God's Gracious Hand

When Ezra led the exiles from captivity back to the land of Israel, he recognized God's leading in all their work as they rebuilt the temple and their homes. I want my own eyes to be open to the gracious hand of God providing in various instances.

He not only provides our needs, he also gives generously in things we prefer. Several months ago, an older lady at church (I say she's older, but truthfully, she's probably only a few years older than I am!) slipped into my hand a $50 gift card to Shop Rite as she was talking to me. Then at Easter we received a $100 gift card to Shop Rite from the older singles group that we had led several years ago. I used up the last few dollars on the card and I was talking to the Lord about it. I was perfectly content to not receive another card because I was using it to buy my favorite coffee creamer and Moose Tracks ice cream (luxuries!), but...

And here it is. God graciously and generously provided another $50 gift card to Shop Rite. The original older woman slipped it into my hand last Sunday while talking to us at church. He not only provides our needs, he also loves to give us all good things for our enjoyment. We're his beloved children.

For some time, we had been wanting to go hiking with our friends who are home from Bangladesh. We had to cancel a couple of weeks ago when Andy got sick, so rescheduled for this past Tuesday. Unfortunately, it was "wickedly" hot and humid. But we went anyway. Also unfortunately, the bugs were extremely annoying. We had to keep fanning and swatting near our faces to keep them away.

We went to the Rancocas State Park. H and S had never been there. The last time Andy and I had been there, it had been early spring before any trees had their leaves. This time, it looked so different. It was a good 3.2 mile hike and although, it was enjoyable to be out in nature, we were all glad to get back to the car and air conditioning.

The tide was in and the Rancocas "Creek" was delightful.

I was surprised to see trumpet vine flowers out there in the middle of the forest.

God's gracious hand has given us many friends and it was a blessing to spend time with them out in his beautiful world.

That evening, Andy and I were in our living room, when all of a sudden, his mom and dad rushed in and said they had announced on tv that a tornado was coming our way. They insisted that we all go the basement right away. So down we went. Dad had his camping lantern along, we got out the folding chairs and sat in the basement feeling very safe. We couldn't hear anything down there except an occasional thunderclap. My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I ventured upstairs to see what was going on out there. It was quite a storm with almost constant lightning and thunder. The wind was reported at 75 mph and it certainly was whipping the trees around. But again, the gracious hand of our God protected us from harm. We didn't even lose power, although homes less than a mile away did. We had some big branches come down, but they hit the ground and not the house or did any damage to our property.

Wires came down in the street in front of our house. They must have been cable wires because we didn't lose anything (phone, internet or electricity). Traffic was going gingerly by until the fire company came and moved the wires off the street.

The next morning dawned bright and clear. The humidity was relieved but there was a lot of storm damage for people to clean up.

  

The Lord also graciously provided a friend who offered to bring his chain saw and cut up the fallen branches. He not only cut them up, but loaded them on his truck and took them away, too.

On Wednesday, a couple took us out to lunch. While out with them, they told us that the seniors at church had taken up a collection for us. The amount:  $700!  Wow! The gracious hand of our God!

 I started reading a new book:  Second Forgetting. It is a book "remembering the power of the gospel during Alzheimer's Disease."



The book was recommended at the bottom of an article I read by John Piper after Elizabeth Elliot's death. I ordered the book and am really enjoying it. It is insightful, helpful and offers hope for those suffering from Alzheimer's as well as the caregivers of those suffering from this disease. I can't recommend it highly enough. He offers helpful up-to-date information on the disease, but what I like most and am blessed by is his encouragement that though we forget God, he never forgets us.

He says on page 54:  "No matter what happens to you, God cannot and will not forget you. Remember this for your own comfort, but know that if you forget to remember, he will not."

On another page, he says:  "Our hope comes from a God who is stronger than Alzheimer's.  When we face the confusion and uncertainty of this disease, God calls us to remember him, and in his grace he provides us the ability to do so."

I was so ministered to by his quote of Randy Alcorn in A Prayer of Weariness. Every time I see Randy Alcorn's name, my interest is piqued because he and Andy were at seminary together. Randy was a year or two ahead of Andy, but it's still significant, right?! They rubbed shoulders and had several classes together.

The words to this prayer say it all for me.

A Prayer of Weariness
                 by Randy Alcorn

I AM WEARY, Lord… bone tired.
Weary to the point of tears, and past them.
Your Word says you never grow weary;
But I know you understand weariness
Because once you drug a heavy cross
            up a long lonely hill.
Many times you had nowhere to lay your head—
And people who needed you pressed upon you
            by day and by night.
My reservoir is depleted, almost dry.
For longer than I can remember I’ve been
            Dredging from its sludgy underside
Giving myself and my loved ones the leftovers
            Of a life occupied with endless tasks.
The elastic of my life is so stretched out of shape
            that it doesn’t snap back anymore.
Just once I’d like to say “It is finished,” like you did.
But you said it just before you died.
I guess my job won’t be over till my life is
            and that’s OK Lord,
            if you’ll just give me strength to live it.
Deliver me from this limbo of half-life;
            Not just surviving, but thriving.
You who know all, You who know me
            Far better than I know myself—
Deposit to my account that as I spend myself
            There may be always more to draw from.
Give me strength
            To rest without guilt…
                        To run without frenzy…
                                    To soar like an eagle
Over the broad breathless canyons of the life
you still have for me both here and beyond.

---

This poem was originally published in 1986 in Women Under Stress by Randy and Nanci Alcorn. The thoroughly revised and updated Help For Women Under Stress, released in March 2013, is available exclusively from EPM.
This article originally appeared in the Winter 2011 issue of EPM's quarterly newsletter Eternal Perspectives.

Read more: http://www.epm.org/resources/2010/Dec/22/prayer-weariness/#ixzz3eNoCPHfs

So even when it seems I have nothing more to give, God continues to graciously provide for me and my needs. He gives me strength when I am weak and helps me go on when I think I'm at the end.

Yes, I can attest that the gracious hand of our God is upon me.

A Ray of Sunshine!

After the emotional trauma of Andy's illness last week, this week was a lot more enjoyable.  Amy came down Monday afternoon with her kiddos, visited a little before taking off and leaving Chase with us for an overnight stay.

His birthday was the 20th and he is now 9 years old. How time flies. What a treasure he is and we had a very good time loving on him. He is such an interesting little boy. He loves playing army with his little soldier men. He and Andy did some shooting at a target they made.

  
He also is quite a talker and carries on a good conversation including many details. So he was a little ray of sunshine in our week. 

We watched some videos, had barbeque chicken pizza for dinner with ice cream for dessert. We slept upstairs in the attic room, but first we had to read Uncle Remus stories before turning out the light.

On Tuesday, we watched another couple of movies, then went over to the church and played in the gym for a while. 

After lunch we took him to the USS Battleship New Jersey. We had taken Aiden there several years ago so I knew what to expect. I had a feeling Chase would really enjoy exploring the ship.

The ship is unbelievably huge as you can see by how dwarfed Chase is in front of these giant guns! 

We had a bit of an adventure. At one point, I looked behind me and didn't see Andy. Chase and I backtracked for a while and couldn't find him. We turned around and did some searching but came up empty. Finally, we turned a corner and met a family who asked if we were looking for a "man." They said he had gone up ahead. I could see him on a lower deck so off we went to catch up with him. I think we had been going too fast, sometimes he lags behind. But it turned out okay. We were still on the ship so there was the likelihood that sooner or later, we'd meet up again. 

From the ship, we drove Chase back home to Lancaster County. We had a wonderful visit with Amy and family, she fed us a delicious dinner that ended with strawberry pie! Yummy!

I felt good the rest of the week. It helped that Andy is feeling well again and back to "normal."

Today is Father's Day. Andy has been a wonderful dad to our own three daughters, and we are grateful they all married well with 3 sons-in-law who are also wonderful dads to their own children.

How Long?

When Andy was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, I told a friend I was glad I would have more years with him. In my mind it was better than a quick death as in a sudden heart attack.

 

 
Actually, neither way is a good way to go. In either case, you're facing the death of a loved one. Sudden or drawn out is still painful. I read an article that labeled Alzheimer's as the "long good-bye." There are quite a number of articles you can check out on google written by people who've experienced loved ones with Alzheimer's.

In my own case, I confess I'm at a loss as to how to interact with Andy. I have found that if I talk to him about something, the conversation often takes twists and turns that end up in frustration on my part and confusion on his. If he overhears a conversation I have with someone else, he will mull over in his mind what he heard, which was one-sided, and distort it into a big problem. It is a reflection of who he is, though. He was always thinking of ways to provide for me, take care of my future and love on me. But it's so different now because his thinking is muddled and often doesn't make sense.

This week was a rough one because he came down with another of his infections. He told me on Tuesday he thought he was getting a sore throat. We canceled plans we had to go hiking with friends and just took it easy on my day off. Wednesday morning, though, he was sure he had a urinary tract infection. (I really don't know how the sore throat came into play.)

So early Wednesday morning, I called the doctor's office to let them know of the situation. I didn't get to speak to a person because they were "experiencing an abnormally heavy volume of calls," so I left a message. The message I received said I would be called back within an hour. But that didn't happen. Three to four hours later, I was called back by a live person and was able to explain the situation. The nurse said she would consult with the doctor and call me back. So more waiting...when she called back, I was told the doctor wanted me to call Andy's urologist. 

Of course, when I called the urologist, I didn't get to speak to a live person - again because of the abnormally heavy volume of calls. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait as long this time for the return call although after I explained the problem, she said she would call me back. After she consulted with the doctor, I was told to go to the lab and have Andy give a urine sample. So off we went to the lab. 

I drove to where we have gone for all our lab work, but the lab wasn't there. It was an empty shell of a building. I drove around the parking lot for a while, checking out all the buildings in that vicinity, thinking maybe I was confused. Oh no, maybe I was now coming down with a memory issue. But I was finally convinced I was at the right spot, so google came to my rescue and gave me a new address for the lab. You'd think they would at least have a notice on their door saying they had moved and where to!

When we got to the lab, we were told Andy couldn't leave a sample without a script from the doctor. Apparently, the doctor hadn't followed through. So I had to call the urologist again, and again didn't get a live person. I left my message, but by that time, it was 2:30 in the afternoon (all this had taken all day) and the lab closed at 3:00. So home we went without being taken care of.

Fortunately, Thursday was a lot different. I called the urologist first thing and told them again what I needed and said my husband was really sick and I needed them to respond as soon as possible. And they did. I took Andy to the lab, the script was there, he left his urine sample. Then we stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the prescription that the doctor had called in. So hopefully, the healing could begin. 

Andy did not go in to the office with me all week. He spent the days in bed or just resting. By Saturday, after two days on antibiotics, he was finally starting to perk up. He had a sparkle in his eyes again and he was teasing me. He is still tiring quickly and easily, though. Going to church this morning wore him out and he is napping now.

Recently, I've re-read A Place of Healing by Joni Eareckson Tada and read for the first time, Psalms by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

          
Joni understands suffering and gives some wonderful insights into God's plan and purposes for suffering. Because of reading again this helpful book, I was reminded of how David in the psalms often cries out to God in his pain. He is brutally honest about his anguish. Then as I was reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer, he says it's not just David who prays the psalms. Jesus also prays them. And now that we belong to Jesus, we also pray these psalms. 

This idea intrigued me. Joni talked about how long she had been paralyzed, then was amazed to read how Jesus told the paralyzed man at the pool of Siloam that 38 years is a long time. This was the exact amount of time Joni herself had been paralyzed.

Isn't it amazing to think that the God of eternity could subject himself to time and consider a number of years to be a long time!

So here are some psalms that speak to the agony we face when we are in difficult circumstances:

Psalm 6:3 - "My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?"

Psalm 13:1 - 2 - "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?

Psalm 35:17 - "O Lord, how long will you look on? Rescue my life from [these] ravages, my precious life from these lions."

Psalm 90:13 - "Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants."

It's a great comfort to know that Jesus prayed these prayers, too. Even though his life was comparatively short, having only lived to the age of 33, he experienced unspeakable suffering. Not only did he experience physical torment, but he also went through emotional, spiritual and every other kind of hardship.

Matthew, Mark and Luke all record Jesus rebuking his disciples and asking them how long he would have to put up with them and their unbelief. (Matthew 17:17, Mark 9:19 and Luke 9:41). Then in John 14 when Philip asks Jesus to show them the Father, Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time?" So in this case, Jesus considers 3 years a long time. 

Somehow, this is comforting to me. It makes me think that God does not take our suffering lightly. It's true that he says in 2 Corinthians that our troubles are "light and momentary." But that's because he is comparing them to eternity. In the here and now, they are a big deal, and he bears them with us. 

It's so humbling to take notice of God's obvious care of me. Several times this week in separate instances, different people told me they were praying for us and they said they prayed every day. And then God reminded me of the Scripture that says Jesus prays to the Father every day for us, and so does the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26 & 27, Hebrews 7:25). This is a great comfort because what I'm going through is too much for me. I can't do this in my own strength. I feel so weak and inadequate for what He is asking me to do. But I'm not on my own, He is always with me, giving me everything I need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) - to God be the glory!

Music is a Gift

St. Augustine is credited as having said, "He who sings prays twice." Music certainly helps to lift my spirits and set my thoughts and heart on the right focus. I am always so uplifted from singing on Sunday mornings with fellow worshipers.

This morning was no exception. I was especially ministered to by the song, Complete.

Complete by Andrew Ulugia

Here I am, O God, I bring this sacrifice,
My open heart, I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord,
Your love that never ends
Restores me again.
Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You, Lord,
In Your strength will I break through, Lord.
Touch me now,
Let Your love fall down on me.
I know Your love dispels all my fears.
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord,
And by faith I will walk on, Lord.
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day,
And I will be complete in You.

Thinking about the love of God really does restore me, gives me the strength to continue on this journey that He's called me to.

The last two days have been absolutely gorgeous spring days. I took the effort to spray jeans and sneakers with permethrin and I'm really glad I did. Both days we went to parks we'd been to before but they seemed new and more interesting because this time there were leaves on the trees. They seemed like new parks. 

Boundary Creek Park

 

 It looks like we're walking through a green tunnel!

The first thing I noticed yesterday was the sweetness of the air. mmm-mmm. There were all kinds of flowers blooming everywhere and then I saw the honeysuckle. That is what made the air smell so good.

 

 

Today we revisited a favorite not far from our house. 

Long Bridge Park

more honeysuckle

Well, so much for my theory of using bug spray to repel the ticks. I just found one on me. Ugh!

But there just is no comparison to the difference between the gray, gloomy hikes in wintertime to the glorious green of spring. Not only did the air smell so sweet with a cool gentle breeze, but the birds were singing and trilling for our listening enjoyment.

Pastor's message this morning was titled:  Courageous Living in Turbulent Times. He is starting a new series on the book of Daniel. I like the title and have decided that I need to live courageously in my own difficult times. 300 times in the Bible, God commands us/people to not be afraid. And he always couples the encouragement with the promise that he is with us. He will never leave us or forsake us but is with us every step of the way. His presence presumes and assures his grace and enablement to endure with strength and courage.

Job 35:10..."God my Maker, who gives songs in the night..." 

He has given me a reason to sing. 

Nehemiah 8:10..."The joy of the Lord is my strength."

 Psalm 89:1 ... "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."