Mercy in the Mundane

It seems like a small thing but I took it as a sign that God was gracing me. At my job, I am the recipient when someone sends a message to the website to "contact" the church. A couple of weeks ago, someone contacted the church to let us know they were getting rid of a stack of puzzles and wondered if "we" knew of anyone who would like them.

Well, since Andy has been struggling with Alzheimer's, and I've read enough to know he needs to keep practicing and stretching his brain, I told the person our situation and asked if it would be ok for us to have them. He was very gracious and seemed eager to give them to us. 

So far we've done 3 of the puzzles, and they are a stretch. I have always enjoyed them, Andy not so much. But he is a good sport, and he is actually pretty good at organizing the pieces by color. He gets a few of them together, but I admit I do most of the puzzle myself. It is very satisfying to get one done, and it's something we can do together. He really liked this barn scene.

The lion puzzle has been my favorite so far, even though it took us longer than most. The pieces are very small and there are 1,000 of them, but the finished product is so interesting, we've not been able to take it apart and put it away.

We worked on the one below this week. It was somewhat frustrating because the finished puzzle wasn't at all like the picture on the box. But the puzzle came with a mystery story to go along with it.

I finished reading Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray and it really ministered to my soul/spirit. So much so, that I decided to read it again. So I am reading a day's worth every morning, then I also read it out loud to Andy. We are both benefiting greatly from it. 

On Tuesday, this past week, Andy and I met up with Christy and Amy and the kids for another day at Morris Arboretum. A couple other families joined us with 16 kids altogether! It was a perfect spring day, and we all had a wonderful time enjoying each other and the beautiful grounds.

Andy isn't the only one with a memory problem. I so much need to be reminded of scriptural truth and what's important. 

Pastor's message this morning was so spot on, too. He's doing a three-week series on the Wilderness Road. Why did God take the Israelites the long road to the Promised Land? He had a purpose in it as he explains in Exodus 13:17-22. God's purposes in the long road through the desert were to escape the dangers of the short road and to experience the lessons of the long road. And what were some of those lessons? 

1. The lesson of awe - God became bigger to them as they witnessed his miracles: parting the Red Sea, providing manna and water in the desert, etc.

2.  The lesson of dependence - God used their lack to show them their need.

I can relate to this. I have been in awe as I've experienced God provide the strength and resources I've needed for this journey he has me on. And I've also experienced God's all-sufficiency and faithfulness and how utterly dependent I am on him.

A couple of weeks ago, we sang a new song (to me) in the worship service, Worth it All by Ben Cantelon. A couple of the phrases that struck me were:

"I let go of all I have just to have all of You."
"Jesus, everything I lost, I have found in You."

I love the comfort of these verses:

Psalm 94:19 - "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

Psalm 119:132 - "Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name."

I am so grateful for the peace and joy God has granted to me. It's hard to explain how it can be so, but I am enjoying life. 

Andy's illness doesn't upset me, I'm not denying it, or angry about it. I can even find the humor in it. This afternoon, Andy looked at the refrigerator and was reading the menu for the week that is posted there. As he was looking at it, he commented that the handwriting looked like Phyllis's. I told him it was Phyllis's handwriting...I had written it. 

When we got home from church, as we came into the house, he opened the door to the basement. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was trying to get the "lay of the land." Then a little later, his dad came over to invite Andy to watch the ball game with him. After he left, Andy asked me to help him find the way over to Mom and Dad's apartment. 

Andy's tremors are getting worse. It's hard for him to drink without spilling it all over himself. I give him a straw which really helps. He also has to eat with a spoon. If he tries to use a fork, the food just won't stay on, but drops all over the place. So we're adjusting and trying to find ways to make his life easier. The Lord has given me great compassion for him. I really feel bad for him and what he has to endure. But he never complains. Occasionally, he gets sad about it, but usually, he's just kind, sweet, good natured, loving and thankful. He thanks me for everything: for dinner, for lunch, for taking him places, everything!

Oh, and this is a milestone! The other day, he told me I was a good driver! Whoa! When he first had to let me do all the driving, he was very anxious and apprehensive when I drove. I thanked him for the compliment, then he elaborated a little by saying that he's driven with some very wild and crazy drivers. I was wondering if he didn't realize who I was at the moment, and was remembering how I used to frighten him. Or maybe he's getting used to my driving. Who knows? But I'll take it.

Thank you, Lord, for the little things. There is mercy in the mundane!

Our Creator/Redeemer

God is both Creator and Redeemer. I love how he creatively ministers to us and meets our needs in amazing ways.

When Andy became ill and had to resign from the ministry, I thought our ministry was over. I struggled with that but attempted to surrender my hurt and disappointment. I believed I needed to draw back and concentrate on ministering to Andy. It was necessary for me to do this in the beginning because I was overwhelmed with our situation and all that I needed to do to take care of him and us. I told myself that like John the Baptist, I needed to decrease.

But recently, God has been showing me that my ministry is not over, it's just different than it was. I may not be hosting people in my house, feeding 20-30 older singles at our table, assisting Andy in all he was doing, but I have discovered that my life and ministry are not over. 

God is redeeming our circumstances, maturing me, showing me and teaching me more of himself, taking me deeper into his word.

I've finished The Rest of the Gospel by Dan Stone and David Gregory. It was a good read with many challenging thoughts. One chapter was devoted to the Holy BUT. The author said that we often focus on what life would be if only... We think, "I know God loves me, BUT it doesn't seem like it." Or "I know God is my sufficiency, BUT I don't really have what I need." However, the Holy BUT puts God after the but, not before. For instance:
"I feel awfully weak, BUT God is my strength."
"I'm sorrowful, BUT God is my peace."
"I'm in pain, BUT Christ is my sufficiency."

He says: "The Holy But moves you from the level of soul, from thoughts and feelings (which are perfectly normal reactions to life's situations), to the level of spirit to faith, to allowing Christ to respond to situations through you with his life. The situation is the same, but you have shifted on the inside."

The Holy But picks you up from where you're stuck and moves you into faith. If we didn't have the negative in life, we'd never exercise faith. The external situation doesn't necessarily change, but I change. The Holy Spirit moves me from the circumstance to the Solution and that Solution is a Person. He moves me from without to within, from the outer to the inner, from the temporal to the eternal.

So God continues to redeem me and my situation.

And this week, we enjoyed his creation by going to Morris Arboretum in Philadelphia. There is a current display at the arboretum called Yarn Bomb. Amy, being a master crocheter, heard about the display and asked Christy and us if we wanted to meet her there. Of course, we did. We love that place. In my opinion, it's more enjoyable than Longwood Gardens. We went on Wednesday, so I had to take a vacation day. It was cloudy and chilly, but we still had a good time. The kids didn't seem to mind since they were so active, running and playing. The grounds were beautiful.

This was so funny to me. The kids got the idea to get the coins out of the pool. Others throw money in, still others take the money out. That water was cold, but they didn't seem to notice. The reward was too great!

Andy still likes to clown around.

When I showed him this picture, he asked, "Do I have cooties?"

What I like about Morris Arboretum is that although the bushes and trees are so lovely, they're easy to enjoy up close. The lawns are perfect for walking on, the kids run all over the open spaces. Some of the paths are black-topped, others are gravel lanes, and still others are terraced steps or just plain dirt.

8 g-kids all in a row

The fernery was indoors and nice and warm. Every plant in this building was a fern.

The littlest ones - 2 peas in a pod!

All too soon, our fun had to end.

But then over the weekend, Friday evening and all day Saturday, I attended our ladies' retreat at church. It has been in the planning for a number of months, and I was just resigned to the fact that I would not be able to attend. But several weeks ago, I felt the Lord nudging me that this might be good for me and perhaps I should make the effort. I consulted a friend and one of my daughters, and both encouraged me to go ahead and do it. So I signed up. 

At first, I thought since the retreat would be at the church, I could just leave Andy, and run home throughout to check on him. But then again, I felt the Lord nudging me to make plans for him to be looked after so I could concentrate on being all there at the retreat. I struggled with not wanting to ask someone, not wanting to obligate anyone. But then again, I remembered (thanks to the Holy Spirit) that Dawn had often told me that people have offered to help, and I should let them because they genuinely want to. So I called a friend who stayed with Andy before and asked if he was available. He said he was scheduled to work on Saturday but he was able to switch with his co-worker. 

I'm really glad the Lord not only nudged me, but that I obeyed that nudge and went. I wasn't really that excited about Friday night's sessions and they went late (for me!). I left early to get home and found that Andy was still awake. I read to him for a while, hoping he would get sleepy, and hoping I would relax and get sleepy myself.

When I finally went to bed, I tossed and turned. I was rehearsing all that had happened that evening and couldn't relax. I finally started wondering why I had thought I could do this. I need the routine as much as Andy does. I need my sleep for all I am responsible for, etc. etc.

I don't think I slept more than 3-4 hours that whole night. I got up in the morning to prepare for the day and the Lord changed my thinking. He reminded me that it was his idea for me to attend the retreat, so there must be a good reason why he wanted me there. He also reminded me that this is not about me but about him. If I don't get anything out of being there, maybe someone else will be ministered to by me being there.

Well, I tell you, with that change of heart, it made all the difference. All of Saturday was so uplifting and special to me. I was at a table with a great group of ladies who really ministered to me. They were so supportive, encouraging. I felt loved and carried. Actually, it was mutual. I believe we all encouraged each other. What a great blessing the Lord had for us all. 

God pours himself into his children so that we overflow to touch others. Jesus said in John 7:37-28, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Our Faithful God

I talked Amy into coming down for a day to join us at the Palmyra Cove Nature Center. It could count as a field trip for her homeschooling and we would get to see her and the kids. It was a brilliant idea. The weather was gorgeous and that was an added benefit. 

We got there mid-morning and hiked the Perimeter Trail. I was surprised to see that these beautiful little girly-girls were making faces when I took their picture. Well, I go for realism - no fake, plastic, goody goody pretending here! What you see is what you get.

  

The kids were full of energy and we didn't see any deer until I told them that if we were quieter, we might see some. This park is always full of deer and they don't seem too fearful of people. After we tried walking with more stealth, we saw two deer eating quietly in the woods.

Not having raised boys, I always enjoy watching Chase, who is all boy. When we spotted the deer, he immediately took the mighty hunter stance to see if he could sneak up on them. We had to insist he stay on the trail because of our concern for ticks.
 

The Perimeter Trail goes by ponds and streams that are filled with Canadian geese. Some were nesting and we were careful to stay far enough away from the nests to avoid being chased by them. We also had to be careful where we put our feet because of all their droppings. I'm sure that's where the expression "dirty bird" came from. I'm not crazy about Canadian geese, maybe because they're so common around here.

We walked by the beaver pond but didn't see any beaver. There were lots of turtles, though, sunning themselves on logs in the water.

 

After walking the Perimeter Trail, we arrived back at the Nature Center, found a picnic table and ate our lunch. I really wanted to take Amy and the kids along the Cove Trail which follows the course of the Delaware River. I didn't know if the kids were up for another hike but they still seemed to have lots of energy. So off we went.

There is lots of driftwood along the river and the kids were busy inspecting and collecting all kinds of treasures. It's amazing all the creative ways they can find to have fun along the way.

It was such a beautiful day with blue sky, white fluffy clouds and greening trees and spending the day with family. We got in quite a number of hiking miles between the morning and afternoon walks - an estimated 5-6 miles.
 

In all the times we'd already been to this Nature Center, I didn't realize you could actually walk to the top of the building to look out across the river. But the kids discovered the stairs and I'm glad they did.








It was a lovely day and Amy was able to get us all in on a selfie!



The rest of the week was pretty quiet and normal. On Friday, Andy went with his brothers, sister and mom and dad to the U of Penn where his mom had an appointment for a brain scan. The last several months her memory has been failing and she has been increasingly confused. Thankfully, they were all together as the doctor gave the results of the testing:  she has Alzheimer's. It's almost like an epidemic in his family. She seems to be a lot more advanced than Andy, though. Perhaps it progresses more rapidly if you get it when you're older. Or maybe Andy is doing fairly well because he is so conscientious about doing his exercises. He likes getting out and I can see how good it is for his well being. And I make sure he takes his meds at the right times each day. If he depended on himself, he would never take them. He really depends on me to give him directions. Fortunately, I don't mind being in charge. Being the first born is a good thing sometimes: Especially if those getting the orders are good natured and don't mind being bossed!

Andy is so appreciative and often expresses how thankful he is for me. In my mind, though, I am only doing what he would do for me if the roles were reversed. In fact, he was such a servant to me in all our married life together. It is a privilege for me to serve him now. I really am enjoying the role! I also must say that I love being with him all the time. When he was gone all day on Friday with his family, I missed him. It seemed like he was gone a long time. People sometimes tell me that if I ever need a break, just call them. But I don't know that I really want a break. Maybe that will come later as he becomes more needy. But I always loved being with him as much as possible. I am thankful that we were able to work in the same office for so many years. 

Pastor's sermon this morning echoed the way we feel about our life. He said that a sign of the filling of the Spirit is that we give thanks for everything. Even in the hard times, we can thank God because He never changes. He is still God even over our difficulties. He is always good, kind, loving, full of grace and mercy, faithful. He always gives us what we need to endure. And these are things to thank him for. 

I was reading Psalm 89 this morning and was struck by how many times the Psalmist mentions the faithfulness of God.

Verse 1: I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.

Verse 2:  I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself.

 Verse 5: The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones.

 Verse 8:  O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Verse 14:  Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.

Verse 24 says God's faithful love will be with him (David) and in verse 33, God promises that He will not take [His] love from him, nor will [He] ever betray [His] faithfulness.

Isn't that a beautiful picture to think of God's faithfulness surrounding Him (verse 8) and going before Him (verse 14). It's who He is. And that is really something to be thankful for!

A Bright Spot

There's a certain comfort in the routine but sometimes it's good to throw in a little something different to keep the interest going.  I took a day of vacation on Wednesday to do some grandkid sitting.  Dawn was on a 5 day cruise with her friend Laura so when she asked if I could help take care of Kira while she was gone, of course I said YES!

Kira's other Grammy had her on Monday and Tuesday, bringing her over to us on Tuesday evening in time for dinner.  Tommy joined us for dinner, as well.  He said he felt like a single parent having visitation rights!  Kira is nearly 4 and easy to take care of.  We watched a Disney movie together, then read books till bed time.  She must have been tired because in five minutes, she was fast asleep.


I was happy that Kira was willing to let me braid her hair this time.  She also wanted me to do it the next day, too!  Her hair is a lot like Dawn's - thick and easy to manage (brought back fond memories!)




Earlier in the week, Christy had told me she had tickets to the Camden Aquarium and did I want to take Kira and join her and her kids on Wednesday.  Sure, sounded like a great idea.  Kira got to hang out with her cousins and I had something to do with her.  I had to take care of a couple of things at the office before we left, so Kira played in the church gym with Andy while I took care of payroll (some things, like getting paid, are just too important to not get done).

It was a beautiful day and the aquarium is such a fascinating and interesting place to go.  I think it's somewhat excessive in price, but I guess when you think about, the cost of maintaining all those animals and facilities must be very expensive.

 Notice the aquarium map in Kira's hand.  She was very insistent on carrying it around and referring to it as we moved from one exhibit to the next.  I sense the development of some leadership and organizational qualities.

It was somewhat crowded with school kids, probably doing field trips at the end of the school year.  But we managed to still enjoy the day.

Most of the time, baby Claire insisted on my holding her.  I'm amazed I was able to get a photo of her when she wasn't with me.  I'm honored that she wants me but that girl is heavy!  I kept switching her from arm to arm but after several hours, I thought I would die!  I would ask Christy to take her back, but Claire would look at me and start crying with rivers of tears running down her cheeks.  Of course, I had to take her back and comfort her.  It was so cute.

 I like this picture in spite of the arm on the right because it seems so random with the kids all doing their own thing - not so posed.

She's worn out.

 When we got home, she still had the energy to play outside with PopPop and the neighbor girl.

Thursday morning, Andy and I got up at 5:00 to go pick up Dawn from the cruise dock.  We took Kira with us and she was a gem the whole time.  The trip up took an hour and a half.  We had left in plenty of time thinking we might hit traffic, but we didn't - a big blessing, except that we got there so early.  But Kira entertained us as we sat in the car waiting for the cruise passengers to disembark.  Then she had to sit in the car another hour and a half for the ride home.  But she was a trooper, happy and a delight to be with - a bright spot in our week.