Mother's Day & Andy's Birthday

I realize I'm just a little late in posting about Mother's Day but a lot has happened in this last week.

I got a lot of attention from our girls.  Christy and her family sent me an arrangement of flowers that lasted well over a week.

Amy and her kids came down on Tuesday last week to spend some time with us.  Dawn and her 2 girls came over, as well.  Chase was the only boy playing with 3 girls, but he came prepared.  As he entered the house, I noticed he was dressed with a cape on his back and he carried a hockey stick (his sword) and a tupperware lid fashioned to be a shield.  He explained to me that he was the knight who was going to save the princesses.  That sounded pretty creative and they played well together.  Well, most of the time they did!  A little later, there were some screams coming from the play room as Chase bounded into the kitchen where we adults were.  When we asked him what was going on, he held up a hand full of play jewelry and explained that he was Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to give to the poor.  What a character!

Amy brought a top that she had crocheted for me.  It fit perfectly and I love it.

Dawn also gave me a Mother's Day gift - a coffee mug with her girls' pictures on it.  I proudly use it every day for my morning coffee.

 Andy got the short end of the stick, I think.  His birthday was Monday, the day after Mother's Day.  He got a couple of cards!  Actually, they were very nice cards from his daughters and a few friends.

I've been able to work outside in the gardens a little.  The weather has been so nice - I don't think I could stay inside if I wanted to.  I happened to see a beautiful lace cap hydrangea called "strawberries and cream" at Trader Joe's one day when I was there.  I couldn't resist.  I had to buy it. 

Several years ago I planted a yellow rhododendron bush.  I'm so happy it is blooming this year.

On Wednesday evening, Andy got the chills.  He'd been coughing quite a bit, then started complaining about his back and sides hurting.  We took his temperature, but that was normal.  On Thursday, he stayed home and in bed most of the day.  Friday morning, he did have a fever and wanted me to take him to Urgent Care.  We got there a little before 8:00.  The sign said they didn't open till 9:00 A.M.  So we went back home and called his doctor.  She wanted him to come right in, which we did.  Before we went, though, Andy decided to think through, then write down all his symptoms.  We talked it over together so we would be prepared when we were in the doctor's office. 

When he doesn't feel well, he is especially foggy and more easily confused.  The doctor asked him what was wrong and he couldn't remember so I had to tell her all the things he had been experiencing.  Andy had written things down but didn't look at his notes or remember what we had talked about.  It is so important that I accompany him whenever he sees the doctor.  Dr. J said that since he has a propensity to prostatitis, she would prescribe an antibiotic.  She listened to his lungs and they were clear.  I don't know why he was coughing and congested, and she didn't seem to think it necessary to go down that track. 

He spent the rest of the day on Friday at home in bed.  He didn't feel much better on Saturday or Sunday.  By Sunday afternoon, he decided to take his temp again and it was over 100 degrees.  So we went over to Urgent Care.  That doctor saw him, listened to his symptoms and what Dr. J had done, and sent us back home, basically telling us that we need to give the antibiotic a little more time to take effect.

It's been a long, slow process but I think he's finally on his way back up.  He's still coughing but he's looking a bit perkier.

No Wasted Experiences

Our pastor has frequently said that God doesn’t waste experiences.  I have lived long enough at this point, that I can acknowledge the wisdom of that statement.  

It is a little over 38 years ago that we gave birth to our little son who was still born.  Who can imagine a more devastating circumstance?  We suffered and sorrowed and wept, crying buckets of tears.  BUT…God was faithful and present through it all.  He comforted us through His great compassion and tender mercies.  His Word became precious to us as we struggled to survive and find joy in our deep distress.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5:  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

God has given us great empathy and understanding for others who lose a baby or child.  Recently a young woman in our church became pregnant after years of trying.  She was elated, so excited about the baby – believing God had answered their prayers.  But the ultrasound showed lots of abnormalities in the baby and doctors told her and her husband that if the baby lived the whole nine months, it probably would die as soon as it was born.  My heart went out to this precious couple.  Even though there are differences in our situation, there is enough of a similarity that I can feel her pain.

God gave me the privilege of sharing our story with her and how God met us with His compassion and tenderness even in our pain.  You see, our experience was not wasted.  It was a special honor to be able to minister to this young woman with the comfort which God had comforted me.

Another friend recently went house hunting.  She found the “perfect” one for her and made application.  However, imagine her horror when the credit report came back that her credit was shot.  She was shocked because she had no idea.  As she investigated this, she discovered that the money she sent her daughter for her college expenses was all spent by this daughter on traveling to exotic places around the world.  Her money was all gone, but not only that, she was in unbelievable debt – all brought on by her own daughter. 

I spoke to this woman on Sunday and she had a glowing testimony of how good God was in helping her to find a cheaper apartment in which to live.  She was so effusive in how much she loved God and how he was her “all in all.”  Wow!  God didn’t waste this horrific experience in her life, but used it to turn her eyes and heart to Him.

What we think is absolute horror and destruction often turns out to be of great benefit and opportunity for growth and maturity and deeper love and dependence on our great God.

And now Andy and I are facing a difficult disease.  I hope this experience is also not wasted.  I have learned, and continue to learn, that I am not in control of my life.  My life is in God’s hands.  Am I willing for Him to do with me as he wills?  That is the question.  Sometimes it takes a while to let go of my feeble clutching onto what I perceive is the good life and happy endings.  I struggle and chafe and spend too much time worrying and stressing.  But in the end, the only way to experience the peace of God is to open my hands and let Him do as He wills.  

I can trust God's authority over my life.  I certainly can do nothing to control what happens.  But I daily need His grace and enabling power to embrace what He brings.  

Flat Line

I've been feeling somewhat flat line lately - neither up nor down, just kind of blah.  Which, I suppose, I should be thankful that at least I'm not depressed, discouraged, defeated, despondent, disconsolate and really down.  (how do you like all those "d" words!)  And I am thankful.

I am very thankful that we finally have spring.  The forsythia bloomed a wall of yellow next to the neighbor's driveway.  The weeping cherry was quite pretentious with lots of light pink flowers, now the pink dogwood is showing off with a darker pink, and the red bud trees really outdid themselves this year.  The PJM's and creeping phlox are in full bloom and the lilies of the valley and lilacs are just starting to flower.

The grass is greening nicely with all the rain we've had.  In fact, there are still many puddles in the yard.  It's a good thing Andy mowed the lawn before all that rain because he wouldn't be able to do it now.  We got so much rain in that 2 day storm that it looked like our house was surrounded by a moat.  And we had, and still have, little rivers in our basement running toward the drains and sump pump.  Another funny thing about all the water around our house was that the neighbor's ducks were swimming in our back yard. 

We had 4 doctor appointments in the last 2 weeks.  Andy saw his neuropsychologist who prescribed another medication for him to take, as well as adding a patch.  The doctor said it "might" help with memory.  He also saw his urologist and that visit went well.  He seems to be much better as a result of the surgery he had last June.  The other 2 doctor visits were for me.  I had a consultation with an internist for a colonoscopy my doctor wants me to have.  (Ugh!)  And I also had an eye doctor appointment.  Because of so much family history of glaucoma, my ophthalmologist is trying to be very vigilant.  She says that so far, I have very healthy eyes, optic nerve, etc. but to be on the safe side, she wants me to have a special test at a different office.  That has been scheduled for another time.  This coming Tuesday, Andy has another appointment with the psychiatrist.  How would all these doctors make a living if it weren't for the 2 of us???

It has been difficult to know how to answer people who ask how we're doing.  I appreciate everyone's concern, but there really is no answer, except maybe:  "some days are good, some days are bad."  I was thinking Andy was doing pretty well physically.  He was exercising with me and trying to walk more.  But in the last week or so, he hasn't been doing as well in that area.  He is often tired and doesn't seem to have much energy.  He tries to keep busy and not just "veg out."  I attempt to think up projects for him to do.  Last Tuesday, he spent the whole day in his workshop cleaning up his tools and getting them ready to sell.  I think he really enjoyed that - working with his tools.  A couple of weeks ago, he was helping with yard work.  Then today, he removed the canvas from the swing set.  It was getting quite ragged.  I asked him if he thought he could design and figure out materials he might need to construct a roof for the swing set.  He thought he could but that remains to be seen.

At dinner tonight, he told me he rarely knows what day it is.  I told him I didn't mind if he asked me, I'd tell him if he needed to know.  His memory doesn't seem to be very good, I'm sorry to say, at least not the short term memory.

One thing that I am really enjoying about his condition is that we are spending lots of time together.  He always goes with me on my errands now.  If I'm making a number of stops, he'll take along a magazine or his audible book and stay in the car.  But if I'm grocery shopping, he will go in with me and push the cart while I read my list and get what we need.  Sometimes he'll pack the groceries in the bags at the check out line - if he thinks about it.  I really appreciate having his muscles to bring in the groceries when we get back home. 

I have been reading another book to keep my thoughts from going too far in the wrong direction.  This one is by Brennan Manning, Abba's Child. 

I need to digest what I'm reading a little more before I review it.  Suffice it to say, it is a great blessing to belong to a Father who loves me unconditionally.  And His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness.  (2 Peter 1:3).  This verse is always such a comfort to me.  A paragraph of what I just finished reading:  "Were we forced to rely on our own shabby resources we would be pitiful people indeed.  But the awareness of Christ's present risenness persuades us that we are buoyed up and carried on by a life greater than our own.  Hope means that in Christ, by entrusting ourselves to Him, we can courageously face evil, accept our own need for further conversion, the lovelessness of others, and the whole legacy of sin in the world around us and in our own heritage.  We can then face death just as we can face life and the mammoth task before us, which Paul described as 'putting to death our selfish desires'."