"With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings."

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

It was pretty hot and humid to be out hiking, but the spring scenery was so pretty and the time spent with a friend made it all worth while. We hiked for 7 miles and I admit, I was dragging by the time we got back to the car. That was a lot for an "old" lady like me, especially in that heat and humidity. But I lived to tell about it!

I don't regret being out in nature in that weather because it's always an opportunity to worship the Creator as I observe and soak in his beautiful creation.

I had my usual ups and downs this week. On Monday morning, there was an envelope on my desk addressed to me. When I opened it, someone had assured me of their continued prayers and included $100 in cash. What a blessing. I put the card away and forgot about it as I did my work. In the afternoon, I received a call that a check I had written for Andy's care at Harmony Village had bounced. What??? My heart dropped to my toes. That didn't make any sense at all since I had written the check on my home equity line of credit, which had been approved. So I called the bank to inquire what was going on. They had to research the problem, but when they called me back, they admitted it was their fault. Well, that was all fine and good...but now I was an emotional mess. I couldn't stop thinking about it and worrying that Harmony Village would be concerned about my reliability for future payments. 

When I got home from work, as I was emptying my briefcase of paperwork, I came across the card from that morning. Oh yes, it was a reminder to me that God had known all along what was going to happen that day and provided me with a "little" reassurance to pick me back up. How good He is to me.

Andy is doing about the same. I don't know how he is during the day when I'm not there, except what the care givers tell me. They are encouraging him to go outside now that the weather is a little nicer. He doesn't seem to have the stamina or strength he did last summer. After I help him with his dinner each evening, all he wants to do is go to his room to lie down. Most evenings, he falls asleep while I'm reading to him, and doesn't even wake up when I leave. I expect him to because the door needs some WD-40 to stop the creaking when I open it. But he doesn't stir. His tremors are extreme and severe at times. Fortunately, they are not constant, there are moments of relief. He doesn't seem to be as bothered by them, and I sense he's more at peace about them. I wonder if it's part of the Parkinson's -withdrawing inward. Who knows?

I am currently reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.

 

I think most people desire for their life to count. But what do we want it to count for? Pastor has often mentioned that God doesn't waste experiences. And I certainly don't want my experience to be wasted. I can't help but think that with an experience this difficult, there must be a reason for it. What is the purpose? One of Piper's chapters is entitled: Risk is Right--Better to Lose Your Life than to Waste It. He defines risk as "an action that exposes you to the possibility of loss or injury." Although my situation isn't technically a "risk," there are principles that apply. For instance, "risk is possible because we don't know how things will turn out. This means that God can take no risks. He knows the outcome of all his choices before they happen...And since he knows the outcome of all his actions before they happen, he plans accordingly. His omniscience rules out the very possibility of taking risks." (page 80)

"Every direction you turn there are unknowns and things beyond your control." "Safety is a mirage." 

Piper gives three examples of people in the Bible who risked all for God. They made a decision even though they didn't know how things would turn out, then left the results up to God. There was Joab in 2 Samuel 10 who led the battle against Israel's enemies, saying to his brother: "Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to him."

And what about Esther when realizing the danger she and the Jews were in, promised Mordecai she would do what she could by going to the king, saying: "If I perish, I perish."

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego showed the same resolve as they refused to bow down to the image Nebechadnezzar had erected for the people to worship. They told the king: "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." 

By God's grace and enablement, I want to display that same resolve. I pray for my situation to go a certain way, but even if it doesn't, I want to trust God that He has a better plan than mine. I must leave the results up to God, surrendering my will to His. May he do what seems good to him.

Paul tells the churches in Acts 14:22, that "we must enter the kingdom of God through many tribulations." Our earthly life is one of great uncertainty. "Not all will die for the cause of Christ. But not all will live either. Some will die. And some will live. This is what [Piper means] by risk. It is the will of God that we be uncertain about how life on this earth will turn out for us."

"There is risk everywhere. But this very risk is the means by which the value of Christ shines more brightly." And isn't that the point, after all? To be a means of showing how precious Christ is, how his grace is enough for our situation, how valuable he is to us. 

..."To know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." Philippians 3:10

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

I happened upon some notes Andy had made on the computer three years ago. At that point, he was already two years into his illness. The notes reveal his heart for God and his family. I am including it word for word (unedited by me) below.
 

Dear, Dawn, Amy, Christy, and Mom

     I want to try to reach out to you guys (Christy, Amy and Dawn.  so you just don’t just get your information from mom.  (She always does a great job)   I love all of you very much.  We just got back from seeing my specialist, Dr. Janoff, and he was very positive.  We have been seeing him for over two years now.  He has known of my condition and He said that I am doing well and did not have to step up to another level of medication and therapy.  That was great news!  At the same time, I don’t want to fool myself with regards to the challenges this disease brings.  That is no place to dwell on, so I’m going to play it a day at a time, thanking the Lord for his blessings and his trials.  Trials can be great teachers.  

      God has been so good to each of us and shown us his love for us in so many ways!   How could we ever be angry for what we call trials?

David said in the psalms.  “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I shall I fear!  The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?  (God has the answers for us before we even think about them!  WOW.  I am man of few words as you know, but  I feel that is very important that we keep touch in some way.   

The Sunday school class I attend is doing book studies for the summer. The first book chosen was A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God. We already owned the book, and as I read it, I was so excited to note that Andy had read it, underlined key points and written notes in it.

What he wrote: "How would I feel if God took away my ability to sing or speak, walk or run, hike or read. They are all precious to me - would I still love him? Would I be content with Him alone, or would they send me into a fit of temper or depression from which I could not escape?"

Well, Andy is now experiencing just that - his inability to sing or speak, walk or run, hike or read. But he seems to be at peace through it all. He isn't angry or upset. He is calm, quiet, accepting, persevering in spite of so many losses that he formerly enjoyed. It is obvious that God is still at work in his heart, soul - giving him peace, not as the world gives, but as Jesus gives - the peace that passes understanding. He is a beautiful example to me of the work of Christ in a person's heart, shining through the cracks of our human-ness.

2 Corinthians 4:7 ~ "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

We just came through 4-5 days of rain, rain, rain. It's hard not to complain about it, but I've always been convicted not to complain about the weather. I confess I love blue skies the best, but there are benefits to rain. I turned off the sprinkler system, so think of all the money I saved on this month's water bill! Then there's the truth that after the rain, sunshine seems all the more precious. And of course, without rain, there would be no flowers.

Before the rain came through the area, I hit the golf course. Actually, I was part of the staff helping in our church's golf tournament. Over 120 people participated in a day of golf. It was a nice day...a little warm in the sun, but the shade was very pleasant with a stiff breeze that kept us cool. I was assigned to Hole 5 on the course, with the express purpose to make sure people were honest and not padding their scores! I was at this post with a friend, and we enjoyed the afternoon just chatting and hanging out as the golfers came and went. She insisted that I be the one to drive the golf cart, which I did, although I had to stretch my short legs to reach the gas pedal.

I've been working on my latest puzzle for 6 weeks. It was the most difficult puzzle I've ever done. It was actually in a stack of puzzles that Christy gave me to work on. I did all the others quickly and with a minimum of effort, but I put this one off because it looked so impossible. But little by little, and because of so much rain this past week, I had a lot of time to work on it and finish it.

Yes, every single piece is a small, tiny picture of ocean, water, boat, ship, sea creature, etc.

Occasionally, I would send a picture of my progress to Christy's kids. It was an encouragement to receive their kudos. So this morning, when I sent them the finished puzzle, Christy sent back their thumbs up for my accomplishment.

God called King David a man after His own heart. Although David wasn't perfect by a long shot, he had a heart for God, pursuing Him in all of life's difficult circumstances. I read Psalm 63 this morning, where David exclaims: "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." The heading of this psalm tells us that David wrote this when he was in the desert of Judah. So he was understanding hunger and thirst because he was experiencing it first hand. But even greater than the physical hunger and thirst is his desire for God. He says in verse 5 that his "soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods."

Tozer says: "We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him and nothing is really safe which is not so committed...Our gifts and talents should also be turned over to Him. They should be recognized for what they are, God's loan to us, and should never be considered in any sense our own. We have no more right to claim credit for special abilities than for blue eyes or strong muscles." "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" (1 Corinthians 4:7)

What we enjoy in this life is God's loan to us. They are given to us to enjoy for a time. This includes our loved ones, our gifts and abilities (my husband and his health, hiking, speaking, singing, etc.) Are we ok if He chooses to take them back? Can we be content with whatever God allows in our lives? I want to exhibit Job's attitude: "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21)

The most precious truth to realize and experience is that even though life is tough and we experience hard things, God is with me. He is the greatest Gift of all - Himself.

Mother's Day and Andy's birthday fall close together on the calendar. So that sounds like a good reason for the family to get together - which we did yesterday. Christy and Dawn and their families stopped at Care One Harmony Village to see Andy and wish him a happy birthday before coming on over to the house for a picnic. Christy posted some beautiful sentiments about her dad on facebook and people weighed in with comments that were kind, loving and encouraging. 
 

 
I read Ann Voskamp's blog post for Mother's Day where she said she wasn't interested in receiving flowers, cards, chocolates or any gift, for that matter. What mattered most to her was for the family to be together, enjoying each other's company. I feel the same. It means so much to me to just sit at the table with the kids and grandkids, to watch them eat and interact with their sisters, brothers-in-law, aunts, uncles and cousins. I don't need to necessarily have a conversation with any of them, it's just such a joy for them all to be there. I love seeing them love each other. It doesn't take much for them to start laughing, joking and having fun together.

 
Then, of course, there's the cuteness of the youngest in his superman shirt.

I got in one last hike earlier this past week (last because I don't like hiking in the summer with the heat, humidity, mosquitoes and ticks). A friend joined me on our outing to Brendan T. Byrne State Forest. I love that park. We stopped at the Ranger Station and hiked 3 miles to Pakim Pond. It's a hike through a variety of foliage and trees. My favorite is through a stand of Atlantic white cedars. They are such tall and beautiful trees. It happened to be one of those days where the sky was a rich blue, the air was warm, and the sun was shining. It makes for lovely pictures with all that color. We ate our lunch at the picnic tables by the pond before hiking the 3 miles back.

When Christian was down yesterday, he was kind enough to prop up my holly tree that had been weighed down by one of those heavy snows we had.

When I checked out his handiwork, I was amused that he had used a juicy juice carton as part of his fix.

I like the way the holly stands against the chimney.

Another tree that I had been concerned for was the dogwood. A number of significant branches had been broken off during that heavy snow. But it outdid itself with all those pink flowers. I think it will be ok.

Psalm 34:4 ~ "I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." I've always considered that when I entertained fear, I was not trusting in the Lord. But as I read this verse, I was struck with the promise that when I seek the Lord, He delivers me from my fears. I surely can't deliver myself. I try to turn over my worries to Him, but somehow they just keep returning. I'm overwhelmed and consumed with fear, sometimes -  fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of my lack of finances to pay for Andy's care. But deliverance from my fears isn't up to me. This was a great "aha" moment as I thought about it. 

My application for Medicaid assistance is nearing completion. My attorney sent me a letter with a list of things I needed to do yet, and I am working on checking off those items. This is an incredible process. I don't know how people manage to do all that's required. I have an attorney who is doing most of the work, but I still need to provide her with reams of paperwork, contacting my bank and my financial agent innumerable times for documents to prove my need. I'm learning a lot in this process, but I admit I'll be so relieved when it's all done and behind me.

There's an element of expectancy in all of this. God is a Creator and He is creative in the way He works things out. His ways are higher than ours and He sees details that we can't in our finite-ness. So as I wait for things to work out, I expect that they will; and some day the details will be astonishingly accurate and awesome - more than we can think or imagine!

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Ephesians 3:20 ~ "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" 

And through all of this, God will get the glory. That's my desire.

What should have been a lovely walk around the property turned into a sinking feeling when I noticed one of our pine trees loaded with bag worm cocoons.  This was one of the trees I've been nurturing since it was a wee little stick. Over ten years ago, I bought 10 pine trees for $1 from the National Arbor Foundation. They were so little that one or two of them accidentally got run over with the lawn mower. But I still have seven trees that are doing well and have grown significantly. These pictures were taken 9 years ago - they were just pine tree babies.

And how they grew.

So I was not happy to see one of those babies just full of bag worm cocoons waiting to hatch. Thankfully, Google gave me the information that they hatch in late May. Google also suggested several ways to take care of bag worms. One way was to let them hatch to provide food for the birds. Another way was to use chemicals to spray on them after they hatch. Or you could cut them all off the tree and get rid of them before they hatch. That is what I chose to do. I didn't want to mess with chemicals. I had already had some experience with spraying caterpillars and it wasn't a pretty sight. I really didn't think I could go through with that process myself. 

Yesterday was a nice day for working outside so I spent the morning cutting off those cocoons. I had to drag a ladder out to reach the top of the tree, but I managed to get all of them - I hope.

I filled a 2 gallon ziploc baggie full of those nasty things. I hope I got them all, but if I didn't, maybe the birds will have some to enjoy.

Cutting out those cocoons and dead branches can be compared to the pruning that needs to be done in our lives. Worms or sins that creep in and eat us up devastate us spiritually. But God, the Master Pruner, knows how to cut off branches that are diseased so that the rest of the tree will be healthier and more productive. 

I love to read and re-read John 15 where Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. Every vine needs to be pruned, taking away the dead to make way for new shoots. Pruning is painful, but it's necessary if we want to grow in our walk with the Lord. 

I met Dawn at Care One yesterday with her kids to visit Andy. I love the energy of the kids. I think Kira was a little sad over seeing Andy because she remembers how fun he was for and with her. But Kasey and Cole accept him as he is because it's the only way they've ever known him. All of the kids are developing a level of compassion, though, because of their association with their Poppop. Little Cole saw me feeding Andy, then he offered Andy his ice cream. It was so sweet. 

I am currently reading through the psalms in my morning time with the Lord. I love David's heart for the Lord. Even when he is in despair, he still finds something to praise the Lord about. Some of his circumstances were so difficult, but he focused on God's character. God's unfailing love, his righteousness, faithfulness, justice remain constant and true. 

A year or so ago, as I was reading through the Bible, I marked in red ink all the verses that talk about God's love for his children. The psalms in my Bible are full of those red marks.

Psalm 25:6, 7 ~ "Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old....according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD."

Psalm 25:10 ~ "All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful..."

Psalm 31:16 ~ "Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love."

Psalm 31:21 ~ "Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me."

Psalm 32:10 ~ "The LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

Psalm 33:5 ~ "The earth is full of his unfailing love."

Psalm 33:18, 22 ~ "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...May your unfailing love rest upon us O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 36:5, 7 ~ "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies...How priceless is your unfailing love!"

Isn't that such a comfort to know that God's love is described as unfailing. It is always there. It's who God is. "God is love," 1 John 4:16. And if God loves me, then I can be assured He will take care of me. He prunes out those hurtful worms, fertilizes and waters me so that I will grow and bear much fruit. He protects me from trouble and surrounds me with songs of deliverance. (another psalm - Psalm 32:7) 

Jesus loved the psalms, too. In his earthly ministry, he quoted often from the psalms. When he was talking with the two men on the road to Emmaus, he told them that "everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms."

So here is something to think about till your head spins: Did Jesus quote David in the psalms, or did David quote Jesus because he (David) "spoke from God as [he was] carried along by the Holy Spirit" (2 Peter 1:21)?