My emotions have really been getting a work out! I am happy, contented, trusting God one day (or even moment), then totally unbalanced and stressed the next day/moment. I have really been ministered to in my reading. I just finished
Glorious Ruin by Tullian Tchividjian and am in the middle of 3 other books right now:
Heaven is Now: Awakening Your Five Spiritual Senses by Andrew Farley,
A Godward Life: Savoring the Supremacy of God by John Piper and
A Mind for God by James Emery White.
Some of the thoughts that have ministered to me:
"It is a great mercy that having doesn't make us happy. If it did, we would be hopelessly deceived into thinking that things are God. George MacDonald wrote: 'Happily for our blessedness, the joy of possession soon pales.' and 2 Corinthians 4:18: "the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal'."
"When you find out you don't have to do anything for God, you are motivated to want to do everything for him. Grace motivates, guilt kills."
"Grace is radically unbalanced. It contains no but: it is unconditional, uncontrollable, unpredictable and undomesticated."
"God says he will not remember our sins, they are covered by the blood of Jesus. But what about Ephesians 2:12 when Paul says we should remember that we were separate from Christ, having no hope and without God? Piper suggests that we should not remember the past if it hinders our current growth and obedience. But if remembering can bring a deeper dependence on grace, a deeper love for Jesus and a greater trust in his power, then let there be a periodic remembering of the hopeless past. But the norm should be forgetting the past lest it drag us down."
Psalm 130:4: "There is forgiveness with you, O God, that you may be feared." "God calls forth fear by forgiving sin, not by condemning it. Grace! If benefits hang on to our fearing God, then our fearing God hangs on the utterly undeserved forgiveness of God."
"The call of God creates life. 'Lazarus, come forth!' We respond in the power of what the call created. Ephesians 5:14: 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' God initiates and enables - our doing depends on God's doing it first."
"Set free from the imperative to perform and performance will shoot off the charts, set free from having to earn your future, you can enjoy the present, set free from the burden of self-focus, you will be inspired to serve others - grace inspires!"
"Joy that evaporates in the heat of affliction is not joy in God, but in comfort. 1 Thessalonians 1:6: 'You received the word in much affliction, with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit.' Joy in tribulation is the evidence of joy in God, not ease." (Piper)
"A theology of the cross understands the cross to be the ultimate statement of God's involvement in the world this side of heaven. Luther said: 'God was not only hidden in suffering but was at work in our anxiety and doubt. When you are at the end of your rope, when you no longer have hope within yourself, that is when you run to God for mercy'."
"Only when we come to the end of ourselves, do we come to the beginning of God. This is a common theme in the Bible: desperation precedes deliverance. Grief precedes glory. The cross precedes the crown. Powerlessness is the beginning of freedom."
"Life is a gift, freely given to us by God. We do not possess it by virtue of our merit. We do not own our life in relation to God. It is a loan. Luke 12:29: the soul is required "back" by the Lord. Life is God's and is on loan to us freely so that we might enjoy glorifying God with it. It is always and totally at His disposal, never rightfully at our disposal. Life belongs to God."
In spite of the blessings of God and His Word and reading the thoughts of godly men, when circumstances change, I come crashing down. I stress and fuss. I wonder how things will work out, then I feel bad because I know I'm not trusting God. I'm so grateful that He understands and He doesn't leave me in those desperate times, when I need him more than ever. I'm also grateful that His love for me is constant and changeless and not dependent on me and my behavior. He loves me regardless of how I feel. Talk about amazing!
Sunday was an "up" day. The sun was shining and the temperature was tolerable. A sunny day with blue skies is always helpful. We decided to take advantage of the day and drive down to the shore. Originally, we talked about sitting on the beach at Ocean City, but as we were discussing options, I mentioned that we hadn't been to LBI in a very long time. The last time we had been there, it must have been winter and the lighthouse had been closed. We investigated whether or not it would be open this time and it was...so off we went. Good decision. As it turned out, it was pretty windy which wouldn't have worked too well if we had decided to sit on the beach.
It was a glorious day and we climbed all 217 steps to the top of the lighthouse (and my leg muscles are still attesting to that climb).
An example of the difference between us: I was marveling at the blueness of the sky and Andy was awestruck with the brick construction of the lighthouse!
The view from the top was awesome:
So you would think that all these wonderful thoughts from my reading and a beautiful day at the beach would put me on "top of the world." But no, yesterday's mail brought a big bill that led me to spiral down into the pit of self pity and depression. It is a constant struggle to remember and remind myself of the truth. God is sovereign, He cares, He lavishes His love and grace on me. He is not surprised by my life's circumstances but allows them for my growth and His glory.
When will I ever learn???
Psalm 63:3: "Your lovingkindness is better than life." Better than life??? To live in the love of God is better than
anything. Amen and Amen.
