price should anyone land on his property. As it turned out, Amy was the first to go bankrupt after landing on his place, and I wasn't far behind. Chase was so happy to have won, but secretly I was happy, too - not only because he was happy, but because that was the end of the game!

Our time with Andy was hard and we didn't stay long, but as we left, Amy gave Andy a hug and clear as day, Andy said: "I love you so, so much."

So there's the ebb and flow of life. I was reading an excerpt from Anne Morrow Lindbergh's, The Gift from the Sea. She was comparing the ebb and flow of the tides to our relationships with people, but I think it also applies to life in general. Life is fluid; sometimes we experience good times with few problems, other times, we struggle to keep our heads above water. She says that each cycle of the tide is valid, each cycle of the wave is valid. We can't change it, "it is what it is." But our acceptance of those changes and willingness to surrender to God's will in those circumstances is what makes the difference.

Another day, I read an excerpt from J.B. Phillips. He was a friend of C.S. Lewis and is known for his contemporary translation of the New Testament. He wrote that as he was translating Ephesians 2:4 where the text says that "God is rich in mercy," he was struck that this phrase was a "positive jewel...Just as we might say that a Texas tycoon is 'rich in oil,' so Paul writes it as a matter of fact that God is 'rich in mercy.' The pagan world was full of fear, and the Christian gospel set out to replace that fear of the gods or the fates, or even life itself, with the love for and trust in God. 'Rich in mercy' was good news to the ancient world and it is good news today."

Mercy is not the only quality that God is rich in. Ephesians 1:7 says that "God lavished the riches of His grace on us with all wisdom and understanding." And Psalm 145:8 says God is "rich in love."

"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom." (Psalm 145:3)

I was looking forward to two days off this past week. There was a time when having two whole days to myself was like a little bit of heaven. Life was so busy with children, husband, house projects, family reunions, work, etc. etc. 

But that was a different season of my life. Life is very different now. I am always alone. I had things to do on Tuesday, but Wednesday was interminably long. It was too hot to be outside doing anything too strenuous. I went out as soon as I got up, thinking I would do some gardening. Just stepping outside the door was enough to change my mind. But how much is there to do in the house when it’s just me?

I thought about going somewhere and doing something, but then a part of me felt like I needed to just get used to being by myself. Self talk: Be content…trust God…it is what it is…be thankful you can have some quiet.

Maybe part of my problem is that I’m still coming down off the high of my Scotland trip. Life is back to the routine: work, going to see Andy, getting the oil changed in the car, taking care of things around the house and yard, fitting in family time with the kids and grandkids.

On July 1, we had a family party at Amy’s in Lancaster County to celebrate two kids’ birthdays. 

 

It was also an opportunity for Christy and Dawn to see Amy's new house. It was very hot that day so we stayed inside for the party. I was invited to drive up with Tommy and Dawn in their van, so that saved me the stress of 4 hours driving.

Then last week, Kira had 4 days of Horse Camp with riding lessons. I helped Dawn out by taking Kira and picking her up on Tuesday (since Dawn has all those kids she watches). I also picked Kira up on Thursday afternoon.

Also, on Tuesday, I went to see the Mr. Rogers documentary with a friend. It was such a warm, uplifting film and encouraging to know what a kind, gentle man he was.

On Saturday, I drove to Berks County to hang out with my family. It’s a 4^th of July tradition for us to have an annual picnic on the Saturday either before or after the holiday. I was going to drive up with Dawn and Tommy again, but on Friday night, they decided they weren’t going to go after all. It had been a busy week for them and 4 hours in the car with the children didn’t sound appealing. But I decided I would go by myself to avoid another day being at home alone. It was also a good opportunity to see my brothers and sisters and their spouses. I hadn’t seen them in a year. I’m glad I went. We had some good conversations catching up with each other. The weather was perfect and the food was plentiful and flavorful. My sister, chef extraordinaire, contributed more than her share.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I had a hint of a headache and was soooo tired. I went back to bed, but unfortunately, I forgot to turn off my alarm, so in 30 minutes, it went off again. I was still so tired so I went back to sleep. I think I might have been able to sleep all day, but I made myself get up and get moving. I have learned how beneficial and good for my soul it is to be with other people. Since it was Sunday, I had the opportunity of interacting and connecting with any number of people. And by lunchtime, I felt pretty good physically, and no more headache.

One person I spoke to, after inquiring about Andy, commented how impressed she was that I was always so cheerful. Ha! Well, that blessed me, and I refrained from telling her how I really felt earlier that morning.

So, life has its ups and downs.

In one of my conversations on Saturday with a niece, I mentioned how when life is tough, I’m so grateful that I have a blessed hope; that some day (in eternity) our troubles will be over.

Then I wondered if I was not being grateful for this day. Each day is a gift and there is always the opportunity to enjoy that gift and what we’ve been given. But that night as I was reading Life on the Highest Plane by Ruth Paxson before bed, I came across:

 "The believer's heart is set upon heavenly things; he values and seeks heavenly things more than earthly. 

Colossians 3:1-2 "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

Do I hear someone say, This is too high a standard for me; it is not only impossible but unattractive. I am on the earth and in this world, therefore why should I not live as though I were and enjoy what this earth and this world have to give me and leave the enjoyment of heaven until I reach there? Such is the reasoning of vast numbers of Christians and their lives are in full harmony with their reasoning. As someone has aptly said they have become Christians much as a man takes out a life insurance policy--something that does not in any way alter one's manner of living but will be of use after death and is maintained with the payment of a yearly premium. With many a person becoming a Christian has made little if any difference in either his character or conduct. He is still of the earth--earthy.

Is it not conceivable that God would have us become acclimated to our eternal home in heaven with Christ during our transient stay on earth? If the atmosphere of heaven is stifling to me here what will it be to me there? If the heavenly pleasures and pursuits are unattractive to me now, what will they be to me then?...Death is both an exit and an entrance all in one. For the believer it closes the door on earth to open one into heaven. There is not one instant for preparation for that higher altitude. If my heart cannot stand it here, how will it stand it there?"

 A beautiful reminder that longing for heaven is not wishful thinking or escaping from reality. How kind of the Lord to speak peace to my soul. He's so good to me.

No matter how bleak and barren life might seem, where there's life, there's hope. I'm always so impressed at how life tenaciously holds on in the most unlikely places.

Bloom where you're planted - because God is there.

There didn't seem to be anything in particular, maybe just everything in general, but Friday felt especially heavy to me. My natural response wants to figure out why I'm dealing with these feelings. Why do I feel like crying when nothing has happened to add to what I'm already going through. Oppressive humidity? Attack from Satan? Lack of sleep? In this case, though, I have to be satisfied with no answer. I just don't know.

But as usually happens when I'm feeling low, God provides the encouragement I need at the precise moment of my need. I am currently reading Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren.

She writes about God being a part of every detail of our lives: when we wake in the morning, when we lose our keys, when we eat leftovers, when we sit in traffic...

In her chapter, Sitting in Traffic, she focuses on patience and being unhurried. I had heard a phrase in a song, and I don't remember which song at the moment, about God always being on time, never late. Trish reminds us that "we live in a waiting world, a world where time itself, along with all of creation, groans as in childbirth, waiting for something to be born." We live our lives each day in light of a future reality. Our best life is still to come. But in the middle of waiting for that future hope, are we patiently enjoying the days we have in the present? Waiting itself can be a gift. Our waiting is active and purposeful...God is at work in us and through us as we wait. A couple of days ago, I was struck with a feeling of expectancy as I wait for God to work things out for me. He is so creative in the way He works, not tied to uncertainty, but the Sovereign Ruler of all things, working for the good of his children. In my own perception of things, my situation looks hopeless...but that is not taking into account God and His divine purposes.

Recently I've noticed Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding being played frequently on KLOVE. It was recorded in 2013 so I really don't know why I hadn't heard it until recently. But it has spoken to me and been an encouraging reminder to me.

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight 
Don't try to figure it out
Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart
'Cause I know this is not anything like you thought the story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
but it's just not true
There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold.

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You've just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding.

God's plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing love
And the story has only begun

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we're living 
Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We'll see the glorious unfolding
Songwriter: Steven Curtis Chapman, copyright BMG Rights Management US, LLC

That's right: Don't try to figure it out. Someday it will all be unfolded and we'll be amazed at the glorious plan of God.

I was able to have some family time on Tuesday when I drove up to Lancaster County to spend a couple of hours with Amy and her kids. They've been doing a lot of work to finish the upstairs of their new house as well as doing some outside projects. It was a joy to see those projects and be with her and the kids in person. After lunch we investigated a new park Amy had found. There was a huge lake that was an opportunity for the kids to fish and explore. There was also a paved trail around the park that we hiked. The sun was hot but the breeze was cool and refreshing. Amy and I stayed in the gazebo to chat while the kids played and fished at the lake.

Amy and I were amused with the momma duck and her babies on the lake. Whenever Chase would cast his fishing line, the ducks would paddle quickly to where his line was and follow it as he reeled it in. In spite of his moving from place to place to keep far away from the ducks, he did manage to catch a fish.

I heard a teacher on the radio tell about the story of Gideon in Judges 6. When the angel came to tell Gideon that God wanted him to fight against Israel's enemies, he addressed Gideon as "mighty warrior." Isn't that interesting? Gideon hadn't done anything yet. But in anticipation of a great victory, God calls Gideon a mighty warrior. Along with that pronouncement, God promises to be with him.

"When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, 'The LORD is with you, mighty warrior'." (Judges 6:12)

And there's the whole reason God could address him as a hero before he had even gone into battle: because God was going to do the fighting for him. It reminded me of David's confidence in Psalm 18:29 and 2 Samuel 22:30 (both verses have the exact same wording): "With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall."

Scripture is full of God's promises to always be with us and to fight our battles for us. With God, the victory is assured.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." (Isaiah 40:29)
 

What should have been a lovely walk around the property turned into a sinking feeling when I noticed one of our pine trees loaded with bag worm cocoons.  This was one of the trees I've been nurturing since it was a wee little stick. Over ten years ago, I bought 10 pine trees for $1 from the National Arbor Foundation. They were so little that one or two of them accidentally got run over with the lawn mower. But I still have seven trees that are doing well and have grown significantly. These pictures were taken 9 years ago - they were just pine tree babies.

And how they grew.

So I was not happy to see one of those babies just full of bag worm cocoons waiting to hatch. Thankfully, Google gave me the information that they hatch in late May. Google also suggested several ways to take care of bag worms. One way was to let them hatch to provide food for the birds. Another way was to use chemicals to spray on them after they hatch. Or you could cut them all off the tree and get rid of them before they hatch. That is what I chose to do. I didn't want to mess with chemicals. I had already had some experience with spraying caterpillars and it wasn't a pretty sight. I really didn't think I could go through with that process myself. 

Yesterday was a nice day for working outside so I spent the morning cutting off those cocoons. I had to drag a ladder out to reach the top of the tree, but I managed to get all of them - I hope.

I filled a 2 gallon ziploc baggie full of those nasty things. I hope I got them all, but if I didn't, maybe the birds will have some to enjoy.

Cutting out those cocoons and dead branches can be compared to the pruning that needs to be done in our lives. Worms or sins that creep in and eat us up devastate us spiritually. But God, the Master Pruner, knows how to cut off branches that are diseased so that the rest of the tree will be healthier and more productive. 

I love to read and re-read John 15 where Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. Every vine needs to be pruned, taking away the dead to make way for new shoots. Pruning is painful, but it's necessary if we want to grow in our walk with the Lord. 

I met Dawn at Care One yesterday with her kids to visit Andy. I love the energy of the kids. I think Kira was a little sad over seeing Andy because she remembers how fun he was for and with her. But Kasey and Cole accept him as he is because it's the only way they've ever known him. All of the kids are developing a level of compassion, though, because of their association with their Poppop. Little Cole saw me feeding Andy, then he offered Andy his ice cream. It was so sweet. 

I am currently reading through the psalms in my morning time with the Lord. I love David's heart for the Lord. Even when he is in despair, he still finds something to praise the Lord about. Some of his circumstances were so difficult, but he focused on God's character. God's unfailing love, his righteousness, faithfulness, justice remain constant and true. 

A year or so ago, as I was reading through the Bible, I marked in red ink all the verses that talk about God's love for his children. The psalms in my Bible are full of those red marks.

Psalm 25:6, 7 ~ "Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old....according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD."

Psalm 25:10 ~ "All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful..."

Psalm 31:16 ~ "Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love."

Psalm 31:21 ~ "Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me."

Psalm 32:10 ~ "The LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

Psalm 33:5 ~ "The earth is full of his unfailing love."

Psalm 33:18, 22 ~ "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...May your unfailing love rest upon us O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 36:5, 7 ~ "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies...How priceless is your unfailing love!"

Isn't that such a comfort to know that God's love is described as unfailing. It is always there. It's who God is. "God is love," 1 John 4:16. And if God loves me, then I can be assured He will take care of me. He prunes out those hurtful worms, fertilizes and waters me so that I will grow and bear much fruit. He protects me from trouble and surrounds me with songs of deliverance. (another psalm - Psalm 32:7) 

Jesus loved the psalms, too. In his earthly ministry, he quoted often from the psalms. When he was talking with the two men on the road to Emmaus, he told them that "everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms."

So here is something to think about till your head spins: Did Jesus quote David in the psalms, or did David quote Jesus because he (David) "spoke from God as [he was] carried along by the Holy Spirit" (2 Peter 1:21)?