A New Year

I'm glad the holidays are over. There were many wonderful moments spent with family and friends but I couldn't help missing my favorite person in all those wonderful moments. My tear ducts got plenty of workouts these last few weeks.

I came across a very helpful article by Nancy Guthrie. I resonate with everything she writes because she obviously is acquainted with grief and not only understands it, but is able to articulate it in a way that ministers to the heart and soul.

The article I am referring to can be read in full here. I will just review her five main points. She writes to those who have recently lost someone they love and to those who would like to be able to comfort them.

1.  Even the best times are punctuated with an awareness that someone is missing.

2.  Social situations are hard.

3.  Extended family can be awkward and uneasy.

4.  Tears are not a problem.

5.  It can be hard to remember why Christmas should be so merry.

She said that "tears do not reflect a lack of faith. Tears are a gift from God that help to wash away the deep pain of loss." I have come to not mind crying. I always seem to feel better after a "good cry." And when I have those moments of crying, I remind myself that someday, Jesus will wipe all those tears away. He sees and cares.

I've tried to keep busy and spend as much time with the kids and grandkids as I can. On Christmas Eve, I left home after lunch and drove to Christy's. I went with her family to her church's Christmas Eve service. She was busy with directing two numbers with the adult choir, then two more numbers with a children's choir, as well as playing with Grace for the offertory. She did an amazing job and I was right proud of her. I know Andy would have been, too.

I stayed overnight with them. The kids said they were going to sleep downstairs by the Christmas tree and invited me to join them there, but I declined, preferring a bed.

On Christmas morning, they awoke early and got permission to open the gifts in their stockings before Christian and Christy came downstairs. I stayed to eat breakfast with them, then drove up to join Amy and her family for Christmas Day.

We had our "Wallin" Christmas on New Year's Eve. Everyone was able to be here this year...no sickies. We had our usual brunch before opening our gifts. Then we just hung out and enjoyed being together the rest of the day.

I love these family pictures. Everyone's personality comes shining through. There are a lot of us, though, aren't there???


And here are my darling daughters. Don't mind my funny face...why am I scrunching my nose? Ha, ha

I was able to fit in a couple of hikes in November with friends. We've had so much rain (will it ever stop?) that made the creeks and waterways full and overflowing.

At one point we couldn't go any further and had to turn around and go back the same way we came.

I had not been to this spot before that I could remember and was delighted to take in its beauty: Goshen Pond in the Pine Barrens.

This past weekend, Friday and Saturday, I spent with Amy and her family. I played games with the kids on Friday afternoon, stayed in their guest room overnight, then just lounged on Saturday morning. Amy wanted to take me to a little coffee shop that she likes, so we took the kids and had our coffee and hot chocolate, and shared a peanut butter brownie, before I took off for home again.

 
The process has begun toward building an in-law suite onto Dawn's house. I hired an architect and he has given me an initial set of plans. Dawn, Tommy and I looked them over, tweaked them and got a revised set. I'm happy with the architect that we are using. He is helpful, courteous, patient in explaining why certain things can't be done but mostly very professional and knowledgeable. I think we'll all be very happy with the final result. There is still lots of work for him to do, some of which include adding in electrical, heating and air conditioning, plumbing, etc. But we're on our way...

Another big change is on the horizon. I am retiring from my job in the church office after 26 years. I only have five weeks left there. It has been a wonderful job, ministering to the body of Christ using the gifts and abilities He's given me, and working in an environment that honors Christ. I will miss being there but felt God leading me that it was time to pass the baton to the younger generation.

With all that's happening this coming year, I feel like the time was right to retire. I will have more time to spend with the grandkids. It's been harder to find a time that works for them and me. As they get older, they are involved in more activities and it's been a bit of a challenge to fit them in around my work schedule.

I will also be busy with supervising and overseeing the building of the suite onto Dawn's house. Many decisions will have to be made and it will be nice to have the time to do that. I also need to go through my house and systematically decide on what to keep (not much), what to throw away and what to give away or sell - major downsizing. I have accumulated a lot of stuff, and it will require much effort to clean out the basement, two garages and the shed, let alone the living spaces in the house. Most of my furniture will not fit in a smaller suite/apartment.

I'm also hoping to fit in a few trips this year. I've had some west coast friends invite me back for a visit. I'd also like to spend some time with my sister again. And I've already got a vacation in Maine on my calendar.

2019 promises to be an interesting year...no lack of new adventures.

And isn't that just like the Lord? I'm grateful that in spite of missing dear Andy, I'm still enjoying life and the blessings the Lord gives in this life. It's an interesting phenomenon how joy and sadness can co-exist. I anticipate that I'll always miss Andy. He will never be forgotten. What I went through with his illness and loss is a part of my story. In the midst of the pain and sorrow I experienced and the grief I still experience, I have also experienced the comfort of the Lord, answers to my pleas for help, his nearness, his presence through it all. He is a good God, full of grace, love, compassion, and yes, even joy.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I can overflow with hope because "Christ is [in me], the Hope of Glory." Colossians 1:27

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5

I was looking forward to two days off this past week. There was a time when having two whole days to myself was like a little bit of heaven. Life was so busy with children, husband, house projects, family reunions, work, etc. etc. 

But that was a different season of my life. Life is very different now. I am always alone. I had things to do on Tuesday, but Wednesday was interminably long. It was too hot to be outside doing anything too strenuous. I went out as soon as I got up, thinking I would do some gardening. Just stepping outside the door was enough to change my mind. But how much is there to do in the house when it’s just me?

I thought about going somewhere and doing something, but then a part of me felt like I needed to just get used to being by myself. Self talk: Be content…trust God…it is what it is…be thankful you can have some quiet.

Maybe part of my problem is that I’m still coming down off the high of my Scotland trip. Life is back to the routine: work, going to see Andy, getting the oil changed in the car, taking care of things around the house and yard, fitting in family time with the kids and grandkids.

On July 1, we had a family party at Amy’s in Lancaster County to celebrate two kids’ birthdays. 

 

It was also an opportunity for Christy and Dawn to see Amy's new house. It was very hot that day so we stayed inside for the party. I was invited to drive up with Tommy and Dawn in their van, so that saved me the stress of 4 hours driving.

Then last week, Kira had 4 days of Horse Camp with riding lessons. I helped Dawn out by taking Kira and picking her up on Tuesday (since Dawn has all those kids she watches). I also picked Kira up on Thursday afternoon.

Also, on Tuesday, I went to see the Mr. Rogers documentary with a friend. It was such a warm, uplifting film and encouraging to know what a kind, gentle man he was.

On Saturday, I drove to Berks County to hang out with my family. It’s a 4^th of July tradition for us to have an annual picnic on the Saturday either before or after the holiday. I was going to drive up with Dawn and Tommy again, but on Friday night, they decided they weren’t going to go after all. It had been a busy week for them and 4 hours in the car with the children didn’t sound appealing. But I decided I would go by myself to avoid another day being at home alone. It was also a good opportunity to see my brothers and sisters and their spouses. I hadn’t seen them in a year. I’m glad I went. We had some good conversations catching up with each other. The weather was perfect and the food was plentiful and flavorful. My sister, chef extraordinaire, contributed more than her share.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I had a hint of a headache and was soooo tired. I went back to bed, but unfortunately, I forgot to turn off my alarm, so in 30 minutes, it went off again. I was still so tired so I went back to sleep. I think I might have been able to sleep all day, but I made myself get up and get moving. I have learned how beneficial and good for my soul it is to be with other people. Since it was Sunday, I had the opportunity of interacting and connecting with any number of people. And by lunchtime, I felt pretty good physically, and no more headache.

One person I spoke to, after inquiring about Andy, commented how impressed she was that I was always so cheerful. Ha! Well, that blessed me, and I refrained from telling her how I really felt earlier that morning.

So, life has its ups and downs.

In one of my conversations on Saturday with a niece, I mentioned how when life is tough, I’m so grateful that I have a blessed hope; that some day (in eternity) our troubles will be over.

Then I wondered if I was not being grateful for this day. Each day is a gift and there is always the opportunity to enjoy that gift and what we’ve been given. But that night as I was reading Life on the Highest Plane by Ruth Paxson before bed, I came across:

 "The believer's heart is set upon heavenly things; he values and seeks heavenly things more than earthly. 

Colossians 3:1-2 "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

Do I hear someone say, This is too high a standard for me; it is not only impossible but unattractive. I am on the earth and in this world, therefore why should I not live as though I were and enjoy what this earth and this world have to give me and leave the enjoyment of heaven until I reach there? Such is the reasoning of vast numbers of Christians and their lives are in full harmony with their reasoning. As someone has aptly said they have become Christians much as a man takes out a life insurance policy--something that does not in any way alter one's manner of living but will be of use after death and is maintained with the payment of a yearly premium. With many a person becoming a Christian has made little if any difference in either his character or conduct. He is still of the earth--earthy.

Is it not conceivable that God would have us become acclimated to our eternal home in heaven with Christ during our transient stay on earth? If the atmosphere of heaven is stifling to me here what will it be to me there? If the heavenly pleasures and pursuits are unattractive to me now, what will they be to me then?...Death is both an exit and an entrance all in one. For the believer it closes the door on earth to open one into heaven. There is not one instant for preparation for that higher altitude. If my heart cannot stand it here, how will it stand it there?"

 A beautiful reminder that longing for heaven is not wishful thinking or escaping from reality. How kind of the Lord to speak peace to my soul. He's so good to me.

No matter how bleak and barren life might seem, where there's life, there's hope. I'm always so impressed at how life tenaciously holds on in the most unlikely places.

Bloom where you're planted - because God is there.

"Giving thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 

First of all, I'm thankful for Thanksgiving because it is an opportunity to remember how much we have to be thankful for. We all have troubles, trials and difficult things we are dealing with, but even in dark times, we can be thankful. 

I am dealing with Andy's illness which is very difficult for me. Seeing the one I love suffer is almost more than I can bear. I tear up as I type this. So what can I find to be thankful for in this? 

Actually, there is a lot that I can think of, and I'm sure that there is a lot more that I just take for granted, that I'm oblivious to.

When I arrived at Care One Harmony Village (COHV) on Monday night, I saw Andy's doctor in the conference room. I was signing in, but he looked up and saw me, and took a few minutes to talk to me. He told me he had contacted Andy's other doctor and they decided to reduce a couple of Andy's medications. I was grateful for that opportunity to talk to the doctor, as well as his listening to my concerns last week, then following through. 

I wasn't sure when I first scheduled the hike for Tuesday whether it would be good timing because of it being Thanksgiving week. As it turned out, I'm glad I hadn't canceled because the weather was beautiful. It was also good for me to be with others that day. Being with people helps take my mind off my own troubles. Hearing the stories of others who are going through their own struggles is a mutual encouragement.

There were six of us, and we went to Palmyra Cove for our hike. I like that park because we always see deer. And as we drove into the nature center, we had to wait for a huge flock of turkeys to cross the road. This park is right along the Delaware River, but also has a large wooded area with trails winding throughout those woods. We hiked along the perimeter trail until we hit the Cove Trail, took that to the end, then turned around and hiked back to the nature center - my guess is about 5 miles total.

This is a beaver lodge in the middle of the tidal pool. We were there at low tide so the lodge seems pretty exposed, but my guess is that the beavers are still pretty safe because what, after all, is going to risk walking in that sand and mud?

In anticipation that I would be by myself on Thanskgiving Day, I invited myself to go to the Thanksgiving parade in Philadelphia with Dawn and her in-laws. Andy and I had gone a number of years ago when Kira was a baby, but after doing that, we decided it wasn't for us. But I believe the Lord gave me the idea to do it again because it would give me something to do, and I'd be with people I love. We took the high-speed-line over to Philadelphia, then walked several blocks to find a good spot in the sun. It was pretty cold, so sun was important. I was dressed warm and really wasn't cold at all.

After standing to watch the parade for about an hour, someone discovered that those doors directly behind us led to an inside Starbucks. Well, that was the end of watching the parade for me. I went in, had a coffee, and stayed inside until everyone was ready to leave. Pretty wimpy, right???

When I got home, I spent the rest of the day making a batch of rolls and a pumpkin cheesecake dessert. Everything came out of the oven in time for me to make it over to see Andy.

We had our family time on Friday...this has been our family tradition since the girls have been married and have their own families. We order pizza and panzarottis, I make a huge salad, and everybody's happy. After we had our coffee, we all drove over to COHV to see Andy. I really wanted to get an updated family picture with everyone. I didn't have one that included Cole. 

We had to take many pictures, and try several different times, but finally got one that was acceptable. The sun was shining and we were able to be outside, which was our hope since natural lighting is always the best. Andy was cold and wanted to go inside, but he was a good sport and did what we wanted. He was also feeling pretty miserable and really wanted to just lie down. At the same time, he was happy to see everyone and wanted to be there with them.

I am very happy with this picture and have looked at it numerous times. It always makes my heart smile. A friend commented that it was sweet that Andy and I were holding hands. I like holding his hand, but I also have to do it to help guide him to where he needs to go. He would either wander off or stand still in confusion.

We didn't really spend a lot of time with him because he just wasn't up to it. So Christy and her family came back to our house, and they graciously put up my tree and decorated it. I honestly don't think I would have bothered if they hadn't wanted to do it.

I fed them their dinner before sending them on their way. Everyone was tired after the excitement of the day, but I am grateful for the blessing of our family.

Speaking of family, on Saturday, Dawn called me to ask how I was doing. I told her I was emotional, having a hard time keeping back the tears. After all, holidays are difficult when there is a family member missing. And seeing him in his condition on Friday was also hard. She then asked me if I wanted to come over. They were going to take Kasey to get her ears pierced. She had been asking for that, especially after seeing her cousin the day before with earrings. So I jumped at the chance to get out of the house and to be with people I love. I drove with them in their car to the mall where Kasey picked out earrings, then bravely sat while she got her ears pierced. I couldn't believe it but she didn't cry. She looked a little shocked to get the "pinch" but she bravely endured! What a cutie!

In an email I received this week from Grief Share, I couldn't agree more with what was advised:

Dr. Larry Crabb says, “In the field of the soul there are no professional surgeons; there are only caring Christians... People in the church will enable you, through their love, to move forward on your journey. They may not know the exact words to say, and their timing will not always be right, but be assured that they love you because they love the Lord." 

This is exactly what happens on Sunday mornings when I go to church, or any time during the week when I am with someone from church. They care enough to ask me how I'm doing, how Andy's doing, then empathize with me as I tell them what I'm going through. They are not threatened by my tears and they promise to pray for me.

On top of the trauma of dealing with Andy's illness and watching him suffer is some news I received about our financial situation. There are a lot of questions that will need to be worked through - this seems overwhelming to me. I need to start applying for Medicaid assistance. Fortunately, I have a good elder care lawyer who is willing to make the application for me, but there will still be lots of paperwork for me to provide and sign and prove, etc. 

But again...in everything give thanks. God has promised that "He will provide for all our needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

I can't see the future or try to figure out how this is all going to work out, but some day, I'll look back and be amazed at what God did. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.


"Cast My Cares"

When fear feels bigger than my faith
And struggles steal my breath away
When my back's pressed up against the wall
With the weight of my worries stacked up tall
You're strong enough to hold it all

I will cast my cares on You
You're the anchor of my hope
The only one who's in control
I will cast my cares on You
I'll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul

This war's not what I would have chosen
But You see the future no one knows yet
And You're still good when I can't
See the working of Your hands
You're holding it all

I will cast my cares on You
You're the anchor of my hope
The only one who's in control
I will cast my cares on You
I'll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul

I'm finding there's freedom,
When I lay it all on Your shoulders

Cast my cares I will, cast my cares I will, cast my cares on You
Cast my cares I will, cast my cares I will, cast my cares on You
Cast my cares I will, cast my cares I will, cast my cares on You

I will cast my cares on You
You're the anchor of my hope
The only one who's in control
I will cast my cares on You
I'll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul
 Publishing: © 2014 Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publishing (ASCAP) / Songs Of Emack (ASCAP)

"There is nothing which shows our ignorance so much as our impatience under trouble. We forget that every cross is a message from God, and intended to do us good in the end. Trials are intended to make us think -- to wean us from the world -- to send us to the Bible -- to drive us to our knees. Health is a good thing but sickness is far better if it leads us to God. Prosperity is a great mercy; but adversity is a greater one if it brings us to Christ. Anything, anything is better than living in carelessness and dying in sin."
(J.C. Ryle, quoted in If God is Good by Randy Alcorn)

What a week this has been. It started out with Amy and the kids coming down again, this time to leave Joanna with me for her overnight birthday treat. We did a quick visit with Andy at Care One, quick because after only a few minutes, he got up and said he had to go on to something else. Maybe I should have taken the hint that he might not be feeling well, but he had dismissed his visitors before this, and I really just thought it was part of his disease to lose interest and not understand that we were there to see him. 

So Joanna and I went to our house and settled in to having dinner, playing in the driveway with her new birthday toy from her parents, and then the usual movie and ice cream together.

The next morning turned out really nice and beautiful after a night of rain. I thought we should probably go hiking as soon as possible while the humidity was low and the temperature cool. I made sure to spray both Joanna and myself with bug spray to keep the mosquitoes off, and away we went - to the Rancocas State Park again. What an enjoyable hike it was, too. Each grandchild I've gone with this year has been such a wonderful treat for me. Their conversations are entertaining and revealing - they are amazingly knowledgeable about a variety of subjects, they are observant of nature and things around them, and they are all fun to be with. I wasn't sure if Joanna could walk a full 3 miles, but she was a trooper the whole trail, keeping up with me the entire time.

We went back home and I got Joanna started watching a video, while I planned to get a load of laundry done. I was just settling in to watch it with her when I got a call from Care One. The nurse said she felt Andy needed to be admitted to the hospital because he had fainted and his blood pressure was extremely low. She asked me if I wanted him admitted. I guess she had to get my permission. I had heard that each time an Alzheimer's patient goes to the hospital, it makes their disease progress a little more and they usually don't come back to the level they were before the hospital stay. So when she asked my permission, I hemmed and hawed - just feeling overwhelmed - what is the right decision, what if I do the wrong thing? I had the presence of mind to ask the nurse if anyone would be going with him. She told me that he would be transported and the people going with him would take him to the E.R. but they would not be staying with him. I knew I needed to be there to help with the admissions process because he couldn't answer all the questions they would be asking him. But now I'm really in a fix because neither can I leave Joanna at home alone.

But God already was working on my behalf to solve this problem. As I was trying to figure out what to do, I noticed that Dan's car was in the driveway. Dan is Andy's brother who comes over several times a week to hang out with his mom and dad. As I explained the situation to Dan and his parents, they immediately gave ideas on what to do. Dan was able to drive Joanna to Dawn's house where she played with her cousins the rest of the day, and I was able to go to the hospital to take care of Andy. 

I got to the hospital in good time, he was still in the hallway waiting to be assigned to a room in the E.R. I was so relieved. It wasn't long before lab work was returned with the diagnosis of a UTI. This was so confusing to me because he was already on medication for this very thing. Apparently the antibiotic he was on wasn't strong enough to kill the bacteria that was infecting him.

Andy was put on IV fluids and antibiotics. I stayed with him till he was settled in his room, met with the nurse assigned to him - until I was sure he was going to be all right. I returned in the evening for another couple of hours. So the next few days included runs to the hospital, working a couple of hours here and there, and doing some necessary things at home. 

On Wednesday evening while there, Dawn stopped by to visit, too. When she walked in the room, she asked Andy how he was doing. He didn't hesitate, but answered, "I'm having a ball." Really??? Actually, I think he was pleased to be getting the attention from the nurses and me. And subconsciously perhaps, he knew his UTI was being addressed.

I thought his hospital stay would be longer so was pleasantly surprised when the doctor informed us on Thursday that he would be discharged that day. They were going to switch from IV antibiotic to oral medicine and triple the dosage he had been taking prior to Tuesday.

So by Thursday afternoon, he was back at Care One. I went to visit as usual that evening and he seemed to be doing well enough.

Friday and Saturday were pleasant relief from the cares and anxiety of Andy in the hospital. A son of a staff member got married on Friday afternoon and I had planned to attend the wedding. I was so glad I did. I went with a friend, and there were many of our church friends who were in attendance. I felt so loved and supported by everyone. It was so nice to have something happy to focus on. Plus, it was a blessing to witness a wedding that was so beautiful, lovely and God-honoring. At the reception, watching the radiant happiness of the bride and groom, I was picturing the marriage supper of Jesus and us, his bride in heaven some day. What a wonderful day that will be. My heart was filled with joy at the thought.

When I got home later that evening, I was in the process of relaxing and getting ready for bed when I got a call from Care One. The nurse told me that Andy seemed to be having a reaction to the medication he was on. (No wonder - triple the dosage???) His hands were all swollen and red, she said, and thought it would be best to stop the medicine. She said she would be in contact with the doctor. Somehow, I don't think stopping the medicine completely is going to take care of his problem. I plan to make some calls tomorrow.

I went in to see him on Saturday morning. He was pretty flat line, so I didn't stay very long. He had gotten a shower and it looked like he was being cared for (which is what I was interested in knowing).

Every year, my family has a big get together in Berks County at my brother's home. My brothers and sisters and as many of our children as can make it are invited to be there. We usually do the party on the Saturday closest to July 4th. I went to Dawn and Tommy's and let them drive the two hours. This was a big help for me because I was pretty tired out from the week's stress and activities.

My nephew brings his food truck, parks it on the property and serves us all. This year there were over 80 people who came to the picnic. He is a professional chef and the food is amazing. 

Mid-afternoon, we got rained on. Even sitting under pavilions we got wet because the rain was so heavy. I happened to be sitting at the edge of one of those pavilions and my back was soaked the rest of the day. The kids didn't mind, though. A huge slip and slide was set up for them and they had a ball on that. If you don't believe that the slip and slide was anything special, check out the video links:

https://www.facebook.com/wendell.yoder.7/videos/1370012179715430/
https://www.facebook.com/tsherf/videos/10159080818435245/


Later, the sun came out and all the kids (big and little) jumped in the pool. Tommy took over as organizer of the kids, coming up with all kinds of contests for them. There was quite a line of them waiting their turn!

A great time was had by all.


At church today, people were asking me how things were going. As I told them about my week with Andy, I had to add that even in the middle of intense, crazy things we don't expect, God still gives us moments of joy. It's a joy unspeakable and full of glory because if we keep our eyes on Jesus and trust him in the circumstance, we will not be overwhelmed by those circumstances.


I was reading to Andy tonight from Hebrews 3 and 4. The final verses of chapter 4 tell us that Jesus is our great high priest. He has been tempted in every way, just as we are --yet without sin. Because he was tempted as we are, he can sympathize with us in our own weaknesses. He knows how it feels: 

• to be exhausted
• discouraged with the hopelessness of the situation
• concerned with the illness of loved ones
• burdened down with the unknown
• lonely
• desiring for the hard thing to be taken away

In spite of these weaknesses, he didn't give in to temptation. He never sinned, which qualifies him to be the perfect High Priest. We can approach the throne of grace with confidence. There "we receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:14-16)

There's a place where mercy reigns and never dies
There's a place where streams of grace flow deep and wide
Where all the love I've ever found comes like a flood
Comes flowing down

At the cross, at the cross
I surrender my life
I'm in awe of You,  I'm in awe of You
Where Your love ran red and my sin washed white
I owe all to You, I owe all to You, Jesus

There's a place where sin and shame are powerless
Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness
Where all the love I've ever found
Comes like a flood, comes flowing down

Here my hope is found
Here on holy ground
Here I bow down, here I bow down
Here arms open wide
Here You save my life
Here I bow down, here I bow

At The Cross,  Writer(s): Matt Armstrong, William R. Newell, Jenna Cowart, Benji Cowart

4th of July & Lord of the Rings

It was a different kind of week with the holiday on Monday. I worked a little on Sunday afternoon since I wouldn't be in the office until Wednesday and the work doesn't go away. It's always there waiting for me. 

On the 4th of July, Andy and I drove up to Berks County for the Yoder family picnic - an annual event. This year, my sister and her son did all the cooking and food prep - and wow! My nephew, Keith, is a professional chef and caters many huge events, sometimes feeding several thousand people at a time. He buys the food, hires the workers and prepares the meals. He just finished at a golf tournament in Pennsylvania a week or so ago.

He recently bought his own trailer fully equipped kitchen, then offered to cater our picnic this year. Wow and wow! Wouldn't that be nice if he did this every year. I doubt anyone would complain. The food was outstanding.
 
 
  


 

 

  



























My sister kept saying she was in her happy place. She loves cooking and baking so we were happy to let her be there. We're all hoping this is a new tradition.

Andy did well while we were there, interacting with people and having a good time. The next day he said he had met some really nice people, then couldn't finish his thought. I asked him if he meant when we were at the picnic, and he said, "yes, they were so nice." I told him, "Thanks, they were my relatives." Then we had a good laugh (although I'm not sure he got it!).

I was talking to one of my daughters today who said that everyone thought Andy was doing well, he seemed like he knew who everyone was, etc. But she told them, he is a good faker. So true. He tries really hard when we're with other people. Of course, he is a people person, always very interested in them. He often calls people by their name which, I think is another surprise. But if anyone would engage him in a long conversation, I think they'd soon see what I deal with. And later, if I question him about the conversation he had with someone, he has no clue what I'm talking about.

Sometimes I question his diagnosis, as well, but as soon as I do, he'll ask me how long I'm staying, or how many children I have, etc.  

On Tuesday, we had an appointment with an attorney to sign an advanced medical directive. When I made the appointment, the lawyer said Andy needed to be able to sign his own name. I told her he could, although it would be very illegible because of his tremors. She said that would be ok. He also needed to be able to name his children since they would be in the document. When I told him that, he couldn't do it. He named one, then wanted to include one of our sons-in-law. So I made him practice over the weekend until our appointment. He got it right, although, she didn't ask him to say their names. She showed him the document with the three girls listed and asked him if those were his daughters. He looked at the paper for a while but finally agreed that they were. Whew!

Four days this week, Andy went to The Tender - the Alzheimer's respite care center. What a godsend this is. He wasn't sure about it at first, but finally admitted to me on Friday that he really likes going there, the people are really good people. I can't tell you what a relief this is for me. To know that he is being watched, taken care of, having interaction with others, doing activities that are fun and interesting - as well as being a break for me. Thank you, Lord. And this is all free! The center receives grants (I'm not sure from where - maybe from Alzheimer's.org). They ask people to help donate water, snacks - and I gladly bought a whole shopping bag full of goodies to take to them tomorrow.

It got pretty hot and humid this week so I stayed indoors as much as I could. By dinner time, though, I was pretty tired of being in air conditioning all day, so it was a good time to go out to water some of my new plants and make sure that everything was doing all right.

My coneflowers are beginning to bloom, lots of buds.

Today turned out to be really pleasant so after church, we took a little drive over to a local park and walked along Strawbridge Lake in Moorestown. It's a suburban park but the road by the lake is one way and doesn't get much traffic. We meandered along enjoying the day and the lake on one side and the lovely houses on the other side.

Andy was watching Lord of the Rings today while I was on the computer in the same room with him. It is such a good story. There are certain lines in the film that are very meaningful and remind me of biblical truth.

Gandalf is teaching Frodo about Gollum and his role in the ring saga. Frodo wonders why Gandalf has allowed Gollum to live after all the horrible deeds he has committed. Frodo says Gollum deserves death. Then Gandalf says:

"Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end..." 

I compare this statement with my situation and the role Alzheimer's will play in our lives. I do wish that Alzheimer's would die...I wish it had never happened to my dear hubbie. But who knows what role it will play yet in our own lives. I do know these things already: it has thrown me into the arms of Jesus, it has shown me my own inadequacy in dealing with life at this point, it has shown me how much I need Jesus to take care of us, it has shown me in so many ways how much God loves me and is providing for our every need.

Another quote I really like from the Lord of the Rings trilogy is when the Lady Galadriel gave Frodo a small crystal phial. She told him: "In this phial is caught the light of Earendil's star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."
 
Of course, my light in dark places is the precious Word of God. How it speaks to my heart and gives hope and light in my darkest nights.

Psalm 119:105 - "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

Jesus is both the Word and the Light. 

John 1:1,2 4-5 - "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."