I've been struggling with tears and the lump in my throat as
I think about these holidays without my dear Andy. Listening to Christmas songs
is not necessarily helpful, especially secular Christmas music. Songs with lyrics like:
"May your days be merry and bright
"Have a holly jolly Christmas...It's the best time of the
year"
"Have a happy holiday, everyone dancin' merrily"
references to mistletoe, good times, home for the holidays
"It's the most wonderful time of the year"
Then this morning, I heard Ryan Stevenson singing ThisChristmas Eve.
It's Christmas Eve
And nothing's under the tree
But I'm not blue
'Cause I've got you, and baby you've got me
And this holiday
We're gonna be okay
We ain't got much
But baby we've got us, and that's all we need
Ugh...This one was so sad to me. It's not ok because I don't
have my "baby." This did bring back memories though, because there
were many Christmases where we were too poor to get each other gifts, agreeing
to save our money for more of the necessities. The first four years of our
marriage were spent in seminary, each of us working several jobs to avoid
wracking up student debt.
I found a picture of our tree our first Christmas together.
Pretty pathetic, I know, but there's a story to go with it. Andy and a friend got a permit that cost $1 to go into the mountains near Portland and cut down their own tree. It was quite an adventure for the two guys because they had to trudge through deep snow; and the trees were growing on a mountain which made them asymmetrical. But I think Andy did pretty good in the end, and it was a tree to be proud of!
So in one sense, this is not the most wonderful time of the year, because
who enjoys sadness and struggling to keep from crying and being
reminded of happier past Christmases. But if we keep our focus on the
present, we are overcome with despair and depression because there is
so much to be sad about. However, in a conversation I had with someone
the other day, he encouraged me to remember the reason for the season!
It's not necessarily about family traditions, giving and receiving
gifts, lots of parties and fun times. If we focus on the real
meaning of Christmas, on the past, then yes, it is the most wonderful
time of the year. It is the greatest story ever told. It's what gives us
hope in the middle of hard times here. The Gift is the Giver! Amazing.
He willingly left the safety and splendor of heaven to live with us, to
become like us. Because he lived in our world, he understands the
heartache and suffering that we endure.
"He was a Man of Sorrows, familiar with grief." Isaiah 53:3
"Because He Himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18
I've been reading Ken Gire's book, Moments with the Savior.
He has a beautiful way of writing about special moments Jesus spent with people in his three years of ministry. I'll give two examples.
Mary Magdalene had been there when he suffered at the cross; now he is there when she is suffering at the empty tomb on Resurrection Morning. She had stood by him in his darkest hour (at the cross); now he is standing by her in hers. He had seen her tears; now he is there to wipe them away. In the triumph of the resurrection, Jesus could have paraded through the streets of Jerusalem. He could have knocked on Pilate's door. He could have confronted the Pharisees. But the first person our resurrected Lord appears to is a woman without hope. And the first words he speaks are: "Woman, why are you crying?" What a Savior we serve, or rather who serves us. For in his hour of greatest triumph, he doesn't shout his victory from the rooftops. he comes quietly to a woman who grieves...who desperately needs to hear his voice...see his face...and feel his embrace.
Or what about Peter? Can you imagine the guilt Peter felt after he denied his Lord? He must have spent every moment beating himself up, agonizing over his denial of Jesus. But Jesus is gentle and gracious, obviously forgiving Peter when they meet on the shore of the lake. He simply asks Peter: "Do you love me?" He asks three times, once for each denial. Not to rub it in, but to give Peter an opportunity to openly confess his love. Something Peter desperately needs to verbalize. By the third time Jesus asks him, Peter gets the connection, and a flame leaps from that smoldering memory. But Jesus is not there to inflict pain; he is there to relieve it. Jesus had seen his bitter tears when the rooster crowed. That was all he needed to see. That was repentance enough. Peter looks up, longing for the faintest glimmer of forgiveness. And in a language beyond words, in a language of love, it glows from the Savior's eyes. "Feed my sheep, Peter." Jesus' way of saying, "I still believe in you...I still think you're the right man for the job."
And I wrote down in my journal this morning: "Jesus is my friend. No matter how miserably I let him down, He's always there to pick me up. No matter how many times I fail Him, He is always there to forgive me. No matter how far I drift, He is always there, waiting for me to return...waiting with a comforting fire...warm food and a heart full of love."
There is great comfort in these truths. Simeon declared that Jesus was to be the consolation of Israel. (Luke 2:25) God longs to comfort his people who have suffered so much. Yes, a lot of their suffering was because of their willfulness and idolatry. But that doesn't negate God's love and compassion. Through Isaiah, he promises comfort for his people with the coming of the Lord.
"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins." (Isaiah 40:1-2)
"The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." (Isaiah 51:3)
"I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass..." (Isaiah 51:12)
"The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made." (Psalm 145:9)
It's because of the Baby in the manger and the reason he came that this is the most wonderful time of the year. This brings hope to our darkest and loneliest times.
