Grieving with Hope

A couple of days ago, one of our pastors asked me to order a book for him, Grieving with Hope by Samuel J. Hodges, IV and Kathy Leonard. In the process of ordering, I was interested to read some of the reviews, then decided to order a copy of the book for myself, too.

The book arrived a day ago and I've already begun reading. Because of the busyness of the holidays, I had not been reading as much and I missed the spiritual challenge. I had asked God to lead me to new reading material and here was his answer. 

Although this book deals with the death of a loved one, it has been very helpful to me. In many ways, I feel like I'm already a widow. There has been significant loss: a husband I can confide in, rely on, have significant conversations with, look to for wisdom and insight and help in making decisions, etc.

Chapter 4 deals with Healthy Ways to Relieve Your Pain, some of which are: 
1. listen to music
2. spend time outdoors
3. get a pet - (NO - not this girl!)
4. write in a journal (or blog)
5. serve others
6. read the psalms
7. go to God

I knew it was good to be outside, but there it is in writing. They say that  "not only are there physical benefits from the exercise and fresh air, but there are mental and spiritual benefits, too. Spending time in nature reminds us of the beauty and intricacies of God's creation. Just as many writers in the Bible have discovered, looking at the trees, the sky, and the sun takes your mind off negative thoughts and inspires worship of the Creator."

We didn't go out yesterday, Saturday. I got involved in laundry, grocery shopping and housework. I made 3 loaves of chocolate chip pumpkin bread, which Andy eats as his snack at various times throughout the day. 

It rained all night and into the morning today. I didn't think we would be able to go out but then after lunch, we began to see patches of blue sky. I made the decision to go to Pakim Pond in the Brendan T. Byrne State Forest. We parked at the ranger station and hiked 3 miles to the pond. The weather was gorgeous - unseasonably warm. It felt more like spring or fall at 64 degrees. We hiked in our shirts, taking off our jackets. There are a lot of evergreens in this forest which adds greatly to the beauty of the path. It's an easy trail, sandy and covered with pine needles.

 


I was probably overly ambitious to try to hike 3 miles but it's such a lovely path on a warm day, so why not? And it had been a long time since we'd been to the cedar swamp section on this trail. I always enjoyed the beautiful Atlantic white cedar trees. Many years ago, Andy told me a few tidbits about this tree that I thought were interesting. He said that these trees were used in colonial times as masts for their boats because they grew tall and straight and were resistant to decay. They are fairly rare, though, because they require pretty specific habitat for growth. They thrive in wet or swampy ground and mostly at low elevations. Does that sound like south Jersey???

We were feeling quite good in walking the three miles to the pond but I have to admit, the three miles felt a lot longer. We finally made it. We sat on the bench on the shore, but the thought of hiking another three miles to get back to our car got us up and moving again.

The three miles back seemed doubly long. I was sure we were on the right path and was trying not to question myself. I certainly didn't verbalize my angst because I didn't want to stress Andy out. He said his knees and feet were hurting. The sun was getting lower in the sky, it was getting late...but we did make it. Whew! That was quite a workout: 6 miles in 2 hours!

As tired as we were, the outdoors was good therapy for us today. We could walk in the woods and almost forget about our troubles.

As I was feeling like a widow, the Lord reminded me that he watches over the orphan and the widow. How comforting these verses are:

Psalm 68:4-5 - "Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds - his name is the LORD and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."

Psalm 146:9 - "The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow."

The Wallin Christmas 2015

My title is actually a misnomer on two counts: there are only 2 Wallins, with 7 Lindsays, 4 Sherfs and 5 Eberlys in our family. Andy and I are slightly outnumbered, although I guess we can still claim the name since we started the whole thing of our family! The other detail that contributes to the misnomer is the year. We actually celebrated our family Christmas on New Year's Day 2016. In spite of those incorrect details, we had a good time together. 

The girls and I provided the food and the presents. There are a lot of people to fit in our dining room but we still manage to make it work so that we can all be at the same table in the same room.

 

It was a challenge getting 17 people in the picture but mission accomplished! I didn't realize Katy had her tongue out, but I'm keeping her in because it's a great improvement over her crying whenever a camera was pointing at her! It also provides proof of her mischievous personality.

After the meal, we all moved to the living room to open the presents. Everyone waited patiently for their turn. We had everyone wait as we went from youngest to oldest.

It's very satisfying to see their pleased expressions as they open their gifts.

All too soon it was time for everyone to leave. It was wild and crazy while they were here - a nice change from the usual quiet at our house.

Andy and I have "found" a new place to hike. At least it's new to us. A friend told me about it and then I just had to go explore it. We went Thursday afternoon since I finished work early. It's the Black Run Preserve - only a few miles from our house. It's a gem. There are lots of trails with woods, water, trees - everything we so enjoy.

This preserve is a real find. It is a 1,300 acre parcel of land set aside for preservation. There are many trails. On Thursday, we started on the green trail which became the blue trail, then we switched to the orange trail, which connected to the purple trail. There are also a black trail, white trail and red trail, all of which we have yet to explore. 

On Saturday after I did the laundry and ran the vacuum cleaner, we decided to go back. It was a beautiful day, perfect for hiking. I much prefer to hike in winter where we don't have to worry about sweating or dealing with annoying bugs. We donned hats, scarves, gloves and fleeces and were quite comfortable. It's not so cold in the woods, anyway, where the wind is not as fierce because of the trees. 

I love how the sun sparkles on the water.

We took a side tour onto "Bog Spur."
 

Then we saw this tree that had fallen, creating an unusual shape. The forest is amazing - always something interesting to see and experience.

As much fun as we had with all the holiday festivities, I confess I'm glad to get back to the routine and familiar.

Christmas Week 2015

We fit a lot in for us: Christmas Eve service, hike on Christmas Day, sleep-over with Kira on Christmas evening, trip to Berks County for my side of the family get-together. 

It was a lot of fun but now we're paying the price. Hopefully, resting up today will have us up and back to normal again tomorrow. 

I've been thinking Andy is going through a pretty long stretch of good health. His Alzheimer's and Parkinson's are still evident but otherwise, he's feeling well. This is a blessing. I've tried to keep as close to routine as possible, thinking that a break in the accustomed schedule might be harmful and cause a set-back.

But sometimes, you just have to get outside the norm and experience some change to liven things up. It didn't help that the last week has seen rain, rain, rain with gray and gloomy skies. We just had to get out. So on Christmas Day, we drove over to Amico Island and took a stroll on the hiking trails. There were puddles to walk around and the ground was quite squishy in many places, but in the time we were there, the rain held off. The weather was so warm that there was a mist rising off the river. 

We walked a trail I don't think we had been on before, going through a large stand of river birches.

Then we found this black willow with four huge trunks rising from the root (although in this picture, only three trunks are visible).

 
Kira had asked a month or so ago if she could sleep over at our house with a special request to sleep in the apartment upstairs. Since no one is currently up there and she has off school this week, it seemed like a good time to fulfill her request. Dawn brought her over Christmas evening. 

We played games, watched a Veggie Tales video, read a bed time story, then went to sleep. Actually, it was hard to settle down because excitement was running high. Kira was so excited she was bouncing around on her bed. She told me she couldn't sleep and asked what she could do. She came up with her own idea of "counting sheep." Then proceeded to count out loud. At one point, she was so excited, that in her bouncing around, she fell off the bed. It was quite entertaining. We finally did get to sleep, though.

The next morning, there was breakfast, more games, fun with Poppop, 

and another Veggie Tales video before getting in the car for a trip to Berks County. My brother hosted a pizza party for my side of the family at his house. I had originally decided to go by myself and leave Andy home with his parents. But his mom and dad were sick all Christmas Day and still weren't feeling well on Saturday, so I felt sorry for Andy being home by himself all day and asked him if he wanted to come along. I wasn't going to drive, but planned to go with Tommy and Dawn in their new van so there was plenty of room for Andy, too.  

It was a very long two hours in the car even though we were with the kids and I didn't have to drive. We had a good time connecting with family when we got there. All of our girls and their families were there which was special. One of my sisters and one of my brothers were there, as well as my mother.

Andy and I both had a good time connecting and I got comments that remarked how good Andy seemed. Yes, he did - but today is a different story! I think it is good for him to be around people but it is also very exhausting for him. He tries very hard to be coherent but the effort takes its toll.

Then it was another two hours for the trip home. He was tired so he went to bed fairly early. I stayed up later and tried to read to make myself sleepy. I was in the front room when I heard someone walking around. When I went to check, it was Andy. He was confused and said he didn't know where I was. He was anxious and I had a hard time calming him down. When I asked him in the morning about it, he didn't remember anything. 

We didn't go to church yesterday. I was pretty tired and he must have taken 3 or 4 naps throughout the day. We just stayed in the house, I sat in my relaxin' chair most of the day.

Well, hopefully, I'll be feeling up to partying again by the end of the week when we will have everyone over to our house for more Christmas togetherness. We still have lots of presents under our tree for the children and grandchildren.

Still Processing

In Garrison's Keillor's stories about the make believe Lake Wobegone, there is a church with the name of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility. While this draws a chuckle from his audiences, it also strikes close to home. 

This past week I had several people who are very close to me express their concern that I was taking too much responsibility on myself, and I needed to make time in my life for a break. I have all kinds of "reasons" why I can't take a break, why I have to keep going...but I have to admit, I also began to feel a breath of fresh air at the thought of being free - if only for a day or two.

So what does that mean for me...what can I do to refresh myself...to keep from being constantly exhausted?

Right now, I don't know the answer, but I'm processing and thinking through some ideas. I like the idea of getting away for a long weekend. At the same time, I struggle with making sure Andy is taken care of while I'm gone. That could involve a lot of prep work, leaving a schedule, training someone else, and then trusting that person to do what currently only I know and do with him. Then when I return, will I have to pick up the pieces and deal with issues that might not have happened if I had stayed "on the job"?

My first trial was a night out on Thursday. Dawn's friends gave her a "sprinkle," which is a new term in my book. In actuality, it was a baby shower. So I put on a movie for Andy with instructions to take his pills before bed and a promise that I would be back. It was a good time with Dawn and her friends (my friends, too!), and I even won the baby bingo game! When I got home, Andy was in bed and he had taken his pills. Yeah! We both survived.

I left work around noon on Friday and felt the call of the woods. It had been several weeks since our last hike - too long. We went to Palmyra Cove and walked in the woods which is a little less windy than the river trail. It was a cold and windy day, but there were some occasional blue patches of sky.

I need to constantly remind myself to get out in nature...what a catharsis it is to my soul. It doesn't matter if it's cold. Just dress more warmly but get OUT. Make the effort. I never regret it. Saturday was even colder and very windy, but off we went again, this time to Long Bridge Park. We took the long way around - probably a total of 2 or more miles. I like the trails in this park because they go through patches of holly trees and evergreens. So even though it's winter, there's still color in some areas.

There is much data to gather and think through. I like being with Andy, but I also see the value in getting away from our situation in order to gain some fresh perspective and be refreshed. I'm sure the Lord will guide me in this journey. He has promised to give wisdom to those who ask...and I'm asking!

Friends

The first time I heard Friends, I cried like a baby. It was our last Sunday in our church in Richland, Washington. Andy had read his resignation three weeks prior to this and a friend got up and sang this song in our honor. Leaving this church was the second hardest thing I ever went through (first was the loss of our first child). We had very dear friends in this church, relationships were dear. When I went to my close friends to tell them Andy was resigning, I spent hours crying with them. It was such a difficult time. Then this guy gets up and sings this song:

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

Songwriters
SMITH/SMITH

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

What made the song extra sad for me was that even though the words sung promised that we would always live as friends, I had no idea if I'd ever see them again. After all, we were moving 3,000 miles away from them. 

As sad as it is to lose a friend, I'd have it no other way. Friends enrich our lives in so many ways. And different friends bring out different characteristics in us. As it happened, I did get to go back to Richland several times, once with Andy and twice by myself. The most recent trip was the year before Andy became ill. I spent 5 days with Jeanie and Helene. These two are such fun...we laugh a lot together. And we visit tea/coffee shops. And we taste test anything that's out on plates in those same shops. 

 Aren't they beautiful!

But God has his friends for me wherever we end up. When we began attending our church in 1987, God provided many more to my list of people who were special and important to me. One of those actually became my neighbor when we moved next door to her and her family. Who would know how important that relationship would become, especially as she welcomed her mom, struggling with dementia, into her home to care for her. Then two years ago, when Andy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we felt a deeper kinship as we shared our struggles together. How I depended on her prayers and encouragement as I went through deep waters.

Earlier this week, I received an email invitation from a friend to a Christmas brunch their community group was having on Saturday morning. I eagerly said yes and we joined 5 other couples for a delightful morning of fellowship, not to mention awesomely delicious food.

Without Marcia

Without Bob

How good of God to supply these kinds of relationships for our enjoyment and encouragement.

God created us for relationship. The Old Testament kings and prophets knew God considered Abraham as his friend. In 2 Chronicles 20:7, King Jehoshaphat mentions in his prayer that God drove out the inhabitants of the land to give it forever to the descendants of "Abraham your friend." And in Isaiah 41:8, God speaks through the prophet: "But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend..." 

He is the most amazing Friend of all. Jesus told his disciples in the Upper Room that he would no longer call them his servants. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends." 

Jesus is always with me...he never leaves me or forsakes me. He does not pack his bags and move 3,000 miles away! He always gives me just what I need for every circumstance and situation as I go through this life. His love is unconditional, too. It doesn't depend on my behavior or mood. That is amazing in itself. I think I'd be tempted to send me to my room till I can change my attitude! But the reality is that I can't change my attitude without his help. I need him every hour, every minute, every second. I live and move and have my being in him. (Acts 17:28)

I'm currently reading J.I. Packer's God Has Spoken. He beautifully writes about our relationship with God:

..."God's purpose in revelation is to make friends with us. It was to this end that He created us rational beings, bearing His image, able to think and hear and speak and love; He wanted there to be genuine personal affection and friendship, two-sided, between Himself and us -- a relation, not like that between a man and his dog, but like that of a father to his son, or a husband to his wife. Loving friendship between two persons has no ulterior motive; it is an end in itself. And this is God's end in revelation. He speaks to us simply to fulfill the purpose for which we were made; that is, to bring into being a relationship in which He is a friend to us, and we to Him, He finding His joy in giving us gifts and we finding ours in giving Him thanks." 
 

What a Friend we have in Jesus.

God's Great Mercy

Andy seems to need a lot more sleep than I do, probably as a result of all the medications he is on. So after saying "good night" to him, I have been reading through the Bible before I go to bed myself. I'm actually on my second time through for this year!

I just finished reading through Jeremiah and was struck with the scathing indictment God gave on Israel's wickedness and idolatry. He was literally "sick and tired" of dealing with their rebellion and their stiff and stubborn necks. 

But then I got to chapter 31 and God continues to urge them to return to him. This is amazing. He tells them:  

"He who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar -- the Lord Almighty is his name; 'Only if these decrees vanish from my sight,' declares the Lord, 'will the descendants of Israel ever cease to be a nation before me.' This is what the Lord says: 'Only if the heavens above can be measured and the foundations of the earth below be searched out will I reject all the descendants of Israel because of all they have done," declares the LORD."

And just because we live in the age of the new covenant doesn't mean we are any different than the Israelites were. We may have more "sophisticated" idols, but they're idols nevertheless. We give our hearts, our allegiance to other things when we worry, complain, want our own way, etc.

But God still leads us to repentance by his kindness. He patiently draws us back to himself, showering us with grace and mercy and his everlasting love. He doesn't give up on us. Overwhelming!

"Overwhelmed"

I see the work of Your hands
Galaxies spin in a heavenly dance oh God
All that You are is so overwhelming

I hear the sound of Your voice
All at once it’s a gentle and thundering noise oh God
All that You are is so overwhelming

I delight myself in You
Captivated by Your beauty
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

I know the power of Your cross
Forgiven and free forever You’ll be my God

All that You’ve done is so overwhelming
I delight myself in You
In the Glory of Your Presence
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

You are Beautiful, You are Beautiful
Oh God, there is no one more Beautiful
You are Beautiful, God you are the most Beautiful

You are Wonderful, You are Wonderful
Oh God, there is no one more Wonderful
You are Wonderful, God You are the most Wonderful

You are Glorious, You are Glorious
Oh God, there is no one more Glorious
You are Glorious, God you are the most Glorious 

Songwriters
WEAVER, MICHAEL DAVID/WICKHAM, PHIL

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group

We've been working at getting ready for Christmas. On Tuesday Andy and I put up the Christmas tree - all by ourselves and without arguing or becoming frustrated with each other - major victory!

 

 

Yesterday one of our youth pastors came over with his helpers (I use that term loosely !!) to put up our outside lights. It was fun having them here and they did a great job, even setting up the timers to come on and off automatically each night. This made me very happy, and I love looking at these lights at night. Andy did what he does so well - occupied the kids!

 

 

 

The mail is bringing packages every day and I'm almost finished with ordering gifts for the family.

 

The weather has been exceptionally beautiful yesterday and today. We didn't go hiking yesterday because of putting up the lights, but today we ventured out. I didn't want to go very far from home so we stopped at the Mill Pond in Vincentown. We had been there last winter when the pond was frozen and I wanted to stop by again. I didn't realize it, but there is no trail, just some benches to sit and look at the water and watch any ducks and geese that might be on the pond.

 

Vincentown is a quaint little town. The bridges across the streams are beautifully built and as we got out of our car, church bells were chiming, "He Leadeth Me."

 

Since there was no trail to hike, we decided to venture on a little further to the Pinelands Preservation Alliance. We had been there before but had not done any hiking at that spot. They had a trail all around their property, short and private. We saw a number of birds, probably attracted to all the berries still on the trees.

 

 

So once again we got our nature therapy...good for another week!

  

Lamentations 3:22-23 - New International Version (NIV) 

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.