40 years

It's been 40 years...

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...we've hit them all - but still together and still in love!

We wrote our own vows to each other:

Andy

Phyllis, it is my desire, with God’s help, to love you and to seek your best interests above my own, to love you even to the extent that Christ loved His church and was willing to sacrifice Himself for her.

I promise to be strong in the Lord, handling the responsibilities of being the leader of our home; and yet, to be gentle enough to care for your deepest needs.  Being the leader of our home, it is my desire, to develop oneness in every area of our lives together, not to be unreasonable or overbearing, but considerate and self-sacrificing in directing the affairs of our home.

Our marriage involves the whole of both of our beings - body, soul and spirit, and by God’s grace, I promise to strive for our unity in these three areas, making Christ the center of our lives, joint-heirs of the grace of life.

Phyllis

Andy, I love you…and I promise, that by God’s help, I will always love you in every circumstance of our life together.  It is my prayer that my love for you will continually grow deeper and become more meaningful each day of our lives; that I will give self-sacrificially of myself to you, that I will be more concerned for your welfare than for my own, and that I will be totally committed to pleasing you.

I consider it a privilege that God has chosen me to be your wife - to share the joys and sorrows of life with you.  I promise to do my best to be a comfort to you during the difficulties and to rejoice with you during the good times.  I promise to confide in you and share myself with you.  I will not only speak, but I will also listen with love and respect to what you have to say.  I want to be a loving and understanding wife and to fulfill the needs you have as a man and as a person.

My goal and objective as your wife is to follow God’s standard for marriage - that of being in submission to you as the leader of our home.  I promise to encourage and support you in the decisions you make, to be faithful to you as long as we live and to be honest with you.

Andy, before God and these witnesses, I give myself to you so that together we may serve God and others.

Andy was and is a wonderful example to me of a godly husband.  In fact, I once had a woman ask me what I thought of a guy she was dating.  She was on the fence about continuing the relationship, so I asked her:  does he treat you the way Andy treats me?  She confessed he did not, and she ended the relationship.  Andy always treats me with gentleness, kindness, care and love, encouraging me to use my gifts and abilities, and when I do, praising me and acting like I'm the best there ever was!

Our marriage isn't perfect, by any definition, because we are imperfect people, but we consider ourselves blessed to enjoy the life God has given us.

That's What Friends are For

I usually like to have our Christmas tree up on Thanksgiving weekend, as early as possibly in order to enjoy the beauty of the lights and decorations.  But since the girls have all been married, it's been harder to be motivated to get it up.  With the kids around, it's more fun to decorate, having the company to do it together.  And this year, I was even less motivated because I wasn't sure if it was going to be an ordeal for Andy.  We have an artificial tree that needs to be put together and I didn't want it to be an exercise in frustration for him.

Well, my good friend, R. offered to come down on Sunday afternoon and help us put it up.  When I mentioned that to Andy, he immediately went to the basement and brought up the tree and put it together.  He got it together, we arranged the branches, but then between the two of us, we couldn't figure out why there was only one strand of lights that worked.  We tried different things, and I wanted to give up and wait for R to help us figure it out, but he didn't quit.  I finally found a missing cord, we plugged it in and voila!  The tree was lit.  When R arrived, she helped me decorate and we enjoyed the afternoon together.

It's my angel tree...all kinds of different angel ornaments and my friend, R was an angel to help us.

Usually, our Christmas day is spent by ourselves because all our kids are married with families of their own.  We do different things together, one year riding down to Ocean City with our bikes to ride the boardwalk.  It was a beautiful spring-like day and we made lovely memories riding on the boardwalk on Christmas Day.

This year, though, we just didn't want to spend it alone, so making sure the girls were ok with our idea, we decided to go visit each of them.  Since Dawn lives in NJ, close by, we went and visited her on Christmas Eve - day time.  We got to see the work they had done on their house recently and spend some time playing with Kira.  Kira had been moved into a new room with nice new decorations - Pink-a-licious Princess room!

On Christmas Day we drove over to the Lindsays and had a delicious turkey dinner with Christy and family.

After visiting with them, we drove on over to see Amy and her family.  Katy had just been wakened from a nap and not too excited about having her picture taken.  But hey!  We're into reality, right?  Tell it like it is.  Don't sugar coat it.

It was a delightful day, seeing all the kids, enjoying the blessing of family.  God is good.

Fellowship of His Sufferings

Fight or flight - 2 ways people have of coping with difficulties.  Some people hear bad news and dig in their heels and go all out to find ways to make it better or fix it.  Other people give in or deny reality or try to run away from the truth.

As people have heard of what we're dealing with, some have tried to suggest alternative solutions:  Did you try this doctor?  What about these symptoms?  Maybe you don't really have Alzheimer's, maybe it's something else. Did you try these foods, mind exercises, etc. etc.  I really believe that people are trying to be helpful and are very well meaning in their advice.  However, what they don't know is that Andy and I are both very satisfied with our doctors' prognosis.  We have spent months and many agonizing moments attempting to discern God's direction and believe He has led us and brought us to this point.

I believe there is a third way to cope with difficulty - the way of faith (another "f" !).  Trusting God in our circumstances, believing He is in control and orchestrating events and situations for our growth and His glory.

A phrase I've been thinking of lately is:  "the fellowship of His sufferings."  I was wondering what the context was and decided to see if Andy could remember where that was found.  When I asked him, he was able to tell me it was in Philippians, but couldn't remember the chapter.  So here it is, Philippians 3:10:  "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death..."  Wow!  Knowing Christ includes sharing in His sufferings.  And I do want to know Him.  How did Jesus respond to suffering?  He did not open His mouth, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.  (1 Peter 2:23)  Granted, the suffering Peter is talking about is to encourage Christians who were suffering for their faith.  But I think it can apply to all suffering.  Jesus was not a fight or flight kind of guy, but He trusted His Father's wise and perfect plan.

So as we live with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, we want to trust that God knows what He is doing.  We are comforted by His Word that promises that this is only a "light and momentary trouble," and is "achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs [all these troubles]." (2 Corinthians 4:17)

We are not fighting or fleeing, but are by God's grace and enablement, attempting to live the life of faith.  Fixing our eyes on Jesus, seeing Him who is invisible - this is our hope and the anchor for our souls, firm and secure.

I confess I have my moments of tears and exhaustion, grieving our own kind of loss.  But even in those difficult moments (sometime very long moments!), God's Word is so comforting and sustaining:  In my weakness, He is strong; His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10); nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39).  He is enough, He is more than enough.

We were able to spend some time with some of the kids and grandkids this past weekend.  Dawn graduated with her second Masters degree on Saturday morning.  Andy and I drove over to Cairn University to be part of that special time with her.

 

And on Sunday, Amy and Ricky came down with the kids to spend the afternoon with us, then go through the Nativity.  They had originally planned to go to church with us, but it had rained overnight and frozen in their driveway, so they had a tough job digging out and didn't get down till mid-afternoon.  We don't see them as often so it was fun having them here and it's obvious the kids love being here, too.

 

Don't you just love all those happy faces!

Change of Plans & Snow

We had thought we would be over at the U of Penn today for research and testing on Andy's Parkinson's but I got a call on Friday afternoon saying that the machine used in the testing was broken.  A part for the machine was on order but they didn't know how soon it would be fixed.  But we can still do the testing later after the holidays if we're still interested.

I was actually glad to have a day to stay home.  It was snowing and traffic into Philadelphia would probably have been enough to give me a few more gray hairs.  So Andy and I did a couple of errands, staying close to home.  Then I did a little cleaning and Andy organized his tools.  They were a mess, strewn around the garage.  It was a good accomplishment for him, giving him something to do.  He needs to keep busy but it seems he can't think of things himself.  And I'm not sure what to tell him to do because I don't want to give him anything too hard that might cause frustration.  Or if he starts something, will he be able to complete it? He needed a little encouragement to finish this job and he was tired out by the time he was done, but he did it!

This afternoon, Tommy and Kira went sledding, dropping Dawn by to stay with us while they were gone.  That was a pleasant turn of events!  It was fun having her here, giving advice on Andy's tool organizing and telling me how to improve on my meal prep!  Seriously, I learn a lot from my daughters.  I have my way of doing things, but now that they have been homemakers themselves for a number of years, they've picked up new and improved ways of doing things.  I'm really glad they feel free to show me better ways.  I'm also very happy to be able to have the free give and take with our girls.

Tommy and Kira came back eventually and we got some Grammy and PopPop hugs and kisses from our favorite 4 year old.

We got a lot of snow on Sunday which was a big surprise.  The forecast had been for just snow showers but turned out to be about 8 inches.  It was beautiful coating everything with white.  Our upstairs tenants shoveled the driveway for us and had a lot of fun doing it.

We got more snow this morning but by afternoon, the sun came out. 

This was the best kind of snow today...making everything beautiful but melting on the roads.  I wonder if this is a sign that we're getting a lot of snow this winter.  We still have a week and a half before it's officially winter.  Well, what will be will be!

Thanksgiving 2013

The food we eat is important to our over all health.  Right?  Andy and I have always tried to eat sensibly.  We stay away from the SAD (Sad American Diet) consisting of processed "dead" foods and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.  We've done so because Andy's had issues with his health for most of our married life.  Now that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, we've had several people tell us that coconut oil is good for those diseases.  I'm not very good at understanding the science behind all this, but I do wonder about the effectiveness of all the expensive drugs that are out there to treat all the diseases we have.  For one thing, there are so many side effects to any drug you take.  For another, they are extremely expensive and are advertised and pushed by the drug companies who stand to make a profit on what they sell.  There is a lot more written on this subject than I care to go into or even pretend to understand.  However, when we heard about the coconut oil helping people with Alzheimer's, we thought:  "what do we have to lose?"

So I bought some and have been experimenting with it in my cooking and baking.  I've been told it can replace regular oil and butter and shortening and it's so much better for you.  I jokingly call the coconut tree the "tree of life."

On Thanksgiving Day, Andy and I went over to Pa. to Andy's brother's for dinner.  I had been assigned to make a cherry pie and decided to experiment using coconut oil to replace the shortening in the crust.  It was easy to work with and, surprisingly, tasted like my usual cherry pie.

I even used coconut oil in place of butter in the crumbs.  It was irresistible.  So now we are healthier than ever!

Our girls and their families came down to our house the day after Thanksgiving since they spend the actual holiday with their in-laws.  We had lunch together.  Amy had made a big pot of chicken, bacon, rice soup.  Christy brought home made rolls.  I made a salad and Dawn made the dessert.  Oh, yes, I also made another cherry pie.

After lunch, we took a hike at a nearby park.  This is a holiday tradition for us.  This one was a little more memorable because one of the kids took off through the woods and stepped into a big puddle.  This made her socks and boots all muddy and her feet were soaked and cold which made her inconsolable.  After trying numerous solutions that met with failure and continued tears, we called it a day and went back home.  I think all the partying the day before had worn the little ones out and it was harder to "go with the flow," although I admit having cold wet feet is just cause for angst.

On Sunday evening, our FOCUS family (older singles group from church that we had led for a number of years) put on a dinner for Andy and me.  They really did it up nicely, with a program and special things to honor Andy and me.  We got a lot of attention and were treated royally.

 

No, I didn't eat the cake...I just did the silly pose. After all, I doubt it had been made with coconut oil.

After the dinner, there was a program where our "kids" came before us and "presented" us with words of tribute for what we meant to them.

Some of the things that were written on the signs were

1.  You taught me that nothing separates us from God's love.

2.  By purity, knowledge, long suffering, kindness by the Holy Spirit, our sincere love...you are loved.

3.  You have helped me in many ways and touched my heart.

4.  You are my friend (this was written by a 7 year old boy).

5.  You have the patience of a saint.

6.  You are a comforting voice when the storms of life are raging.

7.  Time and again, you've chosen to listen, THEN give good counsel.

8.  Thank you for your fruit of the Spirit - gentleness

9.  Thank you for being like a second father.

10.  Through you I received great comfort and assurance.

11.  We have a strange and wonderful relationship with you.  We're strange and you're wonderful.

12.  You are a great example to me of great ability coupled with great humility.

13.  You have the gifts of teaching and hospitality.

14.  You opened my eyes and helped me to trust God.

It was an emotionally touching evening with these dear people.  We love every one of them dearly.  They won their way into our hearts and we greatly value their friendship.  It was so good of God to bless us with this ministry.

The rest of the week has been busy.  But I have another story to tell of God's care and attention to the details of our lives.  Over the weekend, I kept telling Andy that I wanted the outside Christmas lights put up.  I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea.  He especially didn't want to get up on the ladder to put the icicle lights on the eaves.  I didn't blame him since he's somewhat unsteady on his feet, let alone up a ladder.  But like a dripping faucet, I kept reminding him that I wanted it done.  In fact, on Monday morning, I asked him to check the web for what the weather was going to be like on Tuesday.  He reported that it was going to be mild.  So I reminded him that it would be a great day to put up the Christmas lights.  He didn't comment, so I knew he really didn't want to do it.

Mid morning on Monday, I got a text from M who said J had been talking to her about how nice our house always looks at Christmas time with the lights and could they help us put them up for us.  Wow! Several calls and texts were exchanged, then it was all arranged that M, J & her husband M would show up on Tuesday at 11:00 to put up our lights.  And they did!  We had so much fun doing it together.  Even Andy got into the fun of it.  Of course, he didn't have to go up the ladder, he just stood at the bottom giving direction and encouragement.  

Now all we need is some snow and we're ready for Christmas!

Actually, I'm hoping we don't get much snow this year.  I'm happy enough to enjoy it through pictures of years ago.

Andy is actually doing pretty well these days.  We are scheduled to go to U of Penn on Tuesday for some research/testing on the Parkinson's.  It will be an all day affair but sounds pretty exciting.  I don't think I'll be involved, but plan to take my Kindle for reading and playing my games.  They're going to give us valet parking and a ticket for our meals for the day.  Even though Andy is still forgetful and at times, confused, he is still Andy.  He is still gentle, good, kind, loving, caring and comes out with some good and funny one-liners at the appropriate moments.  

We continue to enjoy the moments God gives us and try not to worry about the future.  Many people are praying for us for which we are extremely grateful.  He is answering all those prayers.