Actually, neither way is a good way to go. In either case, you're facing the death of a loved one. Sudden or drawn out is still painful. I read an article that labeled Alzheimer's as the "long good-bye." There are quite a number of articles you can check out on google written by people who've experienced loved ones with Alzheimer's.
In my own case, I confess I'm at a loss as to how to interact with Andy. I have found that if I talk to him about something, the conversation often takes twists and turns that end up in frustration on my part and confusion on his. If he overhears a conversation I have with someone else, he will mull over in his mind what he heard, which was one-sided, and distort it into a big problem. It is a reflection of who he is, though. He was always thinking of ways to provide for me, take care of my future and love on me. But it's so different now because his thinking is muddled and often doesn't make sense.
This week was a rough one because he came down with another of his infections. He told me on Tuesday he thought he was getting a sore throat. We canceled plans we had to go hiking with friends and just took it easy on my day off. Wednesday morning, though, he was sure he had a urinary tract infection. (I really don't know how the sore throat came into play.)
So early Wednesday morning, I called the doctor's office to let them know of the situation. I didn't get to speak to a person because they were "experiencing an abnormally heavy volume of calls," so I left a message. The message I received said I would be called back within an hour. But that didn't happen. Three to four hours later, I was called back by a live person and was able to explain the situation. The nurse said she would consult with the doctor and call me back. So more waiting...when she called back, I was told the doctor wanted me to call Andy's urologist.
Of course, when I called the urologist, I didn't get to speak to a live person - again because of the abnormally heavy volume of calls. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait as long this time for the return call although after I explained the problem, she said she would call me back. After she consulted with the doctor, I was told to go to the lab and have Andy give a urine sample. So off we went to the lab.
I drove to where we have gone for all our lab work, but the lab wasn't there. It was an empty shell of a building. I drove around the parking lot for a while, checking out all the buildings in that vicinity, thinking maybe I was confused. Oh no, maybe I was now coming down with a memory issue. But I was finally convinced I was at the right spot, so google came to my rescue and gave me a new address for the lab. You'd think they would at least have a notice on their door saying they had moved and where to!
When we got to the lab, we were told Andy couldn't leave a sample without a script from the doctor. Apparently, the doctor hadn't followed through. So I had to call the urologist again, and again didn't get a live person. I left my message, but by that time, it was 2:30 in the afternoon (all this had taken all day) and the lab closed at 3:00. So home we went without being taken care of.
Fortunately, Thursday was a lot different. I called the urologist first thing and told them again what I needed and said my husband was really sick and I needed them to respond as soon as possible. And they did. I took Andy to the lab, the script was there, he left his urine sample. Then we stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the prescription that the doctor had called in. So hopefully, the healing could begin.
Andy did not go in to the office with me all week. He spent the days in bed or just resting. By Saturday, after two days on antibiotics, he was finally starting to perk up. He had a sparkle in his eyes again and he was teasing me. He is still tiring quickly and easily, though. Going to church this morning wore him out and he is napping now.
Recently, I've re-read A Place of Healing by Joni Eareckson Tada and read for the first time, Psalms by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Joni understands suffering and gives some wonderful insights into God's plan and purposes for suffering. Because of reading again this helpful book, I was reminded of how David in the psalms often cries out to God in his pain. He is brutally honest about his anguish. Then as I was reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer, he says it's not just David who prays the psalms. Jesus also prays them. And now that we belong to Jesus, we also pray these psalms.
This idea intrigued me. Joni talked about how long she had been paralyzed, then was amazed to read how Jesus told the paralyzed man at the pool of Siloam that 38 years is a long time. This was the exact amount of time Joni herself had been paralyzed.
Isn't it amazing to think that the God of eternity could subject himself to time and consider a number of years to be a long time!
So here are some psalms that speak to the agony we face when we are in difficult circumstances:
Psalm 6:3 - "My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?"
Psalm 13:1 - 2 - "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 35:17 - "O Lord, how long will you look on? Rescue my life from [these] ravages, my precious life from these lions."
Psalm 90:13 - "Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants."
It's a great comfort to know that Jesus prayed these prayers, too. Even though his life was comparatively short, having only lived to the age of 33, he experienced unspeakable suffering. Not only did he experience physical torment, but he also went through emotional, spiritual and every other kind of hardship.
Matthew, Mark and Luke all record Jesus rebuking his disciples and asking them how long he would have to put up with them and their unbelief. (Matthew 17:17, Mark 9:19 and Luke 9:41). Then in John 14 when Philip asks Jesus to show them the Father, Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time?" So in this case, Jesus considers 3 years a long time.
Somehow, this is comforting to me. It makes me think that God does not take our suffering lightly. It's true that he says in 2 Corinthians that our troubles are "light and momentary." But that's because he is comparing them to eternity. In the here and now, they are a big deal, and he bears them with us.
It's so humbling to take notice of God's obvious care of me. Several times this week in separate instances, different people told me they were praying for us and they said they prayed every day. And then God reminded me of the Scripture that says Jesus prays to the Father every day for us, and so does the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:26 & 27, Hebrews 7:25). This is a great comfort because what I'm going through is too much for me. I can't do this in my own strength. I feel so weak and inadequate for what He is asking me to do. But I'm not on my own, He is always with me, giving me everything I need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) - to God be the glory!
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