Random Ramblings

Everybody has trials and temptations
Everybody knows heart break, isolation 

But we can lay our burdens down (our burdens down)
Lay our burdens down 

What a friend we have in Jesus
East to west my sins are gone
I see grace on every horizon
And forever and ever His heart is my home 

Everybody has fears, everybody's got worries
Everybody knows sorrow, devastation 

But we can lay our burdens down (our burdens down)
Lay our burdens down

What a friend we have in Jesus
East to west my sins are gone
I see grace on every horizon
And forever and ever His heart is my home 

No more betrayal, for He is faithful
He fills me up and my cup runneth over
No more betrayal, for He is faithful
How He has proven it over and over
Over and over 

What a friend we have in Jesus
East to west my sins are gone
I see grace on every horizon
And forever and ever His heart is my home

Songwriters: Matt Maher / Adam Palmer / Matthew Hein / Abbie Parker

What a Friend lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing

I love that song. I've been reminded this week of the universal nature of trials, temptations, and suffering because I'm re-reading Be Still, My Soul. I have agreed to do a book review in our adult Sunday school class next week. In preparation, I have been ministered to all over again by the examples of God's people rising above their suffering to rest in God's perspective, purpose and provision in suffering.

I am not the only one who is suffering. Everyone from the beginning of time has suffered in some way. But what makes the difference is our response to that suffering. Can we submit to God's plan in our suffering, or do we become bitter and angry by what he allows? I desire a heart of submission because he knows what is best and promises to care for us. Jesus promised that in this world we would have trouble, but the good news is: he has overcome the world. Good news indeed! He is our friend, and goes with us on our journey through our suffering. He grieves with us and has promised to carry us and take our burdens on himself.

There are many benefits that we receive from the suffering we endure. One that I've noticed in myself is that I am so much more sensitive to the suffering others are experiencing. Even reading the story of Jesus' passion and crucifixion brings tears to my eyes. Did anyone experience more horrible suffering than Jesus? And he did it because of his great love for me.

Another benefit of suffering is that we come to know God better. We experience his comfort, his strength, his grace to endure. Hopefully, the impurities in our life are purged away and we become more like Jesus, who suffered without complaint and entrusted himself to his heavenly Father.

 A year ago, I planted this lace cap hydrangea so I was excited to see it had buds and was very close to full bloom. Then imagine my horror, when the next day I saw this:

 

Can you believe it? I would never have guessed that hydrangeas were tasty. I do not have warm fuzzy feelings for the deer. There is plenty of food available to them and lots of woods in the neighborhood. And don't tell me that I've taken over their habitat. That doesn't soothe my frustration over them destroying the beauty of my gardens.

Then last night I noticed this brave new bud. Hopefully, the deer have moved on to "greener" pastures and won't come back for one more flower. Even though I like to see deer, I am not happy that they eat my plants. 

Some time ago, Christy asked if I could take some of Andy's sermons and make them into recordings on cd. It had been so long since Andy had preached and even when he had, it had been pretty random and rare so I told her it couldn't be done. But God...

With Andy no longer living at the house, I gave our boom box to Amy. Later she asked me if I realized there was a tape in the cassette player with a recording of a church service where Andy was preaching. I couldn't believe it! I got the cassette from her and asked our A/V guy to record it onto a cd. He did and I have listened to it a number of times. I confess it was hard to remember when Andy had sounded so "life-like" and passionate about God and our worship of him. The recording was made in July 2000 - 18 years ago. What a gift!

Doesn't he look young and Pastor-ish?

I have continued to visit with Andy every day. I help him eat his dinner, then read to him as he lies on his bed. He almost always falls asleep as I read, which brings back more memories. Our family tradition when the girls were growing up was to spend our after dinnertime reading. The girls would sit next to me on the couch and Andy would invariably lie on the floor as I read. Also, invariably, he would fall asleep. Then when I would stop reading, he would wake up and wonder what he had missed. It didn't seem to matter how interesting or exciting the story was, he couldn't stay awake. He always insisted that it was my voice that was so soothing and calming. It was our little inside family joke: dad on the floor asleep while mom reads.

In our Sunday school class this morning, our teacher reviewed Augustine's book, Confessions. He gave several of Augustine's quotes for us to digest and discuss. One of those was:

"For who is the Lord but the Lord? For who is God except our God? The highest, the most good, the most mighty, the most omnipotent; the most merciful, yet most just; the most hidden, yet most present; the most beautiful, yet strongest; the stationary, yet incomprehensibly constant. You cannot change, yet you change everything. You are never new, yet never old. You make all things new, yet conquer the proud with old age before they know of its approach.

You are ever working yet ever at rest. You are still gathering yet you lack nothing. You are still supporting, filling, and overspreading; still creating, nourishing and maturing; still seeking although you have all things. You love without yearning, are jealous without bitterness; share our regret without self reproach; express anger without losing serenity.

When others fail to finish what they propose, your purpose remains unchanged. You receive what you found yet had never lost. You are never in need yet rejoice in what you gain. You never covet, yet exact excessive payments, so that you may owe. Yet who has anything that is not already yours? You pay debts when you owe nothing, but in remitting you lose nothing."

Isn't that great? So profound and insightful into who God is and what he is like.

Psalm 18:31 ~ "For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?"

Psalm 145:3 ~ "Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom."

 

Mother's Day and Andy's birthday fall close together on the calendar. So that sounds like a good reason for the family to get together - which we did yesterday. Christy and Dawn and their families stopped at Care One Harmony Village to see Andy and wish him a happy birthday before coming on over to the house for a picnic. Christy posted some beautiful sentiments about her dad on facebook and people weighed in with comments that were kind, loving and encouraging. 
 

 
I read Ann Voskamp's blog post for Mother's Day where she said she wasn't interested in receiving flowers, cards, chocolates or any gift, for that matter. What mattered most to her was for the family to be together, enjoying each other's company. I feel the same. It means so much to me to just sit at the table with the kids and grandkids, to watch them eat and interact with their sisters, brothers-in-law, aunts, uncles and cousins. I don't need to necessarily have a conversation with any of them, it's just such a joy for them all to be there. I love seeing them love each other. It doesn't take much for them to start laughing, joking and having fun together.

 
Then, of course, there's the cuteness of the youngest in his superman shirt.

I got in one last hike earlier this past week (last because I don't like hiking in the summer with the heat, humidity, mosquitoes and ticks). A friend joined me on our outing to Brendan T. Byrne State Forest. I love that park. We stopped at the Ranger Station and hiked 3 miles to Pakim Pond. It's a hike through a variety of foliage and trees. My favorite is through a stand of Atlantic white cedars. They are such tall and beautiful trees. It happened to be one of those days where the sky was a rich blue, the air was warm, and the sun was shining. It makes for lovely pictures with all that color. We ate our lunch at the picnic tables by the pond before hiking the 3 miles back.

When Christian was down yesterday, he was kind enough to prop up my holly tree that had been weighed down by one of those heavy snows we had.

When I checked out his handiwork, I was amused that he had used a juicy juice carton as part of his fix.

I like the way the holly stands against the chimney.

Another tree that I had been concerned for was the dogwood. A number of significant branches had been broken off during that heavy snow. But it outdid itself with all those pink flowers. I think it will be ok.

Psalm 34:4 ~ "I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." I've always considered that when I entertained fear, I was not trusting in the Lord. But as I read this verse, I was struck with the promise that when I seek the Lord, He delivers me from my fears. I surely can't deliver myself. I try to turn over my worries to Him, but somehow they just keep returning. I'm overwhelmed and consumed with fear, sometimes -  fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of my lack of finances to pay for Andy's care. But deliverance from my fears isn't up to me. This was a great "aha" moment as I thought about it. 

My application for Medicaid assistance is nearing completion. My attorney sent me a letter with a list of things I needed to do yet, and I am working on checking off those items. This is an incredible process. I don't know how people manage to do all that's required. I have an attorney who is doing most of the work, but I still need to provide her with reams of paperwork, contacting my bank and my financial agent innumerable times for documents to prove my need. I'm learning a lot in this process, but I admit I'll be so relieved when it's all done and behind me.

There's an element of expectancy in all of this. God is a Creator and He is creative in the way He works things out. His ways are higher than ours and He sees details that we can't in our finite-ness. So as I wait for things to work out, I expect that they will; and some day the details will be astonishingly accurate and awesome - more than we can think or imagine!

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Ephesians 3:20 ~ "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" 

And through all of this, God will get the glory. That's my desire.

What should have been a lovely walk around the property turned into a sinking feeling when I noticed one of our pine trees loaded with bag worm cocoons.  This was one of the trees I've been nurturing since it was a wee little stick. Over ten years ago, I bought 10 pine trees for $1 from the National Arbor Foundation. They were so little that one or two of them accidentally got run over with the lawn mower. But I still have seven trees that are doing well and have grown significantly. These pictures were taken 9 years ago - they were just pine tree babies.

And how they grew.

So I was not happy to see one of those babies just full of bag worm cocoons waiting to hatch. Thankfully, Google gave me the information that they hatch in late May. Google also suggested several ways to take care of bag worms. One way was to let them hatch to provide food for the birds. Another way was to use chemicals to spray on them after they hatch. Or you could cut them all off the tree and get rid of them before they hatch. That is what I chose to do. I didn't want to mess with chemicals. I had already had some experience with spraying caterpillars and it wasn't a pretty sight. I really didn't think I could go through with that process myself. 

Yesterday was a nice day for working outside so I spent the morning cutting off those cocoons. I had to drag a ladder out to reach the top of the tree, but I managed to get all of them - I hope.

I filled a 2 gallon ziploc baggie full of those nasty things. I hope I got them all, but if I didn't, maybe the birds will have some to enjoy.

Cutting out those cocoons and dead branches can be compared to the pruning that needs to be done in our lives. Worms or sins that creep in and eat us up devastate us spiritually. But God, the Master Pruner, knows how to cut off branches that are diseased so that the rest of the tree will be healthier and more productive. 

I love to read and re-read John 15 where Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. Every vine needs to be pruned, taking away the dead to make way for new shoots. Pruning is painful, but it's necessary if we want to grow in our walk with the Lord. 

I met Dawn at Care One yesterday with her kids to visit Andy. I love the energy of the kids. I think Kira was a little sad over seeing Andy because she remembers how fun he was for and with her. But Kasey and Cole accept him as he is because it's the only way they've ever known him. All of the kids are developing a level of compassion, though, because of their association with their Poppop. Little Cole saw me feeding Andy, then he offered Andy his ice cream. It was so sweet. 

I am currently reading through the psalms in my morning time with the Lord. I love David's heart for the Lord. Even when he is in despair, he still finds something to praise the Lord about. Some of his circumstances were so difficult, but he focused on God's character. God's unfailing love, his righteousness, faithfulness, justice remain constant and true. 

A year or so ago, as I was reading through the Bible, I marked in red ink all the verses that talk about God's love for his children. The psalms in my Bible are full of those red marks.

Psalm 25:6, 7 ~ "Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old....according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD."

Psalm 25:10 ~ "All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful..."

Psalm 31:16 ~ "Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love."

Psalm 31:21 ~ "Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me."

Psalm 32:10 ~ "The LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

Psalm 33:5 ~ "The earth is full of his unfailing love."

Psalm 33:18, 22 ~ "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...May your unfailing love rest upon us O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 36:5, 7 ~ "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies...How priceless is your unfailing love!"

Isn't that such a comfort to know that God's love is described as unfailing. It is always there. It's who God is. "God is love," 1 John 4:16. And if God loves me, then I can be assured He will take care of me. He prunes out those hurtful worms, fertilizes and waters me so that I will grow and bear much fruit. He protects me from trouble and surrounds me with songs of deliverance. (another psalm - Psalm 32:7) 

Jesus loved the psalms, too. In his earthly ministry, he quoted often from the psalms. When he was talking with the two men on the road to Emmaus, he told them that "everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms."

So here is something to think about till your head spins: Did Jesus quote David in the psalms, or did David quote Jesus because he (David) "spoke from God as [he was] carried along by the Holy Spirit" (2 Peter 1:21)?

In spite of the difficult journey I'm on, I feel incredibly blessed by God. His hand is on me and I experience moments of great joy and fulfillment. I also thank God that He has opened my eyes to be able to see and give thanks for those blessings.

Let me count the ways I saw God's blessings this week.

Earlier in the week, I received a text from Christy saying Claire wanted me to attend the spring concert she would be in on Friday evening. Grace and Aiden were also involved in a different choir for older kids, participating in the same program. I agreed that I would like to go. As I thought about it, I got brave and decided to stay with the family overnight instead of driving home late. I say that was brave of me because I knew I wouldn't get good sleep even though I would not be getting to bed as late as if I drove home to my own bed. It turned out as I expected. The concert was great - such a joy to watch my dear grandkids singing in a choir, participating in ministry to their parents and relatives. Of course, my grandchildren were the prettiest and best up there! When we made it back to their house, we got ready for bed. I was pretty tired, but as I had anticipated, I couldn't get to sleep. I lay there, tossing and turning, watching the minutes tick by. I finally drifted off, but then woke up at 4:40 A.M. (What's wrong with me!) But I think I'm finally learning not to fight it or be upset when I get only a few hours sleep. The amazing thing I've discovered is that I really don't feel that bad all day, even with only 4 hours of sleep. This is a blessing in itself: to be able to "rest" in lack of sleep, to not fret or be upset or greedy for more.

When I woke up so early, I lay there hoping that when I finally did get up, I would not disturb the rest of the family. I got my shower, did some reading and still no one else was up. I was beginning to think about leaving and going home, even though we had talked about me taking one or two kids back with me. I was packing up my things, when Claire arrived at my elbow. She was hoping to go with me, so I told her I was ready to go. She quickly ate something and off we went. 

She is a talker and we did not lack for interesting conversation all the way home. We stopped at Starbucks for a coffee for me and a cake pop for her to break up the long journey a little. When we got to the house, Claire and I played a couple of games before the rest of the family arrived.

This is another wonderful blessing. Christian, in the tree trimming business, also has developed a mulching side to his business. He brought his truck filled to the brim with free mulch, with a trailer, hauling a MultiOne to help with the work. 

All of the kids are good, hard workers which is so helpful with all my gardens. They mulched, raked, and did a lot of grunt work all morning. Claire took her job as water carrier seriously. Can you catch it if I throw it?

  

It was a beautiful spring day with lovely blue skies and flowers bursting out in full bloom. This magnolia tree makes me so happy every spring.

I fed the family their lunch and everyone was very hungry after all their hard work. I'm glad I had enough food. I was beginning to worry a little before everyone said they were full.

After lunch Christian cut down a tree for the neighbor who lives right next to me. It was a tree that kept dropping branches, including a branch that landed on his car a couple of weeks ago. I love to watch Christian do his work. He is so knowledgeable and skilled in his work.

 

I'm not the only one who likes to watch him work. He had quite the audience.

Another blessing is how God brings along the right person as a resource for my needs as they arise. In Andy's days of dealing with helping people, sometimes that involved finding a lawyer to help with their issues. He became acquainted with an elder law attorney that assisted several people in our congregation with their legal issues. As a result, she developed a great respect and liking for dealing with Andy. When Andy became ill, she redid our wills and I came to know her as well. I have hired her to help me get the paperwork together to make my application for Medicaid assistance. I met with her to submit more paperwork this week and for her to go over final details with me so that application can be filed soon.

And speaking of the right person at the right time...I've been thinking I might need to try to find another facility that's cheaper for Andy to be moved to. But that task seems daunting to me. How do I figure out the best place? He needs a certain level of care...it can't be just any nursing home. He needs help in all his daily living tasks. But then a person stopped at the office one day this past week as I was getting ready to leave work. We got to talking and she told me she works in nursing homes and has experience with them and can give me a list of possibilities for me to check out. She encouraged me to make appointments for a tour in each of them to get a more realistic feel for what they are like, which you can't necessarily get by just a phone call or even a check online.

Last night after all that hard work outside, I was sitting in my chair, when my phone dinged. I got a text from a friend asking if I wanted to walk early this morning. Wow! God was thinking of me, to put the idea in my friend's head to want to spend a little time with me. I love this woman, have known her for twenty years, and any time we can be together is a treat. So off we went this morning. The weather was foggy and misty and we came back pretty damp, but our conversation was encouraging to both of us.

As I visit Andy each day, I've been wondering how much he really remembers or knows. So one evening I experimented by asking him a couple of questions. I asked him who he was. He didn't answer. Then I asked him what his name was. He tried, but still didn't answer. Then I asked him if he knew who I was. He mumbled something unintelligible and seemed a bit frustrated. So I asked him if those questions were too hard. And he answered with a clear, "Yes." Now this is the amazing thing: a little later as I was preparing to leave, he looked straight at me and said very clearly: "You're beautiful." What makes some things so impossible to penetrate to his understanding, but other things as clear as day? This, too, was a gift from God. My heart was happy and I still, several days later, gain pleasure from remembering that moment.

These examples are clear indications that God is present with me, ministering to and encouraging me. He truly is a good God, personally involved in the details of our lives. I am spiritually strengthened by contemplating the sovereignty of God. 

 

Psalm 71:5

For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.
 

Psalm 73:28

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

Psalm 109:21

But you, Sovereign Lord, help me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.
 

Psalm 140:7

Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle.
 

Psalm 141:8

But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.
 

Isaiah 25:8

He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.
 

Jeremiah 32:17

“Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.


Nothing is too hard for our Sovereign Lord.  

Every year I read through the Bible at least once and about this time, December, when I get to the minor prophets, I can't help but be overwhelmed by the sin of the Israelites. God pleads with them to return to him. He reminds them of his kindness to them and promises judgment if they don't repent and leave their wickedness. I can't help but wonder how they can stray so far from Him. He's always so faithful and loving toward them, His children. They've been eyewitnesses to His miracles in providing for them, fighting their battles, speaking to them by angels and prophets. But they still reject Him, preferring to run after false gods. 

Then I am reminded that I do the same thing. I, too, forget the kindness and faithfulness of God. But the difference in our new covenant era, is that my sin and forgetfulness are  covered under the blood of Jesus...not to be brought up and held against me. 

Romans 8:1 - "Therefore, there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."

Colossians 1:22 -  "But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation..."

But even in the Old Testament, God was showing His kindness to His children, as wayward as they were. He speaks through Hosea: "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them." (Hosea 11:4) 

And what about Psalm 103:8-13 ~ "The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him..."

Such an amazing truth...

Even when I lack the faith to believe, even when I am discouraged, even when I make bad decisions, even when I worry, even when I whatever...God's grace is available. He does not accuse me, but prays for me and enables me to persevere.

In Saturday's reading in Morning and Evening, Spurgeon explains Jesus' words in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me." 

He says: "The call of the Christian faith is the gentle word, 'Come.' ...the Gospel draws with cords of love. Jesus is the Good Shepherd going before His sheep, bidding them follow Him, and leading them forward with the sweet word, 'Come.' The law repels; the Gospel attracts. The law shows the distance that exists between God and man; the Gospel  bridges that awful chasm and brings the sinner across it." 

He continues to explain that the word "come" is a welcoming, encouraging word. Picture a mother encouraging her toddler to walk toward her. She opens her arms to the baby, saying, "Come to mommy, come on, you can do it..." This is a beautiful picture of Jesus encouraging us in our walk with him in this life. In fact, when He tells us to come to him in Matthew 11, He is actually telling those of us who are weary and burdened to come to Him. And when we do, He promises to give us rest. 

And we can echo Peter's statement of faith, "Where else can we go, for You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68)

Earlier in the week, I was dealing with some insecurity. I was wondering what I was: am I a widow, well not really. I'm alone, by myself, but not really. But the Lord whispered his peace to me, and I'm really ok with this in-between stage. This is my life right now...unsettled, back and forth between home and Andy. But as C.S. Lewis says, "It is what it is, and that's the end of the matter." (Mere Christianity) In my mind there's really a little more to it than that. Yes, it is what it is, and I can't change that. But I also want to believe that this is the life ordained for me since before time began. And if this is what God planned for me, then He has the whole thing planned, including the here and now. All I need to do is trust Him. That's all. Sounds simple, but it's not. It's the hardest thing we as people are called to, because we're so prone to wanting to fix things, to make things right. And I think God has wired us this way. He's made us in His image, and we long for things to work out right, to have a happy ending. But some things are beyond our ability. Only God is infinite, omnipotent, omniscient, and sovereignly in control.


God is God and I am not. Besides, I too often tend to forget that this is not about me. It's about God and His glory. Yes, He's using me as part of His story, but ultimately, it's not about me. And that's good. So the challenge is to not let our focus be on ourselves and our situation, but to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3)


I did not take any pictures this week, so I'm looking back in my archives to some pictures that remind me spring will be coming again. Winter can be depressing with the very short days, most of them gray and cloudy. Colors are drab and lifeless, brown and more brown. Snow is a change of pace with white covering everything, but that doesn't last long before it turns gray, too. So feast your eyes on the colors of spring and summer.

The seasons are a visual reminder of God's faithfulness! 

Summer and winter, springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above.
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning, new mercies I see.
All I have needed, Thy hand has provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me. 
© 1923. Ren. 1951 Hope Publishing Co., Carol Stream, IL 60188

We've had some incredibly beautiful fall weather and I've taken advantage of it. But today is a rainy, gray, dreary day and I'm feeling glum. So as I write, I'm hoping that remembering the goodness of the Lord this past week will help lift me up a little.

Psalm 77:11-12 ~ "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago, I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."

I was visiting with Andy on Monday night and he said he was up to a walk around the building. While we were outside, my phone rang. It was Dawn wondering if she could come over with the kids. Andy was delighted...he always lights up when anyone of the family comes to see him.

Cole is such a sweetheart. He went to Andy, put up his arms to be held, then sat contently on his Poppop's lap.

On Wednesday evening, I stopped by Dawn's house after visiting Andy to spend some time with her and the kids. Tommy was away on a business trip so it was an opportunity to hang out with Dawn and possibly help with the kids so she wouldn't feel so alone. After the kids' baths, I read to them for a while. It brought back fond memories of when my own kids were that age. What a cozy time after baths, to snuggle with a good book.

On Friday afternoon, our church hosted a Trunk or Treat event on the parking lot. It was very well done and a lot of fun. I attended so I could be with the kids. Cole is such a sweet boy (did I mention this before!). He held onto my finger almost the whole time. He methodically put candy into his bag as it was given to him, but then made sure he had my finger again. I loved it.

Fall is beginning to color the trees. One of the prettiest trees in the fall is the sassafras with bright orange leaves, very showy and "sassy."

I had heard of a new park in the process of opening, very close to our house. I asked a friend if she wanted to explore it with me, and we decided to go for it. We weren't sure where we were going or what we were getting into, but it turned out to be a fun time together and we were out in nature.

There's a lot of work that's needed to make this into a pleasurable and easy park. At this point, the "trail" is marked with surveyor's tape on trees. There is a path, but it's not always easy to determine which way to go. I think the plan is to put gravel down which will help. An Eagle Scout troop built a bridge at one point that was low and wet, but there are a couple of other spots that could use either some planks or a bridge. I always enjoyed exploring. It gives the sensation of "going where no man has gone before." I'm sure many people have been in this woods before, but I can always pretend, right?!

The weather was cool yesterday afternoon, so I decided to tackle a bush that needed trimming. Andy always hated this bush because it has incredibly wicked thorns.

I like the bush, though, because it has cute little white flowers in the spring that develop into orange berries in the fall.

It has also been host to a number of birds who've built their nests in it in the spring. The location of the bush is right outside my kitchen window so I see it many times a day as I work. I guess you could say, I have a certain relationship with this bush. I do need to keep it trimmed back, though, because it can get out of hand. With the thorns being so lethal, they need to be kept away from the house in case we need to get by for any reason.

I know it looks pretty pathetic right now but it will fill out again, and I hope, be easier for me to prune next time.

As I was pruning this thorny bush, even being so careful, I still had a couple of scratches and punctures on my hands and arms. I couldn't help but be reminded of the crown of thorns that was pushed onto Jesus' head. "He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 55:5) All four gospels mention the crown of thorns that was placed on Jesus' head. 

Andy is not doing any better. That is to be expected. It is a degenerating disease, after all. I've noticed that his left hand is now exhibiting some tremors. It is not as bad as his right hand which is unbelievably bad. I don't know how he can stand it. Actually, I don't think he can. It is very annoying, frustrating and exhausting for his hand to shake all the time. It is so hard to visit him and be unable to do anything to alleviate his suffering. I don't think my reading to him is helping much any more. I'm not sure how much he is getting out of that. The tremor is just too distracting. I try to get him to take a walk, hoping that will give him something else to think about. But we don't get very far before he needs to turn around and go back to his bed. He just doesn't have the stamina and strength to continue. He tries...bless his heart. He wants to please me. 

I've noticed when I do his laundry these days that his t-shirts are inside out. When we were first married, I asked him to please not put his t-shirts in the laundry inside out. I didn't realize that he developed the habit of doing what I had asked until recently when I noticed that his shirts are inside out. So all those years, he set about to please me. But now that his dementia is progressing, he has forgotten about this little detail. Dear sweet Andy...always so faithful and loving even in the little things.

I got a call from the nurse this afternoon that Andy had fallen. They took his blood pressure and it was very low. He said he was dizzy. He was really out of it when I arrived at dinner time. He was in bed and it took great effort on my part to get him up and out to the dining area. He walked painfully slow. Simple instructions didn't seem to register. I and the care givers could hardly get him to the chair for him to sit down. He did eat everything on his plate but sat there in a catatonic state. I got him back to his room and helped him lie down. He promptly fell asleep. I stayed seated in the chair by his bed, just to be with him. About 30 minutes later, he woke up, was alert and speaking in complete sentences. I wonder if the nurse had given him medication for his dizziness that caused him to be so out of it.

On my way over to see Andy this evening, the Crowder band came on the radio with the song, I AM. Those words were just what I needed as I walked into the care facility.

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side.

I am
Holding on to You.
I am
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm
I am Holding on
I am!

Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace

I AM, sung by Crowder

In the difficult times, it's impossible to keep holding on...we need someone to hold on to us. Casting Crowns sings it in their song: Just Be Held:

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

Writer(s): John Mark Hall, Bernie Herms, Matthew Joseph West
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

God has promised to never leave us...He is always with us, holding on to us, giving us strength, carrying us when we're too weak, helping us soar on wings like eagles, surrounding us with his arms of love, pouring out his love and grace in ways we see and ways we have no clue. He is a good God.

 

Psalm 94:18, 19 ~ "When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' Your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul."