It's difficult, though, to change your focus when you've been brought up in a legalistic home and church. In fact, it takes a life time of walking with the Lord and experiencing His faithfulness, and even then I don't think we'll ever know in this life the magnitude and significance of the grace of God.
Conditional love based on how I perform does not motivate. In fact, it leads to discouragement and a defeatist attitude. I may obey the law outwardly but still do it grudgingly, dragging the feet of my heart. And yes, I'm speaking from experience! Jesus said he came to set us free, and if He sets us free, we are free indeed. His salvation is a free gift...nothing I can do or ever did can earn it. He kept the law perfectly, then died in my place. I'm in awe of so great salvation.
In these days, I feel a great need to constantly be encouraged by the Lord. I'm grateful for books and friends who point me in that direction. There's not much change in Andy's condition right now. He continues to exercise with me every morning and tries to get outside for hiking and walking. So physically he is doing well. He tries to work around the house and church, but often gets confused and can't remember how to finish what he started. He'll write things down on a list, but later when he looks at the list, he can't remember why he wrote down what he did. There are some things he can still do. He will read the World Magazine from cover to cover. He is still very interested in politics and checks out his favorite news blog every day. He also is still pretty good at his Solitaire game on the computer. I keep checking on his statistics - currently he's at 94%; 16 wins, 1 loss. That's better than if I were playing!
On Tuesday, Andy got a call on his cell phone. I didn't pay much attention, being in another room, but when he got off the phone, I asked him who called. He said the doctor's office called to change an appointment he had in April. I asked him which doctor (because there are 2 different doctor appointments in April) and he couldn't remember. So I guessed the one and he said he thought that was the one. So I deleted that one from my calendar and went to add it to the revised date. But in doing that it didn't make sense to me because they were changing the date from a Tuesday morning to a Wednesday afternoon. The other doctor appointment had been on a Wednesday afternoon, so I questioned him if he was sure it was the doctor I had suggested to him. He had to admit he didn't know. So I called both doctors, got the correct date and time, then let those offices know they needed to have my phone number as their primary number.
I also had to call Verizon the other evening because we had no dial tones on our house phones or wireless internet. That is the kind of experience Andy used to take care of. He was always so patient in those situations and a lot more technologically savvy that I. But I had to do it this time. The person who took my call had an accent, making it difficult to understand him, but I (and he) persevered and we got the problem solved. Then Andy was so sweet to tell me I did a good job, better than he ever could have done. Well, that was kind of him, but I never had to do it before. He is so encouraging to me, building me up, loving me through this - as he always has. He has always taken such good care of me, it's a privilege to do it for him now. He is putting up with my "bossiness," taking charge, making decisions - all things that he used to do quite competently. But he's letting me take over with grace.
We are happy to have our family close enough to be involved with them. A young friend told us the other day that when he was growing up, his grandpa had Alzheimer's but he has good and happy memories of him. Andy loves being with his grandkids and is making an effort to remember their names and pray for them.
Last weekend, Amy and her girls came down to spend some time with Dawn and us. Joanna and Katy spent overnight with Kira at her house, and Amy slept at our house. Then they all went to our church with us on Sunday. After lunch on Sunday, Amy, Joanna and Katy went with us to Smithville Park for a hike. It was pretty chilly and the girls were tired but we had a good time being together. Katy had expressed to me her excitement about going on a hike with us, but when we got to the park, she was so tired that Amy or Andy had to carry her the whole way.
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| We always see herons at Smithville Park |
So life goes on...It's not the same, but we continue to believe God knows what he is doing. He is always good. Our desire is to trust him to work everything out for our good and his glory.
