Data Gathering and a Party

Adult day care is now on the agenda. I took Andy to The Tender on Thursday morning. While I met with the CEO for final instructions and signing of documents, Andy spent a few minutes with the other people who were there. We have agreed that he will start this very week - 2 days and if it goes well and is a good fit, we'll go to 5 days a week.

When we left and got in the car, I asked Andy how he liked it. He said he did and thought it would be a good thing. Then he asked me if he was the leader of the group. I assured him that he was just a participant. Then I told him he could take off his "pastor's hat." He was relieved!

He will be there from 8:30 - 1:30 starting tomorrow. He will be given coffee and snack, then they do exercises and activities, with Meals on Wheels bringing them lunch. I think he'll enjoy this a lot more than sitting in the office with me. This program is 5 minutes down the road from where we live.
 
I've also been making some initial data gathering into care facilities. In my mind, that's still well in the future, but most of these facilities have a long waiting list, so it's better to have a plan in place than wait till the situation is desperate.

Andy seems to have come to a hyper-alert phase. He seems to be more tuned in to my conversations. On Friday morning, he was looking at a folder I had in my brief case for work. It wasn't even in plain sight, but somehow he found it and was looking through it. It was a facility. Then he actually started asking me questions about the place and wondered if he going there. I told him that I was just trying to gather data about options, and that he wasn't going anywhere now. And if he did, I would probably be going with him. And then he said, "Well, if we're going to move in together, we should probably get married!" Okay!

I was talking to a relative who is also dealing with a spouse with Alzheimer's. I hadn't talked to her in a long time and she was bringing me up to date on how he was doing. She said she now has to feed him and change his Depends, and he wandered into a neighbor's house at 4:00 am one morning. She didn't know about this until the police called her.

Hearing about all this was quite depressing. But the next morning, in my time in God's Word, I read Philippians3:8-11. Paul says, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." 

This is just what I needed for the moment. I want my greatest desire to be knowing Christ. Everything else is just rubbish, yes, even a happy, comfortable life. It is in our pain and weakness that we experience him and the surpassing greatness of knowing him. Even if I lose everything, (my husband, my home and retirement money) as long as I have Jesus, I have all I need. I like the title of one book, Jesus + Nothing = Everything. I didn't read this book, but the title says it all. 

God also provided some encouragement in the provision of one of my daughters who told me that I was freaked out by what I was hearing from someone else's experience. She was right and it was good to talk with her.

I've got a lot on my plate right now, things I'm trying to think through, plans that need to be made, data that needs to be gathered. But in all of this, I'm amazed at the people God has placed in my path for giving me the advice and help I need. He is so good to me.

It was good to get a break from this seriousness by going to a birthday party yesterday. Dawn's family were all sick except for Kira. So they weren't able to attend, but Andy and I picked up Kira and took her with us to celebrate Chase's and Joanna's 10th and 8th birthdays. The party was held in the town park in Lancaster County. It was a very nice day, warm with a nice cool breeze. As long as we stayed in the shade, it was very pleasant.

 

Do you think she was happy with the present we gave her?
 
 

 Andy rode in the back seat with Kira on the way up and the two of them had a good time together. He is so good with kids and I love to hear those girly giggles.

I read one of Ann Voskamp's posts recently that was an encouragement to me. She said "real prayer has eyes on Christ, not the crisis. Even if he doesn't answer as we would like, he does give enough - Himself. Even if he doesn't answer as we would like, - he does still love us. Even if he doesn't answer as I would like, I will still believe. Still believe - in HIM...that which we fear might happen to us might be the thing to produce deep faith in us. Why be afraid of anything, when he's using everything? God is answering all our prayers: no one enters into the real joy of the Lord in spite of the hard times - but squarely through the door of the hard times."

 Jesus, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)

Adventures

We've been enjoying beautiful spring weather. So let's take advantage of it. Have I ever mentioned that I love blue skies!!! Tuesday was one of those idyllic days and since Dawn and Tommy were at the shore with their family, I decided we should go join them.

Andy had a doctor's appointment in the morning, so after that and lunch, we headed on down to Ocean City. It was so restful just to sit on the beach, talk with Dawn, and enjoy watching the kids having fun in the sun.
 

After dinner with them, we started on our journey home. I happened to glance at the gas gauge and was horrified to notice it registered with only one bar. I didn't get too nervous at first because after all, I have a Prius, which is averaging nearly 50 miles to the gallon. We were taking the back way home, through the Pine Barrens. Not a good idea - because there is nothing out there except pines...no houses, no people, no buildings of any kind, especially no gas stations, and perhaps not even phone reception. Then all of a sudden, the warning signal beeped and the last bar started flashing. My stomach started fluttering, my adrenaline started pumping. I was far from civilization. I finally made it to the town of Chatsworth, which is in the heart of the pines. I pulled off into a store's parking lot to give myself time to think what I should do. The store was closed, but as I sat there, another vehicle pulled in right beside me. I opened my window and asked the man where the nearest gas station was. He was not at all encouraging by telling me there was none around for many miles. Ugh. He must have seen my distress, because he did tell me I could go 4 miles up the road, then turn left and go another 4 miles to a Gulf station. So another 8 miles. I estimate that I had already gone 20 miles, could I make it another 8?

I had no choice. So I started out, praying all the way. And the Lord graciously got us there. I filled up the tank which took 9.718 gallons. Phew. The owner's manual says the fuel tank has a capacity of 11.9 gallons, so I really could have gone another 80 miles. (ha, ha) I was worried for nothing. Actually, I don't like to live with that kind of risk - thank you very much. I'm usually careful to get gas before the gauge indicates much below 1/4 of a tank. I don't know why I was so unaware this time. But it was another example of God's care of me, even when I am at fault.

We had been invited to join one of our friends at their house on Wednesday night. They were having a dinner with their community group. I had told them we would come, although I did mention we'd be out Tuesday and had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday afternoon. I wasn't sure if Andy could handle all that activity, but I didn't want to be reclusive and use him as an excuse. I really do love these dear people and wanted to spend time with them.

But it was not to be. Andy was really out of it on Wednesday, even before we saw the doctor. So I asked him if he felt he should or shouldn't go out in the evening, and he admitted it probably wasn't a good idea. 

(So he had two doctor's appointments this past week, and he has two again this week. One of those is a dentist appointment, just a routine exam, but it still takes time out of our schedule.) 

Well, after the adventures of Tuesday and Wednesday, and having to cancel our dinner with friends, I was feeling a little low on Thursday. It was a gloomy day with drizzle and gray clouds which was not conducive to a cheerful spirit. The Lord helped me to recognize this, though, and I was thankful for his presence. Then, he encouraged me further with a call from Dawn's mil (mother-in-law) who said she had been talking to Dawn who, after observing Andy at the beach on Tuesday, didn't think he was doing very well. She was also concerned for me and my constant care of him. (Bless her heart!) So Pat, who is a friend and a "go-getter" made some calls and found out that there is an adult day care right here in the town where we live, just 5 minutes down the road from us. She called there and found out there just happens to be 2 openings. The place gets grants so it is free! She said she told the lady I would be calling her. 

So I did. I made an immediate appointment to see her to find out about this program. She asked me questions about Andy to try to find out where he was. After answering her questions, she told me he definitely should never be left alone, and I should start looking into full time care facilities. It took me aback somewhat. I had been praying that Andy would be able to live out his days in our home. I felt he would be more comfortable in familiar surroundings, and how ever could I afford to pay for full time care.

But I think this was a wake up call from the Lord. It got me to thinking about the situation. And I'm not so sure Andy is all that comfortable in our home. Realistically, these are not familiar surroundings to him any more. He is constantly confused and not sure where he is. I have to guide him to the bathroom or bedroom. And he can't even always express what he is looking for or wanting in any moment when he is up and moving around. I can usually guess, by giving him options, but it is a guessing game. 

The adult day care is five days a week from 8:30 - 1:30. As I've been thinking this through, I'm beginning to see that Andy would benefit from this. They plan activities, exercises, have snacks, and Meals on Wheels for lunch. They keep the people busy. I think it would be much better for him than sitting in the church office all morning. So I am in the process of filling out the paper work, another doctor's visit for a TB test and a note from the doctor saying he has no infectious diseases. I'm going to try it any way. But he's a people person, and I'm anticipating he will enjoy it. I don't know yet how soon he would be able to do this...we're still in the process.

He doesn't seem to know what to do with himself unless I'm telling him what to do. He likes to watch movies and with his memory issue, he can watch the same one many times. He'll get one out of the cabinet and say, "I haven't seen this one in a while," when he just watched it last week! But he doesn't sit still for very long. If it's an hour and a half long movie, he'll watch about half, then will get up and walk away. I put it on pause for him to watch the rest later.

We've been working together a little more on our gardening. I just can't do much, though, it wears me out. I also can't give him a job to do, then expect him to follow through. The best thing is for him to work with me, giving him constant instructions. We trimmed our euonymus bush yesterday morning before it got too hot. Actually, it was a lovely morning.

Out of control

 

Much better

Our trellis off the back deck has been empty for a couple of years. 

In consulting with my daughters, all of whom are gardening experts, I decided to get a clematis plant. So Andy and I took a drive to my favorite place to buy plants - Perennial Gardens. Their plants were on sale so I bought two clematis plants for $32 - they were already full of blooms.

 A couple of conversations that I remember from this week:

After talking to Amy on Tuesday morning, Andy asked me how I knew Amy. I told him she was our daughter. Then he said, "I'm so far removed..." Yes, he's got that right!

Another morning, he asked me if I was going to be here tomorrow, too? I told him, yes. Then he said, "Good, I like when you're here!" Awww!

He is so sweet, always thanking me. He thanked me for taking him with me to the garden center yesterday. He thanks me for helping him, for making dinners, for reading to him, anything I do. He must think I'm a paid worker!  

This morning after church he told me he was going to go with his dad to a basketball game. That was confusing to me. Really? Then he told someone in the church lobby that he was going to a football game this afternoon. The lady was puzzled! When Andy's dad came home, I asked him about the basketball game. The NBA finals are on TV tonight, starting at 8:00. I think Dad told Andy that and perhaps invited Andy to watch the game with him. But if it's only starting at 8:00, I think that's out of the question.

Another time, Andy came back from visiting with his mom and dad and told me mom had a growth on her neck and dad didn't feel good either. I went over to talk to dad and he said they were both fine. A lady who comes to spend time with mom every week had called to cancel her appointment because she had a growth on her neck that was causing a lot of pain. 

So he does get the details of conversations all mixed up. I don't worry about it, though.  I think by this time, everyone knows if something is important, they'll let me know and not depend on Andy to relay correct information.

This afternoon, Andy asked me when I had arrived. I told him I'd been here all day. Then he asked if I came with a group? I just said no, without an explanation. He seemed satisfied with that.


Yes, life is an adventure right now...not dull, that's for sure. I don't know how people go through these situations without the Lord. I am so grateful for his sustaining and enabling grace. He continues to minister to me and show me in many ways that he is caring for me and us.

Laughter & Fun

One of the things I really loved about Andy when we first started dating was his ability to make me laugh. He was masterful at one-liners at just the right time. I confess I laugh easily. My mother used to tell me I wouldn't be able to discipline my own children if I was always laughing at them. 

Andy would sometimes express astonishment that I laughed at all his "dumb" jokes. So I would come back at him that I wasn't necessarily laughing at his jokes, I was laughing that he actually thought he was funny.

Raising our children was often far from funny. But when things got tense, Andy's advice was to "keep a sense of humor." There's nothing like a little bit of fun to ease the tension. But I have to admit, it was sometimes easier said than done.

We had a beautiful day on Thursday. The sun was shining but the temperature was still cool. I had this long list of gardening that needed to be done - hanging over me. All the little maple trees and weeds growing taller by the day in the gardens, and the bushes was really getting, well, bushy, and out of control!

So as soon as I got home from work, Andy and I went out and worked till dinner time. I made something quick, then we went out again. What a great feeling to get all that done - and enjoying the great outdoors at the same time. After we were done, I couldn't believe how sore I was all over.

These are sundrops...aren't they so cheerful looking?

The next morning as we were pulling out of the driveway, we both at the same time, said, "looking good." Then we had to laugh. As we were laughing, Andy said, "I'm going to have to tell Phyllis that one." And I couldn't help laughing some more.

Laughter is a great gift. Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine..."  

I love to watch the birds at our bird feeder as I work in my kitchen. However, the squirrels are determined to get their share. Actually, they get a lot more than their share. So I already had one squirrel-proof feeder, and recently bought another one. The idea is that when a squirrel puts its weight on the ledge, it drops down to close off the holes where the food is. Well, this doesn't stop them from trying. It's actually quite entertaining to watch them. The other day, I saw the squirrel on top of the roof of the little house hanging upside down. He was trying all his tricky moves when he suddenly lost his grip and fell head first into the bush. 

Earlier in the week, we took a trip to PA in order to celebrate Naomi's 11th birthday. It's always great fun to be with our kids and grandkids. I made a cheesecake with strawberry topping to take along.

It takes great thought to come up with the perfect wish before blowing out your candles.

There was some time to do a "little" reading to Claire. Actually, I read a stack of books...so many I was beginning to lose my voice.  

 All too soon it was time to leave to go home again.

These incidents just show that as hard as life can be, there is respite at times and joy along the way.

Pastor's message was another good one this morning. I can't begin to express my gratitude in God bringing us to this church. I have learned so much over the years from sitting under his teaching/preaching ministry. Today we celebrated 35 years of his leadership and the church's existence.

His sermon this morning was from Exodus 15:22-27 where the Israelites arrived at the bitter water in the desert. Instead of trusting God to provide for them, they grumbled. They were disappointed in the waters and disappointed in God. Pastor said that when we grumble against God:
1. We set ourselves up as God's judge.
2. Our grumbling is veiled in grumbling against others.
3. It's shown in our attitude.
4. Grumbling often leads to other sins. We excuse our sins by thinking we deserve a break because of the hard things we're dealing with.    

But in the Israelites' case at the bitter waters, they discovered things about themselves and about God. And when we go through difficulties, we often discover things about ourselves. It's actually God testing us, to show us our hearts. If we grumble, we're really unhappy with God and his dealing with us. We are not trusting him. But if we surrender to him and trust that he knows what he's doing, we discover that he has resources we don't always recognize. Moses picked up a stick and threw it in the bitter waters and they became sweet. Who would have thought - the solution was there all along. God also has reasons for what we are going through that we can always benefit by. He encourages our remembrance and he brings relief in HIS time. We are often so impatient, wanting relief immediately. But something disastrous can be a catalyst for change.

And don't we all want to become better persons? Knowing God better? Becoming more mature in our walk with the Lord? 

I know from experience that God feels so much more "with" me when I am at my neediest. I see his hand, I experience his goodness and grace. He gives me the strength to endure; and yes, even the gift of laughter in the darkest of times because we are not without hope. 

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings...Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2b-5
 
And if that doesn't put a song in your heart and a spring in your step...

Mercy in the Mundane

It seems like a small thing but I took it as a sign that God was gracing me. At my job, I am the recipient when someone sends a message to the website to "contact" the church. A couple of weeks ago, someone contacted the church to let us know they were getting rid of a stack of puzzles and wondered if "we" knew of anyone who would like them.

Well, since Andy has been struggling with Alzheimer's, and I've read enough to know he needs to keep practicing and stretching his brain, I told the person our situation and asked if it would be ok for us to have them. He was very gracious and seemed eager to give them to us. 

So far we've done 3 of the puzzles, and they are a stretch. I have always enjoyed them, Andy not so much. But he is a good sport, and he is actually pretty good at organizing the pieces by color. He gets a few of them together, but I admit I do most of the puzzle myself. It is very satisfying to get one done, and it's something we can do together. He really liked this barn scene.

The lion puzzle has been my favorite so far, even though it took us longer than most. The pieces are very small and there are 1,000 of them, but the finished product is so interesting, we've not been able to take it apart and put it away.

We worked on the one below this week. It was somewhat frustrating because the finished puzzle wasn't at all like the picture on the box. But the puzzle came with a mystery story to go along with it.

I finished reading Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray and it really ministered to my soul/spirit. So much so, that I decided to read it again. So I am reading a day's worth every morning, then I also read it out loud to Andy. We are both benefiting greatly from it. 

On Tuesday, this past week, Andy and I met up with Christy and Amy and the kids for another day at Morris Arboretum. A couple other families joined us with 16 kids altogether! It was a perfect spring day, and we all had a wonderful time enjoying each other and the beautiful grounds.

Andy isn't the only one with a memory problem. I so much need to be reminded of scriptural truth and what's important. 

Pastor's message this morning was so spot on, too. He's doing a three-week series on the Wilderness Road. Why did God take the Israelites the long road to the Promised Land? He had a purpose in it as he explains in Exodus 13:17-22. God's purposes in the long road through the desert were to escape the dangers of the short road and to experience the lessons of the long road. And what were some of those lessons? 

1. The lesson of awe - God became bigger to them as they witnessed his miracles: parting the Red Sea, providing manna and water in the desert, etc.

2.  The lesson of dependence - God used their lack to show them their need.

I can relate to this. I have been in awe as I've experienced God provide the strength and resources I've needed for this journey he has me on. And I've also experienced God's all-sufficiency and faithfulness and how utterly dependent I am on him.

A couple of weeks ago, we sang a new song (to me) in the worship service, Worth it All by Ben Cantelon. A couple of the phrases that struck me were:

"I let go of all I have just to have all of You."
"Jesus, everything I lost, I have found in You."

I love the comfort of these verses:

Psalm 94:19 - "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

Psalm 119:132 - "Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name."

I am so grateful for the peace and joy God has granted to me. It's hard to explain how it can be so, but I am enjoying life. 

Andy's illness doesn't upset me, I'm not denying it, or angry about it. I can even find the humor in it. This afternoon, Andy looked at the refrigerator and was reading the menu for the week that is posted there. As he was looking at it, he commented that the handwriting looked like Phyllis's. I told him it was Phyllis's handwriting...I had written it. 

When we got home from church, as we came into the house, he opened the door to the basement. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was trying to get the "lay of the land." Then a little later, his dad came over to invite Andy to watch the ball game with him. After he left, Andy asked me to help him find the way over to Mom and Dad's apartment. 

Andy's tremors are getting worse. It's hard for him to drink without spilling it all over himself. I give him a straw which really helps. He also has to eat with a spoon. If he tries to use a fork, the food just won't stay on, but drops all over the place. So we're adjusting and trying to find ways to make his life easier. The Lord has given me great compassion for him. I really feel bad for him and what he has to endure. But he never complains. Occasionally, he gets sad about it, but usually, he's just kind, sweet, good natured, loving and thankful. He thanks me for everything: for dinner, for lunch, for taking him places, everything!

Oh, and this is a milestone! The other day, he told me I was a good driver! Whoa! When he first had to let me do all the driving, he was very anxious and apprehensive when I drove. I thanked him for the compliment, then he elaborated a little by saying that he's driven with some very wild and crazy drivers. I was wondering if he didn't realize who I was at the moment, and was remembering how I used to frighten him. Or maybe he's getting used to my driving. Who knows? But I'll take it.

Thank you, Lord, for the little things. There is mercy in the mundane!