When Andy became ill and had to resign from the ministry, I thought our ministry was over. I struggled with that but attempted to surrender my hurt and disappointment. I believed I needed to draw back and concentrate on ministering to Andy. It was necessary for me to do this in the beginning because I was overwhelmed with our situation and all that I needed to do to take care of him and us. I told myself that like John the Baptist, I needed to decrease.
But recently, God has been showing me that my ministry is not over, it's just different than it was. I may not be hosting people in my house, feeding 20-30 older singles at our table, assisting Andy in all he was doing, but I have discovered that my life and ministry are not over.
God is redeeming our circumstances, maturing me, showing me and teaching me more of himself, taking me deeper into his word.
I've finished The Rest of the Gospel by Dan Stone and David Gregory. It was a good read with many challenging thoughts. One chapter was devoted to the Holy BUT. The author said that we often focus on what life would be if only... We think, "I know God loves me, BUT it doesn't seem like it." Or "I know God is my sufficiency, BUT I don't really have what I need." However, the Holy BUT puts God after the but, not before. For instance:
"I feel awfully weak, BUT God is my strength."
"I'm sorrowful, BUT God is my peace."
"I'm in pain, BUT Christ is my sufficiency."
He says: "The Holy But moves you from the level of soul, from thoughts and feelings (which are perfectly normal reactions to life's situations), to the level of spirit to faith, to allowing Christ to respond to situations through you with his life. The situation is the same, but you have shifted on the inside."
The Holy But picks you up from where you're stuck and moves you into faith. If we didn't have the negative in life, we'd never exercise faith. The external situation doesn't necessarily change, but I change. The Holy Spirit moves me from the circumstance to the Solution and that Solution is a Person. He moves me from without to within, from the outer to the inner, from the temporal to the eternal.
So God continues to redeem me and my situation.
And this week, we enjoyed his creation by going to Morris Arboretum in Philadelphia. There is a current display at the arboretum called Yarn Bomb. Amy, being a master crocheter, heard about the display and asked Christy and us if we wanted to meet her there. Of course, we did. We love that place. In my opinion, it's more enjoyable than Longwood Gardens. We went on Wednesday, so I had to take a vacation day. It was cloudy and chilly, but we still had a good time. The kids didn't seem to mind since they were so active, running and playing. The grounds were beautiful.
This was so funny to me. The kids got the idea to get the coins out of the pool. Others throw money in, still others take the money out. That water was cold, but they didn't seem to notice. The reward was too great!
Andy still likes to clown around.
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| When I showed him this picture, he asked, "Do I have cooties?" |
What I like about Morris Arboretum is that although the bushes and trees are so lovely, they're easy to enjoy up close. The lawns are perfect for walking on, the kids run all over the open spaces. Some of the paths are black-topped, others are gravel lanes, and still others are terraced steps or just plain dirt.
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| 8 g-kids all in a row |
The fernery was indoors and nice and warm. Every plant in this building was a fern.
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| The littlest ones - 2 peas in a pod! |
But then over the weekend, Friday evening and all day Saturday, I attended our ladies' retreat at church. It has been in the planning for a number of months, and I was just resigned to the fact that I would not be able to attend. But several weeks ago, I felt the Lord nudging me that this might be good for me and perhaps I should make the effort. I consulted a friend and one of my daughters, and both encouraged me to go ahead and do it. So I signed up.
At first, I thought since the retreat would be at the church, I could just leave Andy, and run home throughout to check on him. But then again, I felt the Lord nudging me to make plans for him to be looked after so I could concentrate on being all there at the retreat. I struggled with not wanting to ask someone, not wanting to obligate anyone. But then again, I remembered (thanks to the Holy Spirit) that Dawn had often told me that people have offered to help, and I should let them because they genuinely want to. So I called a friend who stayed with Andy before and asked if he was available. He said he was scheduled to work on Saturday but he was able to switch with his co-worker.
I'm really glad the Lord not only nudged me, but that I obeyed that nudge and went. I wasn't really that excited about Friday night's sessions and they went late (for me!). I left early to get home and found that Andy was still awake. I read to him for a while, hoping he would get sleepy, and hoping I would relax and get sleepy myself.
When I finally went to bed, I tossed and turned. I was rehearsing all that had happened that evening and couldn't relax. I finally started wondering why I had thought I could do this. I need the routine as much as Andy does. I need my sleep for all I am responsible for, etc. etc.
I don't think I slept more than 3-4 hours that whole night. I got up in the morning to prepare for the day and the Lord changed my thinking. He reminded me that it was his idea for me to attend the retreat, so there must be a good reason why he wanted me there. He also reminded me that this is not about me but about him. If I don't get anything out of being there, maybe someone else will be ministered to by me being there.
Well, I tell you, with that change of heart, it made all the difference. All of Saturday was so uplifting and special to me. I was at a table with a great group of ladies who really ministered to me. They were so supportive, encouraging. I felt loved and carried. Actually, it was mutual. I believe we all encouraged each other. What a great blessing the Lord had for us all.
God pours himself into his children so that we overflow to touch others. Jesus said in John 7:37-28, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."
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