Encourged

On Sunday, Andy and I drove up to Berks Co., Pennsylvania to spend the afternoon with my brothers and sisters.  We met together to discuss my mother's move to assisted living, her assets, the upcoming auction of her house and things.  It was a good time to be together and we came away very thankful for the relationships we enjoy with my siblings.  Not every family can tolerate being together, let alone have fun together and really like each other.  We are blessed.

Here is Andy with my brother, Wendell.
 

  We stopped in to see my mother before going to the sibling meeting. 
 

I think the picture of us together is pretty funny because she was always 4 inches taller than I was.  I think she's shrunk because I look like a giant next to her!  I hope I don't shrink 4 inches in the next 20 years...I can't afford to be that short!
 

 We had a very encouraging day yesterday.  Andy had an appointment with Dr. J, his neuropsychologist who diagnosed the Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.  We went prepared to let him know some of the things Andy was experiencing:  fatigue, frequent need for daytime naps, inability to exercise, occasional stiffness of joints.  As we were walking down the hallway back to his office, Dr. J. observed Andy's stride, then commented on it when we got in his office.  He mentioned that Andy was swinging his arms as he walked.  This is good because a symptom of Parkinson's is that the arms get stiff and rigid.  Dr. J. was encouraged that the medications are working.  As we got to talking, he asked if we would be open to physical therapy.  Oh yes, we would.  He gave us the name of an office and encouraged us to make an appointment.  He said they would work specifically in putting together an exercise program for Parkinson's patients.  So as soon as we got home, I made an appointment!  We are both excited about this.

The Alzheimer's is a different story, though.  I'd like to believe it isn't getting any worse and staying pretty stable.  But I'm not sure that would be accurate.  He often doesn't know what day it is.  He'll ask me several times what's on the agenda for the day, then doesn't seem to remember so he has to ask again...and again...and again.  I'm also needing to be more diligent in administering his medications.  Several months ago, I began putting all his pills in a weekly case (instead of depending on him to do it), with 2 compartments for each day, morning and evening.  He was doing well in taking them at the right time, but then at one point, he took his evening pills in the morning which really messed things up because it's not the same dose each time.  We got that one straightened out.  But then it happened again a week or so later, so I've had to tell him not to take any pills unless I give them to him. 

He continues to be a lot of fun to have around.  We laugh a lot at ourselves and our situation.  I'm so grateful for his acceptance of my new role of being in charge.  Sometimes I feel really bossy, and like I'm a drill sergeant or something.  But Andy is so kind and congenial about it.  He actually seems to like it.  He's becoming more dependent, looking for me to make the moves.  I still talk things over with him which can be quite an ordeal if he doesn't understand or gets confused.  But we keep working on it until the light dawns!  If it doesn't happen to dawn, we just forget it and I do what I think should be done.

Another encouraging event was that we also had an appointment with our life insurance guy yesterday.  He explained our financial situation to us and I think I understood it!  I had always let Andy and him meet, not really caring or interested in that level of discussion.  However, now I need to understand so I made the effort.  Our finance guy is also our friend and he genuinely cares about us and our situation.  I am humbled by the way he carefully explains our situation and yesterday, as he talked about the future, he actually teared up.  But he was very happy about where we are and what our future looks like.  I feel confident that we will be taken care of, if not from our assets, then the Lord will find another way.  We'll probably have to make some adjustments to our budget, but that's ok.

 Laughing about our situation reminded me of that verse describing the Proverbs 31 woman:  she laughs at the future because she is prepared.  Andy prepared for our future by buying our life insurance and the different perks that went with it.  I confess that early on, I wasn't too keen on making those payments.  The future seemed so far away and we really needed the money NOW.  But he had a lot of foresight and listened to advice, squirreling away our money for our future.  And now I see how wise he was and how grateful I am for his provision for me.  After our meeting yesterday, he feels so much more confident that I will be taken care of financially.  He's a good man!

Some Play Time

Just about the time we think life is leveled out and fitting into somewhat of a routine, something happens to upset that notion.  Andy and I had a discussion a couple of days ago that it seemed like the medicine he is on is helping him feel better.  And I think over-all, it is.  Or maybe we’re just getting used to the way things are now. 

Then Monday morning, at church, he seemed confused over everything he was involved with.  It was disconcerting to me and to those who were working with him.  We were giving him simple tasks, like putting away a large order of paper towels, TP, etc. He had to be told numerous times what he was supposed to do with things. 

I asked him a day or two later if he felt confused on Monday morning and he said he didn’t remember that he had been.  So I guess that’s good, at least.  I’m not sure why he would have been more confused on Monday morning than on any other day.  I can try to figure it out…maybe he did too much on Sunday and was extra tired.  But even in racking my brain, I couldn’t make much sense out of it.  He really hadn’t done that much on Sunday other than going to church, and he does that most days.  Of course, there was more social interaction.  Maybe trying to focus and appear aware in the crowd of people was overly taxing.  That does seem to require a certain amount of energy for him.  Who knows??? 

We had no appointments on Tuesday so I went and picked up Kira right after lunch to spend some time with us.  She was so excited, bouncing up and down when we got there and chattering the whole way home in the car.  As soon as we got home, she saw the neighbor girls out playing in their pool so she got her swimming suit on and went over to join them.  Andy is so good at playing with kids.  He jumped right in the pool and played with the girls.  He says he’s just a big kid that never grew up.  But he’s always had playful genes and been good with kids.  That’s why our grandkids love their PopPop!

 

 

 

 

 

I was reading again the little book, The Healing Power of Suffering.  It is an encouraging read to keep reminding me of Jesus’ involvement in our suffering.  (And I do need constant reminding.)  Jesus made it clear that suffering would be part of our lives.  He never promised us “flowery beds of ease,” just floating our way to heaven.  He came to earth to suffer.  The servant is not greater than his master.  If He suffered, how can we expect not to as well.

“We are not to be without pain.  Pain is Jesus suffering in us but we are to look to Him for strength and courage.  We are to learn this ability to shoulder our cross by gazing at Him and being gentle and humble in heart.

“When we are gentle our crosses do not anger us or cause us to rebel.  When we are humble we lovingly accept whatever the Father sends us.  We see His pruning hand in everything we do or suffer.  Only when we accept the sufferings in our lives with gentleness and humility will we be the recipients of the reward to follow:  “You will find rest for your souls.”  Lest we forget that our sufferings come from Him, He said, ‘Yes, My yoke is easy and My burden light.’  (Matthew 11:28-30).

“When we keep our eyes on Jesus, our sufferings are easier to bear.  The realization that nothing happens to us that is not good for our souls, and that in reality He also suffers what we suffer, makes the yoke of pain a light burden.”

These truths are not only helping to reduce the feeling of overwhelming stress at our situation, but to actually experience the rest for my soul that Jesus promises.

Psalm 62:1 – Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him.

Psalm 62:5 – Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.

Psalm 116:7 – Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

Work Projects

Andy is feeling better so I'm trying to give him projects to keep him busy.  Over the years he has remodeled every room in our house, added the in-law apartment and generally made our house a beautiful place to live.  He can no longer do those complicated projects but still likes to keep busy and be productive.  It's also helpful if I'm close by when he's working to offer encouragement and advice.  

One of those projects was to dig out the trumpet vine that has been growing on our trellis over the last couple of years.  Trumpet vine is invasive so when we planted it, we used plastic buckets to hopefully contain it and keep it from spreading where it wasn't wanted.  Hummingbirds are attracted to trumpet vine flowers which is why I planted it in the first place.  After a few years, however, I began to become somewhat disappointed in the way the trumpet vine "performed."  It became very woody on the stems and the vine itself was wild and crazy.  I kept trimming it back but then it didn't produce many blossoms.  So it seemed like a good time to try another plant in that spot.

It was labor intensive to dig out those buckets, but with Andy's muscles and my direction (!), we were successful.





In place of the trumpet vine, I planted morning glory seeds in two planters.  I'm thinking this is a good option because morning glories also attract hummers and they die out every year.  They are very fast growing and I'm excited to see what they look like full of flowers.

Another of his projects was to "remodel" the swing set.  He took that one very seriously.  He leveled it out so it wouldn't rock when kids were swinging.  We had replaced the canvas "roof" several times and it kept weathering and looking terrible.  So I asked him if he thought he could build a roof.  He worked at it for several days and was successful.  At one point, I asked him how it was going and he said it was "painfully slow."

Out with the old

In with the new

Granted:  the old canvas was more colorful...but the new real roof should last longer.  Good job, Andy!

I was happy with my lilacs this year.  They are filling out and bloomed nicely.  The white bush didn't bloom last year but it came through this spring!



We've been able to spend some time with our kids and grandkids.  Last Sunday we went to Lancaster County to attend church with Amy and her family.  After church, back at their house, Amy fed us lunch, then we went to Chase's baseball game.  That was fun watching those little kids play ball.  Andy has always enjoyed watching kids' teams play, even when we don't know any of those kids.  But this was a special game because of Chase.  He played really well, too, even going home with the game ball for being chose MVP.  Way to go, Chase.





The week before, we went to see Christy and her family, had lunch with them, then hiked on a trail near their house.  It was a beautiful day, so nice to be outside, just walking along enjoying the day and nature and each other.

I've begun reading a new book:  Loving Well by William Smith.


An encouraging read...Isaiah 53:3-5 tells us that Jesus was a "man of sorrows and familiar with suffering."  But he not only knows how it feels to suffer, he actually took our sufferings on himself:  "surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows..."  Hallelujah, what a Savior!

He continues to encourage us in our walk with him.

Mother's Day & Andy's Birthday

I realize I'm just a little late in posting about Mother's Day but a lot has happened in this last week.

I got a lot of attention from our girls.  Christy and her family sent me an arrangement of flowers that lasted well over a week.

Amy and her kids came down on Tuesday last week to spend some time with us.  Dawn and her 2 girls came over, as well.  Chase was the only boy playing with 3 girls, but he came prepared.  As he entered the house, I noticed he was dressed with a cape on his back and he carried a hockey stick (his sword) and a tupperware lid fashioned to be a shield.  He explained to me that he was the knight who was going to save the princesses.  That sounded pretty creative and they played well together.  Well, most of the time they did!  A little later, there were some screams coming from the play room as Chase bounded into the kitchen where we adults were.  When we asked him what was going on, he held up a hand full of play jewelry and explained that he was Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to give to the poor.  What a character!

Amy brought a top that she had crocheted for me.  It fit perfectly and I love it.

Dawn also gave me a Mother's Day gift - a coffee mug with her girls' pictures on it.  I proudly use it every day for my morning coffee.

 Andy got the short end of the stick, I think.  His birthday was Monday, the day after Mother's Day.  He got a couple of cards!  Actually, they were very nice cards from his daughters and a few friends.

I've been able to work outside in the gardens a little.  The weather has been so nice - I don't think I could stay inside if I wanted to.  I happened to see a beautiful lace cap hydrangea called "strawberries and cream" at Trader Joe's one day when I was there.  I couldn't resist.  I had to buy it. 

Several years ago I planted a yellow rhododendron bush.  I'm so happy it is blooming this year.

On Wednesday evening, Andy got the chills.  He'd been coughing quite a bit, then started complaining about his back and sides hurting.  We took his temperature, but that was normal.  On Thursday, he stayed home and in bed most of the day.  Friday morning, he did have a fever and wanted me to take him to Urgent Care.  We got there a little before 8:00.  The sign said they didn't open till 9:00 A.M.  So we went back home and called his doctor.  She wanted him to come right in, which we did.  Before we went, though, Andy decided to think through, then write down all his symptoms.  We talked it over together so we would be prepared when we were in the doctor's office. 

When he doesn't feel well, he is especially foggy and more easily confused.  The doctor asked him what was wrong and he couldn't remember so I had to tell her all the things he had been experiencing.  Andy had written things down but didn't look at his notes or remember what we had talked about.  It is so important that I accompany him whenever he sees the doctor.  Dr. J said that since he has a propensity to prostatitis, she would prescribe an antibiotic.  She listened to his lungs and they were clear.  I don't know why he was coughing and congested, and she didn't seem to think it necessary to go down that track. 

He spent the rest of the day on Friday at home in bed.  He didn't feel much better on Saturday or Sunday.  By Sunday afternoon, he decided to take his temp again and it was over 100 degrees.  So we went over to Urgent Care.  That doctor saw him, listened to his symptoms and what Dr. J had done, and sent us back home, basically telling us that we need to give the antibiotic a little more time to take effect.

It's been a long, slow process but I think he's finally on his way back up.  He's still coughing but he's looking a bit perkier.

No Wasted Experiences

Our pastor has frequently said that God doesn’t waste experiences.  I have lived long enough at this point, that I can acknowledge the wisdom of that statement.  

It is a little over 38 years ago that we gave birth to our little son who was still born.  Who can imagine a more devastating circumstance?  We suffered and sorrowed and wept, crying buckets of tears.  BUT…God was faithful and present through it all.  He comforted us through His great compassion and tender mercies.  His Word became precious to us as we struggled to survive and find joy in our deep distress.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5:  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

God has given us great empathy and understanding for others who lose a baby or child.  Recently a young woman in our church became pregnant after years of trying.  She was elated, so excited about the baby – believing God had answered their prayers.  But the ultrasound showed lots of abnormalities in the baby and doctors told her and her husband that if the baby lived the whole nine months, it probably would die as soon as it was born.  My heart went out to this precious couple.  Even though there are differences in our situation, there is enough of a similarity that I can feel her pain.

God gave me the privilege of sharing our story with her and how God met us with His compassion and tenderness even in our pain.  You see, our experience was not wasted.  It was a special honor to be able to minister to this young woman with the comfort which God had comforted me.

Another friend recently went house hunting.  She found the “perfect” one for her and made application.  However, imagine her horror when the credit report came back that her credit was shot.  She was shocked because she had no idea.  As she investigated this, she discovered that the money she sent her daughter for her college expenses was all spent by this daughter on traveling to exotic places around the world.  Her money was all gone, but not only that, she was in unbelievable debt – all brought on by her own daughter. 

I spoke to this woman on Sunday and she had a glowing testimony of how good God was in helping her to find a cheaper apartment in which to live.  She was so effusive in how much she loved God and how he was her “all in all.”  Wow!  God didn’t waste this horrific experience in her life, but used it to turn her eyes and heart to Him.

What we think is absolute horror and destruction often turns out to be of great benefit and opportunity for growth and maturity and deeper love and dependence on our great God.

And now Andy and I are facing a difficult disease.  I hope this experience is also not wasted.  I have learned, and continue to learn, that I am not in control of my life.  My life is in God’s hands.  Am I willing for Him to do with me as he wills?  That is the question.  Sometimes it takes a while to let go of my feeble clutching onto what I perceive is the good life and happy endings.  I struggle and chafe and spend too much time worrying and stressing.  But in the end, the only way to experience the peace of God is to open my hands and let Him do as He wills.  

I can trust God's authority over my life.  I certainly can do nothing to control what happens.  But I daily need His grace and enabling power to embrace what He brings.  

Flat Line

I've been feeling somewhat flat line lately - neither up nor down, just kind of blah.  Which, I suppose, I should be thankful that at least I'm not depressed, discouraged, defeated, despondent, disconsolate and really down.  (how do you like all those "d" words!)  And I am thankful.

I am very thankful that we finally have spring.  The forsythia bloomed a wall of yellow next to the neighbor's driveway.  The weeping cherry was quite pretentious with lots of light pink flowers, now the pink dogwood is showing off with a darker pink, and the red bud trees really outdid themselves this year.  The PJM's and creeping phlox are in full bloom and the lilies of the valley and lilacs are just starting to flower.

The grass is greening nicely with all the rain we've had.  In fact, there are still many puddles in the yard.  It's a good thing Andy mowed the lawn before all that rain because he wouldn't be able to do it now.  We got so much rain in that 2 day storm that it looked like our house was surrounded by a moat.  And we had, and still have, little rivers in our basement running toward the drains and sump pump.  Another funny thing about all the water around our house was that the neighbor's ducks were swimming in our back yard. 

We had 4 doctor appointments in the last 2 weeks.  Andy saw his neuropsychologist who prescribed another medication for him to take, as well as adding a patch.  The doctor said it "might" help with memory.  He also saw his urologist and that visit went well.  He seems to be much better as a result of the surgery he had last June.  The other 2 doctor visits were for me.  I had a consultation with an internist for a colonoscopy my doctor wants me to have.  (Ugh!)  And I also had an eye doctor appointment.  Because of so much family history of glaucoma, my ophthalmologist is trying to be very vigilant.  She says that so far, I have very healthy eyes, optic nerve, etc. but to be on the safe side, she wants me to have a special test at a different office.  That has been scheduled for another time.  This coming Tuesday, Andy has another appointment with the psychiatrist.  How would all these doctors make a living if it weren't for the 2 of us???

It has been difficult to know how to answer people who ask how we're doing.  I appreciate everyone's concern, but there really is no answer, except maybe:  "some days are good, some days are bad."  I was thinking Andy was doing pretty well physically.  He was exercising with me and trying to walk more.  But in the last week or so, he hasn't been doing as well in that area.  He is often tired and doesn't seem to have much energy.  He tries to keep busy and not just "veg out."  I attempt to think up projects for him to do.  Last Tuesday, he spent the whole day in his workshop cleaning up his tools and getting them ready to sell.  I think he really enjoyed that - working with his tools.  A couple of weeks ago, he was helping with yard work.  Then today, he removed the canvas from the swing set.  It was getting quite ragged.  I asked him if he thought he could design and figure out materials he might need to construct a roof for the swing set.  He thought he could but that remains to be seen.

At dinner tonight, he told me he rarely knows what day it is.  I told him I didn't mind if he asked me, I'd tell him if he needed to know.  His memory doesn't seem to be very good, I'm sorry to say, at least not the short term memory.

One thing that I am really enjoying about his condition is that we are spending lots of time together.  He always goes with me on my errands now.  If I'm making a number of stops, he'll take along a magazine or his audible book and stay in the car.  But if I'm grocery shopping, he will go in with me and push the cart while I read my list and get what we need.  Sometimes he'll pack the groceries in the bags at the check out line - if he thinks about it.  I really appreciate having his muscles to bring in the groceries when we get back home. 

I have been reading another book to keep my thoughts from going too far in the wrong direction.  This one is by Brennan Manning, Abba's Child. 

I need to digest what I'm reading a little more before I review it.  Suffice it to say, it is a great blessing to belong to a Father who loves me unconditionally.  And His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness.  (2 Peter 1:3).  This verse is always such a comfort to me.  A paragraph of what I just finished reading:  "Were we forced to rely on our own shabby resources we would be pitiful people indeed.  But the awareness of Christ's present risenness persuades us that we are buoyed up and carried on by a life greater than our own.  Hope means that in Christ, by entrusting ourselves to Him, we can courageously face evil, accept our own need for further conversion, the lovelessness of others, and the whole legacy of sin in the world around us and in our own heritage.  We can then face death just as we can face life and the mammoth task before us, which Paul described as 'putting to death our selfish desires'."

He is Risen!

Happy Day

Verse 1:
The greatest day in history, Death is beaten
You have rescued me
Sing it out Jesus is alive
The empty cross, The empty grave
Life eternal You have won the day
Shout it out Jesus is alive
He's alive

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

Verse 2:
When I stand, in that place
Free at last, meeting face to face
I am Yours Jesus You are mine
Endless joy, perfect peace
Earthly pain finally will cease
Celebrate Jesus is alive
He's alive

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same OHH NO
Forever I am changed


Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious way
That You have saved me
Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious name

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

What a glorious glorious day,
I'll never be the same

© 2007 Sparrow

Christian lyrics - HAPPY DAY LYRICS - TIM HUGHES

It is a glorious day today.  The weather is nearly perfect, but even if it weren't, the thought that we serve a risen Savior gives great hope.  I was reflecting this morning about how the disciples must have felt those 3 days that Jesus was in the grave.  How utterly depressed and low they must have been.  Their hopes in the Son of God, their Messiah, their King - gone and dead.  They must have thought life was over.  What were they going to do now?  How could they go on?  They had no idea, no clue, even though Jesus had told them he was going to die and rise again.  Friday was the darkest day in history, but what they didn't know was that Sunday was coming!  From Friday, the lowest day to Sunday, the happiest day.  O happy day, indeed.

 

Pastor began his message this morning with an illustration from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.  I love that story, Tolkien masterfully contrasts good and evil, and even though he doesn't overtly talk Christianese, the parallels are unmistakeable.  In the story where Pastor picked up, Frodo and Sam are looking out at the land of Mordor (that evil place). 

 "The land seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or of foot.  Far above the Ephel Duath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale.  There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while.  The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him.  For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing:  there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

And that is characteristic of this life, too.  We are just passing through, there is light and high beauty forever beyond this life.  We may have suffering and hard times here, but this is not the end.  Jesus' resurrection makes our hope a sure hope.  Because he rose, we also shall rise; death is defeated.  And that is something to celebrate.

We've been busy the last several weeks.  Spring is always busy.  It's nice to be active outside again after the long, cold winter.  Andy has been feeling pretty good.  I've been pleasingly surprised at his energy level, tentatively waiting for him to come crashing down again.  His memory is still not good, but it's nice to have him feeling good anyway.  

A week ago, our magnolia tree was in full bloom.  I just had to get some sun therapy, sitting on the deck under those beautiful pink blooms and blue sky.

Last Monday we left work early and went to get Aiden for his birthday overnight with us.  What a sweet boy he is.  We had his favorite supper:  barbeque chicken pizza.  Of course, we had to watch a movie and have some ice cream together, too.  Tuesday was raining all day so we had a full agenda of indoor things to do.  Andy and Aiden got some biking in on Monday afternoon before supper, which is a favorite thing for Aiden to do.  They rode to the church, played on the parking lot, then rode home again.

 

On Tuesday we played games and watched another movie until time to head on home to the Lindsays.  We took along a cake with strawberries and blueberries and whipped cream for dessert.  Everyone was into having their pictures taken.

Then yesterday, we had a mulching party at our house.  Christy and her gang came down and worked all day on our gardens.  We had 5 yards of mulch delivered and they worked hard to get it all distributed.

I did my share of the work but no one took any pictures of me, so I have no proof.  Of course, someone also had to entertain the little ones.

At dinner time, Ricky and Amy came with their kids and Tommy and Kira stopped by, too.  What a house and yard full.  But a good time was had by all.

4 fairy princesses

 

The hungry guys

Sharing

 

Andy worked and played hard all day.  We were all concerned that he would be tired out, but he said the kids energize him.  Hmmm...he ended up taking two naps today! 

After church today, it was just too nice to stay in the house so we took a ride down to Franklin Parker Preserve in the Pine Barrens again.  We had been there several weeks ago and enjoyed it so much we just had to go back and explore some more trails.  We were not disappointed.  It was a perfect day.