I was looking forward to two days off this past week. There was a time when having two whole days to myself was like a little bit of heaven. Life was so busy with children, husband, house projects, family reunions, work, etc. etc. 

But that was a different season of my life. Life is very different now. I am always alone. I had things to do on Tuesday, but Wednesday was interminably long. It was too hot to be outside doing anything too strenuous. I went out as soon as I got up, thinking I would do some gardening. Just stepping outside the door was enough to change my mind. But how much is there to do in the house when it’s just me?

I thought about going somewhere and doing something, but then a part of me felt like I needed to just get used to being by myself. Self talk: Be content…trust God…it is what it is…be thankful you can have some quiet.

Maybe part of my problem is that I’m still coming down off the high of my Scotland trip. Life is back to the routine: work, going to see Andy, getting the oil changed in the car, taking care of things around the house and yard, fitting in family time with the kids and grandkids.

On July 1, we had a family party at Amy’s in Lancaster County to celebrate two kids’ birthdays. 

 

It was also an opportunity for Christy and Dawn to see Amy's new house. It was very hot that day so we stayed inside for the party. I was invited to drive up with Tommy and Dawn in their van, so that saved me the stress of 4 hours driving.

Then last week, Kira had 4 days of Horse Camp with riding lessons. I helped Dawn out by taking Kira and picking her up on Tuesday (since Dawn has all those kids she watches). I also picked Kira up on Thursday afternoon.

Also, on Tuesday, I went to see the Mr. Rogers documentary with a friend. It was such a warm, uplifting film and encouraging to know what a kind, gentle man he was.

On Saturday, I drove to Berks County to hang out with my family. It’s a 4^th of July tradition for us to have an annual picnic on the Saturday either before or after the holiday. I was going to drive up with Dawn and Tommy again, but on Friday night, they decided they weren’t going to go after all. It had been a busy week for them and 4 hours in the car with the children didn’t sound appealing. But I decided I would go by myself to avoid another day being at home alone. It was also a good opportunity to see my brothers and sisters and their spouses. I hadn’t seen them in a year. I’m glad I went. We had some good conversations catching up with each other. The weather was perfect and the food was plentiful and flavorful. My sister, chef extraordinaire, contributed more than her share.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I had a hint of a headache and was soooo tired. I went back to bed, but unfortunately, I forgot to turn off my alarm, so in 30 minutes, it went off again. I was still so tired so I went back to sleep. I think I might have been able to sleep all day, but I made myself get up and get moving. I have learned how beneficial and good for my soul it is to be with other people. Since it was Sunday, I had the opportunity of interacting and connecting with any number of people. And by lunchtime, I felt pretty good physically, and no more headache.

One person I spoke to, after inquiring about Andy, commented how impressed she was that I was always so cheerful. Ha! Well, that blessed me, and I refrained from telling her how I really felt earlier that morning.

So, life has its ups and downs.

In one of my conversations on Saturday with a niece, I mentioned how when life is tough, I’m so grateful that I have a blessed hope; that some day (in eternity) our troubles will be over.

Then I wondered if I was not being grateful for this day. Each day is a gift and there is always the opportunity to enjoy that gift and what we’ve been given. But that night as I was reading Life on the Highest Plane by Ruth Paxson before bed, I came across:

 "The believer's heart is set upon heavenly things; he values and seeks heavenly things more than earthly. 

Colossians 3:1-2 "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

Do I hear someone say, This is too high a standard for me; it is not only impossible but unattractive. I am on the earth and in this world, therefore why should I not live as though I were and enjoy what this earth and this world have to give me and leave the enjoyment of heaven until I reach there? Such is the reasoning of vast numbers of Christians and their lives are in full harmony with their reasoning. As someone has aptly said they have become Christians much as a man takes out a life insurance policy--something that does not in any way alter one's manner of living but will be of use after death and is maintained with the payment of a yearly premium. With many a person becoming a Christian has made little if any difference in either his character or conduct. He is still of the earth--earthy.

Is it not conceivable that God would have us become acclimated to our eternal home in heaven with Christ during our transient stay on earth? If the atmosphere of heaven is stifling to me here what will it be to me there? If the heavenly pleasures and pursuits are unattractive to me now, what will they be to me then?...Death is both an exit and an entrance all in one. For the believer it closes the door on earth to open one into heaven. There is not one instant for preparation for that higher altitude. If my heart cannot stand it here, how will it stand it there?"

 A beautiful reminder that longing for heaven is not wishful thinking or escaping from reality. How kind of the Lord to speak peace to my soul. He's so good to me.

No matter how bleak and barren life might seem, where there's life, there's hope. I'm always so impressed at how life tenaciously holds on in the most unlikely places.

Bloom where you're planted - because God is there.

Spring is making the attempt. It's still chilly, but the flowers are starting to bloom and the trees are budding.
 

My yard work was hanging over my head. There was so much to do and I finally had some time and energy to get out there. I spent all Saturday morning raking little sticks and branches into piles, then bagging them and getting them to the street. It felt good to be out there working, but I have to admit, I'm pretty sore and tired today. There is still more to do, but I'm happy to be well on my way.
 

I didn't have a lot of appointments this week, but I did some babysitting on Friday evening so Dawn could get a little time out. Earlier in the week, I drove Tommy to the Atlantic City airport for his flight to Nicaragua and a week of surfing.

This coming week I have an appointment with my attorney to work on the Medicaid application for Andy. I'm a little nervous about that, but am excited at the same time. Hopefully, I will get some closure on that process and be able to submit the application soon.

Visits with Andy remain difficult. I never know what to expect. One night he can lie down on the bed when I take him to his room, then peacefully fall asleep. The next night, he will be restless, pacing around the room, and even leaving while I'm still there. A couple of times this week, I read the story of David and Goliath to him. Yesterday, when I finished the chapter, he commented, "That is a really good story." Sometimes I understand what he is saying, but most of the time, I don't. And he "talks" constantly. I've learned to either make agreeable noises (uh-huh, oh really? oh, that's good, etc.) or to tell him it's all taken care of and he doesn't need to worry about it.

I'm reading through Be Still, My Soul again. The book is a compilation of different authors' articles on suffering. The sub-title of of the book is: "Embracing God's Purpose and Provision in Suffering." When you're in the middle of suffering, it's so helpful and comforting to be reminded that God does have a purpose in what we're going through. Chapter 17 is written by Donald A. Carson, who is a Research Professor of New Testament at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He wrote about dying well. He says "we are all under sentence of death; we are all terminal cases." It's hard for us in America to think like this because so many of us live the "good life." We can pretty much buy whatever we want and if we get sick, there are so many medications for doctors to prescribe. But really, we're not living in the real world if we don't face our mortality. Dr. Carson asks: "Is not some of the pain and sorrow in this life used in God's providential hand to make us homesick for heaven?" I know that has helped direct my thoughts a lot toward heaven. Are you kidding? Who wouldn't be eager to live a life of "no more sickness, no more tears, no more death"?

Revelation 21:4 ~ "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Dr. Carson makes the point that the "time of death becomes far less daunting a factor when seen in the light of eternity. Although death remains a formidable opponent, it is, from another perspective, the portal through which we pass to consummated life. We pass through death, and death dies."

I don't know that I ever thought of death in that way, but it is so true. Death will die. It will never happen again when we are in heaven. Everyone dies...but only once. Jesus conquered death by his resurrection, and so we too will have victory over death.  We will pass from death to life. 

2 Corinthians 5:4 ~ ..."what is mortal will be swallowed up in life." I love that picture! Life is more powerful than death, like light is more powerful than darkness. Even a small candle can pierce the darkness.

Isaiah 25:8 ~ "He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces..."

1 Corinthians 15:54-56 ~ "When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immorality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory.' 'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O Death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

This is our hope. Some day all this suffering and heartache will be over and we'll be forever with our Lord and Savior.

1 Thessalonians 4:17b-18 ~ "And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words."