Cleaning Out

Every evening after our dinner, when I'm feeling cold from being in air conditioning all day, I make my way out to check on my gardens and make sure the flowers aren't thirsty.

Sometimes Andy goes out to "help" me but if he does, that's usually an exercise in patience for me. But even in the sadness of his condition, there is a beautiful butterfly on those colorful flowers. This makes my heart smile and praise God for his beauty and goodness.

Last night, though, I was about to go out to do my watering, when I thought I heard thunder. Sure enough, very soon, a storm came through. It rained buckets for quite a length of time. I thought I would try to get pictures of rain with my iphone. They turned out pretty good, don't you think?

Dawn has been encouraging me to do some house purging. So yesterday I spent a couple of hours cleaning out and organizing. I started on my desk drawers. In one of the drawers, I came across all the journals I had written in over the years, with the oldest dating back to when Andy and I were in seminary. It was tempting to read through them, but I was on a mission and ended up packing them away in a safe place - for future generations to read (or throw away - ha). 

The oldest journal was a notebook I wrote in while Andy and I were in seminary in the '70's. On one of the first pages were some notes I must have taken in a class I had attended. There was a note that we all need an EMT - Encourager by Ministering Truth. I love that and I immediately gave thanks for my own personal EMT - a friend who always encourages me by reminding me of what is true. I can feel inadequate and ineffective, but spending time in her presence with her speaking truth to me about the hope we have in the Lord, the great love God has for his children, yes, even me, always lifts me up and helps me refocus.


Cleaning out, purging, getting rid of junk and collected stuff is a good thing. On the one hand, it's easier to just stash things on the shelves in the basement because then at least I don't have to think about what to do with them. You know...out of sight, out of mind. 

But on the other hand, it's so satisfying to think about and determine what is really important and attempt to live simpler. I've often told myself that, in the end, everything is going to burn. So don't put took much importance on anything that can burn or be destroyed. It's also a good idea to hold onto things loosely. Don't put too much stock in them because when they wear out or become damaged, it hurts less. What's most important is our relationships, with our God and Savior and our family and friends. 

This is a good reminder as I throw things away and clean out drawers and cupboards. Well, I accomplished a tiny start to my cleaning out: just my desk, the corner cupboard in the kitchen and another cabinet. I still have Andy's work space, our shed and the whole basement. Ugh!

Andy has been going to the Alzheimer's respite day care every day now for 3 weeks. What a life saver that has been. Andy is enjoying it and so am I. He actually seems more "with it" and engaged. I was starting to think that he doesn't seem as confused as before he started going, but then I remember that the other day, he was opening drawers and obviously looking for something. When I checked on him, his face was all lathered up with shaving cream, and he couldn't find his razor. When I asked him what he was looking for, he couldn't tell me, just mumbled something, so I asked if he needed his razor, and yes, that was it. 

Then again this afternoon, he looked at me and asked where Phyllis was. I told him I was Phyllis, then he said, he thought he would gather up his things and go home. I told him he was home, but I'm not really sure he believed me. 

So realistically, he is not improving. And I don't know why I would think he was. This week he is scheduled for a comprehensive appointment at the New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging, which is associated with Rowan University. It's supposed to be a 3 hour test/interview with Andy and myself. The CEO at the Respite Care facility suggested that we might get more answers from them. She said the regular doctor who sees him spends 15 minutes with him every six months and doesn't get a true picture of his condition. Every time we're in his office, he says Andy's symptoms are still mild. And maybe they are, but then again, maybe they aren't. I'm hoping to get a bit more realistic picture of what we're dealing with. 

I've been enjoying a new song my personal EMT shared with me: Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer by Keith & Kristyn Getty

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labor thro' the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow tho' I'm worn

Chorus
May this journey be a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus guide me thro' the tempest
Keep my spirit staid and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love You even more

Chorus

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at Your throne

So this is my prayer these days: may this journey be a blessing, may I rise on wings of faith; and at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness, let me wake.

Window Washing Project

Too many days recently were either rainy, too cold, snowy or otherwise not conducive for hiking - not for lack of trying, though. We went out on Tuesday to a park nearby.  Starting off on the trail and across the bridge, there was no sign of snow.  But as soon as the bridge ended, the trail was impassible - just a frozen mass of ice. It was actually dangerous and we didn't want to risk falling and lying who knows how long with broken or sprained who knows what. So back home we went to wait for warmer weather.

Thankfully, the rest of the week saw temperatures in the 50's nearly every day and the snow and ice quickly disappeared.

Yesterday was a rainy day...all day. I came up with a project for us to do. I had read somewhere once that it's best to wash windows on rainy or cloudy days since the sun can cause streaks when you clean them. Our living room windows open to the east and to the west. Consequently, that room gets a lot of sun. And when the sun shines in, I can see how dusty dirty those windows are. The windows are double-hungs, supposedly easy to clean. Just tilt them in and you can clean the outside without going outside. Well, I've never been able to do it myself. Andy has to push on the frame so hard before the window is able to tilt in. The grills are also very difficult to get out. So it's definitely a two-person job with the second person having bigger muscles than I have. 

I've been feeling like Andy is doing pretty well and have been trying to think of little projects for him to do so that he will feel useful and productive. Hence, the window cleaning project. But even that job, with me providing direction was an exercise in frustration. My first instruction was to take the grills out of the windows. He proceeded to open the windows and take out the screens. So I told him that was ok, but I needed him to take out the grills. He said, "I did." I had to explain that he took out the screens but I needed him to take out the grills. He still didn't seem to understand, so I had to demonstrate. I started to wonder why I ever decided to do this job. But we kept going even though it didn't get any better as we went along. Into the second window, the window somehow got crooked and when we tried to shut it, it came off the track. Ugh! What several years ago would have been a simple matter for him to figure out and fix was now - no idea what to do.  Oh, he tried but I had to also try to figure it out. Somehow we managed to get the window closed but I think I'm going to have to ask a handyman to look at it. 

That tired Andy out, so I sent him to lie down and finished the job myself. I don't know why I didn't do this from the beginning, but the windows are all on the first floor and easily reached from the outside with a step ladder. And I was also able to get the grills back in myself. I guess you can do all kinds of things if you have no choice.

I was feeling a little bummed out after this and had to remind myself of the truth this morning. There is nothing that can separate me from the love of God. "He redeems our pain, sin, doubt, need and suffering and reshapes the landscape of our inner lives through Jesus." (The Answer to Our Cry by Rick McKinley)



I just finished the book above. He says that "living into the love of God is a life journey. This means it may take decades and generations. Soul formation is process oriented..." As long as I'm still living in this world, I will still need to grow, mature, become more and more like Jesus. And sometimes this is painful, but it is so necessary because I have a long way to go. But as Paul prayed for the Philippian Christians, "he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6)

The rain finally stopped during the night. So of course we had to get out today. The temperature was only 44 degrees and it was pretty windy. In fact, there were 40 mile an hour gusts. Brrr! But we put on our hats, gloves, scarves and LL Bean Maine manufactured winter coats and away we went. 

It really wasn't too bad as long as we were in the woods but you could hear the wind whipping up in the tops of the trees. We had to laugh as we went through the parking lot. Only one car was parked there. Yes, most people know enough not to go hiking on days like this. 
 
 
But really it was a beautiful day. The water was running swiftly in the Rancocas Creek from all the snow melt and rain from yesterday. 
 

 
 We have been to this park many times but had never seen this broken down house across the creek. It looks dangerously near the water.



Even though the trees still seem dead, there is a lot of green in places: holly trees, rhododendron and laurel bushes.

It's mid-March. Surely it won't be too much longer before we'll be seeing signs of spring a-coming. I've already seen plenty of robins in our yard, but then they've been here all winter.

Andy has been working on another puzzle. I have pretty much been letting him do it by himself and he says he is really getting into it. He is patient and persevering and is having success. I'm proud of him for being such a good sport about it. He said he didn't think at first he would enjoy it, but it's becoming addictive! He says he already feels smarter! ha, ha - still has that Andy sense of humor.

He's also a good sport for letting me take his picture all the time, but what a handsome guy!

Presently

As I was walking on the treadmill the other morning, my Bible memory notebook was open to Psalm 116.  I love this psalm because it says how I feel:

I love the Lord because he heard my voice.  He heard my cry for mercy.  

Because he turned his ear to me I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me

I was overcome with trouble and sorrow,
Then I called on the name of the Lord:  "O Lord, save me!"
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I found a book on the shelf that I had not read before, so pulled it down and found why people have found such hope in the psalms:  "Because these detail the heart experiences of men in fear and doubt and guilt and soul-hunger, describing how they have felt and how God has met them." (from Continuous Revival ~ The Secret of Victorious Living by Norman Grubb)

No matter how bad my circumstances, I can find rest in God.  He quiets my heart because my hope is not found in my circumstances, but in my faithful, unchanging, loving, full of grace God.

Speaking of the treadmill - I decided I wanted it upstairs.  It's pretty demotivating and depressing to exercise in the basement  with no natural light.  So one weekend when several big, strong sons-in-law were visiting, I bribed them to bring it upstairs.  That thing is a beast, heavy and bulky.  But it was accomplished and I enjoy walking on it now.  My view is so much more inspiring looking out on the lawn and nature, as well as watching traffic go by.

In addition to adding the treadmill to the front room, I decided to get rid of the futon and put in a day bed.  When the futon is made into a bed, it takes up so much of the room, there is hardly enough space to walk around.  So I've been having fun re-doing the room, ordering room darkening shades, a day bed, new bed covers.  I really like the way it turned out.  

The futon opened up

The new daybed

The day bed came in a flat box and was quite a challenge for us to put together.  But we managed it finally and were still speaking to each other afterwards!

I'm not sure what to call the room.  There are several possibilities:  the front room, the toy room, the guest room...It gets called any number of things, I guess depending on the mood of the moment.

Last Sunday Amy and Ricky and kids went to church with us, then home for lunch.  Dawn & Tommy and their girls joined us for lunch - I ordered pizza and made a salad.  Amy brought dessert.

Of course, the kids had fun playing together, then we all watched the Eagles game.  It was quite satisfying because the Eagles won.

Whose lovely feet are marring the beauty of this picture???

Earlier in the month, Andy and I took a trip to Berks County to my mother's church because they were having a special service and luncheon to honor her for being a founding member, as well as her faithful service through the years.  All my siblings were there, along with their spouses.  I'm very thankful that we all enjoy being together.  And it was good to see my Mother again because now that she's moved to the assisted living in western PA, I will probably not see her unless she comes back east.

I had been somewhat dreading the trip because our recent car journeys have been stressful.  But it really wasn't bad this time.

A favorite question I get asked nowadays is:  "How is Andy doing?"  I'm very thankful that my current answer is truthfully:  "He's feeling very well physically."  This is a blessing because a year ago, he was at his worst.  He is faithfully doing his exercises that the physical therapist recommended.  He is also riding his bike to and from church.  He seems to be tolerating and thriving from the exercise.  And maybe the medications are helping, as well.  Whatever, we're thankful.  He still is forgetful and easily confused, but it's tolerable right now.  Maybe I'm getting used to the way things are now.  We had a friend who used to say, "You get used to hanging if you hang long enough."

We continue to bask in the goodness of God. 
Lamentation 3:22-23 
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

In one of Ann Voskamp's recent devotionals, she wrote:  "Every sunrise proves the burn of his passionate heart."

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking!  Great is his faithfulness!

Work Projects

Andy is feeling better so I'm trying to give him projects to keep him busy.  Over the years he has remodeled every room in our house, added the in-law apartment and generally made our house a beautiful place to live.  He can no longer do those complicated projects but still likes to keep busy and be productive.  It's also helpful if I'm close by when he's working to offer encouragement and advice.  

One of those projects was to dig out the trumpet vine that has been growing on our trellis over the last couple of years.  Trumpet vine is invasive so when we planted it, we used plastic buckets to hopefully contain it and keep it from spreading where it wasn't wanted.  Hummingbirds are attracted to trumpet vine flowers which is why I planted it in the first place.  After a few years, however, I began to become somewhat disappointed in the way the trumpet vine "performed."  It became very woody on the stems and the vine itself was wild and crazy.  I kept trimming it back but then it didn't produce many blossoms.  So it seemed like a good time to try another plant in that spot.

It was labor intensive to dig out those buckets, but with Andy's muscles and my direction (!), we were successful.





In place of the trumpet vine, I planted morning glory seeds in two planters.  I'm thinking this is a good option because morning glories also attract hummers and they die out every year.  They are very fast growing and I'm excited to see what they look like full of flowers.

Another of his projects was to "remodel" the swing set.  He took that one very seriously.  He leveled it out so it wouldn't rock when kids were swinging.  We had replaced the canvas "roof" several times and it kept weathering and looking terrible.  So I asked him if he thought he could build a roof.  He worked at it for several days and was successful.  At one point, I asked him how it was going and he said it was "painfully slow."

Out with the old

In with the new

Granted:  the old canvas was more colorful...but the new real roof should last longer.  Good job, Andy!

I was happy with my lilacs this year.  They are filling out and bloomed nicely.  The white bush didn't bloom last year but it came through this spring!



We've been able to spend some time with our kids and grandkids.  Last Sunday we went to Lancaster County to attend church with Amy and her family.  After church, back at their house, Amy fed us lunch, then we went to Chase's baseball game.  That was fun watching those little kids play ball.  Andy has always enjoyed watching kids' teams play, even when we don't know any of those kids.  But this was a special game because of Chase.  He played really well, too, even going home with the game ball for being chose MVP.  Way to go, Chase.





The week before, we went to see Christy and her family, had lunch with them, then hiked on a trail near their house.  It was a beautiful day, so nice to be outside, just walking along enjoying the day and nature and each other.

I've begun reading a new book:  Loving Well by William Smith.


An encouraging read...Isaiah 53:3-5 tells us that Jesus was a "man of sorrows and familiar with suffering."  But he not only knows how it feels to suffer, he actually took our sufferings on himself:  "surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows..."  Hallelujah, what a Savior!

He continues to encourage us in our walk with him.

Since vacation

Even though it's been a while since I've posted, it's not because life has been boring.  Lots has been going on and I'll try to fill in some details.

Since vacation, Andy and I have been busy with doctor appointments.  We had his hearing tested and he needs hearing aids.  He's known that for quite a while, actually, but hasn't wanted to admit the extent of his hearing loss, for several reasons.  One, is hearing loss a sign of weakness or old age???  Two, hearing aids are very expensive.  Andy has never been a big spender (this is a good thing!), and especially doesn't spend money on himself.  But after pressure from his wife and daughters, he finally gave in to us and let me make an appointment.  He has significant hearing loss in the treble registers, which means it's harder to hear women's voices.  (I wonder if that's why he didn't want to get the hearing aids - he likes not hearing us! - yada, yada!)  When we heard the price, he had to be talked into the importance to his life of being able to hear what's going on.  So we are biting the bullet and getting them.  We're thinking of it as investing in his health so that he will be able to be more productive in his work and interpersonal relationships.

We've also had a number of birthday celebrations.  My mother celebrated her 85th on Thursday.  She is so energetic and full of spunk.  She was actually still working until a week or so ago.  She goes to exercise class twice a week, mows her own lawn, quilts and does all kinds of needlework, makes jellies and jams, plays games with her friends, etc.  She is an inspiration to me when I feel old or tired!  I left work at normal time on Thursday afternoon and drove up to visit with her and take her out to eat.  After dinner, we played some games before going to bed.  I stayed overnight and had breakfast and coffee with her before leaving mid morning and returning home.  I didn't take my camera with me so I have no pictures to post of our time together. 

Then last night, we had a surprise party for Andy's mom who turns 80 on Saturday.  Andy's brother Dan planned the party with some help from the rest of us.  He is so creative and interesting so of course the party was a lot of fun.  Mom was totally surprised and shocked.

With Jeff & Cindi

With Andy and Dan

Norma Jean, the Birthday Queen

All of our kids and their families were there so it was a lot of fun to be together.  Dawn organized a little song for the grandkids to sing to their Great Grandmom.

Little Claire won't let me put her down.  Of course, I'm happy to have as much cuddle time as possible with her.  And Tommy - photo bombing our picture.  What a guy!

We really haven't done much with the house except that we've recently noticed some weathering on the outside doors on the north side of the house.  Andy bought a storm door to install for the one door but then we got the idea to look into awnings for over the doors.  We had a company come out and give an estimate, then ordered them.  I like them, they add some interest to the back of the house (and we were able to return the storm door).

 In between all the excitement, I'm making a variety of summer salads for our dinners.


I just made this one up without a recipe.  It's pretty easy - just use the ingredients you'd use for tacos.

Taco Salad

Greek Pasta Salad

Top Ramen Salad

Comfy Couches

I remember when we first got our couch and loveseat.  

It seems like only yesterday!  

For many years we had bought second hand or third hand couches.  When we moved to Portland for Andy to attend seminary, we bought a couch for $5 at the Salvation Army store.  It worked for us for the 4 years we lived there.  In other moves we made, we either found a couch someone else offered to us for free or one we found out at someone's curb.

Until 15 years ago...Andy's cousin who loves to go to yard sales, called us to ask if we would be interested in a couch and love seat she found.  She said the fabric and colors on them were unusual but very nice.  She said they were on sale in an upscale neighborhood in CH.  We went to look at them and decided to buy them.  They were more costly than the $5 we had spent for our first couch, but we weren't the poor seminary students any more.  However, they were still used or second hand.

Well, those couches have seen a lot of family living.  We got them before C & C were married (14 years or so ago).  

 

But as happens in this world, things wear out.  And some weeks ago, when I looked closely, I noticed that the cushions were threadbare.  So when a furniture store flyer came with the mail announcing a 50% off sale, I asked Andy what he thought about going shopping.  I never expected him to agree to it, but he immediately said we needed to replace those couches.  After all, they get a lot of use with all the family, kids and people who come in and out of our house.

So off we went.  We decided that leather would wear best.  We also wanted recliner options.  What do you think?

 They're roomy and comfortable and can fit lots of kids with us, but I will always have a warm spot in my heart for the mauve/red/teal couches.