Thanksgiving Week, 2015

Because of the short work week, I was a little pressed to get all my work done - four days of work squeezed into two. It was worth the extra effort, though, to be able to enjoy a long weekend with family.

I spent Tuesday making a batch of homemade rolls to be able to take along on Thursday. On Wednesday after work, I made a cherry pie, also to take along on Thursday, where we spent the day with Andy's brother and sister-in-law in Springfield, PA. We were trying to figure out how long we had been spending Thanksgiving Day with the Wallin side. It had to be at least 25 years or maybe even more. When our kids were little, growing up, of course they always joined us. But now that they have their own families, we have to sometimes share them with their in-laws. So this year, only Amy, Ricky and their kids were able to be with us at Dan & Lou's. But even Dan's kids weren't all with us. Only two of their five sons joined us for the day.

Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is our traditional family get-together with our daughters and their families. Unfortunately, this year Dawn and Kira was sick, so they couldn't be with us. Tommy stopped by with Kasey long enough to pick up his panzarattis and say hi. It was sad not having Dawn with us, but it was nice of her not to share her germs with the rest of us.

After our lunch, we all went over to Rancocas State Park for another tradition - holiday hike. We started out on the 3.2 mile loop but had to turn around after only going a mile because it was getting late. Both families live in PA and have to take into account travel time getting home. 

We still had fun being together, though, and got some good pictures. It was a nice warm day, spring like. Nearly all the leaves were down, so there was lots of brown but the kids added splotches of color on the trail!

When I saw Tommy on Friday, I asked him if he would have time to clean our gutters on Saturday.  I shamelessly bribed him with a batch of cookies, even allowing him to choose the kind he wanted. So Saturday morning...oatmeal scotchies! He got the whole batch all to himself. I wonder if he shared with his family!!

When he came over Saturday afternoon, he brought Kira and Kasey with him. I was hoping he would because being home all day, I was ready for some activity. Kira likes to go next door to play on the trampoline with our neighbor kids. The little girl next door asks me every time she sees me if I can call Kira's mommy to have her come over to play. So yesterday they had the opportunity. 

Andy gets on the trampoline with the girls and they all have a ball jumping on the trampoline and on Andy!

Andy didn't seem to be any the worse for all this activity. It's a great blessing for him to be feeling so good right now. His memory isn't very good, but at least he doesn't feel sick, and even seems to have a good amount of energy. 

The weather was pretty dreary and drizzly this morning and I thought we wouldn't be able to get out today. But after church and lunch, the rain stopped and there were even patches of blue sky. I have determined to get us out as often as we can because the fresh air and exercise is so beneficial for Andy, as well as cathartic for me. 

I checked our brochure and decided to go find the Assiscunk Creek Park since we had not been there yet. We found it and hiked for about 45 minutes. The air and paths were damp but the weather was clearing up. It was chillier than it's been but we like to hike when it's cold. It's exilerating.

 Isn't this a pretty trail? Still some color on some of the brush and undergrowth.

I was impressed with this huge tree, branches reaching to the heavens.

 

The tide was out, so although the creek was lovely, the mud on either bank was not too aesthetically pleasing. All in all, though, it was a good outing and we were able to check off another park from our list.

So this year, I'm thankful for family, for nature, for health to enjoy nature and family, and for all the blessings we enjoy from God's bountiful hand.

I was reading in New Morning Mercies about our thanksgiving and was challenged by the author, Paul Tripp, to "never let [my] enthusiasm for the gifts replace [my] worship of and service for the Giver." Even if my family is somehow not in my life any more, even if my health is gone, even if I can't get out and enjoy nature as I'd like, God is still good and blesses me with him presence, his everlasting love, his kindness, grace, mercy and abundant life in him. Jesus and his work on the cross has accomplished everything I need for this life and the next.

Habbakuk 3:17-19: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Another Blog Post

Where did the word "blog" come from? Did you ever wonder? The word has been around long enough now that we've probably forgotten the original meaning. So google it and find the answer! It's "a truncation of the expression weblog." I'm not really into blogging so the whole wide world will see my message. I mostly write for my own therapy, to keep my family and friends up to date on what and how we are doing - if they care. 

I try to be open and honest about my struggles, especially since my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. In all of this, though, I want to be careful to give honor and glory to God for his faithfulness, his love, his care in the details of what we are going through, because his fingerprints are all over this situation.  

It's been over 2 years now since we heard the diagnosis, although I certainly had strong suspicions that that's what we would hear from the doctors. What a shock! And then what stress I was under while I tried to deal with these illnesses and the changes that meant. I suddenly went from being dependent on Andy to fix and take care of things, to me being in charge. I suddenly found I couldn't talk things over with him any more because if I did, he would become confused and try to fix or take care of the situation when he no longer could. 

Things I've had to learn: set the timers on the outside lights, set the thermostat, change light bulbs (I know that's not really that hard unless you have to climb a ladder to get the lights in the cathedral ceilings and you're afraid of heights!), meet with the financial counselor to try to understand our retirement accounts, call a handyman to make repairs to house maintenance issues, learn to work the remote control. 

I know to some people these things might seem easy, but I never had to do them because Andy was always handy, always capable, always efficient, always ready and eager to take care of things. He still wants to help but he can't. If he tries to clean up after dinner, as an example; he'll pick up something and ask me where it goes. If I tell him to put it in the refrigerator, he'll start opening cupboard doors, trying to figure out where to put it. 

I keep his pills in his pill case in the same spot all the time on the kitchen counter. But if I tell him he needs to take his pill, he'll ask me where it is, even if I've gotten it out ahead of time and put it in plain view.

The disease is unpredictable. Sometimes he's interactive and communicating with others, and at other times, he's quiet and subdued. But he always tries. 

Earlier this week, Amy called to say she wanted to come down to spend some time with us. Tuesday was a beautiful fall day, so we met her and the kids at Long Bridge Park. There are about 4 miles of trails and the kids were good sports at following the maps I gave them. There's a play ground there, too, so a good time was had by all!

We have been to Long Bridge many times...it's one of our favorite parks. I know I say that about them all, but this one is for real! As many times as we've been here, though, we were on some trails we had never explored before. I just love hiking with the kids. Their exuberance, inquisitiveness and fun loving ways are a joy.

I love these fall days. Yesterday was also beautiful so after a morning of laundry, a few errands, and leaf raking, off we went to another park. I wanted to check out the Rancocas State Park to make sure it would work for our family hike on Friday. This was our third time there, and I must say, I much prefer to hike that trail in fall or early spring where there are no leaves on the trees. There are more opportunities to view the Rancocas Creek through the trees when the leaves are gone. It's a three mile hike and Andy did the whole thing. I kept asking him if he was tired or if his feet hurt, but he was game. He loves the outdoors so much, and it is such therapy for him. 

I didn't take any pictures of yesterday's hike since we had already been there and will be there again. I thought it would be a lot more interesting to have pictures of the kids when they're with us on Friday.

Today after church, we went to King of Pizza for a birthday party for Andy's dad. He turned 84 today. Andy's brother, Dan organized the party and there were kids, grandkids, great grandkids, cousins, friends, nieces, nephews who came - quite a gang.

We're going into Thanksgiving week when we receive all kinds of reminders that we are to be thankful. It should be a way of life for us - all year long - not just Thanksgiving week. I have a lot to be thankful for. God has blessed us with an incredible family, extended as well as immediate. I'm grateful for Andy's dad, who exemplified qualities of faithfulness, "steady-freddy"  helpfulness, quiet strength, care and concern for people, love for God and family, that were passed along to his son, my husband. Those qualities in my husband made it easy for me to show respect to him.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:3

Claire Bear

We hadn't been to see C & C for a long time because we have to drive major highways to get there. And Andy and I have not had good experiences with that since his illness. 

But Claire had a birthday yesterday and it was important to celebrate such a momentous occasion. Christy had originally said they would come down to us (she's so thoughtful), but they will be making the trip twice this month, so I thought - "you know...we just need to conquer our angst in the car."

So I talked to Andy about it and we both agreed we would relax and not get uptight on the trip. I found that it helps to put on a cd and listen. I think it helps to distract him from my driving (not that I drive like a maniac!). We ended up with a calm and pleasant trip today.

We left after church and arrived at Christy's by 12:30. She served us lunch and we listened to the kids play pieces on the piano. They are all really good, even Asher, who just started this fall with lessons. 
 

Claire was adding to the "music" by tooting the horn. She was so confident she was doing a good job and not too happy when the older kids wanted her to stop!


She had started taking violin lessons and when I asked her how that was going, she told me she wasn't taking lessons any more because she wasn't "cooperating" - her word! Well, she is only 4 - maybe in another year or two she'll be ready to practice and cooperate!


We had carrot cake for dessert, then Claire opened her present from us. She loves her princess dress.

Paradoxes

For some time, I've been intrigued with thinking of the paradoxes in Scripture. The most obvious one is found in 2 Corinthians 12:10 where Paul says, "When I am weak,then I am strong." How often have I experienced the strength of Christ enabling me when I am weak and inadequate!

This week I read in New Morning Mercies that "death is the doorway to life. Hopelessness is the entrance to hope. Weakness is the place to find strength. Injustice is where mercy flows. Life comes to those who deserve death. Defeat is actually a victory. The end is really a beginning. Out of sorrow comes eternal celebration. The tomb is where new life begins."

This is the paradox of grace!

 As delighted as I am with the colors of fall, I also struggle with the nearness of winter. Autumn leaves fall...which leave the trees bare and dead looking. I tell myself I like the changing of the seasons. It brings variety to life, but in my heart, I can't wait for spring and the colors of the flowers and budding green on the trees again.

But here's the strangest paradox of all, I think. Death is necessary for fruit and a productive life. Consider what Jesus said to his disciples in John 12:24. "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." There is a purpose for death. It's not the end, but the beginning of something more. More than anything we can imagine. 

With these thoughts rattling around in my head this week, I was fascinated with the beauty of dead branches against the backdrop of a blue sky or live, vibrant trees.

We went to Palmyra Cove on Tuesday and walked the river trail. It was a gorgeous fall day. It would have been a shame to not take advantage of it.

The rest of the week was actually pretty warm. Andy did a lot of raking of all the leaves in our yard. He worked diligently, adding significantly to our pile at the street. I was a little surprised at how hard he worked and how much he got done. He didn't seem to be affected physically by all the physical effort, which was also a surprise. 

Then yesterday we were invited to have breakfast at a couple's house, with whom we've been friends for many years. What a fun time that was. After breakfast, we took a walk along the Rancocas Creek which runs through their town not far from their home. The sky was gray and looked like rain, but that held off until we had returned. I didn't take my camera/phone with us on that walk so I determined to go back another time.

So after church today when Andy wanted to go out, we drove back over to Medford, this time with my camera. The sun was shining and the air was cool. We walked along the creek, savoring the smell of the woods, hearing the birds singing in the trees, enjoying the sights and sounds of autumn.

Look at this beautiful dawn redwood tree with rust colored needles. I was excited to see it - what a majestic tree!

Bare branches may appear to be dead but come spring, they will burst forth with new life again.

Lord, you have brought me to the valley of vision,

Where I live in the depths but see you in the heights;

Hemmed in by mountains of sin, I behold your glory.

Let me learn by paradox

        That the way down is the way up,

        That to be low is to be high

        That the broken heart is the healed heart,

        That the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

        That the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

        That to have nothing is to possess all,

        That to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

        That to give is to receive,

        That the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,

And the deeper the wells, the brighter your stars shine;

Let me find your light in my darkness,

        Your life in my death,

        Your joy in my sorrow,

        Your grace in my sin,

        Your riches in my poverty,

        Your glory in my valley.

From the Valley of Vision.

Death leads to life. We are called to die - it is the way of life!

Discipline

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12:5-6)

Reading these verses a couple days ago got me to thinking of discipline. I can't say that I really was grateful for my dad's discipline when I was a child. I'm afraid that more times than not, I was inwardly stubborn and resistant to his correction. And even as an adult now, I struggle when I am corrected. But isn't that only an indication of my pride and inexcusable need to be right.

On the other hand, as I became a parent, I remember disciplining my own children, agonizing on the need but recognizing that I had to because I loved them. I desired their growth into responsible adults which I knew would not happen unless I corrected, instructed and disciplined them.

Love is the operative word. God loves me and the proof is that he is disciplining me. He is growing me up to be more like his son, Jesus. Andy's illness has revealed a lot to me of my own "weaknesses" (SINS): impatience, pride, self-centeredness, lack of a servant's heart, etc. etc. The list is very long :(

The writer of Hebrews goes on in verses 7-11 to admonish us to "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as [daughters]...Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

I need continual reminders that this life is not about me - it's about Jesus. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever learn, although I feel like I had a few victories this week of not reacting in frustration and impatience. 

On Tuesday, we had our sprinkler system contractor to the house to winterize the system. When the man rang the door bell, he explained that he would be in soon to turn off the water. Then he went out to his truck before coming back in to the house. When I turned around, Andy was coming up out of the basement, then announced, "I turned off the water." The contractor was surprised that he was able to do it so quickly, but nothing more was said and he went back outside to continue his work. Meanwhile, I turned on the water at the kitchen sink and got nothing. Hmmm...

I told Andy that I didn't think the water to the whole house should have been turned off. I went back down to the basement with him, but I'm clueless, and he didn't seem to understand what he had done and how to rectify the situation. So I went out to the contractor and told him I didn't have any water, and I thought my husband had done something he shouldn't have and could he come in to check it out for me. He was very gracious and accommodated my request. He was able to fix the situation quite easily. Andy had turned off the water valve to the whole house...and I am no longer clueless!  It's amazing all the things I am learning! I'm also learning that I should keep my eye on Andy and make sure he doesn't touch things he shouldn't. We laughed about it and commented that all his life, he was so conditioned to respond to needs and be helpful. But at this point, his "helpfulness" is anything but!

I saw a sign in the neighborhood that the township would be collecting leaves this next week. So Andy and I went out to the front yard and did some raking together. Working together works well for us. We got quite a pile but the discouraging thing is that there are a lot more leaves still on the trees.
 

I happened to look out the kitchen window yesterday afternoon and saw Andy carrying the ladder on to the deck. I went out and asked him what he was doing. He said he was going to clean out the gutters because I had told him to. Well, there's no way I told him to do that. I don't want him up on a ladder with his shakiness and unsteadiness. Also, I had just had someone come over on Tuesday to clean all the gutters. But somehow he thought I had told him to do that job. Oh boy!
 

After the extra hour of sleep last night, I felt good today. We didn't go to church, though, because Andy is having some side effects from a change of medication. We watched the service online, had our lunch, then ventured out to Franklin Parker Preserve.


What a nice day it was, although I think the fall foliage is past its peak. There are still some yellows and reds, but brown was the predominate color. We took a different trail this time and walked for probably 4 miles. The trails were easy and broad, with lots of water on all sides.

We walked and walked and walked - an hour and 20 minutes. I was wondering if Andy was ok, but he didn't complain about being tired. At dinner this evening, though, he said he had been nervous because he had never been on that trail before. I'm not sure why he was nervous because the trail was clearly marked. It was wide and easy, but for some reason, he wasn't sure we were going to be able to find the way back. 

I do not want to lose heart no matter how hard it gets. This is the narrative God is writing for me, but it's inside the bigger narrative of God's own story. He's using my circumstances to make me more like Jesus. His ways are perfect and wise. The writer of Proverbs advises his son "not to despise the Lord's discipline or resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves as a father, the son he delights in." (Proverbs 3:11-12)

Then to reinforce these thoughts, Paul Tripp in today's reading in New Morning Mercies wrote about the whole idea of discipline. In the heading, he writes: 

"Yes, God disciplines his children, but rest assured, the full penalty for your sin has been borne by Christ and won't again be borne by you."

And he writes further:

"I think we have the same difficulty with the loving disciplinary zeal of our heavenly Father (that we have with the discipline of our earthly fathers). He disciplines us not to teach us how far we have to go to earn the right to be his children, but because we are his children. In his discipline, he is not making us pay the penalty for our sins, but delivering us from the sins for which Christ has already paid the penalty. His discipline, therefore, is never the result of his rejection, but the fruit of his acceptance. Since our penalty was fully and completely paid by Jesus on the cross, it needn't be paid by us ever again!"

"Discipline is not to make you right with God, but an expression of the fact that you have been made right with God and because you have, you are now the object of his fatherly love. You can expect his discipline, but you do not have to fear his anger. You will experience his correction, but you will never face his rejection. He disciplines all his children in order to produce a harvest of righteousness, but he will never punish you for your sin."

What beautiful, comforting words. I am a beloved child of God. Amen!