Thirty-nine years have made a great difference in the way still births are handled. Perhaps facebook and social media have helped. People who know they are carrying a baby that will die at or soon after birth, hire photographers to record the moments pictorially. I think this is wonderful. We had no idea what we were facing when I went into labor. So even if it were today, I don't know if we would have been prepared with having a photo shoot on the agenda.
Another thing that is so good about today's medical personnel...they realize how critical it is to the grieving parents to hold their newborn and be able to connect. The grieving process involves seeing, touching, holding that precious baby, even if that baby is not alive. After all, that baby was part of us. We nurtured, dreamed and were excited about this baby joining our family.
But thirty-nine years ago, the doctors told us it would be best if we didn't see the baby...we would get too attached and it would be harder to get over the pain. Excuse me??? Afterwards, I felt cheated when the doctor told me that the baby was perfect with blond hair and blue eyes. Why did he get to see the baby and I didn't? It wasn't his baby!
But that's the way it was back then. And even in that, God gave the strength to endure. For more detail about that experience, read this and this.
I've been somewhat amused by articles that are all over the internet about the stupid things people say to those who go through suffering. If I believe in the sovereignty of God, and I do, then even what people say to me when I suffer, is allowed by God for my good and his glory. I can't help but think that people are at a loss to know the right things to say so they say the first thing that pops into their heads. Often, it is stupid and senseless, I agree. But I really believe that people don't intend to be stupid and hurtful. They really are trying to be helpful.
I'll never forget when I was pregnant with our second baby, I met a woman who noticed my obviously pregnant body and asked if I had any other children. I told her our first baby was still born. It was an awkward moment and she blurted out: "Praise the Lord!" I don't know if she remembers that all these years later, but I feel sorry for her. I'm sure she was embarrassed and wished she could take back that statement to say something more like: "I will pray for you as you carry this baby. I'm sure that was a difficult trial. How did you experience the Lord's comfort during that time? etc. etc. etc."
Often these moments creep up on us and we are unprepared with a well thought out, comforting discourse to those in need. Even though I've experienced difficulty and I should be an expert at giving comfort, I make mistakes, too. So I need to be gracious to those who want to offer comfort and not be critical of their imperfect ways to show their love and concern.
There is only one perfect Comforter and it is not I or any of my friends.
In this current trial with Andy's illness, I've been very thankful that we both enjoy getting outside to hike and delight in the beauties of God's creation.
We're so excited that we're on the other side of the shortest day of the year. The days are lengthening even though they're still really cold and there are lots of snow storm forecasts. We were able to get in two hikes this week.
Our missionary friends from Brazil were here for several weeks and we were able to get in a hike with them at the Palmyra Cove Nature Center. It's along the Delaware River, a park we discovered about a month ago. There are lots of trails in this park, some winding along the river, some going back into the woods and even by a beaver pond. We saw several deer several times along the way. There was ice at the edge of the river, but it was a very nice day with the temperature in the 40's.
It was so gray and gloomy, but it wasn't too cold. Andy and I prefer to hike in the winter anyway. We don't have to worry about ticks and you can walk fast to get warm without getting hot and sweaty.
Today after church, the sun came out and we decided to go exploring. We had never been to the Medford Park so went to investigate. There were intermittent blue skies and the trail was very wet and muddy in spots but it was another nice day to be outside. Besides, a big storm is forecast for tomorrow, and who knows if we'll be able to get out again for a while.
It cracks us up that nearly every body of water in New Jersey has to have these signs with all the things you are not allowed to do.
This is obviously an old park with huge magnificent trees.
This park is right in the middle of old town Medford. And even though we've lived quite close, we never realized it was here.
When we lived out west, we were often amazed at all the lovely public parks available to enjoy. And at the same time wished that New Jersey had parks to hike in, picnic in and take our families to. Our wish came true! Or maybe we were just unaware back then of all that was available. I am more inclined to believe, though, that public awareness of nature and taking care of our earth are contributing to the desire of our local county and state governments to provide places for people to enjoy the beauties of nature.
Whatever the reason, we're thankful for the opportunity to enjoy the world God has made.
Psalm 19:1-4
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the works of his hand.
Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
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