Christmas Week 2015

We fit a lot in for us: Christmas Eve service, hike on Christmas Day, sleep-over with Kira on Christmas evening, trip to Berks County for my side of the family get-together. 

It was a lot of fun but now we're paying the price. Hopefully, resting up today will have us up and back to normal again tomorrow. 

I've been thinking Andy is going through a pretty long stretch of good health. His Alzheimer's and Parkinson's are still evident but otherwise, he's feeling well. This is a blessing. I've tried to keep as close to routine as possible, thinking that a break in the accustomed schedule might be harmful and cause a set-back.

But sometimes, you just have to get outside the norm and experience some change to liven things up. It didn't help that the last week has seen rain, rain, rain with gray and gloomy skies. We just had to get out. So on Christmas Day, we drove over to Amico Island and took a stroll on the hiking trails. There were puddles to walk around and the ground was quite squishy in many places, but in the time we were there, the rain held off. The weather was so warm that there was a mist rising off the river. 

We walked a trail I don't think we had been on before, going through a large stand of river birches.

Then we found this black willow with four huge trunks rising from the root (although in this picture, only three trunks are visible).

 
Kira had asked a month or so ago if she could sleep over at our house with a special request to sleep in the apartment upstairs. Since no one is currently up there and she has off school this week, it seemed like a good time to fulfill her request. Dawn brought her over Christmas evening. 

We played games, watched a Veggie Tales video, read a bed time story, then went to sleep. Actually, it was hard to settle down because excitement was running high. Kira was so excited she was bouncing around on her bed. She told me she couldn't sleep and asked what she could do. She came up with her own idea of "counting sheep." Then proceeded to count out loud. At one point, she was so excited, that in her bouncing around, she fell off the bed. It was quite entertaining. We finally did get to sleep, though.

The next morning, there was breakfast, more games, fun with Poppop, 

and another Veggie Tales video before getting in the car for a trip to Berks County. My brother hosted a pizza party for my side of the family at his house. I had originally decided to go by myself and leave Andy home with his parents. But his mom and dad were sick all Christmas Day and still weren't feeling well on Saturday, so I felt sorry for Andy being home by himself all day and asked him if he wanted to come along. I wasn't going to drive, but planned to go with Tommy and Dawn in their new van so there was plenty of room for Andy, too.  

It was a very long two hours in the car even though we were with the kids and I didn't have to drive. We had a good time connecting with family when we got there. All of our girls and their families were there which was special. One of my sisters and one of my brothers were there, as well as my mother.

Andy and I both had a good time connecting and I got comments that remarked how good Andy seemed. Yes, he did - but today is a different story! I think it is good for him to be around people but it is also very exhausting for him. He tries very hard to be coherent but the effort takes its toll.

Then it was another two hours for the trip home. He was tired so he went to bed fairly early. I stayed up later and tried to read to make myself sleepy. I was in the front room when I heard someone walking around. When I went to check, it was Andy. He was confused and said he didn't know where I was. He was anxious and I had a hard time calming him down. When I asked him in the morning about it, he didn't remember anything. 

We didn't go to church yesterday. I was pretty tired and he must have taken 3 or 4 naps throughout the day. We just stayed in the house, I sat in my relaxin' chair most of the day.

Well, hopefully, I'll be feeling up to partying again by the end of the week when we will have everyone over to our house for more Christmas togetherness. We still have lots of presents under our tree for the children and grandchildren.

Still Processing

In Garrison's Keillor's stories about the make believe Lake Wobegone, there is a church with the name of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility. While this draws a chuckle from his audiences, it also strikes close to home. 

This past week I had several people who are very close to me express their concern that I was taking too much responsibility on myself, and I needed to make time in my life for a break. I have all kinds of "reasons" why I can't take a break, why I have to keep going...but I have to admit, I also began to feel a breath of fresh air at the thought of being free - if only for a day or two.

So what does that mean for me...what can I do to refresh myself...to keep from being constantly exhausted?

Right now, I don't know the answer, but I'm processing and thinking through some ideas. I like the idea of getting away for a long weekend. At the same time, I struggle with making sure Andy is taken care of while I'm gone. That could involve a lot of prep work, leaving a schedule, training someone else, and then trusting that person to do what currently only I know and do with him. Then when I return, will I have to pick up the pieces and deal with issues that might not have happened if I had stayed "on the job"?

My first trial was a night out on Thursday. Dawn's friends gave her a "sprinkle," which is a new term in my book. In actuality, it was a baby shower. So I put on a movie for Andy with instructions to take his pills before bed and a promise that I would be back. It was a good time with Dawn and her friends (my friends, too!), and I even won the baby bingo game! When I got home, Andy was in bed and he had taken his pills. Yeah! We both survived.

I left work around noon on Friday and felt the call of the woods. It had been several weeks since our last hike - too long. We went to Palmyra Cove and walked in the woods which is a little less windy than the river trail. It was a cold and windy day, but there were some occasional blue patches of sky.

I need to constantly remind myself to get out in nature...what a catharsis it is to my soul. It doesn't matter if it's cold. Just dress more warmly but get OUT. Make the effort. I never regret it. Saturday was even colder and very windy, but off we went again, this time to Long Bridge Park. We took the long way around - probably a total of 2 or more miles. I like the trails in this park because they go through patches of holly trees and evergreens. So even though it's winter, there's still color in some areas.

There is much data to gather and think through. I like being with Andy, but I also see the value in getting away from our situation in order to gain some fresh perspective and be refreshed. I'm sure the Lord will guide me in this journey. He has promised to give wisdom to those who ask...and I'm asking!

Friends

The first time I heard Friends, I cried like a baby. It was our last Sunday in our church in Richland, Washington. Andy had read his resignation three weeks prior to this and a friend got up and sang this song in our honor. Leaving this church was the second hardest thing I ever went through (first was the loss of our first child). We had very dear friends in this church, relationships were dear. When I went to my close friends to tell them Andy was resigning, I spent hours crying with them. It was such a difficult time. Then this guy gets up and sings this song:

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

Songwriters
SMITH/SMITH

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

What made the song extra sad for me was that even though the words sung promised that we would always live as friends, I had no idea if I'd ever see them again. After all, we were moving 3,000 miles away from them. 

As sad as it is to lose a friend, I'd have it no other way. Friends enrich our lives in so many ways. And different friends bring out different characteristics in us. As it happened, I did get to go back to Richland several times, once with Andy and twice by myself. The most recent trip was the year before Andy became ill. I spent 5 days with Jeanie and Helene. These two are such fun...we laugh a lot together. And we visit tea/coffee shops. And we taste test anything that's out on plates in those same shops. 

 Aren't they beautiful!

But God has his friends for me wherever we end up. When we began attending our church in 1987, God provided many more to my list of people who were special and important to me. One of those actually became my neighbor when we moved next door to her and her family. Who would know how important that relationship would become, especially as she welcomed her mom, struggling with dementia, into her home to care for her. Then two years ago, when Andy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we felt a deeper kinship as we shared our struggles together. How I depended on her prayers and encouragement as I went through deep waters.

Earlier this week, I received an email invitation from a friend to a Christmas brunch their community group was having on Saturday morning. I eagerly said yes and we joined 5 other couples for a delightful morning of fellowship, not to mention awesomely delicious food.

Without Marcia

Without Bob

How good of God to supply these kinds of relationships for our enjoyment and encouragement.

God created us for relationship. The Old Testament kings and prophets knew God considered Abraham as his friend. In 2 Chronicles 20:7, King Jehoshaphat mentions in his prayer that God drove out the inhabitants of the land to give it forever to the descendants of "Abraham your friend." And in Isaiah 41:8, God speaks through the prophet: "But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend..." 

He is the most amazing Friend of all. Jesus told his disciples in the Upper Room that he would no longer call them his servants. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends." 

Jesus is always with me...he never leaves me or forsakes me. He does not pack his bags and move 3,000 miles away! He always gives me just what I need for every circumstance and situation as I go through this life. His love is unconditional, too. It doesn't depend on my behavior or mood. That is amazing in itself. I think I'd be tempted to send me to my room till I can change my attitude! But the reality is that I can't change my attitude without his help. I need him every hour, every minute, every second. I live and move and have my being in him. (Acts 17:28)

I'm currently reading J.I. Packer's God Has Spoken. He beautifully writes about our relationship with God:

..."God's purpose in revelation is to make friends with us. It was to this end that He created us rational beings, bearing His image, able to think and hear and speak and love; He wanted there to be genuine personal affection and friendship, two-sided, between Himself and us -- a relation, not like that between a man and his dog, but like that of a father to his son, or a husband to his wife. Loving friendship between two persons has no ulterior motive; it is an end in itself. And this is God's end in revelation. He speaks to us simply to fulfill the purpose for which we were made; that is, to bring into being a relationship in which He is a friend to us, and we to Him, He finding His joy in giving us gifts and we finding ours in giving Him thanks." 
 

What a Friend we have in Jesus.

God's Great Mercy

Andy seems to need a lot more sleep than I do, probably as a result of all the medications he is on. So after saying "good night" to him, I have been reading through the Bible before I go to bed myself. I'm actually on my second time through for this year!

I just finished reading through Jeremiah and was struck with the scathing indictment God gave on Israel's wickedness and idolatry. He was literally "sick and tired" of dealing with their rebellion and their stiff and stubborn necks. 

But then I got to chapter 31 and God continues to urge them to return to him. This is amazing. He tells them:  

"He who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar -- the Lord Almighty is his name; 'Only if these decrees vanish from my sight,' declares the Lord, 'will the descendants of Israel ever cease to be a nation before me.' This is what the Lord says: 'Only if the heavens above can be measured and the foundations of the earth below be searched out will I reject all the descendants of Israel because of all they have done," declares the LORD."

And just because we live in the age of the new covenant doesn't mean we are any different than the Israelites were. We may have more "sophisticated" idols, but they're idols nevertheless. We give our hearts, our allegiance to other things when we worry, complain, want our own way, etc.

But God still leads us to repentance by his kindness. He patiently draws us back to himself, showering us with grace and mercy and his everlasting love. He doesn't give up on us. Overwhelming!

"Overwhelmed"

I see the work of Your hands
Galaxies spin in a heavenly dance oh God
All that You are is so overwhelming

I hear the sound of Your voice
All at once it’s a gentle and thundering noise oh God
All that You are is so overwhelming

I delight myself in You
Captivated by Your beauty
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

I know the power of Your cross
Forgiven and free forever You’ll be my God

All that You’ve done is so overwhelming
I delight myself in You
In the Glory of Your Presence
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

You are Beautiful, You are Beautiful
Oh God, there is no one more Beautiful
You are Beautiful, God you are the most Beautiful

You are Wonderful, You are Wonderful
Oh God, there is no one more Wonderful
You are Wonderful, God You are the most Wonderful

You are Glorious, You are Glorious
Oh God, there is no one more Glorious
You are Glorious, God you are the most Glorious 

Songwriters
WEAVER, MICHAEL DAVID/WICKHAM, PHIL

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

We've been working at getting ready for Christmas. On Tuesday Andy and I put up the Christmas tree - all by ourselves and without arguing or becoming frustrated with each other - major victory!

 

 

Yesterday one of our youth pastors came over with his helpers (I use that term loosely !!) to put up our outside lights. It was fun having them here and they did a great job, even setting up the timers to come on and off automatically each night. This made me very happy, and I love looking at these lights at night. Andy did what he does so well - occupied the kids!

 

 

 

The mail is bringing packages every day and I'm almost finished with ordering gifts for the family.

 

The weather has been exceptionally beautiful yesterday and today. We didn't go hiking yesterday because of putting up the lights, but today we ventured out. I didn't want to go very far from home so we stopped at the Mill Pond in Vincentown. We had been there last winter when the pond was frozen and I wanted to stop by again. I didn't realize it, but there is no trail, just some benches to sit and look at the water and watch any ducks and geese that might be on the pond.

 

Vincentown is a quaint little town. The bridges across the streams are beautifully built and as we got out of our car, church bells were chiming, "He Leadeth Me."

 

Since there was no trail to hike, we decided to venture on a little further to the Pinelands Preservation Alliance. We had been there before but had not done any hiking at that spot. They had a trail all around their property, short and private. We saw a number of birds, probably attracted to all the berries still on the trees.

 

 

So once again we got our nature therapy...good for another week!

  

Lamentations 3:22-23 - New International Version (NIV) 

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Thanksgiving Week, 2015

Because of the short work week, I was a little pressed to get all my work done - four days of work squeezed into two. It was worth the extra effort, though, to be able to enjoy a long weekend with family.

I spent Tuesday making a batch of homemade rolls to be able to take along on Thursday. On Wednesday after work, I made a cherry pie, also to take along on Thursday, where we spent the day with Andy's brother and sister-in-law in Springfield, PA. We were trying to figure out how long we had been spending Thanksgiving Day with the Wallin side. It had to be at least 25 years or maybe even more. When our kids were little, growing up, of course they always joined us. But now that they have their own families, we have to sometimes share them with their in-laws. So this year, only Amy, Ricky and their kids were able to be with us at Dan & Lou's. But even Dan's kids weren't all with us. Only two of their five sons joined us for the day.

Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is our traditional family get-together with our daughters and their families. Unfortunately, this year Dawn and Kira was sick, so they couldn't be with us. Tommy stopped by with Kasey long enough to pick up his panzarattis and say hi. It was sad not having Dawn with us, but it was nice of her not to share her germs with the rest of us.

After our lunch, we all went over to Rancocas State Park for another tradition - holiday hike. We started out on the 3.2 mile loop but had to turn around after only going a mile because it was getting late. Both families live in PA and have to take into account travel time getting home. 

We still had fun being together, though, and got some good pictures. It was a nice warm day, spring like. Nearly all the leaves were down, so there was lots of brown but the kids added splotches of color on the trail!

When I saw Tommy on Friday, I asked him if he would have time to clean our gutters on Saturday.  I shamelessly bribed him with a batch of cookies, even allowing him to choose the kind he wanted. So Saturday morning...oatmeal scotchies! He got the whole batch all to himself. I wonder if he shared with his family!!

When he came over Saturday afternoon, he brought Kira and Kasey with him. I was hoping he would because being home all day, I was ready for some activity. Kira likes to go next door to play on the trampoline with our neighbor kids. The little girl next door asks me every time she sees me if I can call Kira's mommy to have her come over to play. So yesterday they had the opportunity. 

Andy gets on the trampoline with the girls and they all have a ball jumping on the trampoline and on Andy!

Andy didn't seem to be any the worse for all this activity. It's a great blessing for him to be feeling so good right now. His memory isn't very good, but at least he doesn't feel sick, and even seems to have a good amount of energy. 

The weather was pretty dreary and drizzly this morning and I thought we wouldn't be able to get out today. But after church and lunch, the rain stopped and there were even patches of blue sky. I have determined to get us out as often as we can because the fresh air and exercise is so beneficial for Andy, as well as cathartic for me. 

I checked our brochure and decided to go find the Assiscunk Creek Park since we had not been there yet. We found it and hiked for about 45 minutes. The air and paths were damp but the weather was clearing up. It was chillier than it's been but we like to hike when it's cold. It's exilerating.

 Isn't this a pretty trail? Still some color on some of the brush and undergrowth.

I was impressed with this huge tree, branches reaching to the heavens.

 

The tide was out, so although the creek was lovely, the mud on either bank was not too aesthetically pleasing. All in all, though, it was a good outing and we were able to check off another park from our list.

So this year, I'm thankful for family, for nature, for health to enjoy nature and family, and for all the blessings we enjoy from God's bountiful hand.

I was reading in New Morning Mercies about our thanksgiving and was challenged by the author, Paul Tripp, to "never let [my] enthusiasm for the gifts replace [my] worship of and service for the Giver." Even if my family is somehow not in my life any more, even if my health is gone, even if I can't get out and enjoy nature as I'd like, God is still good and blesses me with him presence, his everlasting love, his kindness, grace, mercy and abundant life in him. Jesus and his work on the cross has accomplished everything I need for this life and the next.

Habbakuk 3:17-19: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Another Blog Post

Where did the word "blog" come from? Did you ever wonder? The word has been around long enough now that we've probably forgotten the original meaning. So google it and find the answer! It's "a truncation of the expression weblog." I'm not really into blogging so the whole wide world will see my message. I mostly write for my own therapy, to keep my family and friends up to date on what and how we are doing - if they care. 

I try to be open and honest about my struggles, especially since my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. In all of this, though, I want to be careful to give honor and glory to God for his faithfulness, his love, his care in the details of what we are going through, because his fingerprints are all over this situation.  

It's been over 2 years now since we heard the diagnosis, although I certainly had strong suspicions that that's what we would hear from the doctors. What a shock! And then what stress I was under while I tried to deal with these illnesses and the changes that meant. I suddenly went from being dependent on Andy to fix and take care of things, to me being in charge. I suddenly found I couldn't talk things over with him any more because if I did, he would become confused and try to fix or take care of the situation when he no longer could. 

Things I've had to learn: set the timers on the outside lights, set the thermostat, change light bulbs (I know that's not really that hard unless you have to climb a ladder to get the lights in the cathedral ceilings and you're afraid of heights!), meet with the financial counselor to try to understand our retirement accounts, call a handyman to make repairs to house maintenance issues, learn to work the remote control. 

I know to some people these things might seem easy, but I never had to do them because Andy was always handy, always capable, always efficient, always ready and eager to take care of things. He still wants to help but he can't. If he tries to clean up after dinner, as an example; he'll pick up something and ask me where it goes. If I tell him to put it in the refrigerator, he'll start opening cupboard doors, trying to figure out where to put it. 

I keep his pills in his pill case in the same spot all the time on the kitchen counter. But if I tell him he needs to take his pill, he'll ask me where it is, even if I've gotten it out ahead of time and put it in plain view.

The disease is unpredictable. Sometimes he's interactive and communicating with others, and at other times, he's quiet and subdued. But he always tries. 

Earlier this week, Amy called to say she wanted to come down to spend some time with us. Tuesday was a beautiful fall day, so we met her and the kids at Long Bridge Park. There are about 4 miles of trails and the kids were good sports at following the maps I gave them. There's a play ground there, too, so a good time was had by all!

We have been to Long Bridge many times...it's one of our favorite parks. I know I say that about them all, but this one is for real! As many times as we've been here, though, we were on some trails we had never explored before. I just love hiking with the kids. Their exuberance, inquisitiveness and fun loving ways are a joy.

I love these fall days. Yesterday was also beautiful so after a morning of laundry, a few errands, and leaf raking, off we went to another park. I wanted to check out the Rancocas State Park to make sure it would work for our family hike on Friday. This was our third time there, and I must say, I much prefer to hike that trail in fall or early spring where there are no leaves on the trees. There are more opportunities to view the Rancocas Creek through the trees when the leaves are gone. It's a three mile hike and Andy did the whole thing. I kept asking him if he was tired or if his feet hurt, but he was game. He loves the outdoors so much, and it is such therapy for him. 

I didn't take any pictures of yesterday's hike since we had already been there and will be there again. I thought it would be a lot more interesting to have pictures of the kids when they're with us on Friday.

Today after church, we went to King of Pizza for a birthday party for Andy's dad. He turned 84 today. Andy's brother, Dan organized the party and there were kids, grandkids, great grandkids, cousins, friends, nieces, nephews who came - quite a gang.

We're going into Thanksgiving week when we receive all kinds of reminders that we are to be thankful. It should be a way of life for us - all year long - not just Thanksgiving week. I have a lot to be thankful for. God has blessed us with an incredible family, extended as well as immediate. I'm grateful for Andy's dad, who exemplified qualities of faithfulness, "steady-freddy"  helpfulness, quiet strength, care and concern for people, love for God and family, that were passed along to his son, my husband. Those qualities in my husband made it easy for me to show respect to him.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:3

Claire Bear

We hadn't been to see C & C for a long time because we have to drive major highways to get there. And Andy and I have not had good experiences with that since his illness. 

But Claire had a birthday yesterday and it was important to celebrate such a momentous occasion. Christy had originally said they would come down to us (she's so thoughtful), but they will be making the trip twice this month, so I thought - "you know...we just need to conquer our angst in the car."

So I talked to Andy about it and we both agreed we would relax and not get uptight on the trip. I found that it helps to put on a cd and listen. I think it helps to distract him from my driving (not that I drive like a maniac!). We ended up with a calm and pleasant trip today.

We left after church and arrived at Christy's by 12:30. She served us lunch and we listened to the kids play pieces on the piano. They are all really good, even Asher, who just started this fall with lessons. 
 

Claire was adding to the "music" by tooting the horn. She was so confident she was doing a good job and not too happy when the older kids wanted her to stop!


She had started taking violin lessons and when I asked her how that was going, she told me she wasn't taking lessons any more because she wasn't "cooperating" - her word! Well, she is only 4 - maybe in another year or two she'll be ready to practice and cooperate!


We had carrot cake for dessert, then Claire opened her present from us. She loves her princess dress.