"With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings."

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

It was pretty hot and humid to be out hiking, but the spring scenery was so pretty and the time spent with a friend made it all worth while. We hiked for 7 miles and I admit, I was dragging by the time we got back to the car. That was a lot for an "old" lady like me, especially in that heat and humidity. But I lived to tell about it!

I don't regret being out in nature in that weather because it's always an opportunity to worship the Creator as I observe and soak in his beautiful creation.

I had my usual ups and downs this week. On Monday morning, there was an envelope on my desk addressed to me. When I opened it, someone had assured me of their continued prayers and included $100 in cash. What a blessing. I put the card away and forgot about it as I did my work. In the afternoon, I received a call that a check I had written for Andy's care at Harmony Village had bounced. What??? My heart dropped to my toes. That didn't make any sense at all since I had written the check on my home equity line of credit, which had been approved. So I called the bank to inquire what was going on. They had to research the problem, but when they called me back, they admitted it was their fault. Well, that was all fine and good...but now I was an emotional mess. I couldn't stop thinking about it and worrying that Harmony Village would be concerned about my reliability for future payments. 

When I got home from work, as I was emptying my briefcase of paperwork, I came across the card from that morning. Oh yes, it was a reminder to me that God had known all along what was going to happen that day and provided me with a "little" reassurance to pick me back up. How good He is to me.

Andy is doing about the same. I don't know how he is during the day when I'm not there, except what the care givers tell me. They are encouraging him to go outside now that the weather is a little nicer. He doesn't seem to have the stamina or strength he did last summer. After I help him with his dinner each evening, all he wants to do is go to his room to lie down. Most evenings, he falls asleep while I'm reading to him, and doesn't even wake up when I leave. I expect him to because the door needs some WD-40 to stop the creaking when I open it. But he doesn't stir. His tremors are extreme and severe at times. Fortunately, they are not constant, there are moments of relief. He doesn't seem to be as bothered by them, and I sense he's more at peace about them. I wonder if it's part of the Parkinson's -withdrawing inward. Who knows?

I am currently reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.

 

I think most people desire for their life to count. But what do we want it to count for? Pastor has often mentioned that God doesn't waste experiences. And I certainly don't want my experience to be wasted. I can't help but think that with an experience this difficult, there must be a reason for it. What is the purpose? One of Piper's chapters is entitled: Risk is Right--Better to Lose Your Life than to Waste It. He defines risk as "an action that exposes you to the possibility of loss or injury." Although my situation isn't technically a "risk," there are principles that apply. For instance, "risk is possible because we don't know how things will turn out. This means that God can take no risks. He knows the outcome of all his choices before they happen...And since he knows the outcome of all his actions before they happen, he plans accordingly. His omniscience rules out the very possibility of taking risks." (page 80)

"Every direction you turn there are unknowns and things beyond your control." "Safety is a mirage." 

Piper gives three examples of people in the Bible who risked all for God. They made a decision even though they didn't know how things would turn out, then left the results up to God. There was Joab in 2 Samuel 10 who led the battle against Israel's enemies, saying to his brother: "Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to him."

And what about Esther when realizing the danger she and the Jews were in, promised Mordecai she would do what she could by going to the king, saying: "If I perish, I perish."

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego showed the same resolve as they refused to bow down to the image Nebechadnezzar had erected for the people to worship. They told the king: "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." 

By God's grace and enablement, I want to display that same resolve. I pray for my situation to go a certain way, but even if it doesn't, I want to trust God that He has a better plan than mine. I must leave the results up to God, surrendering my will to His. May he do what seems good to him.

Paul tells the churches in Acts 14:22, that "we must enter the kingdom of God through many tribulations." Our earthly life is one of great uncertainty. "Not all will die for the cause of Christ. But not all will live either. Some will die. And some will live. This is what [Piper means] by risk. It is the will of God that we be uncertain about how life on this earth will turn out for us."

"There is risk everywhere. But this very risk is the means by which the value of Christ shines more brightly." And isn't that the point, after all? To be a means of showing how precious Christ is, how his grace is enough for our situation, how valuable he is to us. 

..."To know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." Philippians 3:10

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

"[I am] hard pressed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed, BUT not in despair; persecuted, BUT not abandoned; struck down, BUT not destroyed." 

These verses are another example of the "Holy But" that Dan Stone devotes a chapter to in his book, The Rest of the Gospel. He challenges us to live after the BUT. For instance: we can say: "I know God loves me, but it doesn't seem like it...everything is falling apart." Or "I know God is my sufficiency, but I don't really have what I need." This way of looking at life, though, is living "in the junk," in our circumstances.On the other hand, we can let the Holy But be a bridge, which picks us up from where we're stuck and moves us into faith. If we didn't have the negative in life, we'd never exercise faith. The negative is real and should prompt us to move into faith. Instead we can say, "I feel so weak, BUT God is my strength." Or, "I'm in pain, BUT Christ is my sufficiency."

I wish I could say I have this down pat, but in reality, I feel like I failed miserably this week. I was literally in the pit of despair for a day or two, and it took a lot of reading, praying, counseling by friends, talking with family members, preaching to myself what is true, and time to process with the Lord before coming back up to the "green pastures and quiet waters." 

King David uses the Holy But in Psalm 13. He starts out the psalm in doubt and despair: "How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?" Talk about being in the pit of despair! But David doesn't stay there. He reminds himself that he can go to God for answers. Then he uses that word, BUT. "But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully with me." His situation hadn't changed but he remembered who God is and how God had dealt with him in the past. 

It is actually a benefit the longer you live because it means you have a history of God's dealing with you throughout your past. I told someone recently that in all the times Andy changed jobs, there was never a time when he missed a paycheck. When he left seminary and we moved back east, he went straight to a job that was waiting for him. Then when we moved to Washington state for his job as associate pastor, he was immediately put on a salary. When he resigned from the pastorate and we moved back to NJ, again God provided an immediate job for him to move into. There were several other instances as well. God provided, God provided, God provided.

So the bottom line is for me to believe God will provide! You would think that this would be easy for me by now. But I confess it is not. I feel this is a test for me. Will I commit my way to the Lord and let him do the work? Our faith is precious - more precious than gold that is refined by fire. I am being refined and I want God to be pleased with my faith. This is not an easy test for me. I confess that I think of practically nothing else. At times, it is all-consuming, along with Andy's physical condition. How am I going to pay for the extremely expensive care that Andy needs at this time?

I can't just bring him back home, nor can I place him in an ordinary nursing home. He is at the point where he needs an assisted living mental care facility. He can't care for himself any more. 

Although my trust in God does not negate my own responsibility, I feel like so much of this is out of my control. I am meeting with a financial advisor and have an elder law attorney who are a lot smarter than I am at figuring these things out. So although I don't know the future, I know the God who holds the future. I am encouraged that none of what I'm going through is surprising to Him, nor did it catch Him off guard. He has a purpose in it and He is calling me to trust Him. 

A lot of things are still in the process of being resolved. To relieve some of that mental anguish, I had to get out for some nature therapy yesterday. It was a beautiful day, spring like with blue sunny skies and warm temperatures. I went to Strawbridge Lake in Moorestown because it's more urban. People use the road by the lake for jogging, biking, walking their dogs which feels safer for me since I'm by myself.

 


So no matter how difficult the circumstances I go through, I am not losing heart. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18) I may have moments (hours or days) when I am in the pit of despair, but God does not leave me there. In fact, He is there with me, but He speaks His truths to me, encouraging and ministering to me Himself. And He really is enough!

The other day I heard Casting Crowns sing God of All My Days. I think it was written just for me.

In my worry, God You are my stillness
In my searching, God You are my answers
In my blindness, God You are my vision
In my bondage, God You are my freedom
In my weakness, God You are my power
You're the reason that I sing
'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You're the God of all my days

Songwriters: John Mark Hall / Jason Ingram

God of All My Days lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

God is my stillness, my answers, my vision, my freedom, my power, the reason I can sing...my Everything. 

We've had some incredibly beautiful fall weather and I've taken advantage of it. But today is a rainy, gray, dreary day and I'm feeling glum. So as I write, I'm hoping that remembering the goodness of the Lord this past week will help lift me up a little.

Psalm 77:11-12 ~ "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago, I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."

I was visiting with Andy on Monday night and he said he was up to a walk around the building. While we were outside, my phone rang. It was Dawn wondering if she could come over with the kids. Andy was delighted...he always lights up when anyone of the family comes to see him.

Cole is such a sweetheart. He went to Andy, put up his arms to be held, then sat contently on his Poppop's lap.

On Wednesday evening, I stopped by Dawn's house after visiting Andy to spend some time with her and the kids. Tommy was away on a business trip so it was an opportunity to hang out with Dawn and possibly help with the kids so she wouldn't feel so alone. After the kids' baths, I read to them for a while. It brought back fond memories of when my own kids were that age. What a cozy time after baths, to snuggle with a good book.

On Friday afternoon, our church hosted a Trunk or Treat event on the parking lot. It was very well done and a lot of fun. I attended so I could be with the kids. Cole is such a sweet boy (did I mention this before!). He held onto my finger almost the whole time. He methodically put candy into his bag as it was given to him, but then made sure he had my finger again. I loved it.

Fall is beginning to color the trees. One of the prettiest trees in the fall is the sassafras with bright orange leaves, very showy and "sassy."

I had heard of a new park in the process of opening, very close to our house. I asked a friend if she wanted to explore it with me, and we decided to go for it. We weren't sure where we were going or what we were getting into, but it turned out to be a fun time together and we were out in nature.

There's a lot of work that's needed to make this into a pleasurable and easy park. At this point, the "trail" is marked with surveyor's tape on trees. There is a path, but it's not always easy to determine which way to go. I think the plan is to put gravel down which will help. An Eagle Scout troop built a bridge at one point that was low and wet, but there are a couple of other spots that could use either some planks or a bridge. I always enjoyed exploring. It gives the sensation of "going where no man has gone before." I'm sure many people have been in this woods before, but I can always pretend, right?!

The weather was cool yesterday afternoon, so I decided to tackle a bush that needed trimming. Andy always hated this bush because it has incredibly wicked thorns.

I like the bush, though, because it has cute little white flowers in the spring that develop into orange berries in the fall.

It has also been host to a number of birds who've built their nests in it in the spring. The location of the bush is right outside my kitchen window so I see it many times a day as I work. I guess you could say, I have a certain relationship with this bush. I do need to keep it trimmed back, though, because it can get out of hand. With the thorns being so lethal, they need to be kept away from the house in case we need to get by for any reason.

I know it looks pretty pathetic right now but it will fill out again, and I hope, be easier for me to prune next time.

As I was pruning this thorny bush, even being so careful, I still had a couple of scratches and punctures on my hands and arms. I couldn't help but be reminded of the crown of thorns that was pushed onto Jesus' head. "He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 55:5) All four gospels mention the crown of thorns that was placed on Jesus' head. 

Andy is not doing any better. That is to be expected. It is a degenerating disease, after all. I've noticed that his left hand is now exhibiting some tremors. It is not as bad as his right hand which is unbelievably bad. I don't know how he can stand it. Actually, I don't think he can. It is very annoying, frustrating and exhausting for his hand to shake all the time. It is so hard to visit him and be unable to do anything to alleviate his suffering. I don't think my reading to him is helping much any more. I'm not sure how much he is getting out of that. The tremor is just too distracting. I try to get him to take a walk, hoping that will give him something else to think about. But we don't get very far before he needs to turn around and go back to his bed. He just doesn't have the stamina and strength to continue. He tries...bless his heart. He wants to please me. 

I've noticed when I do his laundry these days that his t-shirts are inside out. When we were first married, I asked him to please not put his t-shirts in the laundry inside out. I didn't realize that he developed the habit of doing what I had asked until recently when I noticed that his shirts are inside out. So all those years, he set about to please me. But now that his dementia is progressing, he has forgotten about this little detail. Dear sweet Andy...always so faithful and loving even in the little things.

I got a call from the nurse this afternoon that Andy had fallen. They took his blood pressure and it was very low. He said he was dizzy. He was really out of it when I arrived at dinner time. He was in bed and it took great effort on my part to get him up and out to the dining area. He walked painfully slow. Simple instructions didn't seem to register. I and the care givers could hardly get him to the chair for him to sit down. He did eat everything on his plate but sat there in a catatonic state. I got him back to his room and helped him lie down. He promptly fell asleep. I stayed seated in the chair by his bed, just to be with him. About 30 minutes later, he woke up, was alert and speaking in complete sentences. I wonder if the nurse had given him medication for his dizziness that caused him to be so out of it.

On my way over to see Andy this evening, the Crowder band came on the radio with the song, I AM. Those words were just what I needed as I walked into the care facility.

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side.

I am
Holding on to You.
I am
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm
I am Holding on
I am!

Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why to You I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace

I AM, sung by Crowder

In the difficult times, it's impossible to keep holding on...we need someone to hold on to us. Casting Crowns sings it in their song: Just Be Held:

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

Writer(s): John Mark Hall, Bernie Herms, Matthew Joseph West
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com

God has promised to never leave us...He is always with us, holding on to us, giving us strength, carrying us when we're too weak, helping us soar on wings like eagles, surrounding us with his arms of love, pouring out his love and grace in ways we see and ways we have no clue. He is a good God.

 

Psalm 94:18, 19 ~ "When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' Your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul."

I am deeply touched by people's interest in Andy and how he is doing. In church on Sunday mornings, a number of people ask me how he is doing. It is an indication to me that he is deeply loved and has not been forgotten. This means a lot to me.

Different people with dementia or Alzheimer's display different symptoms or deteriorate at different rates. I have been amazed to watch Andy interact with the other residents, as well as the care staff at his facility. He treats people with respect, is helpful, intuitively knows how someone is feeling and moves to comfort them. When I'm with him at dinner time, there is a man sitting near us who is often in distress, moaning and saying he feels sick. When this happens, I notice that Andy is zeroed in on him, watching closely to make sure he is ok. Or a couple of weeks ago, this same man displayed some aggressive behavior toward the care giver. Andy was on high alert, and I know if he had sensed the care giver was in physical danger, he would have stepped into the situation. In fact, a different time, one of the care givers sought me out to tell me that Andy had done just that - stepping in to protect her from some aggressive behavior.

The speech therapist at Care One, a little Jewish lady, (I'll call her BG), told me that the facility had a rabbi come in one day because of Yom Kippur. The rabbi brought in a shofar. I'm not sure of all he did, but BG told me that Andy went up to her and told her he was a pastor. Of course, she affirmed that to him. 

Another woman, a wife of one of the residents, told me another story about Andy. She said that she observed him sitting on the couch next to the 100 year old. His hand was shaking with his tremors and this 100 year old put her hand on his hand. Then he took his other hand and put it on hers...so sweet.

In spite of Andy's confusion and inability to communicate coherently, there are moments that there is some clarity. Last night I was in his room reading to him. He was having a hard time concentrating because there was activity outside his room. The 100 year old was outside in the hallway talking. She is hard of hearing and her voice is very loud and raspy when she talks. It was impossible to ignore her even outside the room. I didn't know if it was upsetting him, so I said, "That's B, she has a raspy voice." And just like that, he said, "She's 100." I was shocked. He not only knew who I was talking about, he knew that detail of her age. Then I asked him if he wanted to live to 100, and he emphatically and quickly said, "No."

This week saw mixed conditions of how he felt. Earlier, two evenings in a row, his tremors were severe and non stop. Then the next two were good evenings, he hardly shook at all. On top of that, he felt good. We walked outside around the building, one evening even going around twice. He hadn't been able to do that in quite a while. But then the next two evenings, he had severe tremors again and felt awful. So it's an up and down journey.

Someone asked me, as well, how I like the facility where he is. I like it a lot. I feel the staff is caring and responsive to me whenever I have a concern. And they not only care about their residents, I feel they care about me, too. Whenever I enter the building, if the nurse, activities director, marketing director, financial secretary, etc. see me, they take the time to talk to me, tell me anecdotes about Andy, and ask me how I'm doing. This is a huge blessing to me.

Dawn went to see Andy on Friday and someone took her picture with him. He looks pretty good and I love this.

I have missed my hikes through the woods with Andy. It's been almost a year since he has been at Care One. We did so much hiking in the last several years before he was admitted. It was something we both enjoyed and could still do together. Since he's unable to go with me now, I've gone a couple of times with grandkids and friends. One of those friends suggested I organize hiking for women at church. I wasn't sure at first that I wanted to add something to my life. But I promised to pray and think about it. The Lord impressed on me that since I love the outdoors so much and have a lot of experience with hiking in the woods around here and know of many possibilities in our area, I could pass along that love of nature to others. So a couple of weeks ago, I met with two others to plan and put together a few ideas. 

The first of those we did this past Tuesday - a Board/Beach Walk in Ocean City. Six of us drove down, meeting another woman who was spending the week there with her family. We walked the boardwalk - 2 miles, stopped for lunch, then walked another 2 miles before taking the drive back home. The day started somewhat cloudy and even hinted at a few sprinkles, but as the day progressed, there were a few patches of blue that peeked through.

Although I'm not a fan of the color gray, the ocean is beautiful even when it's gray. There's something about watching the waves, smelling the sea air, hearing the calls of the gulls that is therapeutic and calming. 

After God created the world, He declared it "good." He was pleased with what He had made and I believe He is pleased when we enjoy His creation. As I was thinking of this, I was reminded that when I make or do something which I am pleased with, I like for others to appreciate or be impressed with what I have done. Isn't that why we post things to fb or instagram? I confess that when I made a batch of rolls a week ago, I not only posted it to instagram, I also tagged my daughters and my sister, then checked often to see if they liked what I posted. 😊

God tells us that He gives us all things richly to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17). This includes His creation, in this case this week: the ocean, the shore and friends to enjoy it with.

I found some verses that talk about the ocean in reference to the might and power of God, as well as His forgiveness:

Isaiah 40:12 ~ "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, or with the breadth of His hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?"

Proverbs 30:4-5 ~ "Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in His fists? Who wraps up the oceans in His cloak? Who has created the whole wide world? What is His name--and His son's name? Tell me if you know! Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to Him for protection."

Psalm 33:5-8 ~ "He loves righteousness and justice; the world is filled with the gracious love of the Lord. By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, all the heavenly bodies by the breath of His mouth. He gathered the oceans into a single place; He put the deep water into storehouses. Let all the world fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him."

How awesome is our God. He holds the waters of the oceans in the hollow of His hand; He wraps up the oceans in His cloak; He puts the deep water into storehouses.

And then there's Micah 7:18-20 ~ "Is there any God like you, forgiving iniquity, passing over transgressions by the survivors who are your heritage? He is not angry forever because He delights in gracious love. He will again show us compassion; He will subdue our iniquities. You will hurl all their sins into the deepest sea."

Our sins are gone, to be remembered against us no more. Hallelujah!

I am continuing to read through Spurgeon's Morning and Evening each day. Tonight's devotional was taken from Psalm 84:11 - "The Lord bestows favor and honor..."

"God is wonderfully generous by nature; to give is His delight. His gifts are immeasurably precious and are given as freely as the light of the sun. He gives grace to His own because He wills it, to His redeemed because of His covenant, to the called because of His promise, to believers because they seek it, to sinners because they need it. He gives grace abundantly, seasonably, constantly, readily, sovereignly; the value of the blessings is doubled by the manner in which it is given. Grace in all its forms He freely supplies to His people: comforting, preserving, sanctifying, directing, instructing, assisting grace He generously and constantly pours into their souls, and He will always do so, whatever may happen. Sickness may come, but the Lord will give grace; poverty may descend on us, but grace will definitely be supplied; death must come, but grace will light a candle in the darkest hour. Reader, how blessed it is as years roll on, and the leaves again begin to fall, to enjoy this unfading promise, 'The Lord bestows favor and honor, no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.'"

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (Hebrew 13:20-21)

He equips us with everything good for doing his will. Everything! Has anything been omitted? Is there any more I desire? Is there any more equipment I require in order to live to the full for the Lord? The promise says I have everything.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." (1 Peter 5:10) 

"May God Himself, the God of Peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24) 

He calls us to an impossible task - to be holy and blameless - but then He does that very work Himself through us. 

By living His life through me, He enables me to be pleasing in His sight. He also gives me the grace to endure the difficult things I encounter in this life. The amazing reality is that I'm not just "enduring," but experiencing the joy He gives just by knowing Him.

Andy seemed to be doing better by the end of the week, and I thought his infection was under control. But I just got back from visiting him, and he is saying he is feeling lousy again. He finished up his antibiotic yesterday so it must not have killed the bacteria that caused his infection.

I had a meeting with some of the personnel at Care One. I'm very happy with their care. I met more for just talking, having a conversation and getting some counsel for my own peace of mind. I expressed the fact that I was feeling a bit "stretched." After all, I'm still working, taking care of the house and yard, and trying to get over to see Andy every day. They told me I didn't need to feel like I have to be there every day. Andy seems pretty contented at this point, and it doesn't seem to register if I'm there or not. Yes, he still knows who I am and when I'm there, he expresses thanks and appreciation for my being there. But he doesn't sit around and wonder where I am, or seem to notice if I miss a day here and there. 

I was able to fit in a number of fun activities this week. On Wednesday afternoon, I babysat Dawn's kids so she could have a couple of hours to herself. It was a nice day so I got out the bikes and stroller, and we set off for our adventure.

Both girls are really fast on their bikes, although Kasey went a little too fast down a hill and her bike toppled over. Grammy fail!

Thankfully, her teeth were unaffected, and it was just a cut on the lip. I'm sure it still hurt, though. She cried a little, but over all, was very brave. I had to keep Kira from being too dramatic about BLOOD! But we all survived.

On Friday, I met up with Christy and her kids at Morris Arboretum. It was a beautiful day - couldn't have been better. And we love that place. 

My phone said we had walked about 3 miles by the time we were getting ready to leave. And a certain little 5 year old was getting tired. Unfortunately, the stroller had a flat tire so it was impossible for anyone to get a ride in it. So I took pity on her and offered to piggy back her. When she climbed on my back, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get up. But after a few attempts I made it. It turned out to be quite a workout because the going was all up hill!

I was a little surprised that I wasn't displaying any allergy symptoms while walking around so long outdoors, but on the way home, I started sneezing. Then I commenced with the nose blowing. Well, at least it didn't bother me until afterwards.

Yesterday, Saturday morning, I met a friend to do a little hiking. She had never been to the Black Run Preserve, so I took her over there. Fortunately, we started early enough because it got pretty hot and humid by the time we were finished. 

I was feeling a little tired in the morning when I got up, but after a cup of coffee, I perked up. By the end of our hike, though, I was feeling so exhausted, I was wondering if I was getting sick. After I had my lunch, I decided to lie down, and I slept for an hour. I got up, but still felt awful and lay down again. Believe it or not, I slept the rest of the day. I didn't eat anything for supper, called Care One to let them know I wouldn't be coming over and to let Andy know, then went back to bed and slept till this morning. 

I was wondering what in the world was the matter with me, but think it must be allergy related. There is a lot of pollen out there right now, and I was out in nature for two days. 

I've been reading through Randy Alcorn's 50 Days of Heaven. One of the things he mentions that has been such an incredible thought is that God will one day, restore the earth. This earth will one day be redeemed, restored, renewed, reconciled, recovered, regenerated, resurrected....(Lots of re- words) Randy Alcorn says that "God has never given up on his original creation." 

Randy goes on to say, "God has never surrendered his title deed to the earth. He owns it--and he will not relinquish it to his enemies. In fact, Scripture tells us that 'the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work'. (1 John 3:8)"

All the beauty we enjoy now in and on this earth, will be so much better on the new earth. I really like thinking about that while I'm out in nature. It's especially comforting to think that on the new earth I will not suffer from allergic reactions or tick and mosquito bites. And that really will be Paradise!

This week felt like somewhat of a break from all the stress of the Andy's illness. For one thing, I found out that Andy did have a UTI and has been on a round of antibiotics. He definitely seems better. He's not telling me he feels awful and he's sounding a little more lucid than last week.

For another thing, I've had several instances of being able to spend time with family. I am grateful for my daughters and their families, who have been so supportive and comforting. I really don't feel alone, but that we're in this together.

My youngest sister lives in Maryland, only an hour and a half away from us here in Jersey. In spite of how close we live, I only see her once a year at our annual family July 4th picnic. And when we're together at our family picnic, we really don't get to talk much except superficial small talk. So it was a great pleasure that she decided to take a day off work last week in order to spend the day with me. 

She arrived at 9:00 am and we headed out to Rancocas State Park (my go-to park this year!). It was somewhat cloudy and dreary, but at least it wasn't raining and we walked the blue trail along the Rancocas Creek - the whole 3.2 miles.

This sister is 8 years younger than me, with another sister and two brothers between us. I was the protective big sister while I was still living at home. But by the time she was in her teens, I was in college and away from home. 

After our hike, we ate at a nearby restaurant.
 

While eating, we decided to do another hike. After not having Andy for my hiking partner these last couple of months, I felt like I was making up for lost time. Actually, my sister doesn't have the opportunity to do much hiking because her husband would prefer not to, plus she works a full 40 hours a week. 

So after lunch we went to Black Run Preserve and hiked another 3 miles. By that time, the sun had come out and it was nice and warm.

My sister and I talked and talked and talked. I don't think we ran out of conversation even after being together all day. So it was a very nice day for me.

Another break came yesterday when I drove up to Lancaster County to spend some time with Amy and her family.

I don't think Amy has enough to do (canning, preserving, homeschooling 3 kids, running Chase to hockey practice, Etsy crocheting shop, etc.). Last week, she dyed her two white chickens. This one is Joanna's. 

 

We had lunch together, then drove over to a nearby Rails to Trails path. She was dog sitting so we loaded up her Suburban, taking 2 dogs, 3 kids, roller blades, and a bike. It was another lovely day with the sun coming out occasionally but the temperature was just right.

The grandkids always like to measure themselves against me when we see them. They are so anxious to get taller than me. That's not much of a goal, though, since I'm shorter than just about everyone! When I first got to their house, Chase stood next to me, but I assured him he still had a looooong way to go! But this picture looks like he's just about there until Amy reminded me that he has his roller blades on - phew! After all, he's only 10. Either he's crazy tall for 10, or I'm shorter than I thought.

As we were leaving to go back to Amy's house, we came to a 4 way stop. The lady to our right had the right of way, but she wasn't paying attention. I observed that she was on her cell phone and told Amy to go ahead. When we got on the main road, there was a lot of traffic which was moving at a slow crawl. Amy looked in her rear view mirror and noticed the lady was right behind her and was still looking at her cell phone. Then Amy and I were talking about the last time she was down here with me and how there had been a minor accident where a school bus had rear ended another car that got pushed into Amy's front driver's side, doing a little damage. As we were remembering that incident, all of a sudden: BOOM! We were rear ended by the lady behind us. What a scare and a shock. Fortunately, we were all seat belted, but the dogs came flying up to the front. This accident was not a minor one. We were all physically ok, but the vehicles had significant damage. Amy's Suburban doesn't look too bad, but as she was driving it after the police gave the ok, there were a couple of dash lights on and Amy didn't think it felt "right." The lady who hit us was pretty shook up, said her chest hurt because her seat belt had not held her, and she had banged into her steering wheel. Her car had to be towed away.

I admit I was a little nervous about driving home after that. But the best antidote for getting thrown off a horse is to get back on. Right? I did make it home just fine. I'm grateful for the Lord's protection and safety in my travels on the turnpikes.


Andy's mom has been sick. She was taken to the hospital twice this week. We're not sure what's wrong, but she has a bad cough, so it could be possible pneumonia. With her being sick, her dementia is decidedly worse.

So that added to the excitement around here this week. That's why it was so good of the Lord to provide some respite for my soul, spending time with my sister, then going away yesterday. Getting a break from the struggles and stresses you're dealing with helps to bring relief, if only temporarily.

My reading this week included The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp. 

 

I had received a number of books for my birthday, that being one of them. I admit that although I had requested the book, I was not keen on the idea of brokenness and I saved that one for last.

But I'm glad I finally did read it because it ministered to my soul. Ann is a gifted writer and is so creative in the way she uses words to convey truth.

She reminded us in her book that: 

"I am not the mistakes I have made; I am the righteousness He has made. I am not the plans I have failed; I am the perfectness He has finished. I am not the wrongs I have done; I am the faultlessness He has been. I am not the sins I have chosen; I am chosen by the Beloved, regardless of my sins. In Christ I am chosen, accepted, justified, anointed, sealed, forgiven, redeemed, complete, free, Christ's friend, God's child, the Spirit's home...My value is defined by the One who said, 'It is finished.' And who achieved it all." (page 193)

Thank God, my worth does not depend on me. 

I had received a beautiful hand made dish by a potter some time ago. But one day, when I opened a cupboard door above this dish, something fell out and onto the dish which broke it. I couldn't bear to throw it away, and my friend advised me to keep it to remind me of my own brokenness. 

And it is a good reminder. Yes, I am broken. But one day I will be made whole. I won't be old and broken any more. 

Revelation 21:5 ~ "He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"