Forgetting What is Behind and Pressing on Toward the Goal

Sometimes the anticipation of something is not at all like the actual event. I'm afraid I got myself all worked up over the anticipation of attending an old order Mennonite funeral. Memories that were long past came bubbling up to the surface, reminding me of some painful issues that I thought I had dealt with. But even with the discomfort, it was an interesting event, and I was even able to enjoy it to some extent.

We left our house at 7:30 Tuesday morning to make the drive to Lancaster County. Ricky's parents attend an old order Mennonite church that has a fair number of deaf in that church community. So they feel comfortable worshiping there and have many friends. The service was well attended. We arrived at the church before the hearse and the family. I was glad Christian and Christy had also decided to attend the funeral since then we had some moral support. Amy had warned me ahead of time that men and women don't sit together in this church, so I was glad that Andy could sit with Christian. I don't know how he would have done on his own. I suppose somehow we would have managed.

Men and women not only sit on separate sides inside the church for the service, they also have separate entrances into the church. (I did not take this picture myself, but it is a good representation of what the church looked like.)

  
Christy and I went into the women's entrance and weren't sure what to do from there. But two ladies graciously greeted us, then entered into conversation with us. They were twins in their 70's (just guessing on how old they were) with a great sense of humor. They told us they came into the world together, and they've lived life together ever since. We asked them if they were married and we were told, "No, we're SS - single and satisfied." It was gracious of the Lord to allow us to meet these dear ladies as our first contact in this church. 

When the hearse and family arrived, we filed by the coffin for the viewing, then walked down to the cemetery for the graveside service. A preacher preached a sermon before the coffin was lowered into the grave.

After that, we all went into the church for the memorial service. Two preachers preached full length sermons which were interesting and sounded like what we would hear in our own church. Christy and I sat in the back row and the view in front of us looked something like this:
 

I was tempted to take out my phone to snap a picture but I resisted that temptation! 

After the service was over, a lady sitting in front of us, turned around to talk to us. This woman was very different from the twin ladies we met before the service. She was much more critical and started in on us with the "Mennonite Inquisition." Having grown up as a child in the Mennonite culture, I am fully aware of what they consider important: Christian heritage, church affiliation, keeping the rules, who were your parents, to name a few. So she started asking me:

"Where are you from?" (I obviously wasn't from Lancaster County!)
"I'll bet this church is a lot different that what you're used to."

At that point, I told her that I had actually grown up in a church just like this. When I was young, men and women did not sit together. 

Next question: "What conference was your church?"

I don't know, I was only a kid.

And then, I guess to try to identify with her and convince her I knew what she was talking about and just how conservative my church was, I told her: "When I was a teen, I cut my hair and my dad was really upset with me."

Oops...wrong thing to say! And that was the end of the conversation. Christy told me later, that when I said that, the lady looked horrified like I had just said I murdered someone! Yup - raised eyebrows and pursed lips!

It was good of the Lord to allow the first experience in the church to be positive with the twin ladies. It was also very helpful to be there with Christy who wisely observed that every church has their gracious, friendly people who welcome visitors, as well as those who are critical, judgmental and legalistic. 

All in all, I was thankful for the experience because it reminded me of the grace of God. I will never measure up but I don't have to because Jesus fulfilled the law and with his death in my place, not only saved me from my sins, but credits his own righteousness to my account. Hallelujah, what a Savior.

I was also glad we could attend the funeral for Amy's sake. She loved her father-in-law, and he was easy to love. He was a friendly guy, always with a ready smile, and accepting of us "outsiders."

We've been enjoying warmer weather...not exactly warm, but warm-er. I had off on Friday (Good Friday) and we sat on the deck to drink our afternoon coffee. The sky was gorgeously blue.

Andy has been taking the opportunity to clean up the back deck and yard. The magnolia petals have been falling and blanketing the ground. I think it's pretty - a pink carpet. But they do need to be cleaned up before it rains and then they stick to the deck and make a mess. He's always a good sport when I want to take his picture.




Yesterday, everyone came down for an Easter meal together. We had 20 at our table, including all 3 daughters with their families and Andy's mom and dad. I had organized the menu and the girls chipped in to bring dishes to add to the meal. There was a lot of food and everyone was happy.

Little Cole is almost 8 weeks old. He is very attentive toward anyone who holds him. Here he is getting to know his Grammy. What a sweet baby.

Today is Easter, and we're celebrating the resurrection of our Lord.

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day
  

Songwriters HALL, JOHN MARK / BLEECKER, MICHAEL

Published by Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

After church and lunch, it seemed like a good idea to go to the woods. It was somewhat cloudy, with occasional patches of blue sky. We hiked around Pakim Pond which was a challenge in several spots because the trail was under water.

 

The trail around the pond is only about half a mile, and we felt like we could go a little further. We went off into the woods on the Batona Trail for another half mile before turning around and hiking back. 

Pakim Pond

The Batona Trail in the Brendan T. Byrne State Forest

Andy was very interested in Randy Alcorn's book, Happiness, when I was reading it. He picked it up and is making the effort to get through it. He is making progress and marking it up, making notes and highlighting significant sentences. He shared with me a quote that Alcorn made of A.W. Tozer that "The people of God ought to be the happiest people in all the world!" Then offered this explanation:

"Goodness is that in God which desires the happiness of His creatures and that irresistible urge in God to bestow blessedness [happiness]. The goodness of God takes pleasure in the pleasure of His people...for a long time it has been drummed into us that if we are happy, God is worried about us. We believe He's never quite pleased if we are happy. But the strict, true teaching of the Word is that God takes pleasure in the pleasure of His people, provided His people take pleasure in God."

And truth be told, we have a lot to be happy about. We are blessed beyond measure, pressed down and overflowing. Even in our "light and momentary troubles," we are blessed, because Jesus is with us, giving us the strength to endure cheerfully, knowing that it will all be worth it when this life is over and we are with him forever and ever.

It's hard to remember every moment of every day just what a blessing our trials are. That's why I have to constantly bring my thoughts around to His thoughts. I do that by reading His Word as well as books that challenge me to think right thoughts. I finished reading Desiring God by John Piper. What a man of God he is. I so appreciate his emphasis that we glorify God most when we are most satisfied in him.

Just a couple of quotes that I wrote down in my journal from Desiring God:

"All suffering (persecution, sickness or accident) has this in common: they all threaten our faith in the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ. They all tempt us to leave the path of obedience." (page 216)

"Suffering is clearly designed by God not only to wean Christians off self and onto grace, but also to spotlight that grace and make it shine. That is precisely what faith does, it magnifies Christ's future grace." (page 223-223) And he referenced 2 Corinthians 12:9-10..."The power of Christ may dwell in me...when I am weak, then I am strong."

"The deep things of life in God are discovered in suffering. So it was with Jesus himself. Hebrews 5:8: 'Although he was a Son, Jesus learned obedience through what he suffered.' Learning obedience does not mean switching from disobedience to obedience. It means growing deeper and deeper with God in the experience of obedience. It means experiencing depths of yieldedness to God that would not have been otherwise demanded." (page 223)

So through the experiences of my childhold and with what I'm learning about suffering, Philippians 3:12-14 seems a fitting conclusion.

"Not that I have already obtained all this (knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings - verse 10), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

The Love of God

Galatians 3:13
"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us."

Martin Luther wrote on this passage: "Learn to know Christ and him crucified. Learn to sing to him and say, 'Lord Jesus, you are my righteousness. I am your sin. You have taken upon yourself what is mine and given me what is yours. You became what you were not, so that I might become what I was not'." What a great and wonderful exchange! Was there ever such love???

The love of God - an amazing topic to consider. Think about the people of Israel. Although they were rescued out of slavery in Egypt and saw God do amazing miracles, they time and time again strayed from God and went back to worshiping idols. God called their idolatry adultery. They forsook him over and over again. And God over and over again, rescued them. He never forsook them or stopped loving them. It is amazing to think about. I would have given them up after a second or third time. But God never gave them up. NEVER! Then how can we doubt his love for us. After Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice of his own blood for us, God tells us in Romans 8 (verse 39) that nothing - nothing - can separate us from his love. His love is powerful, eternal, faithful.

1 Corinthians 13:13 says that "these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Love lasts forever. When we see our Lord face to face, we will no longer live by faith and our hope will be realized. But love will remain - stronger than ever.

 O love of God, how rich and pure!
  How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
    The saints’ and angels’ song.
 Words & Music © 1923, Ren. 1951 by Hope Publishing Co., Carol Stream, IL 60188.

It was a rough week for our daughter, Amy. Her father-in-law spent a week in the hospital after suffering two strokes, a brain bleed and a brain hemorrhage. He had a day when he seemed to be perking up so everyone went back to work. Amy was with him when he coded. The next thing she knew there 20 or so doctors crowded in his room. She called her husband, Ricky and Ricky's sister. With everyone at the hospital, a consultation with the doctors revealed that Ricky's dad had another stroke and would not make it. He died that night with his family all with him. He was only 60 years old. 

I love the verse in 2 Corinthians 5:4 where we are told that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. So when Ricky's dad died, he was granted new life which just swallowed up his death. 

Andy and I are planning to attend the funeral on Tuesday morning. It will be somewhat uncomfortable for me because the service will be held in a very conservative Mennonite church. This is too close to the painful memories I have growing up in this kind of environment. But I am asking the Lord to help me forget about myself and think of the privilege I'll have to minister to our daughter and her family in their time of grief. 

Andy and I went hiking both yesterday and today. Yesterday was very pleasant, although gray and gloomy. But we like to be outside in those conditions. We went to the Rancocas State Park and hiked over four miles. We started out on the blue trail that goes along the Rancocas Creek (although it really looks more like a river at this point). We came to the yellow trail and I didn't remember having been on that one, so we took that to see where it would end up. It must have gone in a circle because after a while, I started seeing familiar stumps, trees, turns that we had seen before. And then somehow, we were back on the blue trail again. Andy was a good sport and seemed to be up to it yesterday. My legs were very tired by the time we got to the car - what a workout! But I got some good pictures!

The forecast today called for snow this afternoon, so we decided to see if we could beat it and get in a hike before the snow came. We went to Franklin Parker Preserve and got some more good pictures but the wind blowing across the water was stingingly cold, and we turned around after only walking a quarter of a mile. Well, we walked enough yesterday to last for several hikes!

There was no one at this park today except us. It was easy to understand why. And we didn't stay long either. But isn't there a certain beauty about the wildness of the place? 

And now it is snowing! So much for the first day of spring!

Is it Spring Yet?

Can you believe it??? On March 9th, the temperature got up in the 70's. It was sunny and warm...what's not to love about that? I decided there was no better time than NOW to work on the gardens. I hadn't thrown mulch down last year and it showed. Even with the cold winter weather, weeds were not deterred so I had my work cut out for me. I wanted to pull all the weeds, trim all the bushes, edge all the gardens because I hoped to hire our lawn service to put down mulch for us. Two years ago, we put down 5 yards of mulch - what a lot of work it was! 

Our lawn service had offered to give me a price on doing the mulch, and I decided I'd let him do it. But before he came, I wanted to make sure the gardens were ready. In my own opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to thrown down mulch over weeds...those weeds need to be pulled out first. Maybe that's my OCD kicking in...but that's how I feel I want my gardens done.

Not a bad picture for a shaky Parkinson's patient, right? Except that his shadow is in the picture!

I was just itching to be outside working in the warm weather. And I thought it would be good for Andy to be outside, too. We worked all yesterday morning. I admit that by lunch time, I was beat. My legs felt weak and shaky, and I thought I was done for the day. I edged the gardens and pulled weeds. Andy picked up sticks and bagged them, along with my piles of weeds.

We had our lunch and I sat in my "relaxin' chair." I didn't know if I'd be able to go back outside, but after an hour or so, I was infused with another bit of energy and motivation. Andy was a good sport and went back out with me, helping. We got a lot done. I was so excited. We finally quit with only one garden left.

We got all the gardens around the house, the 2 trees in the front yard, the garden at the street, the lilac garden and the rose of sharon garden done.

You know how Eric Liddel in the movie, Chariots of Fire, said he felt God's pleasure when he ran? Well, that's how I feel when I'm working in my gardens and anticipating the beauty to come. I feel God's pleasure working in the dirt, making beautiful gardens to delight in the rest of the year.

The only one left was around the shed. That had to be left for another day. 

I didn't think we were going to be able to work outside today because the forecast was calling for rain. But although it was overcast, the rain held off and we went back to work, finishing everything by 3:00. What a good feeling. 

It won't be long before the peonies will be blooming again! 

While I was sitting in my relaxin' chair yesterday, I texted our lawn guy and told him we were ready for the mulching. He said he would come on Wednesday and do the job! Yeah!  

Earlier in the week, Andy and I did fit in a hike. We really like the Black Run Preserve and Andy doesn't seem as excited about going far or doing new and different hikes any more. The Black Run Preserve has quite a few trails so there is plenty of variety, as well as a sense of being there before. I think we hiked about two and a half miles. That day was so spring-like, too, with lots of sun and warmth. It was great to be out in nature.

I was thinking Andy seemed a little more with it this week. But there is still lots of evidence that things aren't making sense to him. Yesterday, he asked me if mom and dad had plans to sell their house. That was an odd question since they sold their house 11 years ago and moved in with us. Then today he asked me if since I got a promotion at work, did that make a change in my responsibilities. Huh? I honestly don't know how to answer these off the wall questions. I think with the work question, I just said, no, I don't have any extra responsibilities. And he said, "that's good!" Sometimes, he'll ask me if I have a job. He's asked that several times. He also asks what I do. These questions seem so strange, since I've doing this job for 23 years now. It seems like he's losing his long term memory, as well as the short term.

I'm currently dividing my reading time between Your Father Loves You by J.I. Packer and Desiring God by John Piper. Both are good books to challenge our delight in God and find our pleasure in Him.

Here's a quote from Richard Baxter, a Puritan preacher: "May the living God, who is the portion and rest of the saints, make these our carnal minds so spiritual and our earthly hearts so heavenly, that loving him and delighting in him, may be the work of our lives." 

John Piper quoted J.I. Packer who quoted Baxter: "The hope of heaven brings us joy and joy gives us strength." I have to agree with Baxter and Nehemiah who said, "the joy of the Lord is my strength." It's draining to be sad and melancholy, but exhilarating to be happy in Jesus.

More quotes from Piper:

Worship is adoration. We adore what delights us. The quest for pleasure is not optional but demanded. - Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord."

God is delightful - Psalm 36:8: "They feast on the abundance of your house, you give them drink from your river of delights."

His goodness shines with brightest rays
When we delight in all his ways
His glory overflows its rim
When we are satisfied in him
His radiance will fill the earth
When people revel in his worth
The beauty of God's holy fire
Burns brightest in the heart's desire.

If our Father's heart is full of deep and unshakable happiness, we may be sure that when we seek our happiness in him, we will not find him out of sorts, frustrated, gloomy, irritable. He is a Father whose heart is so full of joy, it spills over onto all those who are thirsty.

Life was always intended as a journey into joy, and death is just a stage in that journey. To realize the meaning of death is to discover both life's meaning and hope's power.

God is giving me strength for what he's assigned to me. I'm grateful for his presence and the grace he liberally showers on me daily.

A Weekend Away

I tend to plan things well in advance so that it seems like my special weekend away will never get here. But it finally did.

I left Friday morning and drove to Christy's house where I read to Claire for a little while so that Christy could finish getting packed up and ready to go. Then we stopped to pick up a friend of Grace's and off we went. 

I felt pretty good about being prepared for making sure Andy was taken care of while I was gone. As it turned out, we both survived! I had a home health aide come to the house both Friday and Saturday afternoons, from 2:00 - 8:00 pm, just to make sure Andy took his medications at the right times and to keep him company. A friend, Jim, came and spent overnight at the house, then stayed Saturday morning for a while. While Jim was here, he did some handyman jobs, went on a walk with Andy, and took a drive to buy a new smoke detector (we had a defective one). I saw Jim this morning, and he said he had a really good time hanging out with Andy and is ready to do it again any time I need to get away. And he encouraged me to do it!

We took a little side trip to "Big Valley" in Mifflin County where my mother is currently staying in the Valley View Retirement Communities. Christy and Grace played for as many residents as were in the activity center.

After some music time, my mother took us on a tour of the facility, showing us all around, introducing us to all her friends and relatives. I knew a couple of people: my Aunt Anna Margaret, my mother's life-long friend Sallie, her cousin Rachel. But there were a lot of people that I never met before: some my mother met after she moved in and some she had known since she had been a little girl. 

We got to meet my grandmother's cousin, Mabel. Mabel is 98 years old and still mentally sharp. It was a pleasure to meet her and hear some stories about her younger days.

I was hoping to get a chance to see Barbie's Lounge while we were there and made sure we fit that in on our tour of the buildings. Barbie was my aunt, my dad's sister with Down's Syndrome. She was the resident who lived the longest in this facility, having been there for 33 years. When they built a new wing to the facility, they named two lounges for Barbie.

This is an amazing picture. Not only are we in Barbie's Lounge, but this is my mother with her oldest daughter, oldest granddaughter and oldest great granddaughter! 

It's a huge facility but everyone seems very happy to be there. All the staff were so pleasant, caring and free with hugs! My mother is having the time of her life there.

At dinner time, we drove over to Allensville and met my Aunt Sis at a buffet for our evening meal. Aunt Sis is my mother's younger sister and has always been special to me. She didn't get married or have her own children until later and since my mother had me when she was only 20, Aunt Sis doted on me and my sister (and still does). She couldn't leave me after dinner without giving me a hand made gift.

The whole day was a real treat...seeing my mother in her "new" place and meeting her friends, spending time with loved ones.

Then it was back in the car to head on over to State College. We had a nice hotel room that Christy had reserved. Grace and her friend spent some time in the pool.

On Saturday, the girls did some more swimming before getting ready for the competition and checking out of the hotel.

Grace practiced quite a bit with her trio partners. The pianist was only 13 and unbelievably good. I'm not sure how old the cellist was but all were less than 15. Saturday was actually Grace's 15th birthday, but she still qualified to play in the junior division. We heard them play their pieces a number of times as they practiced...and each time was so enjoyable.

Then at 2:15 pm, it was finally their turn. 

 
They played Piano Trio in C Major by Franz Joseph Haydn and Piano Trio Op. 159, No. 1 in C Major by Carl Reinecke. Both pieces were done well, and I was sorry when they were finished! There were 7 trios in the junior division and Grace's trio did not win. They were last on the program so we didn't hear the others perform but they were perfect in my book!

Another treat while we were at State College was to visit a cafe in town, The Sowers Harvest Cafe, owned by Ricky's cousin. Amy had suggested we visit there for our lunch, and we were so glad we did. Their food was outstanding. When we explained to the workers that we were related to Ricky, they introduced us to the owner when he arrived. We thoroughly enjoyed his friendliness, as well as that of all his staff. The food was so good that we decided to go back after the competition and get our supper there, too.
 

Bryant Martin and his wife and foster daughter - thanks, Amy, for your suggestion to try out their cafe.

Well, it's a long trip from State College to Christy's house, then another hour and 20 minutes to my house. I finally made it home, though, and was surprised to see that the aide was still here. Andy was in bed, all his medications had been taken, but the aide was waiting for a ride. I was glad I got the chance to meet him. Andy said he had a good time with him. He was gentle, calm and industrious.

It was such a treat to get away and spend some time with Christy and Grace, experiencing life girl time for 2 days with them. It was a little stressful getting it all planned in order to make sure Andy was taken care of while I was away, but it was so worth it.