It's been over two months since Andy passed from death to eternal life. I didn't know if I would continue my posting. The best word to describe how I was feeling was: "numb." I appreciate my many friends and family members who are concerned about me. I don't always know what to say when they ask how I'm doing. I've come through deep sorrow and at the same time, have experienced moments of great joy.

The day of the memorial service, Pastor told me I could take off as much time as I needed. So I went to work the next day! I reasoned that it would be better than sitting at home by myself. And it was. But after another couple of days, I knew I had to get away. I was physically exhausted and emotionally fragile.

I called my sister in South Carolina and she immediately and graciously urged me to stay with her for a week. I quickly arranged for the office to be covered while I was gone and bought airline tickets.

We didn't have an agenda except to relax and be together. My sister is gifted in hospitality and loves to spend time in her kitchen. She treated me royally with gourmet food and the gift of just sitting in a comfy chair to read, think and chat with her. We did get in a couple of fun things: a pedicure, a hike in nearby woods and a trip to the Biltmore estate.

Raspberry cheesecake with coconut crust

Lemon curd

The grounds at the Biltmore estate in Ashville, NC, had a beautiful display of Chihuly glass sculptures that we enjoyed.

I had to leave SC earlier than I had planned because Hurricane Florence was on the way. I was able to change my flight out without additional cost and got home safely. The time away was such a gift, a respite sorely needed.

Then the following Sunday at church, I really struggled again. Everything reminded me of Andy: the carpet in the lobby (he oversaw the process of replacing it); the auditorium (he worked with Rich on adding decorative molding); walking by the nursery (he loved working with the kids and oversaw the staffing); and even the worship service (how many years had the two of us led worship?). Everyone seemed glad to see me and were kind to ask me how I was doing, but I couldn't help dissolving in tears and admitting: "not good."

But God in His mercy, provided another get away for me. Three Sundays in a row, I missed going to my own church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church, but a break from the pain of all the memories there was essential.

I have been very busy with family in the last several weeks: meeting with Dawn for coffee and conversation; having grandchildren over for special one-on-one time; spending time with the girls and their families, and going to Maine with my special friend, Ruth.

God continues to minister to me through various avenues. I believe He led me to consider what the purpose of the rest of my life should entail. I love the verse Paul wrote in Philippians 3:10 where he stated that he wanted to know Christ and make him known. Then I received Paul Tripp's Wednesday's Word on September 26. He talked about the fear of public speaking that many people experience. He went on to teach that many of us are not called to a public ministry of teaching or preaching, but we are all called to be God's instructors to each other.

He went on to explain:

The Apostle Paul instructs us all, in Colossians 3:16, to “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom.” In this context, Paul is talking about the myriad of everyday-life ministry opportunities that God gives to each of his children.

(This passage is not addressing seminary students or pastors or elders. At the beginning of the chapter, he starts with, “If then you have been raised with Christ…” That's all of us, any Christian, regardless of vocation or location.)

So what do these everyday-life ministry opportunities look like? David shares one in Psalm 51:13: “I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.”

This type of teaching doesn’t require us to lay out a comprehensive theology of grace. Most of us wouldn’t be qualified to do that. Instead, this type of teaching requires us to share our stories of rescue and transformation with others.

This one-on-one, informal ministry is not teaching the person about grace. Rather, I am sharing my experience of grace. People learn, not because I’ve opened the dictionary and given them a lecture, but because I’ve shown them the video of grace in operation in my own life.

What qualifies us to teach in the personal ministry context of everyday life is the grace that we have received in our own moments of need. By being willing to share my own story, I am being a tool of transforming grace in their lives...you will always be called to a life of daily gospel transparency.

So there it is. I have experienced God's lavish grace as I've gone through deep waters. I could not do this in my own strength and in my own power. And if God receives great glory by my display of His grace in my life, then doesn't that make all of this worth it? He alone is worthy. I want to make His name great and glorious.

Psalm 66:2
"Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious!"

1 Peter 1:3-7
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -- kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Scotland trip, part 2

Wednesday, June 13
Our lovely weather didn't last. It rained all day on Wednesday. Fortunately, most of our day consisted of driving. First stop was Glenfinnan to see the railroad trestle used for a steam engine that still runs. This scene was used in the Harry Potter movies and is a popular stop for tourists. We had to hike up a hill to see the train come along the viaduct. It would have been lovely except for the cold and wet and midges. I had my umbrella with me so I was somewhat protected from the rain, but the midges liked being under the umbrella with me. I got to the top of the hill but decided not to stay, even though the train was due momentarily. So I went back to the car and waited, then "stole" Christy's picture.

On the other side of the hill we climbed, looking the opposite direction was a monument erected to the battle that had taken place in this valley in support of Bonnie Prince Charles.

I couldn't help thinking as we experienced all these beautiful spots: "How sad that in all this beauty, so much bloodshed, unrest and strife had taken place."

Thursday, June 14
We woke in the morning to gale force winds and rain. We left our cozy cottage and were on our way in spite of the storm. All that rain produced some significant waterfalls down all the high hills.

We were in the car for quite a while, but eventually came to Loch Lomand...stopped to take some pictures then drove on to Stirling Castle. Loch Lomand is long (24 miles long) and narrow, so it felt like we were driving beside it for a very long way. We finally found a spot to park and get out to take pictures and explore.

The bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomand

We spent a lot of time at Stirling Castle because it was so huge and rich in history.

"Stirling Castle, located in Stirling, is one of the largest and most important castles in Scotland, both historically and architecturally. The castle sits atop Castle Hill, an intrusive crag, …and is surrounded on three sides by steep cliffs, giving it a strong defensive position. Its strategic location, guarding what was, until the 1890s, the farthest downstream crossing of the River Forth, has made it an important fortification in the region from the earliest times.

Most of the principal buildings of the castle date from the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. A few structures of the fourteenth century remain, while the outer defenses fronting the town date from the early eighteenth century.

Before the union with England, Stirling Castle was also one of the most used of the many Scottish royal residences, very much a palace as well as a fortress. Several Scottish Kings and Queens have been crowned at Stirling, including Mary, Queen of Scots, in 1542, and others were born or died there."

Scotland loves using the red lion and lots of unicorns in their tapestries and art work.

The Queen's bed

The Queen's desk

We had a delightful guide at Stirling Castle who explained the history and functions of the different parts of the castle. It was fun listening to her thick accent.

Robert the Bruce with Christy and me!

Two of Scotland's most famous battles took place at Stirling. In 1314, Robert the Bruce led the Scots to victory over the English. He was greatly outnumbered by the English, but was successful because of his military genius.

Friday, June 15
We arrived back in Edinburgh Thursday evening so Friday was spent exploring the city. Driving the streets is a nerve wracking experience: they're narrow, some are cobblestoned and there are lots of roundabouts. Narrow streets don't stop 2-way traffic or huge sight seeing buses. In the earlier part of the week, driving through the country, there was less traffic and the people were generally gracious with our touristy driving. The city was a different matter and was more like driving in Philadelphia or any large city with lots of traffic and people in a hurry. Being honked at, though, does not help you drive better. In my opinion, it only exacerbates the problem, because now, you're not only doing the wrong thing (according to the one who honked), but you're adding anxiety to the mix.

Edinburgh is a very old city, even what they call the "new town" was constructed in the mid-late 1700's. The buildings reminded us of down town Philadelphia, built in rows right against the sidewalks (no front lawns), made of stone, 3-4 stories high.

And above the town is the imposing castle. The day we were there, it was mobbed with tourists.

The castle was impressive and awesome but harder to enjoy because there were so many people...long lines to see everything. We did persevere, though, and stood in line to see the crown jewels. (no pictures allowed)

Holyroodhouse was next on our agenda. This is England's royal (currently Queen Elizabeth II) residence when they visit Scotland on official duties. I didn't take a lot of pictures of these buildings because it was raining but this hedge was so impressive. We determined it was made of beech trees, trimmed to perfection.
 

the tree trunks were so thick - obviously ancient

The castle gardens and greenhouses were fun to explore.

And to top it all off, they had a cafe there so we could sit in out of the rain and enjoy a "cuppa" tea/coffee with some Scottish shortbread. The girls enjoyed testing various flavors of tea, but I loved a "cuppa" mocha.

All the castles have so much history and are interesting in their own right. You would think that seeing so many of them, you'd eventually get bored of visiting one more. But that was not the case. At the Holyroodhouse, there were buildings that were built as early as the 1,000's. That's hard to fathom for us who come from such a "young" country.

ruins of the Abbey

Saturday, June 16
It rained all day which didn't stop us from walking all over town. I was still wearing flip flops and my feet were cold and wet all day. The sidewalks were slippery and I had to be very careful not to slip and fall, but at least my blisters weren't hurting.

Our first stop was the royal yacht, Brittania. Most of that tour was inside the yacht, although we did walk outside on the decks at several spots. The living space of the royals was quite nice - fit for a queen.

From the yacht we hopped on a bus to go to the botanical gardens. Some of the gardens were inside under roof, but we still had a lot of walking around outside.

Back in the city, we ran into a gay pride parade, but it was a peaceful mob so we popped into and out of shops continuing our hunt for souvenirs to buy. We happened upon a street magician and watched his show. Then we had our dinner at a pig roast restaurant called, "Oink, Oink!" To finish out our Scottish food experience, we went looking for a place that would provide us with the deep fried Mars bar. Yes, it's Scottish and believe me...it's decadently delicious. I'm sure it's right up there with Turkish Delight!

By the time we decided to call it a day, the buses had stopped running for the day. It was still raining, and since it was a very long walk back to our flat, we hailed a taxi. The price wasn't that bad, and we had an interesting conversation with the driver. He was asking us all kinds of questions about America which we didn't mind answering. But when he started talking about politics, I decided it was time to change the subject and asked him about England's royals. Fortunately, he took the bait until we arrived at our destination.

It was so good to get out of my wet flip flops, soak my feet in a hot tub, then get into slippers for the rest of the evening. After we arrived "home," the sun came out.

Sunday, June 17
Since our plane wasn't leaving till 5:00pm, we were able to fit in one more sight seeing adventure by going to the Tantallon Castle. This castle is mostly in ruins, thanks to Oliver Cromwell, sitting high on a promontory opposite from Bass Rock. This rock is the nesting site for 150,000 gannets every summer. We could see the tiny white dots flying over the rock and ocean but they didn't show up in the picture.

As always the castle was impressive, even in its ruins. We were able to climb to the top, but being so high gave me butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I can understand why they built those castle so high... you're able to see for miles around up there. I guess the builders weren't afraid of heights!

And so ended our Scotland trip. It was such a nice break for me, away from the routine and stress of my life and all I deal with every day. I also immensely enjoyed being with Christy and the girls. We had such a good time together, and I came home relaxed and at peace with my situation.

It's hard to believe it's already two weeks in the past, but I have a lot of pictures and memories that will keep me going for a long time. It was kind of the Lord to give me this gift.