A New Year

I'm glad the holidays are over. There were many wonderful moments spent with family and friends but I couldn't help missing my favorite person in all those wonderful moments. My tear ducts got plenty of workouts these last few weeks.

I came across a very helpful article by Nancy Guthrie. I resonate with everything she writes because she obviously is acquainted with grief and not only understands it, but is able to articulate it in a way that ministers to the heart and soul.

The article I am referring to can be read in full here. I will just review her five main points. She writes to those who have recently lost someone they love and to those who would like to be able to comfort them.

1.  Even the best times are punctuated with an awareness that someone is missing.

2.  Social situations are hard.

3.  Extended family can be awkward and uneasy.

4.  Tears are not a problem.

5.  It can be hard to remember why Christmas should be so merry.

She said that "tears do not reflect a lack of faith. Tears are a gift from God that help to wash away the deep pain of loss." I have come to not mind crying. I always seem to feel better after a "good cry." And when I have those moments of crying, I remind myself that someday, Jesus will wipe all those tears away. He sees and cares.

I've tried to keep busy and spend as much time with the kids and grandkids as I can. On Christmas Eve, I left home after lunch and drove to Christy's. I went with her family to her church's Christmas Eve service. She was busy with directing two numbers with the adult choir, then two more numbers with a children's choir, as well as playing with Grace for the offertory. She did an amazing job and I was right proud of her. I know Andy would have been, too.

I stayed overnight with them. The kids said they were going to sleep downstairs by the Christmas tree and invited me to join them there, but I declined, preferring a bed.

On Christmas morning, they awoke early and got permission to open the gifts in their stockings before Christian and Christy came downstairs. I stayed to eat breakfast with them, then drove up to join Amy and her family for Christmas Day.

We had our "Wallin" Christmas on New Year's Eve. Everyone was able to be here this year...no sickies. We had our usual brunch before opening our gifts. Then we just hung out and enjoyed being together the rest of the day.

I love these family pictures. Everyone's personality comes shining through. There are a lot of us, though, aren't there???


And here are my darling daughters. Don't mind my funny face...why am I scrunching my nose? Ha, ha

I was able to fit in a couple of hikes in November with friends. We've had so much rain (will it ever stop?) that made the creeks and waterways full and overflowing.

At one point we couldn't go any further and had to turn around and go back the same way we came.

I had not been to this spot before that I could remember and was delighted to take in its beauty: Goshen Pond in the Pine Barrens.

This past weekend, Friday and Saturday, I spent with Amy and her family. I played games with the kids on Friday afternoon, stayed in their guest room overnight, then just lounged on Saturday morning. Amy wanted to take me to a little coffee shop that she likes, so we took the kids and had our coffee and hot chocolate, and shared a peanut butter brownie, before I took off for home again.

 
The process has begun toward building an in-law suite onto Dawn's house. I hired an architect and he has given me an initial set of plans. Dawn, Tommy and I looked them over, tweaked them and got a revised set. I'm happy with the architect that we are using. He is helpful, courteous, patient in explaining why certain things can't be done but mostly very professional and knowledgeable. I think we'll all be very happy with the final result. There is still lots of work for him to do, some of which include adding in electrical, heating and air conditioning, plumbing, etc. But we're on our way...

Another big change is on the horizon. I am retiring from my job in the church office after 26 years. I only have five weeks left there. It has been a wonderful job, ministering to the body of Christ using the gifts and abilities He's given me, and working in an environment that honors Christ. I will miss being there but felt God leading me that it was time to pass the baton to the younger generation.

With all that's happening this coming year, I feel like the time was right to retire. I will have more time to spend with the grandkids. It's been harder to find a time that works for them and me. As they get older, they are involved in more activities and it's been a bit of a challenge to fit them in around my work schedule.

I will also be busy with supervising and overseeing the building of the suite onto Dawn's house. Many decisions will have to be made and it will be nice to have the time to do that. I also need to go through my house and systematically decide on what to keep (not much), what to throw away and what to give away or sell - major downsizing. I have accumulated a lot of stuff, and it will require much effort to clean out the basement, two garages and the shed, let alone the living spaces in the house. Most of my furniture will not fit in a smaller suite/apartment.

I'm also hoping to fit in a few trips this year. I've had some west coast friends invite me back for a visit. I'd also like to spend some time with my sister again. And I've already got a vacation in Maine on my calendar.

2019 promises to be an interesting year...no lack of new adventures.

And isn't that just like the Lord? I'm grateful that in spite of missing dear Andy, I'm still enjoying life and the blessings the Lord gives in this life. It's an interesting phenomenon how joy and sadness can co-exist. I anticipate that I'll always miss Andy. He will never be forgotten. What I went through with his illness and loss is a part of my story. In the midst of the pain and sorrow I experienced and the grief I still experience, I have also experienced the comfort of the Lord, answers to my pleas for help, his nearness, his presence through it all. He is a good God, full of grace, love, compassion, and yes, even joy.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I can overflow with hope because "Christ is [in me], the Hope of Glory." Colossians 1:27

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5

For whatever reason, I've been so tired lately. Mornings especially, have been quite a challenge for me to get out of bed and begin my day. In talking to friends about this, it seems they are experiencing the same phenomenon. Is it the darkness of the morning since the time has changed? Is it the dragging on of the cold dark winter? Is it the unchanging and depressing nature of what I'm going through? Perhaps it's a combination of those and more. 

It's times like these, though, that I need the presence of the Lord more than ever. He promises to give strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak (Isaiah 40). It's also crucial that I don't spend too much time in the house alone. I purposely filled some of my hours this week with yard work. It was cold and windy and I had to work quickly and take lots of breaks in the house to warm up. But I was able to lug branches and storm debris to the street. I also raked up quite a few piles of small sticks and twigs, then bagged them up and took them to the street as well. They'll probably be there awhile because every house along the street has a pile of branches to be picked up. As much as I worked at it this week, there is still more to be done. 

I also recognize the need to spend time with people. I am happy to be able to meet up with Dawn every week. She likes to take a picture of the two of us and send it to her sisters!
 

Then on Saturday, I was able to drive up to Lancaster County to spend some time with Amy and her family. It's so affirming to walk into the house and have everyone so happy to see me and receive all those hugs. We hung out till after lunch, then went to investigate a "park" Amy had driven by a number of times. It was a nice little park with a gravel path and a creek to explore. Chase just happened to have a fishing pole along so had to see if he could catch anything, but I think those fish were smart enough not to venture out into the cold.

So now Amy had to take a picture of the two of us and send it to her sisters! Fun rivalry!

Reckless Love

Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

 

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me

And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

 

There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me

 

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

Songwriters: Caleb Culver / Cory Asbury / Ran Jackson

Reckless Love lyrics © Bethel Music Dba Bethel Music Publishing

I love this song. I was wondering, though, about God's love being reckless. The Bible is clear about his love being awesome and eternal. The definition of reckless according to the dictionary: "utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless." This is not a characteristic that I would ascribe to God. On the other hand, as the song goes on to say, "I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give Yourself away." Yes, when I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. That's pretty reckless!

I remembered that years ago, Andy led a Bible study discussing Tim Keller's book, Prodigal God. 

 

Keller defines the word "prodigal" as "recklessly spendthrift." He goes on to explain that it means to spend until you have nothing left. This term is therefore as appropriate for describing the father in the prodigal son story as his younger son. "The father's welcome to the repentant son was literally reckless, because he refused to 'reckon' or count his sin against him or demand repayment."

"God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not reckoning to them their trespasses" (2 Corinthians 5:19 - ASV). "Jesus is showing us the God of Great Expenditure, who is nothing if not prodigal toward us, his children. God's reckless grace is our greatest hope, a life-changing experience." (from Prodigal God by Timothy Keller)

The Lord also reminded me of something Ann Voskamp posted once about Psalm 23:6: "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." She said that word "follow" actually means to chase down. I love that picture. God's love chases me down, doesn't just quietly and nicely "follow" me. He relentlessly pursues me. That seems pretty reckless to me.

Ephesians 2:4 ~ "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved."

Colossians 1:21, 22 ~ "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation." 

I thank God for his overwhelming, never-ending, and reckless love.

The Law of the Jungle

I had a burst of energy and motivation this week, plus we had two days of beautiful summer weather. I was able to leave work an hour early on Thursday and two hours early on Friday. Andy and I worked outside weeding all the gardens around the house. Because of all the mature trees around the house, we worked mostly in the shade. It was so pleasant to be out there, pulling weeds and enjoying nature. There was a robin that kept singing providing background music to our work.

It's amazing how quickly weeds take over if the gardens go untended. I recently was reading A.W. Tozer's The Root of the Righteous. 
 

One of the chapters in that book was entitled The Hunger of the Wilderness. He starts the chapter by quoting Dr. Harold C. Mason: "Man was made to dwell in a garden, but through sin he has been forced to dwell in a field, a field in which he has wrested from his enemies by sweat and tears, and which he preserves only at the price of constant watchfulness and endless toil. Let him but relax his efforts for a few years and the wilderness will claim his field again. The jungle and the forest will swallow his labors and all his loving care will have been in vain."

When we first moved into our house with its 3+ acres in 1991, that acreage was really a jungle. There was so much overgrowth in the front of the house, the poison ivy, honeysuckle and wild rambling roses reached as high as the roof. What a job to tear all that out. Then behind the house there was a virtual forest. I started clearing out vines and weeds and underbrush. When I got to a certain point, I was surprised to see that there was actually a run down shed in the middle of that jungle. I found some old pictures of what I dealt with.

It was nasty, back breaking, hot and exhausting work but I turned that jungle into a beautiful back yard. It was such a lovely spot that we were able to have Amy's graduation ceremony and party there and even a friend wanted to have her wedding out back.

 

It is difficult to keep our gardens and fields cultivated and free of weeds. They don't stay beautiful by themselves, but it takes a conscious effort to pull the weeds, fertilize, water and care for the garden. Tozer continues to warn us that "what is true of the field is true also of the soul, if we are but wise enough to see it...The moral bent of the fallen world is not toward godliness, but definitely away from it...The truth is that no spiritual experience, however revolutionary, can exempt us from temptation; and what is temptation but the effort of the wilderness to encroach upon our new-cleared field?"

Our souls require even more care because the devil is prowling about seeking someone to devour. He is waiting for us to let down our guard, to let discouragement overtake us, to get our eyes off the Lord, to focus on our circumstances, to do anything but trust the Lord and rely on his strength to carry us through.

I heard a new song this week that relates to growth. At least it was new to me and I love the words. I think it will be my new theme song: Thrive by Casting Crowns.


"Thrive"

Here in this worn and weary land
Where many a dream has died
Like a tree planted by the water
We never will run dry
 

So living water flowing through
God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls
With one desire
 

Just to know You and
To make You known
We lift Your name on High
Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive
Into Your word we're digging deep
To know our Father's heart
Into the world we're reaching out
To show them who You are
So living water flowing through
God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls
With one desire
 

Just to know You and
To make You known
We lift Your name on High
Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive
 

Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
 

Just to know You and
To make You known
We lift Your name on High
Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive
Hey!
We were made to Thrive

That's the cry of my heart, Lord, I don't just want to survive...I want to thrive. 

He gives us all we need for life and godliness: joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable, love unstoppable! What a God.

Unplanned Adventures

Lately it has felt like my stress level has decreased somewhat.  Maybe I'm getting used to the new normal.  It seems like I'm also sleeping a little better - more nights than not right now - which really helps.  Feeling less stressed and more rested was giving me some motivation to make up a to-do list on Friday evening.  So I sat in my relaxin' chair and wrote out a list of 6-7 jobs that I thought I could accomplish on Saturday.

Just as I finished my list and was looking forward to having a productive day, the phone rang.  Christy called to see if it would be ok if she and the kids came down on Saturday to hang out with us while Christian did some tree work for a neighbor of ours.  Since we hadn't seen them since January 1, I gladly said,  "Yes, come on down!"

I was able to get my grocery shopping done on Saturday morning before they got to our house.  Had to make sure there was plenty of food for the troops.   So what did we do all day? 

The kids did exercises with Andy.

They worked on our puzzle with us.  It's coming along.

It started snowing.  We kept ourselves busy.  I read to Claire, cozy together in my chair.

Then someone asked if s/he could take pictures with my camera.  After they left, I was entertained looking at what had been taken.  I won't tell you how many I deleted!

We had lunch together.  Then Christy decided to make some lunch for Christian and take him some water.  She and Andy drove over to take care of Christian but when they got back, they commented on how dangerous driving conditions had become.  Snow was accumulating and not melting because the temperature was so cold.  

By the time Christian finally finished his tree work and joined us, it was late afternoon.  In talking it over, they decided they couldn't drive home that day but would spend the night and drive home in the morning.  The weather forecast predicted warming during the night with the precipitation changing over to rain.  

We ordered pizza for dinner.  I called in the order two hours ahead asking for it to be delivered by 5:30.  By 6:00, the driver still hadn't arrived and we were all getting hungry.  Christian decided to shovel the walkway for the pizza guy.  While he was outside, the pizza deliverer arrived but couldn't find our driveway in all that snow and drove into our yard over a storm drain at the shoulder of the street and got stuck!  So as hungry as we all were, watching out the windows, waiting for the pizza man with growling tummies and salivating...well, we did eventually get our supper.  Another chapter in our adventure!

The family wasn't prepared for spending the night so they had to sleep in their clothes.  This was somewhat traumatic for little Claire, but she was finally ok with sleeping in one of my t-shirts.  The whole family slept in the upstairs attic room.  There's no heat up there, but we turned on two space heaters which did an adequate job.  There are two single beds and we put down five sleeping bags.  It was wall to wall people in that room.  Just another part of the adventure!

Sunday morning turned out as predicted:  the snow had changed to rain and the roads were clear.  Christian and Grace went out and cleared our driveway while Christy and I fed the kids and ourselves.

All too soon that adventure was over and they headed on home.  

Believe it or not after all that excitement, I still had a lot of energy left, so I worked on my to-do list.  Then Andy was feeling cooped up and wanted to get out, so we took a trip to Home Depot for light bulbs (I know - how exciting!), then stopped at Laurel Acres Park for a walk around the lake.  It was a beautiful day with blue skies, sun shining brightly and warmer temperatures - in the 40's!  I know that doesn't sound warm, but when you consider the last several weeks have been in the teens and twenties, 40 degrees sounds downright balmy.

  When I arrived at the office this morning, the office was all in disarray.  A frozen pipe had burst.  Apparently, an inch and a half of water had covered the floor before the cut off valve had been turned off.  Fortunately, someone had been there when it happened and was able to call in people to help move furniture, get out the shop vac, set up fans, etc.  Also fortunately, my computer, which sits on the floor, was not ruined and is working just fine.  

I guess we'll be doing some renovating in the office.

There's nothing like a little excitement to make life interesting.  Our life is not dull, that's for sure!

Retirement

For a number of years I've been thinking of retirement.  When should I retire?  What will I do when I retire?  I can't wait to retire.

 

When I turned 60, I went into Pastor's office and told him that in 2 years, I would be able to collect social security.  Well, 62 came and went, and I kept working but still thinking and dreaming of retiring.  I was thinking things like, "I'd just love to be home every day with no responsibilities and nothing to do."  It sounds kind of selfish, doesn't it?  And realistically, would I be happy if I had nothing to do?

Well, my thoughts have been taking a different turn recently.  The Lord has been leading me to reading material that challenged me in my journey. One of those was a book entitled, Mary Slessor of Calabar: Pioneer Missionary.  What an amazing woman she was.  What impressed me as I read Mary's story was how determined she was to keep working in spite of the way she felt.  She was often ill with fever and other tropical diseases but she felt the call of God to continue the work He had led her to.  Even at the end of her life when she was no longer able to walk, she had men carry her to the villages where she taught the natives about God and the Bible. 

Mary's example really ministered to me.  Here I am in a comfortable job, requiring little of me other than getting up every morning, driving 1 mile, working with people who love me and God.  Granted I am not Mary and I should not beat myself up because I'm not "suffering for Jesus" and my life isn't as difficult as hers.  However, I couldn't help but think that this life is a prelude to the next.  What am I doing to get ready?  Why do I think I need to retire now when I'll have all of eternity to rest and enjoy life in heaven.

re·tire·ment

/riˈtīrmənt/

Noun The action or fact of leaving one's job and ceasing to work. The period of one's life after leaving one's job and ceasing to work.

Synonyms retreat - seclusion - withdrawal - superannuation I'm not crazy about the synonyms of retirement, especially the "seclusion" and "withdrawal" ones.  Do I really want to withdraw and become a hermit?  I can't imagine that. Then, too, I've been reading and journaling for my devotionals this year from Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest.  Some of the thoughts: My life is not my own.  I have been bought with a price.  I did not choose Jesus, but He chose me and appointed me to the task He has given me.  Do I bring God into my plans?  I love to organize and administrate, but do I consult Him and trust Him if my plans don't go as expected? Do I serve the Lord by doing it my way or do I listen to His voice and wait for His instruction? Am I recklessly abandoned, totally surrendered and separated by God for one purpose?  To proclaim the gospel of God?  (Romans 9:3) Do I ask God for petty personal things that have to do with my comfort and nothing to do with the furtherance of the gospel? Am I ready to be poured out as a drink offering?  Philippians 2:7.  Am I willing to be poured out, used up, spent, not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister?  This reminds me of the old hymn: Must I be carried to the skies On flowery beds of ease, While others fought to win the prize and sailed through bloody seas? Oh I must fight if I would reign Increase my courage, Lord. I'll bear the toil, endure the pain Supported by Thy Word. In the face of persecution, the early Christians did not pray for comfort and safety, they prayed for courage!  See Acts 4:29. My life of service is the way I say thank you to God for His inexpressibly wonderful salvation. Do I allow God to be the source of all my dreams, joys and delights? On Sunday we sang a Robin Mark song:  Jesus, All for Jesus.  As I'm singing it, I'm asking myself, do I really mean what I'm singing?  Jesus, all for Jesus, All I am and have and ever hope to be. Jesus, all for Jesus, All I am and have and ever hope to be. All of my ambitions, hopes and plans I surrender these into Your hands. All of my ambitions, hopes and plans I surrender these into Your hands. For it's only in Your will that I am free, For it's only in Your will that I am free, Jesus, all for Jesus, All I am and have and ever hope to be. I'm not my own, I've been bought with a price. I want to want what God wants.  His way is best and He does what is best for me.  It's only in His will that I am truly free and happy. He has given me the gifts that I need for the job He has given me.  How can I think of not using those gifts for Him when they help the body of Christ and bring me fulfillment and joy? So until God shows me clearly that I need to stop working, I will keep on keeping on.  Lord, help me.  I live in a culture that needs to know.  If I have a question about anything, the answer is mine as soon as I type "google."  But God doesn't operate that way.  He wants me to trust Him enough to wait.  I love the verse in Isaiah 64:4:  "God...who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."  He knows the end from the beginning and His ways are best.  I can trust Him with my life and future.

Amico Island Park

After several days of gray gloom, it was so nice to see the sun shining brightly in a blue sky yesterday.  We had originally talked of going to see The Hobbit, but when the weather turned so nice, why would we want to sit in a dark theater for 3 1/2 hours?

I had heard of this bird sanctuary on the Delaware River and we had never been there, so as soon as we finished our house and garage cleaning in the morning, we decided to check it out.  Amico Island Park is only about 20 minutes from our house.  Technically, it's not a true island, but an isthmus, located where the Rancocas Creek flows into the Delaware River.  It is a 55 acre bird estuary, home to a wide variety of birds and animals.

We parked our car, but as I got out, I thought I felt a few drops of rain.  Looking up, we noticed a great gray cloud hovering right above us.  I went back to the car and grabbed an umbrella, thinking that I might need it.  We started on our hike, but didn't get more than a few hundred feet from the car when we heard a giant crash of thunder.  Yikes!  We ran back to the car and then that cloud opened up and poured down rain for about 20 minutes.  We sat there facing the river watching the rain drops on the windshield.

I'm glad we waited it out, though, because the sun did come out again.  We were able to hike along the trails, enjoying the day and God's creation.

It was a special treat to see these deer so close to us.

The trail was pretty wet in some spots but we managed to get through without getting our feet too wet.

This is a park well worth going to visit again, especially in the spring when the herons are building their nests.  Check out this link for a long list of birds that can been seen at this estuary.

Today was another good day - our annual staff Christmas party.  Andy and I are very grateful for the people we work with.  They are fun to be with and a joy to minister together.  We had lunch together and exchanged gifts.  We had an alliterated lunch:  Sandwiches, Salad, Soup, Sodas, Sweets.

The young guys must have been the hungriest!  They were the first to arrive.

 

 

I had originally thought I might not be able to spend much time at the party because of Dawn's surgery.  But the surgery was canceled till another day, so I was able to stay until time to clean up.