Dealing with Grumpiness

It's getting warmer and we're hiking less. That may be why I was feeling somewhat grumpy and out of sorts as the week went on.There really didn't seem to be a reason for feeling that way...Unless I let it get to me that Andy didn't seem to be too with it. On Friday morning, he asked me why I was all "duded up." I asked him what day he thought it was and he said Thursday. Well, even though that was wrong, it didn't make sense because if I was dressed up, I would be going to work. But he was wondering why I was going to work. Sometimes, conversations go around and around. 

Then when we got to church, I was doing my work, when he came in to the office looking for the staple remover. I asked him what he was going to do with that, and he said he was going to take down the name tags. Well, that was wrong, too. He takes the used name tags down on Mondays and puts new ones up for me on Thursday. He had already put the new ones up and started to take them down again. Fortunately, he hadn't gone too far before coming in to the office to ask for help.

If I focus on the negative, it can really get me down. In the middle of my grouchiness, the Lord gently reminded me that he never changes. He is always faithful, always loving, always kind, always patient. Where would I be without his love? (Matt Redman has a song with these lyrics that encourages me whenever I hear it.)

Sometimes I think Andy's not doing too bad...but then we have these little incidents.

On Friday afternoon when I got home from work, our lawn service was at the house cutting the lawn. I was wondering why they weren't doing as much weed whacking this year as they had done last year. When I mentioned it to Andy, he said, "Oh I told them we'd do it." I bit my tongue and didn't say anything to him at first till I could calm down and talk to him reasonably. Finally, I explained to him: "But Andy, I can't do weed whacking! We need them to do it."

I texted our lawn service to tell them I wanted the weed whacking done and mentioned what Andy had said. He texted me back saying Andy hadn't mentioned anything to him.  That was pretty confusing and I'm not sure what Andy was talking about. It's all overwhelmingly perplexing sometimes. I have to try to stay one step ahead of him and what he might do. He's so used to taking care of things and he's still trying. But at this point, it's just getting him into trouble!

Because there was a possibility of rain on Saturday as well as high temperatures, I thought an alternative might be to walk around the mall. I had been thinking of looking for some new clothes. When I mentioned to Andy about going with me, he was game. I prefer not to leave him alone at home too much. So off we went. We spent a couple of hours at the mall, walking from store to store. I didn't end up buying anything for myself and we still got some exercise. He wasn't really too thrilled about it, but he was a good sport!

We did end up buying him a new pair of shoes and some new socks.

Today was a beautiful day - in more ways than one. First of all, the worship service was so refreshing and drew my mind and heart toward the Lord.

We sang:

Hosanna
More than Enough
Wonderful Merciful Savior
I Need You More
Lord, I Need You
Sinking Deep

Wonderful Merciful Savior was especially meaningful.

WONDERFUL, MERCIFUL SAVIOR

Words and music by Dawn Rodgers & Eric Wyse

Wonderful, merciful Savior,

Precious Redeemer, and Friend,

Who would have thought that a lamb could

Rescue the souls of men?

Oh, you rescue the souls of men.

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper,

Spirit we long to embrace;

You offer hope when our hearts have

Hopelessly lost the way,

Oh, we hopelessly lost the way.

Refrain:

        You are the One that we praise,

        You are the One we adore,

        You give the healing and grace

        Our hearts always hunger for;

        Oh, our hearts always hunger for.

Almighty, infinite Father,

Faithfully loving Your own;

Here in our weakness You find us

Falling before Your throne,

Oh, we’re falling before Your throne.

                                            © 1989 Word Music ASCAP & Dayspring Music BMI

My heart was hungering for his healing and grace and God met me in my need.

I finished reading Tim Keller's book on Prayer. He really stressed how important it is to pray God's words back to him in our prayers. Amazingly, Pastor's sermon this morning reiterated the same theme. He said it's like a child learning to talk. He listens to his father, then speaks the words back to him. That's what we do with our Lord. We hear him speak in his Word, then we speak his words back to him.

The psalms are especially appropriate as prayers to God. How about Psalm 86? - one I memorized many years ago:  

Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.

Or how about Psalm 116:

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me, I was overcome with trouble and sorrow, then I called on the name of the Lord. O Lord, save me!

I've been challenged by a friend who is memorizing Romans 5-8, so I decided to give it a try. I'm already blessed by the first few verses:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

What a wealth of resource is ours - available because of Jesus Christ.

We decided it was better to get out to the park than sit around in the house again - no matter what the weather. There was a mix of clouds with some patches of blue. The forecast today was calling for scattered showers, but it didn't look too threatening. So off we went to explore a new park.

Pennington Park in Delanco, NJ

It was a little humid but not too unbearable. There were plenty of people in the play ground and picnic areas, but we were the only ones on the trail to the Rancocas Creek. The trail was well maintained and easy walking.

 

yellow iris along the trail, but don't pick because it's in with poison ivy

This park is #28 that we have now crossed off on our brochure of Burlington County parks, only 12 more to go!

I'm so grateful for God's grace that enables me to carry on. Even when life seems overwhelming, God is more than enough. He is bigger than my biggest problems and always provides exactly what I need when I need it. He also doesn't love me less just because I'm having a hard time dealing with life. He gently and lovingly reminds me in many ways of his care.

I'm including some flower pictures. I received two lilac bushes from my mother several years ago: a deep purple one and a white one. They outdid themselves this year, blooming beautifully and the air smells so sweet as you walk out the door.

Peace, Peace

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above!
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray
In fathomless billows of love!

What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace,
Buried deep in the heart of my soul,
So secure that no power can mine it away,
While the years of eternity roll!

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above!
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray
In fathomless billows of love!
 
I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace,
Resting sweetly in Jesus’ control;
For I’m kept from all danger by night and by day,
And His glory is flooding my soul!

 Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above!
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray
In fathomless billows of love!
Words: Warren D. Cor­nell, 1889, alt.
Music: W. George Coo­per, 1889

What a gift that the God of peace has given me a quiet spirit and I am at peace.  I love the word picture David paints in Psalm 23 of Jesus, our Shepherd leading us in green pastures by quiet streams.  He restores my soul and even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for He is with me.

 
How precious this psalm is to me and I say it over and over to myself as I fall asleep at night.  What a comfort to experience the peace of God.  It really does pass all understanding.

Jesus told his disciples that in this world we would have trouble, but not to fret because he has overcome the world.  He gives us his peace, not as the world gives, but HIS peace. (John 14:27)  If we display the fruit of the Spirit, we will be experiencing love, joy, peace...

How is it possible to experience the peace of God when struggling with difficult trials?  The Spirit ministers to us and empowers us to be at rest and trust in God's plan for us, no matter how hard that may be.

Today's message was an affirmation of all I've been meditating on recently.  I've been so consumed with Andy's illness, feeling the weight of the added stress of caring for him (even though he isn't really that bad yet), continuing to work, desiring to be involved with family, etc.  But God has flooded me with His peace this week.  He has been showing me that if he has called me to a certain task, then He will enable me to accomplish that - in His strength and in His power, not mine.  I am just a vessel.  God loves to use weakness because then He is most glorified.  The arena of the Spirit's power is our weakness.  And believe me, I feel very weak and inadequate.  But that is when God loves to do his work.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

We have had such a severe winter this year.  Very cold with lots of snow storms.  The snow hasn't been a lot at a time, but there have been enough storms to keep us indoors.  We haven't done as much hiking as we'd like.  Yesterday was one of those days where Andy was feeling cooped up and wanted to get out.  I tried to convince him that there was too much snow in the woods and the trails would be hard to walk on.  They'd either be too snowy or muddy.  I didn't think it was a good idea.  It would be better to wait for warmer weather.  

But as I got thinking about it, I decided to go for it.  Why not?  I can keep myself occupied and always find things to do in the house, but he needs to get out.  So off we went to Lebanon State Forest (renamed Brendan T. Byrne State Forest).  I love this forest for several reasons:
1.  There are some very beautiful majestic cedar trees, that remind me of the cedar trees of Lebanon that Solomon used to build the temple.
2.  This forest is in the pinelands of south Jersey and with all the pines, there is a lot of green, even in the dead of winter.

Well, I was right there was a lot of snow on the trails and each step was an effort.  We crunched along for a while, making quite a racket.  Any animals that were in the area had plenty of warning that we were coming.  We didn't even see any birds.  But the sky was blue and we were glad we went.

 Pakim Pond was quite frozen but the pines made such a beautiful frame to all that white.
 

There was no one there but us - so peaceful and beautiful - cathartic to the soul.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and PEACE as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

Presently

As I was walking on the treadmill the other morning, my Bible memory notebook was open to Psalm 116.  I love this psalm because it says how I feel:

I love the Lord because he heard my voice.  He heard my cry for mercy.  

Because he turned his ear to me I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me

I was overcome with trouble and sorrow,
Then I called on the name of the Lord:  "O Lord, save me!"
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I found a book on the shelf that I had not read before, so pulled it down and found why people have found such hope in the psalms:  "Because these detail the heart experiences of men in fear and doubt and guilt and soul-hunger, describing how they have felt and how God has met them." (from Continuous Revival ~ The Secret of Victorious Living by Norman Grubb)

No matter how bad my circumstances, I can find rest in God.  He quiets my heart because my hope is not found in my circumstances, but in my faithful, unchanging, loving, full of grace God.

Speaking of the treadmill - I decided I wanted it upstairs.  It's pretty demotivating and depressing to exercise in the basement  with no natural light.  So one weekend when several big, strong sons-in-law were visiting, I bribed them to bring it upstairs.  That thing is a beast, heavy and bulky.  But it was accomplished and I enjoy walking on it now.  My view is so much more inspiring looking out on the lawn and nature, as well as watching traffic go by.

In addition to adding the treadmill to the front room, I decided to get rid of the futon and put in a day bed.  When the futon is made into a bed, it takes up so much of the room, there is hardly enough space to walk around.  So I've been having fun re-doing the room, ordering room darkening shades, a day bed, new bed covers.  I really like the way it turned out.  

The futon opened up

The new daybed

The day bed came in a flat box and was quite a challenge for us to put together.  But we managed it finally and were still speaking to each other afterwards!

I'm not sure what to call the room.  There are several possibilities:  the front room, the toy room, the guest room...It gets called any number of things, I guess depending on the mood of the moment.

Last Sunday Amy and Ricky and kids went to church with us, then home for lunch.  Dawn & Tommy and their girls joined us for lunch - I ordered pizza and made a salad.  Amy brought dessert.

Of course, the kids had fun playing together, then we all watched the Eagles game.  It was quite satisfying because the Eagles won.

Whose lovely feet are marring the beauty of this picture???

Earlier in the month, Andy and I took a trip to Berks County to my mother's church because they were having a special service and luncheon to honor her for being a founding member, as well as her faithful service through the years.  All my siblings were there, along with their spouses.  I'm very thankful that we all enjoy being together.  And it was good to see my Mother again because now that she's moved to the assisted living in western PA, I will probably not see her unless she comes back east.

I had been somewhat dreading the trip because our recent car journeys have been stressful.  But it really wasn't bad this time.

A favorite question I get asked nowadays is:  "How is Andy doing?"  I'm very thankful that my current answer is truthfully:  "He's feeling very well physically."  This is a blessing because a year ago, he was at his worst.  He is faithfully doing his exercises that the physical therapist recommended.  He is also riding his bike to and from church.  He seems to be tolerating and thriving from the exercise.  And maybe the medications are helping, as well.  Whatever, we're thankful.  He still is forgetful and easily confused, but it's tolerable right now.  Maybe I'm getting used to the way things are now.  We had a friend who used to say, "You get used to hanging if you hang long enough."

We continue to bask in the goodness of God. 
Lamentation 3:22-23 
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

In one of Ann Voskamp's recent devotionals, she wrote:  "Every sunrise proves the burn of his passionate heart."

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking!  Great is his faithfulness!

Great Riches

Gold was discovered in Australia in 1851, a year after the gold rush of California. One month after it was discovered, "a thousand diggers were tunnelling, cursing and exulting on the banks of Summerhill Creek, and the road over the Blue Mountains was choked with a footsore, sluggishly winding column of men...stumbling toward unheard of wealth in mud-balled boots under the driving rains of the Australian autumn. It was as though a plug had been pulled and the male population of New South Wales had emptied like a cistern, in a rush toward the diggings. Business...was utterly paralysed...a complete mental madness appear[ed] to have seized almost every member of the community." (from The Fatal Shore, The Epic of Australia's Founding by Robert Hughes)I've always been of the opinion that it's not that great of an advantage to be rich. Oh, it would be nice to have a little more...but who needs to have it all???

That's why I was intrigued when I came to Psalm 119:14: "I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches."

So chewing on this idea...if I had great riches, there is a certain amount of joy I would have because I would be free from worrying about how I would pay the bills. And realistically, if suddenly somehow I would become filthy rich, I probably wouldn't be UNhappy.

Anyway, I thought it was a good analogy: to be as happy in following the Lord as I would be happy about receiving wealth. And not only being happy, but pursuing that wealth as the gold diggers did - with total abandon. Only one thing was important - to get to the gold and become rich.

Do I follow the Lord that wholeheartedly? Because being God's child leads to infinite spiritual wealth?!
2 Peter 1:3 ~ "His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness."

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

In January it will be 12 years since I started memorizing Scripture in earnest. I had sporadically learned a verse here and there through the years up to that point, but it was always a half hearted effort with many excuses as to why I couldn't memorize.

Bruce & Bev were a couple who lived in our town and attended our church for 14 years before moving to Colorado. They've been gone a while now, but while they were here, Bruce taught our adult Sunday school class at church. He was an excellent teacher and we learned and grew significantly because of his ministry. One of the things I admired about both Bruce and Bev was their dedication to memorizing Scripture. Bruce often challenged the class to memorize certain portions, but I resisted that challenge for a long time. Finally, during one class time, Bruce dared the whole class to memorize Psalm 91 as he taught through the psalm. I decided to take the plunge. That first chapter took a long time, but what a blessing to be immersed in God's precious Word as I ruminated and meditated over the verses in my effort to commit them to memory. After it was memorized, I decided to take on another Psalm. Well, one chapter led to another until here we are today - 12 years later.

There are many benefits to memorizing portions of the Bible.
1. It's good exercise for the brain and helps keep you sharp.
2. It gives you something to think about in odd moments.
3. You have something to occupy your mind when you wake up in the middle of the night.
4. It keeps you in close contact with the God of the universe.
5. It helps you to know God's thoughts and ways.

I think the spiritual benefits far outweigh everything else, but the whole person (mental, physical, etc.) reaps great rewards from being constantly in the Word.

You know how some people break out into song when they hear certain phrases. Well, memorizing Scripture does the same thing for you. When you're in certain situations or hear certain words or phrases, it reminds you of a Bible verse or chapter. I read The Hidden Smile of God by John Piper, a biography of 3 men, one of which was John Bunyan. John Piper quotes Charles Spurgeon, who read The Pilgrim's Progress every year, as saying of John Bunyan:

"He had studied our Authorized Version... till his whole being was saturated with Scripture; and though his writings are charmingly full of poetry, yet he cannot give us his Pilgrim's Progress - that sweetest of all prose poems - without continually making us feel and say, "Why, this man is a living Bible!" Prick him anywhere; and you will find that his blood is Bibline, the very essence of the Bible flows from him. He cannot speak without quoting a text, for his soul is full of the Word of God."

I was so impressed by the example of John Bunyan. Wouldn't it be great...instead of feeling overwhelmed at trials and hard times, I would be able to "bleed Bibline" and be comforted and encouraged in my faith and walk with the Lord.

I still wouldn't say I'm a great memorizer, but in 12 years, I've developed my method.

1. I type out the passage I want to commit to memory.
2. I put that section of verses into a notebook I keep at the treadmill.
3. When I do my exercising, I repeat the verse until I know it and can go on to the next one.
4. It works!
So now, I'm wondering, what should I memorize next? I've been thinking about Psalm 119, because each verse in all 176 verses mentions God's Word. But yikes! 176 verses! It will probably take another 12 years to memorize just that one chapter.

Finding Your Treasure

The first Wednesday of every other month, we have a Ladies' Night Out at our church. I lead a team of 9 women who do a wonderful job of planning a fun and inspiring evening for our women. June 3 was the latest one, with a theme of Under the Sea, Finding Your Treasure.

A mother-daughter duo decorated the foyer for the evening. They are so gifted and artsy as you can see by the following pictures. (And yes, those are real, live fish in the centerpieces!)

As a mixer to get people talking to each other, we had cards made up with questions to get the conversation going. The questions were good food for thought:

1. Do you like the beach? Why or why not?
2. Have you ever been on a cruise? If so, where did you go/what did you like about it?
3. If you’ve never been on a cruise and had an opportunity to go, where would it be? Why?
4. Do you have a box or container where you keep special things? What are some of the things in the box?
5. Name some things in your life that you treasure.

1. I have mixed feelings about the beach. I like it because water is peaceful to me, I like to sit on the beach and relax. I don't like it because of the sand and suntan lotion.

2. I have never been on a cruise and have no desire to ever go on one (unless Andy wants to go to Alaska, then I would go with him)

3. If I had the opportunity to go, it would be to Alaska.

4. I keep cards and letters that are meaningful to me, not in a box, though, but in a folder in our file cabinet.

5. I treasure my Bible, certain pieces of jewelry that special people have given me, and family pictures.

After the mixer, we had several stations where women could make either a bracelet or a Sea-mail card! I was able to do one of each. Here is what I made:

A braceletand Sea-mail (a card)

The evening closed with Lisa speaking to us about what we treasure. She gave some illustrations of her own treasures, then spoke about how we treasure God because He treasures us. She used verses in Deut. 7:6 where God tells Israel that they are his treasured possession. And I love the image God uses in Zechariah of his people being jewels in a crown who sparkle in his land. How attractive and beautiful they will be! He MUST really love us since He sent His Son to die for us. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

Another point she made is that the reason we treasure certain possessions is because they are connected to a relationship. I treasure my red earrings because of the one who gave them to me. If a stranger or someone I just casually knew gave them to me, they would not be that significant to me. So I also treasure my salvation and life in Christ because of the One who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Giving Birth to Death

January 26, 1976 - the 33rd anniversary of the birth and death of our baby son, Jeremy.

After 2 years of marriage, Andy & I found out we were going to have a baby. How exciting! Ever since I was a very little girl, my heart's desire had been to have babies and raise a family. I enjoyed the pregnancy. Oh, I was a little nauseous the first 3 months, but it was so minor in comparison to the excitement I felt on having a baby. I was due January 5, 1976, but in December, around the 3rd week, my doctor announced that I could go into labor at any time. My body was getting ready.

I don't know why the doctor told me that because it just made me think the end was near, when in reality, my due date came and went, with no sign that I was anywhere near going into labor. One week overdue, two weeks overdue...At week 42 of my pregnancy, the doctor examined me and promised that if I hadn't delivered by next week's appointment, he would induce me.

The day before my appointment, I finally went into labor. It was exactly 43 weeks. We got to the hospital, were admitted to a labor room and got settled in. There was a stethoscope lying on the bedside table and on a whim, Andy put it in his ears to listen to the baby's heartbeat. He listened and listened but couldn't hear anything. I was thinking, "well, he's not a doctor, he doesn't know what he's doing." But he was concerned enough to go get a nurse. The nurse, probably to placate him, tried the stethoscope as well, but didn't have any success either. So she called the doctor. I still wasn't concerned. I had heard that sometimes it's hard to get the baby's heartbeat when you're in labor...etc. But the doctor could not hear a heartbeat, then ordered an EKG machine to be hooked up to me. I think it might have been that evening that it was determined that our baby was not living (even now I don't like to use the word "dead.") How could this be? Being pregnant, giving birth are supposed to be happy events. But not this time.

The doctor said I would probably be in labor a long time since the baby would not be "helping" me. And I was. I got to the hospital around 3:00 pm on Sunday, was in labor all night and the next morning and finally delivered at 3:00 pm on Monday afternoon. The doctor wanted me to be put to sleep for the delivery. His reason was that he didn't know how long the baby had been dead and in what condition the body would be. He thought it would be easier on me emotionally if I never saw the baby. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't followed that advice, but I was so tired and in tremendous grief and shock, that I listened to him.

So Andy and I never saw our baby. The doctor told us he had blond hair and blue eyes and was perfect! He was 9 pounds, 5 ounces! I have to admit, I resent the fact that the doctor saw our baby, but we never did. How I longed to hold that precious little one. But that was 33 years ago, before we knew what we do now about grief.

I contracted a urinary tract infection and had to end up staying in the hospital for a couple of days. Believe it or not, they put me in the maternity ward to recover. I could hear babies crying in the night. And one time a nurse came into the room and told me to prepare myself, they would be bringing the babies around soon. When I made no move to do as she said, she repeated her instruction, so I had to tell her: "my baby is dead."

When I finally recovered physically and was released from the hospital, then I had to deal with the ache of empty arms. Needless to say, there were lots and lots of tears.

We decided to name our baby, Jeremy. That name is a derivative of Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. It also means: God's appointed. Our son was appointed to be with God forever. God told Jeremiah: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." (Jeremiah 1:5) God knew what was going to happen to our little boy and had control over all our circumstances.

Our friends and family were so kind and supportive during our grieving time. And how can we explain the goodness of God to us. He ministered to us, comforted us, was near to us, gracious, merciful and loving in so many ways. His Word was so precious and comforting, especially Psalm 145, we drew great strength and comfort from that Psalm of David (who also lost a son). Even today, I think that is my favorite psalm.

What caused our baby to die in the womb? I don't know. The doctor decided I was gestational diabetic which would explain the bigness of the baby. But I'm not convinced. They had done the normal urine testing throughout my pregnancy and there had been no concern then.

The hospital buried the baby's body for us in a beautiful spot on the top of a hill in Portland, Oregon. The cemetery has a section for babies and children. It's a very scenic location overlooking the city of Portland, and on a clear day, you can see Mount Hood in the distance.
Of course, which would we rather have: a beautiful spot for our baby's grave or a baby in our arms to love, cuddle and raise? The Lord did hear the cry of our hearts, though, and one year later, we were blessed with our little Christy. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."So does time heal our hurts? Well, in some ways the pain lessens in intensity and you don't think about the hurt nearly as often as when it's fresh. But triggers go off and those triggers are often unexpected. A number of months ago, there was a couple who was dedicating their baby in church. Pastor mentioned that there had been concern for the baby because the mother had gestational diabetes. There was the trigger - and I couldn't hold back the tears. Another huge trigger was when our pastor and his wife lost their baby in a pool drowning. I remember the pain of feeling their pain, but also feeling all over again the pain and loss of our own baby. And as recently as a couple of weeks ago, a family in our church had a son who was murdered in Italy where he was living with his wife and 2 children. He might have been the same age as our son if he had lived to adulthood, and I could empathize with them in their sorrow.

And it's painful to relive this and write about our experience, but at the same time therapeutic to remember not only the pain, but that the Lord was there with us and helping us through the trial. We cling to Him because He is all we have left. He sympathizes with us in our weakness, for God Himself had a Son who was killed. He understands and gives us the hope to keep on living.

I recently read an excellent article in the October 4, 2008 issue of World: Giving Birth to Grief. A man who had lost an adult son wrote the article but expressed so well how grief feels and the processes we go through in our grief.

I think it's interesting that death is so much a part of our existence here on earth, after all, everyone dies, but it is still such a shock and surprise when it happens. But one day, (what a glorious hope we have in Christ), death will be destroyed forever. "Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:54-57)