A Weekend Away

I tend to plan things well in advance so that it seems like my special weekend away will never get here. But it finally did.

I left Friday morning and drove to Christy's house where I read to Claire for a little while so that Christy could finish getting packed up and ready to go. Then we stopped to pick up a friend of Grace's and off we went. 

I felt pretty good about being prepared for making sure Andy was taken care of while I was gone. As it turned out, we both survived! I had a home health aide come to the house both Friday and Saturday afternoons, from 2:00 - 8:00 pm, just to make sure Andy took his medications at the right times and to keep him company. A friend, Jim, came and spent overnight at the house, then stayed Saturday morning for a while. While Jim was here, he did some handyman jobs, went on a walk with Andy, and took a drive to buy a new smoke detector (we had a defective one). I saw Jim this morning, and he said he had a really good time hanging out with Andy and is ready to do it again any time I need to get away. And he encouraged me to do it!

We took a little side trip to "Big Valley" in Mifflin County where my mother is currently staying in the Valley View Retirement Communities. Christy and Grace played for as many residents as were in the activity center.

After some music time, my mother took us on a tour of the facility, showing us all around, introducing us to all her friends and relatives. I knew a couple of people: my Aunt Anna Margaret, my mother's life-long friend Sallie, her cousin Rachel. But there were a lot of people that I never met before: some my mother met after she moved in and some she had known since she had been a little girl. 

We got to meet my grandmother's cousin, Mabel. Mabel is 98 years old and still mentally sharp. It was a pleasure to meet her and hear some stories about her younger days.

I was hoping to get a chance to see Barbie's Lounge while we were there and made sure we fit that in on our tour of the buildings. Barbie was my aunt, my dad's sister with Down's Syndrome. She was the resident who lived the longest in this facility, having been there for 33 years. When they built a new wing to the facility, they named two lounges for Barbie.

This is an amazing picture. Not only are we in Barbie's Lounge, but this is my mother with her oldest daughter, oldest granddaughter and oldest great granddaughter! 

It's a huge facility but everyone seems very happy to be there. All the staff were so pleasant, caring and free with hugs! My mother is having the time of her life there.

At dinner time, we drove over to Allensville and met my Aunt Sis at a buffet for our evening meal. Aunt Sis is my mother's younger sister and has always been special to me. She didn't get married or have her own children until later and since my mother had me when she was only 20, Aunt Sis doted on me and my sister (and still does). She couldn't leave me after dinner without giving me a hand made gift.

The whole day was a real treat...seeing my mother in her "new" place and meeting her friends, spending time with loved ones.

Then it was back in the car to head on over to State College. We had a nice hotel room that Christy had reserved. Grace and her friend spent some time in the pool.

On Saturday, the girls did some more swimming before getting ready for the competition and checking out of the hotel.

Grace practiced quite a bit with her trio partners. The pianist was only 13 and unbelievably good. I'm not sure how old the cellist was but all were less than 15. Saturday was actually Grace's 15th birthday, but she still qualified to play in the junior division. We heard them play their pieces a number of times as they practiced...and each time was so enjoyable.

Then at 2:15 pm, it was finally their turn. 

 
They played Piano Trio in C Major by Franz Joseph Haydn and Piano Trio Op. 159, No. 1 in C Major by Carl Reinecke. Both pieces were done well, and I was sorry when they were finished! There were 7 trios in the junior division and Grace's trio did not win. They were last on the program so we didn't hear the others perform but they were perfect in my book!

Another treat while we were at State College was to visit a cafe in town, The Sowers Harvest Cafe, owned by Ricky's cousin. Amy had suggested we visit there for our lunch, and we were so glad we did. Their food was outstanding. When we explained to the workers that we were related to Ricky, they introduced us to the owner when he arrived. We thoroughly enjoyed his friendliness, as well as that of all his staff. The food was so good that we decided to go back after the competition and get our supper there, too.
 

Bryant Martin and his wife and foster daughter - thanks, Amy, for your suggestion to try out their cafe.

Well, it's a long trip from State College to Christy's house, then another hour and 20 minutes to my house. I finally made it home, though, and was surprised to see that the aide was still here. Andy was in bed, all his medications had been taken, but the aide was waiting for a ride. I was glad I got the chance to meet him. Andy said he had a good time with him. He was gentle, calm and industrious.

It was such a treat to get away and spend some time with Christy and Grace, experiencing life girl time for 2 days with them. It was a little stressful getting it all planned in order to make sure Andy was taken care of while I was away, but it was so worth it.

February Weather

You never can tell what the weather is going to be like in south Jersey in February. It could be mild, then again it could be arctic-like. We had a little of both this week which is certainly not boring!

We didn't go out on Tuesday because the weather was not very inviting for being outside. Also, we had an appointment with a home health agency where a nurse came to our home to fill out reams of paperwork on us. 

A number of months ago, our daughters encouraged me to take a break from caring for Andy all the time, so I looked into getting some help. I contacted this agency, not really knowing anything about them except their name. I thought it would be good to have a professional agency come out for the first time so I could learn how they do things and see how it would go. A couple of weeks ago, a representative came out to do a free in home consultation. That went well and Andy and I were both pleased. Then we were told that a nurse would come out right before I went away to meet us and get instructions on what I needed her to do while I was away. I was under the assumption that she would be the one who would be coming to stay with Andy, make sure he took his medications at the proper time, ate at meal time, drank lots of water, did his exercises, etc. 

But as we talked with the nurse and I told her what I needed, she informed me that she would not be the one to come out. It would be an aide. And the aide was not allowed to dispense medications. I immediately got a sinking feeling. So why am I paying all this money for someone to come out and they can't even do what I need?

We continued talking and filling out paperwork, but after she left, I really struggled with my emotions. How could I go away and be confident that Andy was going to be ok?

I texted a nurse friend and asked her to call me. I thought she might have some positive input to give me. She didn't answer.

I was surprised that I was able to get to sleep that night. That was a gift of grace since I can get pretty worked up and then toss and turn all night. 

The next morning I was in the middle of another text to my friend, when I got a reply from her. She was able to give me good input and advice on how to take care of the situation and by the end of an hour or so, following her suggestions, I was feeling so much better and relieved. 

In hind sight, I can see how the Lord was working his little indications that he was taking care of me and the situation. You would think that with all the experience I've had with the Lord that I would be perfectly at ease in every situation by this stage of my life. Apparently, I still have a long way to go!

At one point a number of months ago, I read in one of Paul Tripp's books that it's an evidence of the grace of God in our lives when he allows us to experience trials and sufferings. I admit I had a hard time understanding that. But I think as I continue to go through this experience, I can see God's grace displayed in the way he provides and cares for my comfort, encouragement, enablement, joy, and even happiness in this difficult place. 

So yesterday morning, my nurse friend, P and her husband, J came over to meet with us. J is going to spend the night with Andy while I'm away next weekend. Not only that, he came with a pad and pen to make a list of handyman jobs I needed to have done. He wants to be a help not only in being a companion to Andy but also to do anything that might need to be done around the house. Is that the grace of God at work? I definitely think so. I was so encouraged and feel at peace with their determination to help me not worry while I'm gone.

After they left, I decided I needed to get out in nature. It was a lovely day with brilliant blue skies, although it was cold. That's ok, though. That just means you dress the part. We went to Long Bridge Park and hiked the orange trail through the woods, then onto the blue trail that goes by the Rancocas Creek.

C.S. Lewis wrote: "Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy. These pure and spontaneous pleasures are 'patches of Godlight' in the woods of our experience."

It was cold but invigorating. Everything is always ok as long as the sun is shining!

We went to church this morning. When we got home, Tommy, Kira and Kasey were in the driveway waiting for us. Tommy had come over to clean our gutters. I did not get a picture of him up on the roof, but someday I will. I can't tell you how much I appreciate him doing that job. We have so many beautiful, established trees around the house which add shade and make me happy! But they do create a lot of work in maintenance: millions of leaves in the fall, and constant dropping of dead branches and twigs. So while Tommy worked, Andy and I played with the girls.

 

 

A visit to our house includes going over to visit the neighbor's chickens. With us being out there, the roosters are constantly crowing. They have to protect their hens, of course. But with them making all that noise, the girls feel they need to go over to see them. Kasey really wanted to hold one.

It takes great concentration to hold a chicken.

Tommy was rewarded for his efforts with an omelet and lots of waffles - his request.

What a beautiful day it was today. The sun was shining brightly again, but the temperature was a lot warmer. It felt like spring. By mid afternoon, it was up to 63 degrees. So of course, we couldn't stay indoors and off we went again. This time, it was back to Mt. Laurel State Park. 

It seems like Andy is not up to long hikes any more. But he can still handle 30 - 40 minutes. Mt. Laurel State Park has an amazing maze of trails. It's perfect for small, short hiking. I confess, though, that the climb up the hill is strenuous for me. I'm so much more acclimated to hiking on level ground! 

I finished reading Randy Alcorn's Happiness. It's amazing that as I've read about the happiness of God in his book, the same thought was reinforced by J.I. Packer in Your Father Loves You. In Happiness, Alcorn quotes Jonathan Edwards who believed in "temperance with what's secondary but not what's primary. God is primary. We can't get too much of God; therefore, we can't be too happy in God." Then he goes on to ask: "What does my suffering do for me? It makes me see how implausible it is that I can find true happiness outside of God. When what I once leaned on for happiness crumbles to dust, the way is cleared for me to see that God still stands and is the one solid foundation on which to build my life and happiness. When we meet Jesus face to face, behold his nail scarred hands reaching out to us, see the look in his eyes when he says, 'Enter into your Master's happiness,' we will gain a new perspective on this life: the benefits of following Jesus always far outweighed the costs - each and every time."

Then J.I. Packer in the September 7th reading says: "By giving his love to us, God has voluntarily bound up his own final happiness with ours. He has in effect resolved that henceforth for all eternity his happiness shall be conditional on ours. Thus God saves not only for his glory but also for his gladness!"

It's an amazing thought to think about: how happy we'll be forever in heaven. Now our happiness is incomplete because we still suffer, but then it will be eternal and complete in the presence of Jesus. O Happy Day!

Loving Creation loves the Creator!

It had been awhile since we'd been able to enjoy the outdoors. Tuesday was a rainy day, and not just rain or drizzle, but RAIN with wind driving the rain sideways. It was miserable. In the morning, Dawn had a doctor's appointment so I went with her to hold the baby and take care of Kasey while she was in with the doctor. Cole is amazing - what a cool, calm baby. He was awake the whole time I held him but was content to just look around and not make a peep. 
  

So after such a long time of being indoors, we took the opportunity on Friday afternoon to get out. It was unbelieveably cold - only 39 degrees with a chilly breeze. But it was so good to get the nature therapy. 

I read Spurgeon's comments on nature and resonated with his statements:  "I like to see my Savior on the hills and by the shores of the sea! I hear my Father's voice in the thunder and listen to the whispers of his love in the cadence of the sunlit waves. These are my Father's works and therefore, I admire them and I seem all the nearer to him when I am among them."

I love the ocean, too, but the woods affect me the same way. Even in the winter, there are many colors and interesting things to take note of: trees tall and majestic or twisted in pleasing and unusual shapes, bird calls, bushes and foliage, and of course, ponds or water of any kind.

Loving creation is loving the Creator!

We went to Black Run Preserve and walked in the woods, an estimated 2 miles.

More of Spurgeon: "Surely everything that comes from the hand of such a Master Artist as God has something of himself in it. The Lord rejoices in his works and shall not his people do so?"

Because of unfit weather, we had been working on another puzzle. It was an extremely difficult one with a lot of black and brown pieces. We got all the pieces in except for the black, when it was obvious that there were about 12 pieces missing. Ugh! Typically, I don't give up on seemingly impossible tasks like this. I just have to gut it out, see it through to the bitter end. But in this case, when I realized there were so many pieces missing, I confess I gathered up the puzzle and threw it in the trash.

Just look at all those black pieces, looking exactly alike. Puzzles are supposed to be brain training and a challenge, but they just produce stress when there are pieces missing. So I'm not even going to feel guilty for junking that one!

What a contrast the weather was on Saturday. The temperature got up to 60 degrees. It was somewhat cloudy, but very mild and warm. So off we went again, this time to Rancocas State Park. There was one part of the trail we hadn't been on, so we took that one. We didn't stay very long, though, because we were both tired.

Ecclesiastes 11:7 - "Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to behold the sun. For if a man lives many years, let him rejoice in them all." 

"We can and should rejoice as we live the life God gives us. There is color, light, warmth and beauty in God's world. There are people who say and do kind things. Life brings many delightful moments." (Your Father Loves You by J.I. Packer, August 21 reading)

Speaking of kind things that people do...someone anonymously left Valentine's balloons at our door last Saturday night with an encouraging note. And someone else gave us $75 in Shop Rite gift cards. Delightful moments indeed. Reminders that God is caring for us.

Andy's confusion and memory loss continues. One evening this past week, he came out of the living room, looked at me and asked where Phyllis was. I raised my hand, then he said, "oh, upstairs?" I had to tell him I was Phyllis. These kinds of conversations are occurring constantly. He is even confused in our own house. He asks me where the bathroom is, if there's someone else in the house, who my parents are, etc. Last night, he told me he wanted me to go get Phyllis and bring her back to the house. Sigh!

It's harder for me to think of things to help occupy him. This afternoon we went out and did some yard work together. As long as I am with him, he does ok. But I do have to keep my eye on him! It was nice and warm again, so pleasant to be outside. 

A couple of weeks ago, I made up a list of jobs I wanted to get done around the house and yard. Yesterday Andy helped me move furniture away from the walls as I dusted the baseboards. That was very helpful of him, even though I had to give him directions on how I wanted him to move it. He still has the muscle I don't!

This afternoon I was looking for something when I decided I needed to organize the "kids' drawer" with the crayons and coloring books. As I was sorting through papers, I found a group of cards that had been made by the Lindsays for Andy's birthday several years ago. That was such a fun memory to look at them again.

 Each had been lovingly hand made by the children and C & C (Claire hadn't been born yet). The funniest was a poem created for Andy:
   Who's so handy,
   Can sing so grandly?
   Who thinks his wife's as sweet as candy?
   Whose grandkids are so dandy?
   Who's glad his name's not Randy?
   You guessed it! It's Andy!

From Naomi:
Dear Pop-pop,
Thank you for being nice because you love us. Thank you for wrestling with us and going on vacation with us. Thank you for letting us sleep in your house...Love Naomi


From Grace:
To all the people who like to fix things because they might have to fix this card.
Dear Poppop. Happy birthday! This pop-up card is for you ...I hope you enjoyed it. (She had glued a little spring inside the card that was supposed to pop up when he opened it!)

What sweet memories! Yes, even in our difficult circumstances, God still floods our lives with happiness and joy. 

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." Nehemiah 8:10  

My Birthday Celebration

I am still reading Happiness, maybe halfway through. I am really enjoying reading and thinking on this subject. Of course, after posting last Sunday about how we can be happy and suffering at the same time, I hit bottom on Monday. But as the week went on, God graciously continued to minister to me, picking me up and encouraging me in my walk with him. 

My journal entries for the week:

February 7
The book of Psalms is an instruction manual for living a truly happy life. "Blessed" means "happy." Jonathan Edwards on Matthew 5:8 says, "Blessed (happy) are the pure in heart for they shall see God." It is a thing truly happifying to the soul of man to see God." I love that word: happifying!
William Barclay said, "The beatitudes say in effect, 'O the bliss of being a Christian!...O the sheer happiness of knowing Jesus Christ as Master, Savior and Lord! The very form of the beatitudes is the statement of the joyous thrill and the radiant gladness of the Christian life. In light of the beatitudes, a gloom-encompassed Christianity is unthinkable." 

February 8
God is the author of all true happiness, the donor of all true happiness, the maintainer of all true happiness and the center of all true happiness...therefore, he who has God for his portion is the only happy man in the world. (Thomas Brooks quoted in Happiness)

 February 9
Looking forward to future happiness brings us present joy...God's people experience delight when they celebrate him and his gifts.
Psalm 94:19 - "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

February 11
Solzhenitsyn in Cancer Ward: "Happiness in suffering often comes as an infusion of grace in our hearts, a gift from the God of happiness. Suffering by its nature is never easy, but no one has greater joy than those who know Christ and believe his promise that present suffering will be followed with eternal glory and happiness."

February 12
Karl Barth: "Joy and grace are virtually inseparable. To be joyful is to expect that life will reveal itself as God's gift of grace...to be joyful means to look out for opportunities for gratitude." There's no greater reason for our happiness than God's grace.

Then I was reviewing the Beatitudes and had to stop when I got to "Blessed are those who mourn." If you substitute the word "happy" for "blessed", you have: "Happy are those who mourn." That seems so contradictory. But the rest of the verse explains how we are happy when we mourn, "for they will be comforted." I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 where we are told that God is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." Ah yes, he is the God of all comfort. And I have experienced his wonderful comfort when I mourn. 

There are so many verses that demonstrate God's comfort and care:
Psalm 145:14 - "The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down."
Psalm 145:18 - "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth."
Psalm 116:1 - "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy."

Really all of Psalm 116 is rich with God's care as we struggle with life and death issues. 

These verses just scratch the surface of God's comfort in our troubles. And of course, we have the example of Jesus in his own suffering who endured without complaining, and advocates our case to the Father, interceding for us and administering grace to help in our time of need.

By mid-week, Andy was starting to seem a little more alert and with it. I started quizzing him every morning. "Do you know who I am today?" He almost always answered with my name. Then I would ask him how I was related to him. One morning he said he thought I was his second cousin. I'm not sure if he was teasing or serious, and I didn't probe on that one. On Friday as we were driving to work, he asked me if we were going to go get Phyllis. I wasn't quite sure what to answer. At first I said no, I'm not...then I followed it up with admitting that I was Phyllis. 

Yesterday was my birthday, so I'm now another year older. I can't believe how old I am, (although don't expect me to admit just how old on the internet!). It was a wonderful day with all our kids and all eleven grandkids coming to our house for lunch. What a blessing that we all enjoy being together. The cousins have fun playing together and the adults enjoy conversation.

Of course, Cole was the main attraction. Everyone had turns holding him.

The youngest & the oldest

Kasey wanted me to hold her and it was an honor. But she is heavy and after a while, my hip was getting sore. So I turned her around in order to hold her with both arms. She wasn't sure about that position. Don't you just love that face???

It's quiet again at our house today. We just stayed home and rested...it was way too cold to go outside. I think the high was only about 21 degrees. When I looked at the thermometer early this morning it was not quite 7 degrees. Now that is COLD. 

Being with family yesterday filled up my tank and I'm ready for another week. Bring it on!

Happiness

Isn't it amazing how you can be sad and happy at the same time? I don't know that I ever really thought much about that until reading Happiness by Randy Alcorn. I'm not finished with it yet, but so far, I'm being challenged by what he has written. 
 

 

I love everything Randy Alcorn writes, not only because Andy went to the same seminary Randy did, a year or two behind him; but also because he is so scholarly in his writing. You can tell he researches thoroughly and painstakingly on his subject. He quotes extensively from church fathers, Puritans, and other esteemed scholars and theologians. 

I was very saddened this morning by a conversation Andy and I had. We sat in the kitchen with our morning coffee, and he opened the conversation by asking me who my boss was. 

I looked at him questioningly, and asked him why he wanted to know. He said that if he was going to have a relationship with me, he felt he needed to get to know my boss and make sure it was all right with him. I told him my boss didn't need to know, that we were already married. Then he said things like: "we are?" "When did that happen?" I told him, "42 years ago." He said he didn't remember that. Then he repeated about needing to talk to my boss. His confusion was complete. Somehow he thought he had received an email (he doesn't do emails any more) from someone who was concerned about me and what I was getting involved in. Andy said he thought that was good that someone was looking out for me...and the conversation kept getting weirder and weirder. I tried patiently to explain the truth to him: that we were married and had been for 42 years. Then he asked me if we had children. I told him yes, we have 3 daughters. I asked him if he knew who they were and he said, "Ricky, no Amy." But that's the only one he could remember. I reminded him of all three names, then something must have clicked because he was himself again. He asked what was wrong with him. I explained that he had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and how those diseases affect memory. Then he actually broke down and cried. I had never seen that before. He's been somewhat flat-line. I encouraged him that it was good to cry. 

He is more and more, though, confusing me for someone else. I'm not sure he always knows that I'm his wife. He talks to me about me! On one of our excursions, he asked me what my first job had been. I told him I had been a key punch operator. Then he said, Oh, that's really interesting. That's why my wife did when we were dating."

And there are too many incidences like this to remember all the details of every conversation. 

As sad as this is, we still have many instances of happiness. On Monday morning, our eleventh grandchild was born to Dawn & Tommy. The delivery was a little nerve wracking, but that passed, and we were delighted to be able to go visit and hold that precious little boy.

We stopped at the hospital Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to see Dawn and Cole. What a little sweetie and how much joy a new born brings. We didn't witness Kira's and Kasey's reaction to their brother, but Dawn sent me the cutest picture of the three of them.

The week before Dawn had Cole, she was at our house sitting at our kitchen table. With her being great with child, the extra weight must have added some stress to the chair on which she was sitting. She mentioned that it didn't feel very secure and that I should get new ones. So when my kids tell me to do something, I obey!

We had the new chairs delivered on Tuesday and they not only look good, they feel very sturdy. I think they also look a lot better with our kitchen decor.

The old

The new

Another thing that brings happiness to my heart is being out in nature. It seems like Andy and I can enjoy that together even if our conversations aren't very meaningful any more (at least to me, they aren't). For the last week or so, we hadn't been able to get out because of the mounds of snow. But the weather has been fairly mild since the storm, and I thought the trails might be relatively clear by now. So yesterday we conquered Mount Laurel - that's right - all 56 feet of it! Now that's my kind of mountain climbing!

I didn't realize how many trails there are in this park, and it's actually a state park! There's a tower at the top, although it's off limits to hikers. There was still a little snow in spots, but there were lots of trails to explore. 

Mr. Alcorn points out how happy God is with verses that state how he rejoiced over His creation, how Jesus, "for the JOY set before him, endured the cross." Of course, God grieves over the horrible things that go on here on earth, including our own pain, but at the same time, he is a happy God. He is always working for the good of those who love him, and he knows that in the end, the story will be "happily ever after!" 

Revelation 21:1-5
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"