Likin' Hikin'

I don't know why I waste the energy to get down.  Thankfully, the Lord doesn't leave me there.  He is so good to me.  Last Monday when I got to work, there was an envelope on my desk, addressed to Andy and me.  When I opened it, I was amazed to see a $100 gift card for Shop Rite.  There was no signature, but God used this dear sweet person to encourage me, to let me know he hadn't forgotten me/us.  

Then a little later that same morning, a friend called to say she wanted to get a group of us women/friends together to spend some time in praying for each other - another bit of encouragement from the Lord.

Tuesday was a beautiful day with blue skies and dazzling sun.  Although it was very cold, we ventured out to explore the Pinelands Preservation Association headquarters.  This is a historic farmhouse built in the 1600's by English Quakers, located near Vincentown.  We were hoping to pick up another brochure that friends had given us, but we didn't see any like what we were looking for.  

I was hoping to pick up another brochure like the one we already have because we have been referring to it a lot, and I am afraid it's going to become worn out.  It's titled Pine Barrens & Beyond for Burlington County and shows 40 parks in Burlington County.  So this is our new "bucket list:"  checking out all 40 parks listed in this brochure.

The brochure is divided into 4 areas: 1)  Heart of the Pines, 2)  Farmland, Forest & Folklore, 3)  Fertile Floodplains and 4)  River's Edge and Ecotones.  Out of the 40 parks, we've already been to only 16 of them.  So there are lots more to explore.  

Hiking is actually a very good activity for us to do.  Since we won't be traveling to National Parks any more, this is a way we can still enjoy the great outdoors and nature.  And we have been so impressed with the beauty of our own back yard, so to speak.  

Yesterday and today were both fairly mild for this time of the year so we ventured out.  The trails are pretty muddy and messy, with snow and ice in sections.  But that just makes the hike more adventuresome.

Yesterday we drove out to Pemberton to check out the Stavola Beechwoods Preserve.  "This site offers easy access and convenient trails through an interesting wooded area in the headwaters of the Rancocas Creek.  Old growth beech trees adorn scenic streamside overlooks where a good variety of plants and animals can be found."

You can canoe the Rancocas Creek 14 miles from Vincentown to Mt. Holly.  I imagine it would be a pretty fast ride in the spring with the snow melt.  

Today's adventure was quite different.  Bear Swamp at Red Lion Preserve sounded somewhat exotic but in some ways was disappointing.  "This preserve is recognized by New Jersey Audubon as an important bird area and offers a wide range of habitats.  Pitch pine lowlands and Atlantic white cedar swamps are joined by remnant cranberry bogs and shrub meadows, harboring many breeding songbirds..."

We parked on the shoulder of the road but there was only a very short trail that led to a utility road for the high tension wires.  The trail in the woods was heavily trashed, with two dead deer by the side of the road and bullet holes in the sign - we're obviously in red neck territory!

Beautiful Atlantic white cedars

 

Well, I'm not sure this one qualifies as a park.  But we can cross that one off our list.  I doubt we'll ever be back.

I'm very grateful that we found something that we both enjoy and can still do with a minimum of exertion.  It's getting us out in the great outdoors for some exercise and the chance for our souls to be restored and revitalized.

Andy is feeling better, but still on antibiotics for another couple of weeks.  We saw the urologist on Wednesday, and he wants us to get an ultrasound of his kidneys to make sure everything is ok.  Then we'll need to go back to see him again in 2 weeks.

We were pretty excited that we had no doctor appointments for 2 whole months (November & December).  But in the last couple of weeks, we've been to several doctors 3 times, plus innumerable trips to the pharmacy to pick up medications.  I think Rite Aid would go out of business if it weren't for us.  But Andy and I have often observed to each other that if it weren't for antibiotics, he would have died years ago.  So thank God for preserving his life through doctors and modern medicines.

Preaching to Myself

It was not a very good week as far as circumstances go.  Andy was struggling physically the last number of weeks with infections.  He was on antibiotics, off for a couple of days, sick again, back on antibiotics, off for a couple more days, then sick again.  This week he really went down hard.  He was chilled and couldn't get warm not matter how many blankets I piled on top of him.  When he gets the chills, it's a symptom of infection.

I called the doctor on Wednesday and was able to get Andy in to see him.  He prescribed another round of antibiotics and suggested we see a specialist.  In thinking about this, I'm determined it wasn't a uti Andy was dealing with, but with his chronic prostatitis again.   Prostatitis is much more serious and complicated than a uti, which would explain the difficulty in licking those bad bacteria.

Andy stayed home and mostly in bed Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  And when his body is struggling with healing with infection, he is so much more confused and forgetful.  

We were planning to join in the celebration of Asher's birthday on Saturday but I felt it was in Andy's best interest to cancel that plan.  Then Amy and family were hoping to come down today, go with us to church, have lunch with us and do a hike together.  But that had to be canceled as well.  The priority is to get Andy well.

All this had me somewhat down.  Our life has changed.  We're not able to be involved as much with the people we love.  I feel the need to protect our time and draw in.  I feel responsible to take care of Andy, protect his health, make decisions in regard to what he does.  

In the psalms, David often preaches to himself, telling himself to hope in God.  And I also need to preach to myself, remembering the goodness of God and that this life is not the end.  So in reading over the things I wrote in my journal this week, I am encouraged.

Jan. 20
A.W. Tozer quoted Samuel Rutherford, who shouted in the midst of serious and painful trials:  "Praise God for the hammer, the file and the furnace."  The hammer beats the nail, the file bites the metal, the furnace is ruthless and savage.  But I love the Master of the hammer; I adore the Workman who wields the file, and I worship the Lord of the furnace for my everlasting blessing.

Zechariah 13:9:   "I will refine them like silver and test them like gold.  They will call on my name and I will answer them..."

 1 Peter 1:6-7:  "Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Jan. 23
Trials are like a fire; they burn up nothing in us but the dross and they make the gold all the purer.  Put down the testing process as a clear gain and instead of being sorry about it, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, for this bestows on you a proof of your faith.  (Charles Haddon Spurgeon)

Jan. 24
You cannot live faithfully in this life unless you are ready for the next.  We pass through death and death dies!  The more a Christian lives in the consciousness of God's presence here, the easier it is to anticipate the unqualified delight that will be experienced in God's presence there!

Jan. 26
Perfect physical health is not promised for this life.  The worst diseases are those of the spirit:  pride, conceit, arrogance, bitterness, self-seeking.

Jan. 27
Afflictions do not make us miserable.
1.  Outward misery cannot diminish my happiness.  "Blessed (happy) are the people whose God is the Lord."
2.  Sometimes as afflictions increase, they bring more comfort and a further experience of grace.
God recompenses outward losses with inner enjoyments.  "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."  (2 Corinthians 1:5)  (Thomas Manton)

Jan. 28
The deepest need I have in weakness and adversity is not quick relief, but the well grounded confidence that what is happening to me is part of the greatest purpose of God - the glorification of the grace and power of his Son. (John Piper)

Jan. 29
How can I complain when I see how infinitely greater was the grief and how much more painful the anxiety endured by my beloved Lord and faithful Savior, the Son of God himself, who bore patiently and submissively, and more than that, prayed for those instrumental in causing that agony?  (Martin Luther)

Jan. 30
The mystery of contentment is not so much removing the evil as by metamorphosing the evil, changing it into good.  Grace gives us an eye to see the love of God in every affliction as well as in prosperity.  "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful."  (Psalm 25:10)  (Jeremiah Burroughs)

Jan. 31
"Find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."  (Psalm 62:5)

Feb. 1
What an excellent ground of hope and confidence we have when we reflect on these three things in prayer:  the Father's love, the Son's merit and the Spirit's power!  (Thomas Manton)

Hebrews 13:20-21:  "May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his well and may he work in us what is pleasing to him through Jesus Christ to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen!"

 Earlier in the week, a mega-storm was predicted.  As it turned out, the storm passed us by.  But in anticipation, Dawn and I had arranged for her and Tommy to come over to shovel our driveway and the kids could play in the house with us while they did the work.  I'm so glad that we had worked that out, because Andy was certainly not up to doing any physical work.  Dawn and Tommy cleared the driveway in record time and had "fun" doing it, while Andy and I played with the kids in our nice, cosy, warm house.

Who can feel down looking at that cute little face?

So even though I am tempted to despair, God doesn't leave me there.  He ministers to me through his Word, through others who've suffered, through friends, but most of all, through himself:  the God of all comfort.

Jeremy's Birthday and More Hiking

Tomorrow is January 26.  This is a significant day for us.  If our baby boy had lived, he would be 39 years old tomorrow.  No matter how much time goes by, I can never forget that experience.  The pain isn't as intense, but I am still greatly moved in my spirit whenever I remember the little boy we gave birth to but never saw.  

Thirty-nine years have made a great difference in the way still births are handled.  Perhaps facebook and social media have helped.  People who know they are carrying a baby that will die at or soon after birth, hire photographers to record the moments pictorially.  I think this is wonderful.  We had no idea what we were facing when I went into labor.  So even if it were today, I don't know if we would have been prepared with having a photo shoot on the agenda.  

Another thing that is so good about today's medical personnel...they realize how critical it is to the grieving parents to hold their newborn and be able to connect.  The grieving process involves seeing, touching, holding that precious baby, even if that baby is not alive.  After all, that baby was part of us.  We nurtured, dreamed and were excited about this baby joining our family. 

But thirty-nine years ago, the doctors told us it would be best if we didn't see the baby...we would get too attached and it would be harder to get over the pain.  Excuse me???  Afterwards, I felt cheated when the doctor told me that the baby was perfect with blond hair and blue eyes.  Why did he get to see the baby and I didn't?  It wasn't his baby!  

But that's the way it was back then.  And even in that, God gave the strength to endure.  For more detail about that experience, read this and this.

I've been somewhat amused by articles that are all over the internet about the stupid things people say to those who go through suffering.   If I believe in the sovereignty of God, and I do, then even what people say to me when I suffer, is allowed by God for my good and his glory.  I can't help but think that people are at a loss to know the right things to say so they say the first thing that pops into their heads.  Often, it is stupid and senseless, I agree.  But I really believe that people don't intend to be stupid and hurtful.  They really are trying to be helpful.

I'll never forget when I was pregnant with our second baby, I met a woman who noticed my obviously pregnant body and asked if I had any other children.  I told her our first baby was still born.  It was an awkward moment and she blurted out:  "Praise the Lord!"  I don't know if she remembers that all these years later, but I feel sorry for her.  I'm sure she was embarrassed and wished she could take back that statement to say something more like:  "I will pray for you as you carry this baby.  I'm sure that was a difficult trial.  How did you experience the Lord's comfort during that time? etc. etc. etc."  

Often these moments creep up on us and we are unprepared with a well thought out, comforting discourse to those in need.  Even though I've experienced difficulty and I should be an expert at giving comfort, I make mistakes, too.  So I need to be gracious to those who want to offer comfort and not be critical of their imperfect ways to show their love and concern.

There is only one perfect Comforter and it is not I or any of my friends.

In this current trial with Andy's illness, I've been very thankful that we both enjoy getting outside to hike and delight in the beauties of God's creation.

We're so excited that we're on the other side of the shortest day of the year.  The days are lengthening even though they're still really cold and there are lots of snow storm forecasts.  We were able to get in two hikes this week.

Our missionary friends from Brazil were here for several weeks and we were able to get in a hike with them at the Palmyra Cove Nature Center.  It's along the Delaware River, a park we discovered about a month ago.  There are lots of trails in this park, some winding along the river, some going back into the woods and even by a beaver pond.  We saw several deer several times along the way.  There was ice at the edge of the river, but it was a very nice day with the temperature in the 40's.

It was so gray and gloomy, but it wasn't too cold.  Andy and I prefer to hike in the winter anyway.  We don't have to worry about ticks and you can walk fast to get warm without getting hot and sweaty.

Today after church, the sun came out and we decided to go exploring.  We had never been to the Medford Park so went to investigate.  There were intermittent blue skies and the trail was very wet and muddy in spots but it was another nice day to be outside.  Besides, a big storm is forecast for tomorrow, and who knows if we'll be able to get out again for a while.

It cracks us up that nearly every body of water in New Jersey has to have these signs with all the things you are not allowed to do. 

This is obviously an old park with huge magnificent trees.

 

This park is right in the middle of old town Medford.  And even though we've lived quite close, we never realized it was here.

When we lived out west, we were often amazed at all the lovely public parks available to enjoy.  And at the same time wished that New Jersey had parks to hike in, picnic in and take our families to.  Our wish came true!  Or maybe we were just unaware back then of all that was available.  I am more inclined to believe, though, that public awareness of nature and taking care of our earth are contributing to the desire of our local county and state governments to provide places for people to enjoy the beauties of nature.

Whatever the reason, we're thankful for the opportunity to enjoy the world God has made.

Psalm 19:1-4
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the works of his hand.  
Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

How are you doing?

It's been a rough week.  I guess I didn't realize how difficult it had been until someone at church this morning asked me how I was doing.  It was a polite greeting, and I could have said, "fine" with a plastic smile.  But I couldn't help it...I burst into tears.  Fortunately, she was a true friend who just grabbed me, gave me a bear hug and started praying over me right there in public.  I was telling Andy later that God blesses us in giving us Himself - and that would be enough.  But he blesses us further in giving us friends who minister Jesus to us.  He also blesses us with His Word and godly people who have gone before us who have written down for our own edification and encouragement about the deep waters they've gone through:  what they've learned and how they've endured those deep waters, growing more and more in their love for their Lord.

Several weeks ago, Andy showed me a lump on his upper left arm.  He said it was sensitive to the touch and it was all red.  I called the doctor and made an appointment for Andy to be seen.  The doctor prescribed an antibiotic and said to call him if it didn't look better after the treatment was done.  It actually looked worse, more swollen and even more sensitive to the touch.  So I called the doctor and he thought Andy should have an ultrasound to determine what this lump was.  The results from the ultrasound were inconclusive.  The doctor said things like:  it's a lump of tissue, it's not cancerous (that was a relief!  Whew!), there's no infection, but it should be taken out.  Make an appointment with a surgeon.  Yikes!

So we made the appointment, but the office couldn't fit Andy in for another week.  Meanwhile, that very afternoon, the lump started oozing pus.  Andy drained quite a bit of it out and kept doing the hot compresses on the lump for another couple of days.  Then the lump actually looked like it was starting to shrink and wasn't quite as red.  So I canceled the appointment with the surgeon.  

We were going along nicely thinking things were getting back to "normal."  Then one evening, Andy told me he thought he had a urinary tract infection (uti).  Oh no.  We've been there many times before.  He was chilled and couldn't get warm, even though I piled the covers on him.  Somehow, he made it through the night.  In the morning, he was no longer cold, but very hot and breaking a sweat.  He didn't have a fever, but was definitely sick.  So I called the doctor again to explain the latest.  I had to take Andy down to the office to give a urine sample.  We were actually on the way home when they called with the results.  The nurse said there was no sign of infection although there was blood in the urine.  They were going to call in a prescription for an antibiotic.  Interestingly enough, a couple days later I got another call that the culture had developed bacteria so he did indeed have a uti.  This seems to be the normal procedure for his uti's.  He finished the meds early this week but was still not feeling well so I called the doctor again to get another round of antibiotics.  
 
He seems to be finally feeling better.  Meanwhile, yesterday being Saturday, we had the whole day before us.  I was busy with laundry and some baking.  I felt the need to give Andy something to do.  It's better to keep him busy and engaged.  So when he asked me what he should do, I suggested going outside to pick up sticks and branches.  We have so many trees around the property and they're huge, mature trees, but that makes them all the messier in storms and high winds.

I thought that would keep him busy for a while, but imagine my shock and chagrin when he came in later to tell me he got down all the Christmas lights.  I confess I was very upset.  For one, he is not supposed to be up on a ladder.  It's dangerous for him.  For another reason, I had told him several times we weren't taking the lights down but would leave them up all year.  It saves time and energy - just unplug them till we want them lighted up again.  We had this conversation several times since Christmas but it obviously was something he was camped on and thought he was doing the right thing by taking them down.  He didn't remember that those lights had been up for several years - all year long.  

Well, now they're down and I don't know if they'll ever be put up again.  But that's ok.  It's not worth it to get upset about it - which is what I was the rest of the day.  As I got thinking about it, though, I don't think I was as upset about the lights as I was about Andy not remembering what we had talked about.  Yes, our relationship has changed.  I'm not used to this Andy.  I'm used to him understanding, accomplishing his tasks with competence and reliability.

I confess I was in a "funk" the rest of the day.  And it's carried over to today where my eyes are constantly filling up with tears.  But this is all good...tears are therapeutic, as well as putting words to my thoughts and turning those thoughts in the right direction.  

I was so ministered to by a new book I received at Christmas from one of our dear daughters:  Be Still My Soul edited by Nancy Guthrie.


 

There are 25 readings from different authors on the problem of pain and suffering.  The devotional I read this morning was by Dietrich Bonhoffer, who was in a Nazi prison camp during Hitler's reign in Germany.  

It's a short 3 pages in the book but every sentence is full of deep truth and brings us back to what really counts.  He says that "Christ transfigures the moment of greatest suffering for his followers through the indescribable certainty of his nearness and communion."  This is so true.  There is no such comfort and sweet communion with the Savior as when we go through deep and difficult times.  

Even though my trial is not a prison camp, it is still a trial.  It is my trial.  Bonhoffer says, "each have their own cross, assigned by God and measured to fit."

The amazing thing to consider is that Jesus is not asking of us something that he did not do himself.  Bonhoffer says that "God is a God who bears.  He bore our flesh, he bore the cross, he bore all our sins and attained reconciliation by his bearing."



"Jesus called all who are laden with various sufferings and burdens to throw off their yokes and to take his yoke upon themselves.  His yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:30).  His yoke and his burden is the cross.  Bearing the cross does not bring misery and despair.  Rather, it provides refreshment and peace for our soul; it is our greatest joy."
 

And then the icing on the cake was the message from Pastor this morning.  He is currently in a series on the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is our helper when we feel helpless.  He is our strength when we feel weak.  He is our comforter when we are in despair.  He is a gift to us, to enable us to live the life God has called us to.  

Nearness to God is most felt out of our necessity and desperation.   I admit, I love the idea of a comfortable and easy life.  But I pray that more than that, I would desire to be close to God, and if that involves difficulty and trials, then I pray I would accept those trials in the grace and strength that God provides.  I have not arrived, by any stretch of the imagination, God still has his work cut out for me!

Reminiscing

Last year this time, we were in Hawaii as a special treat for our 40th anniversary.  What wonderful memories we made in such a beautiful place.  Someone asked us recently what did we like best about our trip.  There were too many "best" things to narrow it down to one. 

Our 41st anniversary came and went without much notice.  We didn't even give each other a card, although we did wish each other:  "Happy anniversary."  But lately I've been thinking about our life together and what a blessing it has been.  When you're young and your whole life is before you, there's no way to know what lies ahead.  And that's a good thing, I think, because I don't know if we'd have the courage to go through with it if we did know.  At a typical wedding, we vow that we will remain faithful in "sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, till death do us part."  Well, in 41 years, I think we've hit all those conditions.

Would I do it again?  Oh yes, a thousand times yes.  Over the years, I've enjoyed hearing Andy relate how we met and fell in love.  He likes to say that he saw me and knew he wanted to get to know me before I knew he existed.  We were in the same class at what was then PCB (Philadelphia College of Bible) back in the 70's.  He thought I was off limits because I had a ring on my finger.  Yes, I was engaged, but that guy didn't go to the college so he wasn't in any of our classes.  God had other plans for me, though, and that spring the engagement was called off.  

The next fall, Andy and I were in another class together and this time the teacher seated us alphabetically.  The desks in the room were arranged horizontally so Andy W was seated right next to Phyllis Y.  We were elbow to elbow!  The rest of the class oohed at us and that was the beginning of our courtship!  The name of that class was Methods and Materials of Christian Education.  Andy always liked to add at this point in his narrative that:  "He had the methods and I had the materials."

Andy was so sweet natured and kind right from the beginning.  I found myself wondering if he was for real and when would he show his true self.  But that was his true self.  He has always been loving and accepting of me, never critical or harsh.  

In the spring of 1973, Andy invited me to attend the spring formal with him.  
 

About a week before, I made a little joke about the benefit to my having a skill that would be able to help support him as he went through seminary.  He told me that we should not joke about that - that we weren't ready to talk about marriage.  Yup - he shut me down!  I thought to myself, "That's ok, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes for you to make up your mind."

But I found out later that was to put me off...he wanted to surprise me.  So after the formal, we went with 2 other couples to Atlantic City to walk on the boardwalk.  Each couple went their own way.  One couple was already engaged, the other couple became engaged, then so did we!  It was very cold on the boardwalk and I was wearing my winter coat.  

By the way, we were in Atlantic City but this was before there were casinos there.  The boardwalk was deserted that night except for us.  Andy took me to a set of stairs going down to the beach, then gave me a little gift wrapped package.  He had me open it, then as I opened it, he asked me if I would marry him.  When I saw what was inside the package, it was a fake diamond ring.  So I asked him, if he was kidding!  After he assured me he wasn't kidding, he was very serious, I finally said "yes."  

Of course, it makes a good story for him to tell people that when he asked me to marry him, I asked him if he was kidding.  But in my defense, just a week earlier I had been told we weren't ready to talk marriage, then when I opened the gift, I see a bubble gum machine ring.  What would a normal girl think!!!

It's been an exciting path that God has led us on these 41 years.  There have been mountains and valleys, as well as level paths, but we have had each other and God has been with us all the way.  I admit I prefer the level paths in the Pine Barrens of south Jersey.  It's easy and not so stressful.

This afternoon we climbed Apple Pie Hill (all of 207 feet above sea level).  Just that little bit of a climb set my heart racing and my legs screaming for oxygen.

 

That's as far as he went!

the view from the top!

But if you make the effort, it's worth it when you get to the top.  I have to admit, the view from the top of Apple Pie Hill isn't as amazing as some of the views we've seen from other mountain tops.  But there is something about being on top of the "mountain" that gives a feeling of accomplishment.


You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.  Psalm 16:11