As difficult and challenging as these last 8 months have been, it's a relief to finally have a diagnosis. I have to admit it was a shock and not the diagnosis we would have wished, but we are both feeling fine with it and trusting that God, who has lovingly led us all along our life's journey, will continue to be with us to the end.
Alzheimer's. The word is full of emotion and conjures up all kinds of pictures of old people sitting around staring into space or wandering around the neighborhood or doing weird and all kinds of nonsensical things. The fact is Alzheimer's is a disease in which brain cells are dying. There is no cure. Different people progress at different rates, staying at one stage for longer or shorter periods of time than others. There are some medications available that may slow the progression of the disease. But no one can say how long someone may live with Alzheimer's or how quickly the disease will progress.
Realistically, we are all dying. We just don't generally think about it. To us, it seems like Andy is still young. He's ONLY 62. But we all die, some sooner, some later.
Around the first of the year, some of our friends began to notice Andy was forgetting simple things that he had done automatically many times. One of those friends strongly suggested we make an appointment with a neuropsychologist to have Andy assessed. So that first appointment was in April. That doctor ordered blood work and an MRI with a follow up appointment in May. Those tests did not show anything and we were relieved to hear that dementia and Alzheimer's were negative. Since then, we have come to realize you can't tell from blood work if someone has those brain disorders. The MRI result just indicated that there was no mass or tumor. That doctor strongly suggested we make an appointment for further testing with a neuropsychology test: a comprehensive 5 hour oral test. Meanwhile, Andy contracted prostatitis - an infection in his prostrate - landing him in the ER with a temperature of 104 degrees.
When he got released from the hospital, after consultation with the urologist, we thought that the infection had been the cause of his memory issues, so we didn't follow up to make that neuropsychology test appointment. He had laser surgery on the prostrate at the end of June and we fully expected him to improve and be well again. However, he did not improve and even his recovery from the surgery was painstakingly slower than we had been led to believe.
In mid July, we went on our vacation to Moosehead Lake, but Andy was sick most of the time and did not participate in the family fun. He did a little hiking but was lacking in stamina and the enthusiasm he normally exhibits when he is on vacation and with the kids. He didn't read at all and swam very little, both activities that he enjoyed wholeheartedly in previous vacations. He was forgetful, was often confused and seemed in a mental fog most of the time.
When we returned home, several people strongly urged us to follow through to make the appointment for the neuropsychological testing. When I called, the earliest they could fit Andy in was October 7th. We had to wait a full 2 months. It was agony. Meanwhile, we continued to go to other doctors. We went to a psychologist, thinking Andy might be suffering from depression. We went to his family doctor. We also had a follow up with the urologist. And we also saw a psychiatrist. All the doctors were very helpful and he was prescribed medication for depression. It didn't seem to help. We struggled through until finally October 7th arrived. Andy was at that testing for 5 hours, doing all kinds of memory games, simple math problems, hand coordination exercises, etc. I wasn't in on the testing, but afterwards he said he was so humbled because he knew he wasn't getting the correct answers. After the test, I sat in with the doctors and Andy while they went over the results.
The doctors were very kind, explaining how he did, asking how he thought he did, then telling him that for a man of his intelligence and education, he didn't do even as well as a person with a less than 8th grade education. (Andy had 8 years of higher education - after high school.) I came right out and asked: "So are you saying that Andy has Alzheimer's?" And the doctor answered, "Yes, I'm very sorry, but that is what he has."
Well, we were shocked and sad, but God was gracious as he always is. He led us to Scripture, other reading material and dear friends to encourage us.
This is our story - it is unique to us, but it is part of the bigger story - God's story. He has a plan and his plan is perfect and good. You know how some stories can be confusing when you're reading them, but in this case, we know the ending. We live happily ever after in God's kingdom with our blessed Redeemer.
I have often been reminded in the last several weeks of a song Andy and I used to sing: Trust His Heart.
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember you're never alone
Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him
(Chorus)
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
(Chorus)
When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart
Andy and I have been reminiscing and talking about the many blessings we have enjoyed together. We both are ok with the diagnosis of Alzheimer's knowing that life may get very difficult later. However, we are committed to trusting God in this new chapter, knowing that He will continue to be with us wherever we go. That wherever includes Alzheimer's.
Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Job 1:29: "The Lord gave (healthy brain cells/intelligence) and the Lord has taken away (dying brain cells/Alzheimer's); may the name of the Lord be praised."
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Katy's Birthday and Colonial Days on the Farm
We were able to fit in 2 visits to see 8 grandkids this week. The first was on Tuesday to take Katy's birthday present to her. She turned 3 on Thursday and it was a good excuse to spend some time with her and Amy, Chase & Joanna.
Our present to her was this little hobby horse that makes real horsie noises. She seemed very happy with it, as well as the little box of animal crackers we brought along for her.
It was a beautiful day and we were able to sit outside while the kids played on the trampoline. Andy was chasing them around and getting them wound up. It was a fun day!
Then yesterday (Saturday), Christy and family were involved in the Fall Harvest at the Peter Wentz Farmstead near their home. Grace was dressed in colonial costume and involved with helping to make apple cider.
The man in charge of this demonstration was very knowledgeable about apples. It was very interesting.
There were lots of other demonstrations, but we stayed with Grace most of the time, although we did take a tour of the house. The house was built in the 1700's and was actually a headquarters for George Washington in the Revolutionary War on several occasions in 1777.
Some of the other demonstrations included broom making, cooking the way it was done in the 1700's, making apple butter, gardening, preserving food for winter. Andy & I left before seeing all the demonstrations because of Andy's fatigue. But the weather was gorgeous and it was a beautiful day to be outside.
There were some older kids giving examples of the way kids played before tv and electronic toys. Aiden & Asher were pretty good at rolling the hoops and little Miss Claire had to give it a try as well.
The weather was beautiful again today and we couldn't resist being outdoors, so we drove over to Amico Island Park - one of our favorites. The sky was such a beautiful blue, leaves were turning, the sun was shining brightly and warm and there was a cool breeze - a perfect fall day.
There's nothing like a day outside in beautiful weather to bring peace and healing to the soul.
Our present to her was this little hobby horse that makes real horsie noises. She seemed very happy with it, as well as the little box of animal crackers we brought along for her.
Then yesterday (Saturday), Christy and family were involved in the Fall Harvest at the Peter Wentz Farmstead near their home. Grace was dressed in colonial costume and involved with helping to make apple cider.
The man in charge of this demonstration was very knowledgeable about apples. It was very interesting.
There were lots of other demonstrations, but we stayed with Grace most of the time, although we did take a tour of the house. The house was built in the 1700's and was actually a headquarters for George Washington in the Revolutionary War on several occasions in 1777.
There were some older kids giving examples of the way kids played before tv and electronic toys. Aiden & Asher were pretty good at rolling the hoops and little Miss Claire had to give it a try as well.
The weather was beautiful again today and we couldn't resist being outdoors, so we drove over to Amico Island Park - one of our favorites. The sky was such a beautiful blue, leaves were turning, the sun was shining brightly and warm and there was a cool breeze - a perfect fall day.
There's nothing like a day outside in beautiful weather to bring peace and healing to the soul.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
God's Waiting Room
Although I haven't been too consistent about blogging lately, it doesn't mean life has become boring. But in spite of all we're dealing with right now, I'm not at a place where I can verbalize it all or make sense of it yet.
Meanwhile, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep my mind, heart and spirit in the right place. One of the books was passed along to me by Marian, our pastor's wife, When the Heart Waits. The author, Sue Monk Kidd, did a wonderful job of verbalizing what I am going through. She used the analogy of the caterpillar going to the dark place inside the chrysalis. She explains how necessary that dark time is for the transformation that results.
It was an encouraging read because I felt like I was gaining permission to "draw in" and regroup. It is not wrong to take time away to refresh the spirit and just sit in the presence of the Lord, drawing from his strength and seeking his wisdom for what we're going through. This was refreshing for a task oriented, list maker like myself.
There are biblical examples of people who went through dark, seemingly sidelined and unproductive, times: Joseph, Moses, David, and the best example of all - Jesus in the tomb and resurrection! God uses the dark times to show us more of himself.
We are facing a lot of unknowns right now with Andy's health. Is there a diagnosis? If so, what? Then what can we do to correct the situation? It seems like the answers are sooooo long in coming. We see one doctor who sends us to another one who sends us to one more who...
The encouragement in all these unknowns is that we know the One who knows it all. Nothing is a surprise to him and he will use every circumstance in our lives for our growth and maturity and to make us more like Jesus and to bring glory to himself. I have great confidence in Him and his perfect purposes in and through us.
The challenge is to rest in the knowledge of who God is. He is loving, faithful, kind, works for the good of those who love him, etc. Saturating ourselves with His Word is the only way to make it through this uncertain time. Waiting is a difficult discipline for those who like action. I am quiet for a couple of days, then I start thinking of somewhere to go or someone to visit or a job that needs to be done. But there quite a few verses that talk about the benefits of waiting on the Lord. One of my favorites is Isaiah 64:4: "Since ancient times no one has heard, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Or another favorite: "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31). And does my strength need to be restored and renewed!
Another book that has ministered to me (although I'm still reading through it) is Paul Tripp's Lost in the Middle.
Meanwhile, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep my mind, heart and spirit in the right place. One of the books was passed along to me by Marian, our pastor's wife, When the Heart Waits. The author, Sue Monk Kidd, did a wonderful job of verbalizing what I am going through. She used the analogy of the caterpillar going to the dark place inside the chrysalis. She explains how necessary that dark time is for the transformation that results.
It was an encouraging read because I felt like I was gaining permission to "draw in" and regroup. It is not wrong to take time away to refresh the spirit and just sit in the presence of the Lord, drawing from his strength and seeking his wisdom for what we're going through. This was refreshing for a task oriented, list maker like myself.
There are biblical examples of people who went through dark, seemingly sidelined and unproductive, times: Joseph, Moses, David, and the best example of all - Jesus in the tomb and resurrection! God uses the dark times to show us more of himself.
We are facing a lot of unknowns right now with Andy's health. Is there a diagnosis? If so, what? Then what can we do to correct the situation? It seems like the answers are sooooo long in coming. We see one doctor who sends us to another one who sends us to one more who...
The encouragement in all these unknowns is that we know the One who knows it all. Nothing is a surprise to him and he will use every circumstance in our lives for our growth and maturity and to make us more like Jesus and to bring glory to himself. I have great confidence in Him and his perfect purposes in and through us.
The challenge is to rest in the knowledge of who God is. He is loving, faithful, kind, works for the good of those who love him, etc. Saturating ourselves with His Word is the only way to make it through this uncertain time. Waiting is a difficult discipline for those who like action. I am quiet for a couple of days, then I start thinking of somewhere to go or someone to visit or a job that needs to be done. But there quite a few verses that talk about the benefits of waiting on the Lord. One of my favorites is Isaiah 64:4: "Since ancient times no one has heard, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Or another favorite: "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31). And does my strength need to be restored and renewed!
Another book that has ministered to me (although I'm still reading through it) is Paul Tripp's Lost in the Middle.
It's written more toward mid life crises but a lot of it applies to where I am at this time, as well. He really understands the heart and the reasons why we do the things we do. We live in a broken world and things will not always turn out perfectly and the way we want them to, but we need to rest in the sovereign plan of God for our lives, trusting in Him completely. This can be difficult because no one likes to suffer, at least I don't. If I had my way, I wouldn't have any troubles - ever. But then I wouldn't know how much I need God. How can I experience the all-sufficiency of God except when I have no where else to turn. I love the saying I heard years ago from Corrie Ten Boom: "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."
A passage from this book that gets to the heart of the matter:
One of the hardest things for sinners to do is to wait. We have little toleration for delayed gratification, so when we ask God for things, we include our schedule for delivery in the request. But God's sense of timing is infinitely different from ours. Who would have thought that there would be thousands of years between the Fall and the cross? Who would have thought that the world would have to wait so long for Abraham's promised seed? Who would have thought that God would allow his chosen children to be subjugated to slavery in a foreign land for four hundred and twenty years? Who would have thought that the "last days" that Paul talked about would still be continuing? God has a perfect sense of timing. His moment is always the right moment. He never gets his schedule mixed up or gets things out of order. Yet the wait confuses us, because we reason that if the thing is a good thing then a loving God would deliver it to us with haste.
So although I have no answers for what we're going through, I am learning to wait on the Lord and be strengthened and find rest in Him and Him alone. A good thing to think on is: Do I find my satisfaction in His gifts or in Him alone? Do I need to understand perfectly what he is doing or feel entitled to enjoying perfect health the rest of my life? "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21). He deserves our praise, worship and adoration in any and every circumstance. Can I sing from my heart: "O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee" ?
In this time of difficulty, I want to be characterized as running to the Lord, not from Him. Yes, I am facing things that were not in my plan, but I am not facing them alone. God is with me, He is for me, He loves me. This moment of painful grace is sure evidence of his presence.
Psalm 62:1-2
Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
A passage from this book that gets to the heart of the matter:
One of the hardest things for sinners to do is to wait. We have little toleration for delayed gratification, so when we ask God for things, we include our schedule for delivery in the request. But God's sense of timing is infinitely different from ours. Who would have thought that there would be thousands of years between the Fall and the cross? Who would have thought that the world would have to wait so long for Abraham's promised seed? Who would have thought that God would allow his chosen children to be subjugated to slavery in a foreign land for four hundred and twenty years? Who would have thought that the "last days" that Paul talked about would still be continuing? God has a perfect sense of timing. His moment is always the right moment. He never gets his schedule mixed up or gets things out of order. Yet the wait confuses us, because we reason that if the thing is a good thing then a loving God would deliver it to us with haste.
So although I have no answers for what we're going through, I am learning to wait on the Lord and be strengthened and find rest in Him and Him alone. A good thing to think on is: Do I find my satisfaction in His gifts or in Him alone? Do I need to understand perfectly what he is doing or feel entitled to enjoying perfect health the rest of my life? "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21). He deserves our praise, worship and adoration in any and every circumstance. Can I sing from my heart: "O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee" ?
In this time of difficulty, I want to be characterized as running to the Lord, not from Him. Yes, I am facing things that were not in my plan, but I am not facing them alone. God is with me, He is for me, He loves me. This moment of painful grace is sure evidence of his presence.
Psalm 62:1-2
Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
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