There hasn't been any change - just more of the same: Andy's not well, I visit him every evening and watch him suffer. It's very distressing. 

How do I cope? I run to the Lord and look to Him and His Word to soothe my soul. Any time I'm in the car, I listen to K-Love. Most of the songs that are played speak to my heart. The authors of the songs have obviously gone through deep waters themselves because the lyrics they write lead us to God and His care. 

One I heard this past week was Magnify by We are Messengers.  

I've been trying to make sense of the sorrow that I feel
Holding on for life to the only thing that's real

I've only scratched the surface, I've barely had a taste
But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one side of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of You

Take it all, take it all away
Magnify no other name
Open up, open up my eyes
To You

My sight is incomplete and I made You look small
I've been staring at my problems for way too long
Realign where my hope is set
Until You're all that's left

But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one side of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of you

God, be greater than the worries in my life

Be stronger than the weakness in my mind

Be louder, let your glory come alive.

Be magnified. 

And then in this morning's reading, Spurgeon (in Morning and Evening) was expounding on 1 Peter 1:7, "the tested genuineness of your faith." Peter says our faith is more precious than gold. But faith that is not tested is not really faith.

Spurgeon says: "Untested faith may be true faith, but it is sure to be small faith, and it is likely to remain little as long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and bolts of lightning are her illuminators...Tested faith brings experience. You could not have believed your own weakness if you had not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never have known God's strength if you had not been supported in the flood. Faith increases in quality, assurance, and intensity the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious, too."

Another day, I read Deuteronomy 33:27 "Underneath are the everlasting arms." This reminded me of a favorite saying of mine: "There is no pit so deep, that God is not deeper still." It's a beautiful thought to comfort us that no matter how low we go, God's arms are beneath us, supporting and carrying us. And those arms of His do not grow tired or weary, (Isaiah 40:28).

A favorite verse of Andy's was: Psalm 62:11-12 ~ "One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving." 

Both those attributes of God we've heard since we were babies:

Jesus loves me, this I know

For the Bible tells me so,

Little ones to Him belong.

We are weak, but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me... 

As I was driving over to see Andy tonight, I couldn't help but think that I was getting kind of used to being on my own. Then I struggled not to feel guilty for enjoying the company of friends this afternoon, or that I was actually having good times in spite of his suffering. I have to bring every thought captive and continue to remind myself what is true. I know Andy would want me to enjoy my life. He would not want me to feel guilty or always be sad. In fact, one evening this past week when he was in extreme suffering, I teared up in his presence. He immediately, even as bad as he was feeling himself, asked me what was wrong. When I told him I hated to see him suffer, he tried to console and comfort me. 

A couple of evenings ago, when I took the mail over to Andy's mom and day, they were looking intently out their window. They called me over to look with them...the yard was full of deer. 

My picture shows only a few of them. I had to laugh because that very day, Ricky was off hunting. When I showed him the picture of all these deer in my yard, he said he had been hunting all day and hadn't seen even one deer! Oh, the irony!

Through it all, I pray that the experiences I am going through will not be wasted, that God will be magnified in how I deal with the disappointments and heartaches that he allows, that I will be able to see the goodness of his hand in every moment of every day. But this can only happen because of His dwelling in me. "For apart from me, you can do nothing," Jesus said in John 15:5. 

I need Him - this is too much for little me.

Up and down, up and down...living at extremes

Dawn met me at Care One on Monday evening with the kids. We had the usual ice cream in the ice cream parlor, then went back to Andy's room with him. He was more alert that he usually is and he obviously enjoyed the children. 

But the rest of the week, he was in distress. The tremors really bother him. I don't think he's in pain, but the constant uncontrollable shaking is hard to ignore and causes him anxiety. 

The nurse told me that his medications have been changed which may take his body a couple of days to get accustomed to the new regimen. I think the doctors are trying to ease his tremors, but at this point, nothing seems to be working.

On Friday evening when I arrived, Andy was already eating his dinner. I took over for the care giver. He would open his mouth as the fork came to his mouth, but he was practically catatonic and unresponsive otherwise. When he finally finished the meal, I helped him back to his room. He was shaking so violently and was in such distress that I promised him I would find the nurse. When the nurse came in, she advised him to lie on the bed on his left side. When he did so, his right hand stopped shaking. I got a wet washcloth to put on his forehead because his room was hot. He lay quietly for about 10 minutes, then sat up and seemed perfectly normal. It was the strangest thing. Did the medicine finally kick in? What made the difference between the violent shaking and catatonic state to the feeling better enough to sit up and engage with his surroundings? It's so puzzling.

I've also had some stressful situations at home with Andy's mom. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year or so after Andy was. She is still home, living in the in-law apartment attached to our house. I am not very involved in caring for her, but she does live in my house. She has always enjoyed doing laundry, but recently, it has become almost an obsession or fixation for her. I have noticed her doing laundry nearly every day. And when I do my own laundry, she thinks its hers so she goes into the laundry room and pushes buttons or takes clothes out of the washer or dryer when it's not even hers. I have to watch her constantly. 

In the last week or two, she's been "washing" items that shred apart in the washer and dryer, making a huge mess for either Dad or myself to clean up. On Monday when I got home from work, I walked into the laundry room to find Dad with the vacuum cleaner trying to vacuum out lint from the dryer. There was already a large pile of lint on the dryer that he had been able to get out. He suggested I call someone to come clean out the dryer vent because there was so much lint, he was afraid it would cause a fire and be a danger.

Well, this caused me so much stress. I felt that the best solution was to put a lock on the laundry room door to keep her out. But would that be kind because it was one thing she loved to do. But it wouldn't be kind to let her continue to destroy the appliances.So I did not sleep all night, just thinking about all of this. What is the solution? I remember thinking in the middle of the night: "I quit. This is all too hard." 

But the next morning, reality hit. I can't quit. This is a new day - the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. The night seemed so dark and the hours ticked by so slowly, but the morning brought hope and even joy because his mercies are new every morning.

Then I read about Julian of Norwich in a book we have on our shelf, Devotional Classics. She lived from 1343 - 1413 and had a deep desire to know and love God. She wrote: "I wanted to experience every kind of pain, bodily and spiritual, which I would have if I were to die - every fear and temptation. I intended this because I wanted to be purged by God's mercy and afterwards live more to his glory because of that sickness."

I was in awe. She actually wanted to suffer. But the purpose of that suffering was so she could share in Christ's sufferings and know God better. It's obvious she did enjoy a beautiful relationship with her Lord because she also writes: "We are so preciously loved by God that we cannot even comprehend it. No created being can ever know how much and how sweetly and tenderly God loves them. It is only with the help of his grace that we are able to persevere in spiritual contemplation with endless wonder at his high, surpassing, immeasurable love which our Lord in his goodness has for us."

Everyone suffers in some way. None of us would chose how we would "like" to suffer. I don't suffer with an unbelieving husband or with wayward children or life in a country halfway around the world being persecuted for my faith. My suffering is mine, and I believe God doesn't waste experiences. He can use what we are going through to show his might, power and love as he enables us to endure, praise him in the storm and grow in our love for him. He also lovingly opens our eyes to reveal our hearts to us...how self-centered, impatient, prone to want the easy way out, etc. In fact, the seed of every sin is in my own heart. He shows us our hearts so that we can repent and realize we need his help to live a life that pleases him.

When my eyes are open to it, I have much to be thankful for. This past week, a friend came over to help me adjust the timers on my lights. While he was here, he changed a couple bulbs that had burned out and were too high in my cathedral ceilings for me to take care of. I also received a card from someone who had gone to our church years ago. She told me she had been to Care One with her job and was surprised to see Andy there. She met with him and shared a verse with him that she had read that morning in her private devotional time. This meant a lot to me. She not only helped Andy, but also took the time to write me a note to tell me about her time with him.

Yesterday I drove up to see Amy and her family. I just hung out with them, reading books to the kids, watching their "exploits," doing errands with Amy, just being with them. Katy the youngest is taking gymnastic lessons which is perfect for her. She has so much energy and was eager to perform for me. She was proud of herself being able to jump rope on the trampoline. She kept on, over and over. If I had one tenth of her energy, I could get a lot done!

And here's a lovely handstand on the trampoline. I don't think I could ever in my life do a headstand, let alone a handstand. She is very agile and talented.

 What a fun time I had with the family. 

The week also provided an opportunity to have lunch with a friend on Tuesday. She is going through a hard time, and we were able to encourage one another with the Scriptures and reminders of the goodness of God.

At church today I enjoyed numerous conversations with friends and even met a few new people. After church I joined several others at a Thai restaurant, grateful for the chance to be with fellow believers on a day that usually feels long.

Another excerpt from Devotional Classics written by Soren Kierkegaard, was so encouraging to me this week. He wrote a prayer to God: "You who are unchangeable, whom nothing changes! You who are unchangeable in love, precisely for our welfare, not submitting to any change: may we too will our welfare, submitting ourselves to the discipline of Your unchangeableness, so that we may in unconditional obedience find our rest and remain at rest in Your unchangeableness. You are not like us; if we are to preserve only some degree of constancy, we must not permit ourselves too much to be moved, nor by too many things. You on the contrary are moved, and moved in infinite love, by all things. Even that which we human beings call an insignificant trifle, and pass by unmoved, the need of a sparrow, even this moves You; and what we so often scarcely notice, a human sigh, this moves You, You who are unchangeable! You who in infinite love do submit to be moved, may this our prayer also move You to add Your blessing, in order that there may be brought about such a change in us who pray as to bring us into conformity with Your unchangeable will, You who are unchangeable."

What a beautiful concept: God is unchangeable, but is moved by our sighs. We are worth much more than the sparrow and He keeps track of our tears. 

Psalm 56:8 ~ "Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll— are they not in your record?"

Psalm 126:5 ~ "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy."

Sorrow may come in the night, but joy comes with the morning. Great is His faithfulness.

We've had some incredibly beautiful fall weather and I've taken advantage of it. But today is a rainy, gray, dreary day and I'm feeling glum. So as I write, I'm hoping that remembering the goodness of the Lord this past week will help lift me up a little.

Psalm 77:11-12 ~ "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago, I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."

I was visiting with Andy on Monday night and he said he was up to a walk around the building. While we were outside, my phone rang. It was Dawn wondering if she could come over with the kids. Andy was delighted...he always lights up when anyone of the family comes to see him.

Cole is such a sweetheart. He went to Andy, put up his arms to be held, then sat contently on his Poppop's lap.

On Wednesday evening, I stopped by Dawn's house after visiting Andy to spend some time with her and the kids. Tommy was away on a business trip so it was an opportunity to hang out with Dawn and possibly help with the kids so she wouldn't feel so alone. After the kids' baths, I read to them for a while. It brought back fond memories of when my own kids were that age. What a cozy time after baths, to snuggle with a good book.

On Friday afternoon, our church hosted a Trunk or Treat event on the parking lot. It was very well done and a lot of fun. I attended so I could be with the kids. Cole is such a sweet boy (did I mention this before!). He held onto my finger almost the whole time. He methodically put candy into his bag as it was given to him, but then made sure he had my finger again. I loved it.

Fall is beginning to color the trees. One of the prettiest trees in the fall is the sassafras with bright orange leaves, very showy and "sassy."

I had heard of a new park in the process of opening, very close to our house. I asked a friend if she wanted to explore it with me, and we decided to go for it. We weren't sure where we were going or what we were getting into, but it turned out to be a fun time together and we were out in nature.

There's a lot of work that's needed to make this into a pleasurable and easy park. At this point, the "trail" is marked with surveyor's tape on trees. There is a path, but it's not always easy to determine which way to go. I think the plan is to put gravel down which will help. An Eagle Scout troop built a bridge at one point that was low and wet, but there are a couple of other spots that could use either some planks or a bridge. I always enjoyed exploring. It gives the sensation of "going where no man has gone before." I'm sure many people have been in this woods before, but I can always pretend, right?!

The weather was cool yesterday afternoon, so I decided to tackle a bush that needed trimming. Andy always hated this bush because it has incredibly wicked thorns.

I like the bush, though, because it has cute little white flowers in the spring that develop into orange berries in the fall.

It has also been host to a number of birds who've built their nests in it in the spring. The location of the bush is right outside my kitchen window so I see it many times a day as I work. I guess you could say, I have a certain relationship with this bush. I do need to keep it trimmed back, though, because it can get out of hand. With the thorns being so lethal, they need to be kept away from the house in case we need to get by for any reason.

I know it looks pretty pathetic right now but it will fill out again, and I hope, be easier for me to prune next time.

As I was pruning this thorny bush, even being so careful, I still had a couple of scratches and punctures on my hands and arms. I couldn't help but be reminded of the crown of thorns that was pushed onto Jesus' head. "He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 55:5) All four gospels mention the crown of thorns that was placed on Jesus' head. 

Andy is not doing any better. That is to be expected. It is a degenerating disease, after all. I've noticed that his left hand is now exhibiting some tremors. It is not as bad as his right hand which is unbelievably bad. I don't know how he can stand it. Actually, I don't think he can. It is very annoying, frustrating and exhausting for his hand to shake all the time. It is so hard to visit him and be unable to do anything to alleviate his suffering. I don't think my reading to him is helping much any more. I'm not sure how much he is getting out of that. The tremor is just too distracting. I try to get him to take a walk, hoping that will give him something else to think about. But we don't get very far before he needs to turn around and go back to his bed. He just doesn't have the stamina and strength to continue. He tries...bless his heart. He wants to please me. 

I've noticed when I do his laundry these days that his t-shirts are inside out. When we were first married, I asked him to please not put his t-shirts in the laundry inside out. I didn't realize that he developed the habit of doing what I had asked until recently when I noticed that his shirts are inside out. So all those years, he set about to please me. But now that his dementia is progressing, he has forgotten about this little detail. Dear sweet Andy...always so faithful and loving even in the little things.

I got a call from the nurse this afternoon that Andy had fallen. They took his blood pressure and it was very low. He said he was dizzy. He was really out of it when I arrived at dinner time. He was in bed and it took great effort on my part to get him up and out to the dining area. He walked painfully slow. Simple instructions didn't seem to register. I and the care givers could hardly get him to the chair for him to sit down. He did eat everything on his plate but sat there in a catatonic state. I got him back to his room and helped him lie down. He promptly fell asleep. I stayed seated in the chair by his bed, just to be with him. About 30 minutes later, he woke up, was alert and speaking in complete sentences. I wonder if the nurse had given him medication for his dizziness that caused him to be so out of it.

On my way over to see Andy this evening, the Crowder band came on the radio with the song, I AM. Those words were just what I needed as I walked into the care facility.

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side.

I am
Holding on to You.
I am
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm
I am Holding on
I am!

Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace

I AM, sung by Crowder

In the difficult times, it's impossible to keep holding on...we need someone to hold on to us. Casting Crowns sings it in their song: Just Be Held:

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

Writer(s): John Mark Hall, Bernie Herms, Matthew Joseph West
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

God has promised to never leave us...He is always with us, holding on to us, giving us strength, carrying us when we're too weak, helping us soar on wings like eagles, surrounding us with his arms of love, pouring out his love and grace in ways we see and ways we have no clue. He is a good God.

 

Psalm 94:18, 19 ~ "When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' Your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul."

It was a quiet week...I really don't have anything new to report. Things are somewhat status quo with Andy. He's tired...and tired of shaking. Tonight he told me he wanted to quit the pain. I wish I could fix that for him but in reality, I'm helpless in that regard. 

In the Sunday school class I've been attending, we have been studying Hebrews. What a comfort to know our Savior faced weakness and suffering just as we do. He understands our weakness and sympathizes with us. This gives us confidence to approach the throne of grace boldly so that we may find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Jeremy Camp sings a song that I love: He Knows.


All the bitter weary ways
Endless striving day by day
You barely have the strength to pray
In the valley low

And how hard your fight has been
How deep the pain within
Wounds that no one else has seen
Hurts too much to show

All the doubt you're standing in between
And all the weight that brings you to your knees

[Chorus:]
He knows
He knows
Every hurt and every sting
He has walked the suffering
He knows
He knows
Let your burdens come undone
Lift your eyes up to the one
Who knows
He knows
He knows

We may faint and we may sink
Feel the pain and near the brink
But the dark begins to shrink
When you find the one who knows

The chains of doubt that held you in between
one by one are starting to break free

[Chorus]

Every time you feel forsaken
Every time that you feel alone
He is near to the brokenhearted
Every tear
He knows
He knows
Publishing: © 2014 Capitol CMG Genesis / Stolen Pride Music (ASCAP) (Admin. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) / CentricSongs / 2 Hour Songs (SESAC) (Admin. at Music Services) Writer(s): Jeremy Camp and Seth Mosley


It is a great comfort to know that He knows and understands. He weeps with us when we weep and He rejoices with us in our good times. 

Have I ever had the shadow of a reason to doubt the Father's goodness? Hasn't his lovingkindness been marvelous? Has He ever once failed to justify my trust? God has never left me at any time. I have had dark nights, but the star of love has shone out amid the blackness; I have been in tough battles, but over my head He has held high the shield of my defense. I have gone through many trials but never to my detriment, always to my advantage. The conclusion from past experiences is that He who has been with me in six troubles will not forsake me in the seventh. (Adapted from Morning and Evening by Charles Haddon Spurgeon)

In spite of the difficulty of what I'm going through, God is good - always.

This a beautiful time of year and I'm grateful for the opportunity I had on Tuesday to hike with a friend. We went to the Brendan T. Byrne state forest, parking at the ranger station, then hiking three miles to Pakim Pond. I love this hike through the Pine Barrens, through mostly red pines and oak trees, but there's one section that has many Atlantic white cedar trees. 

Pakim Pond was absolutely stunning reflecting the brilliant blue of the sky. After hiking to the pond, we had to hike another 3 miles back to the car. It was perfect weather for a walk in the woods: not too hot, not too cold.

On Saturday, I drove up to spend the afternoon and evening with Christy and her family. She was busy in the kitchen all afternoon, cooking and baking. The kids and I kept her company, but we played games while she worked. Claire cracks me up. Even as young as she is, she is a smart little card shark. I don't know how she does it, but she easily beats me most of the time - and it's not like I'm letting her win. 

So life isn't all hard things. Yes, I ache for Andy and what he is going through. I'm tired of the overwhelming and all-consuming nature of his illness. But that isn't all there is. God gives me fun and fulfilling moments with friends, family and Himself. 

How good is the God we adore. 

Psalm 94:17-19 ~ "Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

These have been two weeks full of fun and happy times. I'm so grateful for the oil of gladness, the joy God gives us even in the midst of difficult times. 

One of my many blessings is living close to Dawn so that I can just pop by her house to hang out. One evening Tommy was working late, so after I visited Andy, I drove on over to see Dawn. It was still light enough to play outside so we got the bikes out and let the kids ride and play while Dawn and I chatted and enjoyed the outdoors. I was getting a charge out of Cole riding his "bike." Dawn kept asking him if he wanted to ride in the stroller, but he was pretty emphatic about nixing that idea.

Dawn and I have been taking one evening a week for just the two of us to be together. We go to Starbucks and sit and chat for an hour or so with no interruptions from children needing attention. This has been such a booster to my spirits, and she says it's cathartic for her as well. 

Last weekend was scheduled to the hilt. I went and picked up Katy on Friday afternoon and brought her back to spend overnight with me. She turned 7 on the 10th but I already had something scheduled on that date (more on that later) so we celebrated her birthday a little earlier.

She seemed a little nervous about being with me all by herself, but we ended up having a good time (at least I did!). We did the usual fun things: watched a movie, ate ice cream in the living room (shhhh), played games, read stories, took a hike. She also loved having the dress up clothes all to herself, and I think she put most of them on all at once.

I love to braid little girls' hair so I'm happy when they let me have my fun. We took our hike at the Rancocas State Park. I wasn't sure how Katy would do since it's a 3.2 mile hike, but she did amazingly well. I was proud of her. We did sit down every time we saw a bench, but she did not complain or lag behind even though I know she was tired by the end.

After lunch on Saturday, Katy and I drove over to Dawn's and got Kira and Kasey. I took the three of them over to Care One Harmony Village because they were having a Fall Festival. Andy was already outside with the other residents and staff.

The girls had a lot of fun eating cider donuts and soft pretzels, petting the therapy dogs and mini horses. There was also pumpkin painting that occupied them for a while. Although it was fun to be there, it was almost too much for me - to watch three little girls and Andy. (He needs a lot of watching.) While the girls were occupied with painting their pumpkins, I took the opportunity to take Andy into his room for him to rest.

And while we're visiting Pop-pop, don't forget the Ice Cream Parlor!

Christy and her family arrived after the festivities, but then they added their own brand of fun. I'm glad Andy had that little rest because I was able to bring him out to the lobby for a mini-concert from the Lindsay kids (and Christy).

It's so interesting how children can find all kinds of ways to have fun together, like hanging backwards off the back of a backless couch.

 After a little time spent with Andy, we had to leave him and all went back to our house for a dinner together with the rest of the family. All our kids and grandkids were present - a house and table full (11 children and 7 adults!). The kids played and played, while the adults enjoyed good conversations and laughter.

It was a full and happy time for me, but I was pretty tired when they all left. In fact, I was so tired, I didn't even clean up except to run the dishwasher. That is pretty radical for me. 

On Sunday afternoon, I drove down to Sandy Cove Retreat Center in North East, Maryland for our staff retreat. I must have been tired because as I was driving, I was dealing with negative thoughts, on the verge of tears. I couldn't help but think that I was going to be with couples, that I was going to miss Andy sharing this weekend with me, etc. One thought led to another down the slippery slope, ending in fear, worry and distress. But even there in that state, I could sense the Lord ministering to me. He reminded me of verses I had recently read in Jeremiah 17:7-8:

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does NOT FEAR when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has NO WORRIES in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

I felt my dark mood lift as I drove in on the road taking me to the conference center. I really had a good two days there with the people I work with. God has surrounded me with loving, caring people. Everyone made a special effort to sit with me at meals, listen to my concerns, cry with me and just be with me. Monday morning was dreary with rain, but by afternoon the rain was gone, and I was able to fit in a hike with one of my friends.

The beauty of the place was such balm for my soul, the sun sparkling on the water and the glorious sunsets - all the more spectacular after the gray and dreary day.

Sometimes you unwittingly fall into a happy experience. For the last two weeks or so, COHV (Care One Harmony Village) has been announcing their fall fashion show. It was scheduled for this past Friday. I didn't think much about it because I didn't think Andy would be interested and besides, what could he model? But then in talking to Dawn, she wanted to visit Andy on Friday. On a whim, I asked her if she wanted to be there for the Fashion Show. As I was talking to her about it, I had the idea to dress Andy up in his leather jacket. He always loved that jacket and got lots of comments whenever he wore it. One idea led to another...I took a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses, along with the jacket. I got to COHV a little before the start of the fashion show to get him dressed. He didn't seem too excited about a "fashion show" but as he walked out into the lobby with his black leather jacket and shades on, he got a lot of attention and good vibes. It was hard to get him to keep the glasses on, but he was a pretty good sport about it all.

He's actually smiling!

The whole show was really fun and heart warming. I am very impressed with the staff. They are genuine in the care of the residents. They helped the women and men walk the "red carpet," clapping and showering compliments on them all, whether they could walk or not. One lady loved the applause so much, she walked around three times! And she was applauded each time. Each "model" had their picture taken and made much of. They ate up the attention. Even people normally stone-faced and emotionally unresponsive were smiling, radiant and sparkly. Seeing them every evening, getting to know them a little and now observing them enjoy themselves in this activity, made me choke up. 

Andy was tired by the end of it all, but he humored Dawn and me by submitting to having his picture taken with us. Then he told us he had a wonderful time.

And the icing on the cake...a hike at Rancocas State Park with 3 friends yesterday. It was cloudy but not too cold nor too hot. Except for the humidity, it was a great day for a hike, especially with friends.

I'm so grateful for happy moments like these...gifts from our good God, who "has been mindful of the humble state of his servant" (Luke 1:48) and loves to give good gifts to his children (Matthew 7:11, Romans 8:32 and James 1:17).


But the best gift of all is our salvation, because of the cross. The Newsboys have a fairly new song that I have been listening to lately: The Cross Has the Final Word.


Evil may put up its strongest fight
The Savior has come with the morning light
He traded death for eternal life
The cross has the final word.

There's nothing stronger,
Nothing higher
Nothing greater than the name of Jesus
The cross has the final word.

Written By Cody Carnes

I am deeply touched by people's interest in Andy and how he is doing. In church on Sunday mornings, a number of people ask me how he is doing. It is an indication to me that he is deeply loved and has not been forgotten. This means a lot to me.

Different people with dementia or Alzheimer's display different symptoms or deteriorate at different rates. I have been amazed to watch Andy interact with the other residents, as well as the care staff at his facility. He treats people with respect, is helpful, intuitively knows how someone is feeling and moves to comfort them. When I'm with him at dinner time, there is a man sitting near us who is often in distress, moaning and saying he feels sick. When this happens, I notice that Andy is zeroed in on him, watching closely to make sure he is ok. Or a couple of weeks ago, this same man displayed some aggressive behavior toward the care giver. Andy was on high alert, and I know if he had sensed the care giver was in physical danger, he would have stepped into the situation. In fact, a different time, one of the care givers sought me out to tell me that Andy had done just that - stepping in to protect her from some aggressive behavior.

The speech therapist at Care One, a little Jewish lady, (I'll call her BG), told me that the facility had a rabbi come in one day because of Yom Kippur. The rabbi brought in a shofar. I'm not sure of all he did, but BG told me that Andy went up to her and told her he was a pastor. Of course, she affirmed that to him. 

Another woman, a wife of one of the residents, told me another story about Andy. She said that she observed him sitting on the couch next to the 100 year old. His hand was shaking with his tremors and this 100 year old put her hand on his hand. Then he took his other hand and put it on hers...so sweet.

In spite of Andy's confusion and inability to communicate coherently, there are moments that there is some clarity. Last night I was in his room reading to him. He was having a hard time concentrating because there was activity outside his room. The 100 year old was outside in the hallway talking. She is hard of hearing and her voice is very loud and raspy when she talks. It was impossible to ignore her even outside the room. I didn't know if it was upsetting him, so I said, "That's B, she has a raspy voice." And just like that, he said, "She's 100." I was shocked. He not only knew who I was talking about, he knew that detail of her age. Then I asked him if he wanted to live to 100, and he emphatically and quickly said, "No."

This week saw mixed conditions of how he felt. Earlier, two evenings in a row, his tremors were severe and non stop. Then the next two were good evenings, he hardly shook at all. On top of that, he felt good. We walked outside around the building, one evening even going around twice. He hadn't been able to do that in quite a while. But then the next two evenings, he had severe tremors again and felt awful. So it's an up and down journey.

Someone asked me, as well, how I like the facility where he is. I like it a lot. I feel the staff is caring and responsive to me whenever I have a concern. And they not only care about their residents, I feel they care about me, too. Whenever I enter the building, if the nurse, activities director, marketing director, financial secretary, etc. see me, they take the time to talk to me, tell me anecdotes about Andy, and ask me how I'm doing. This is a huge blessing to me.

Dawn went to see Andy on Friday and someone took her picture with him. He looks pretty good and I love this.

I have missed my hikes through the woods with Andy. It's been almost a year since he has been at Care One. We did so much hiking in the last several years before he was admitted. It was something we both enjoyed and could still do together. Since he's unable to go with me now, I've gone a couple of times with grandkids and friends. One of those friends suggested I organize hiking for women at church. I wasn't sure at first that I wanted to add something to my life. But I promised to pray and think about it. The Lord impressed on me that since I love the outdoors so much and have a lot of experience with hiking in the woods around here and know of many possibilities in our area, I could pass along that love of nature to others. So a couple of weeks ago, I met with two others to plan and put together a few ideas. 

The first of those we did this past Tuesday - a Board/Beach Walk in Ocean City. Six of us drove down, meeting another woman who was spending the week there with her family. We walked the boardwalk - 2 miles, stopped for lunch, then walked another 2 miles before taking the drive back home. The day started somewhat cloudy and even hinted at a few sprinkles, but as the day progressed, there were a few patches of blue that peeked through.

Although I'm not a fan of the color gray, the ocean is beautiful even when it's gray. There's something about watching the waves, smelling the sea air, hearing the calls of the gulls that is therapeutic and calming. 

After God created the world, He declared it "good." He was pleased with what He had made and I believe He is pleased when we enjoy His creation. As I was thinking of this, I was reminded that when I make or do something which I am pleased with, I like for others to appreciate or be impressed with what I have done. Isn't that why we post things to fb or instagram? I confess that when I made a batch of rolls a week ago, I not only posted it to instagram, I also tagged my daughters and my sister, then checked often to see if they liked what I posted. 😊

God tells us that He gives us all things richly to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17). This includes His creation, in this case this week: the ocean, the shore and friends to enjoy it with.

I found some verses that talk about the ocean in reference to the might and power of God, as well as His forgiveness:

Isaiah 40:12 ~ "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, or with the breadth of His hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?"

Proverbs 30:4-5 ~ "Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in His fists? Who wraps up the oceans in His cloak? Who has created the whole wide world? What is His name--and His son's name? Tell me if you know! Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to Him for protection."

Psalm 33:5-8 ~ "He loves righteousness and justice; the world is filled with the gracious love of the Lord. By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, all the heavenly bodies by the breath of His mouth. He gathered the oceans into a single place; He put the deep water into storehouses. Let all the world fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him."

How awesome is our God. He holds the waters of the oceans in the hollow of His hand; He wraps up the oceans in His cloak; He puts the deep water into storehouses.

And then there's Micah 7:18-20 ~ "Is there any God like you, forgiving iniquity, passing over transgressions by the survivors who are your heritage? He is not angry forever because He delights in gracious love. He will again show us compassion; He will subdue our iniquities. You will hurl all their sins into the deepest sea."

Our sins are gone, to be remembered against us no more. Hallelujah!

I am continuing to read through Spurgeon's Morning and Evening each day. Tonight's devotional was taken from Psalm 84:11 - "The Lord bestows favor and honor..."

"God is wonderfully generous by nature; to give is His delight. His gifts are immeasurably precious and are given as freely as the light of the sun. He gives grace to His own because He wills it, to His redeemed because of His covenant, to the called because of His promise, to believers because they seek it, to sinners because they need it. He gives grace abundantly, seasonably, constantly, readily, sovereignly; the value of the blessings is doubled by the manner in which it is given. Grace in all its forms He freely supplies to His people: comforting, preserving, sanctifying, directing, instructing, assisting grace He generously and constantly pours into their souls, and He will always do so, whatever may happen. Sickness may come, but the Lord will give grace; poverty may descend on us, but grace will definitely be supplied; death must come, but grace will light a candle in the darkest hour. Reader, how blessed it is as years roll on, and the leaves again begin to fall, to enjoy this unfading promise, 'The Lord bestows favor and honor, no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.'"