On Wallin Pond

I happened upon some notes Andy had made on the computer three years ago. At that point, he was already two years into his illness. The notes reveal his heart for God and his family. I am including it word for word (unedited by me) below.
 

Dear, Dawn, Amy, Christy, and Mom

     I want to try to reach out to you guys (Christy, Amy and Dawn.  so you just don’t just get your information from mom.  (She always does a great job)   I love all of you very much.  We just got back from seeing my specialist, Dr. Janoff, and he was very positive.  We have been seeing him for over two years now.  He has known of my condition and He said that I am doing well and did not have to step up to another level of medication and therapy.  That was great news!  At the same time, I don’t want to fool myself with regards to the challenges this disease brings.  That is no place to dwell on, so I’m going to play it a day at a time, thanking the Lord for his blessings and his trials.  Trials can be great teachers.  

      God has been so good to each of us and shown us his love for us in so many ways!   How could we ever be angry for what we call trials?

David said in the psalms.  “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I shall I fear!  The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?  (God has the answers for us before we even think about them!  WOW.  I am man of few words as you know, but  I feel that is very important that we keep touch in some way.   

The Sunday school class I attend is doing book studies for the summer. The first book chosen was A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God. We already owned the book, and as I read it, I was so excited to note that Andy had read it, underlined key points and written notes in it.

What he wrote: "How would I feel if God took away my ability to sing or speak, walk or run, hike or read. They are all precious to me - would I still love him? Would I be content with Him alone, or would they send me into a fit of temper or depression from which I could not escape?"

Well, Andy is now experiencing just that - his inability to sing or speak, walk or run, hike or read. But he seems to be at peace through it all. He isn't angry or upset. He is calm, quiet, accepting, persevering in spite of so many losses that he formerly enjoyed. It is obvious that God is still at work in his heart, soul - giving him peace, not as the world gives, but as Jesus gives - the peace that passes understanding. He is a beautiful example to me of the work of Christ in a person's heart, shining through the cracks of our human-ness.

2 Corinthians 4:7 ~ "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

We just came through 4-5 days of rain, rain, rain. It's hard not to complain about it, but I've always been convicted not to complain about the weather. I confess I love blue skies the best, but there are benefits to rain. I turned off the sprinkler system, so think of all the money I saved on this month's water bill! Then there's the truth that after the rain, sunshine seems all the more precious. And of course, without rain, there would be no flowers.

Before the rain came through the area, I hit the golf course. Actually, I was part of the staff helping in our church's golf tournament. Over 120 people participated in a day of golf. It was a nice day...a little warm in the sun, but the shade was very pleasant with a stiff breeze that kept us cool. I was assigned to Hole 5 on the course, with the express purpose to make sure people were honest and not padding their scores! I was at this post with a friend, and we enjoyed the afternoon just chatting and hanging out as the golfers came and went. She insisted that I be the one to drive the golf cart, which I did, although I had to stretch my short legs to reach the gas pedal.

I've been working on my latest puzzle for 6 weeks. It was the most difficult puzzle I've ever done. It was actually in a stack of puzzles that Christy gave me to work on. I did all the others quickly and with a minimum of effort, but I put this one off because it looked so impossible. But little by little, and because of so much rain this past week, I had a lot of time to work on it and finish it.

Yes, every single piece is a small, tiny picture of ocean, water, boat, ship, sea creature, etc.

Occasionally, I would send a picture of my progress to Christy's kids. It was an encouragement to receive their kudos. So this morning, when I sent them the finished puzzle, Christy sent back their thumbs up for my accomplishment.

God called King David a man after His own heart. Although David wasn't perfect by a long shot, he had a heart for God, pursuing Him in all of life's difficult circumstances. I read Psalm 63 this morning, where David exclaims: "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." The heading of this psalm tells us that David wrote this when he was in the desert of Judah. So he was understanding hunger and thirst because he was experiencing it first hand. But even greater than the physical hunger and thirst is his desire for God. He says in verse 5 that his "soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods."

Tozer says: "We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him and nothing is really safe which is not so committed...Our gifts and talents should also be turned over to Him. They should be recognized for what they are, God's loan to us, and should never be considered in any sense our own. We have no more right to claim credit for special abilities than for blue eyes or strong muscles." "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" (1 Corinthians 4:7)

What we enjoy in this life is God's loan to us. They are given to us to enjoy for a time. This includes our loved ones, our gifts and abilities (my husband and his health, hiking, speaking, singing, etc.) Are we ok if He chooses to take them back? Can we be content with whatever God allows in our lives? I want to exhibit Job's attitude: "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21)

The most precious truth to realize and experience is that even though life is tough and we experience hard things, God is with me. He is the greatest Gift of all - Himself.