Humility

I had several opportunities this week to rise above my circumstances and trust God, but I didn't do very well.

On Tuesday, God provided someone who actually came to our house to help me enroll Andy in Medicare. The process is complicated and I was very grateful for that person who gave his time to teach and help me understand, then process Andy's application. He worked with me for 2 hours. What a gift. In spite of my thankfulness for this help, I was also overwhelmed because we didn't finish, and I need to continue the process. Granted, this man offered to help me if I got stuck or had questions. But I couldn't help feeling "at sea" because Andy is on so many medications and several of them are very expensive. I know enough of the Medicare prescription plans to know that you have to pay for the plan, then there are co-pays you also have to pay, which aren't necessarily cheap, especially if you are on expensive medications.

Thinking of all this started me on a downward spiral so that by Thursday, I was selling our house and moving to an assisted living facility. I was a mess.

On top of that, there was a change in one of Andy's medications which probably contributed to his not feeling well for several days. In fact, he not only felt ill, he was also a lot more confused and forgetful. This always leads to my fearfulness and anxiety and worry about the future.

Thankfully, God didn't leave me there. On Thursday, a dear friend met with me and listened to all my fears and held me as I cried. She didn't lecture me or preach to me, she just listened to me, empathized and loved me, and promised to pray for me.  

That evening, I felt the need for some soul food and God led me to take down Humility off my book shelf.  It's a short little book but packed full of spiritual truth.



Jesus, God himself, humbled himself to become nothing, to become a servant. Think about this, Jesus becoming nothing. I just can't wrap my mind about the fact that God the Son, left heaven, to enter Mary's womb. He became so small he wouldn't even be able to be seen without a microscope - he really did become nothing. Not only that, but his whole life was humble, from his birth in a stable, to his life as a servant to his disciples and everyone else 0who wanted to be healed or ministered to, to his death as a criminal. 

Thinking of Jesus' humility led to remembering his mother Mary's response to the angel when she was told she was going to give birth to the Messiah. She said, "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1)

I was convicted of my lack of humility and realized I was focused on me, myself and I. That is pretty depressing! How prone I am to forget that God has a perfect plan for my life, and it is to perfect me and make me more like Jesus and bring him glory. I still have a lot of rough edges that need to be knocked off.

And when you think about it, Jesus was willing to be obedient to the Father's plan even though he knew exactly what was going to happen to him. He didn't have his own agenda but followed through to every exact detail of the Father's plan. So many times, I find my own spirit digging in my heels when I think about the circumstances the Lord is allowing me to go through. Far too many times, I am far from humble. I am a strong willed child wanting my own way and wishing I lived on Easy Street.

Then yesterday morning, I was reading in James 1:12 that the one who perseveres under trial is blessed because "when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." My desire is to be able to persevere in the strength he supplies, not so I can have a reward, but so that I have something to give back to him. Because of course, I can't do this in my own strength. Revelation 4:10 reveals a little of the worship we will be participating in in heaven where the saints will worship Jesus forever and ever and lay their crowns before the throne. He is the one who is "worthy, to receive the glory and honor and power..."

Not everything this week was difficult or sad. On Wednesday, I left work early, got Andy and we went to Dawn's to stay with Kasey until she woke up from her nap. Kira had a dentist appointment. Andy and I just sat in the living room until Kasey woke up. It was a very easy assignment! Even when she woke up, she was content to sit on my lap and be held. As she woke up a little, she was happy to play with my phone. It's amazing that a one year old knows how to look at the pictures, as well as take pictures on the phone.
 

Then I couldn't help going around our property with my phone snapping pictures of the beautiful foliage. I think I am bordering on needing therapy because of my obsession with all those red, orange, yellow  and maroon colors against that blue sky.

Yesterday, after a morning taking care of laundry and some bushes that needed to be trimmed, we headed on out for a walk in the park. We've been to Smithville Park many times - it's one of our favorites. Andy felt good and we must have walked at least two miles. The weather was perfect, and there were enough trees in color to add visual pleasure to our walk.

 

I didn't think we were going to go out today. We both were a little tired and the weather was threatening sprinkles. But after sitting around for an hour or so, we decided to visit another park. The sun came out intermittently and we had a nice walk along the Delaware River in Amico Island Park. This is another one of our favorites. (We have a lot of favorites!)

It's such a pleasure to drive around right now with all the autumnal beauty. Being in God's creation helps to bring perspective back. How can we ever doubt his love and care? He is such a creative and awesome God. He cares for his world and he cares for me. 

I pray my attitude can be like Mary's: "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said."

Eyes of Love

Last weekend was rough with all the high speed turnpike driving we did. It didn't help my mood going into the week. But the amazing thing is that God met me and encouraged me with his grace and love.

On Monday morning when I got to work, I noticed a card on my desk addressed to "Andy and Phyllis." When I opened it, there was a card, not signed, and a $100 Shop Rite gift card was enclosed. Then later in the day, a lady came to the office and handed me a $50 Shop Rite gift card. Why do I waste time down in the dumps?! Thankfully, God is his grace, doesn't leave me there but sees and hears my every cry.

I'm currently reading through the psalms at night before bed and that evening, I read Psalm 34. When I came to verse 15, I was so ministered to because this is exactly how the Lord takes care of me. "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry." He is paying attention to my moods and hears my cries.

I got to thinking about the eyes of the Lord and how he looks at me. Of course, when he looks at me, he sees Jesus because Jesus took my sin on himself at the cross, and credited to me his own righteousness. Amazing to think about.

I've often told Andy that he is a wonderful example of God's love because he loves me so beautifully. He is always encouraging, never critical, always patient with me and loving me no matter what. He's so sweet that even when I praise him for his unconditional love for me, he tells me: "what's not to love."

So I was looking through our pictures of us. See what I mean?

  
 What a sweet blessing to be married to a man who exemplifies God's love.

We've been taking advantage of the beautiful fall weather with our favorite activity. I'm very grateful we are still able to get out and be active in this way. On Tuesday we drove down to the Franklin Parker Preserve in Chatsworth. We've been there before several times, but this time, started at a different spot. We were pleasantly surprised. This Preserve is actually a 9,700 acre preserve with 21 miles of hiking trails. I found an online article by Ben Ruset who gave a very informative narrative with pictures of the trails that whetted my appetite. We just had to go and check it out.

The fall colors are beginning to turn, and it was a perfect day for a walk in the woods. Part of the hike included a path along a canal that had been used in the cranberry bogs.

 There is so much more to explore and I am anxious to go back.

We didn't go hiking on Saturday but attended a friend's wedding in the afternoon. This afternoon after church and lunch, we took a nice Sunday drive. We had never been to the Bass River State Forest. It was an hour's drive through the Pine Barrens down near the shore. This was another very scenic park with a huge lake and lots of camping sites. Of course, no one is camping right now but the park ranger we spoke to said it is a very popular spot in the summer. Lake Absegami (how is that pronounced?) is actually a 67 acre lake that was created in the 1930's and provides a variety of recreational opportunities.

There are a lot of hiking trails in the woods and around the lake. The air was very chilly today but invigorating. We walked about a half hour, then Andy said his foot was hurting so we turned back. I did get some very good pictures, though.

nice walking path through oaks and pitch pines

walkway through the swamp with the Atlantic White Cedars

Atlantic White Cedars

Lake Absegami

Well, we checked off another of the beautiful parks in our county. There aren't many left that we haven't visited. But each park has much more to offer than we were able to see the first time, so there will be many more opportunities to explore as long as Andy has the strength and stamina for it.

This morning I happened to be looking at Andy when all of a sudden, he twitched. I asked him about it since I had never seen that happen before. He said, "yeah, that happens every once in a while." He is so forgetful, too. He can't find anything, asking me all the time where something is (where it's always been). If I tell him it goes in the closet, he'll go to the wrong closet or open a different door that isn't even to a closet. He knows he's "messing up," but can't seem to "get it right." I feel sorry for and tender toward him. Poor guy. I can't imagine I would take it so well if I lost my memory. But he has told me that he doesn't want to fight against God's plan for him in this. In spite of his acceptance, he still works at trying to connect and interact. He faithfully does his exercises every day and sometimes, twice a day. He doesn't shirk from meeting people and talking with them. He makes the effort and, in fact, does well at it, I think. 

Well, our life sure took a radical turn from where I thought it would go. But our God is faithful. He continues to look at us with eyes of love and listen to our cries. Peter quotes Psalm 34 in his first letter (chapter 3, verse 12) when he wrote about suffering. Then in chapter 5, he tells us to "cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (verse 7)

Oh yes, he cares. I know he cares. His heart is touched by my grief.
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary.
I know my Savior cares.
From the hymn, Does Jesus Care?

He looks at us with eyes of love and nothing can separate me from his love (read Romans 8:38-39).

A Birthday & An Anniversary

It was a busy weekend...at least for us. Katy's 5th birthday was yesterday, Oct. 10. Of course, we had to make the trip up to deliver her present. It was such a beautiful day, and we were able to enjoy it by watching Chase's baseball game. We sat on the bleachers in the sun, which wasn't too hot because there was a cool breeze blowing. 
 

We didn't stay very long after the game..just long enough for Katy to open her present.

 I think she likes her Frozen Palace lego set! Win, win!

While at Amy's, we had to see Joanna's bunny. It's just a ball of fur. Where are its eyes?

 

Then today after church, Andy and I drove down to The Crab Trap in Somers Point where we met up with Andy's mom and dad, his brothers and sister. The occasion? To celebrate Mom and Dad's 65th anniversary. What a milestone!

We had a good lunch and enjoyed the time with the family, but I have to admit that the driving both yesterday and today was pretty stressful. Andy gets so tensed up and nervous with my driving. He says I drive too fast, although I'm really going the speed limit and cars are whizzing by me. I told him to close his eyes, but he says he just can't do that. He feels the need to see what's happening. I'm not sure what to do about this. Should we stop driving on the turnpikes and parkways? Those are the roads that make him nervous. He seems to be ok when we're driving on the back roads through the pine barrens where there is so little traffic. 

As I was driving home this afternoon, Andy asked me if I knew how to get home. I told him I did and I didn't need my Waze app to tell me how to go. Then he said, "Phyllis has this map thing on her phone." Huh? I'm Phyllis. I wasn't sure what he was talking about. I asked him if he meant me. And he said something like: "oh, yeah...you have that map thing...you're Phyllis." Yikes!

Earlier in the week, we took one of our hikes in the Pine Barrens. We tried to find a new park but when we finally found the place, it was just a small parking lot next to a creek. The brochure said there was a trail, but it certainly wasn't marked because we couldn't find it. And it wasn't for lack of trying! So since we weren't that far from the Stavola Beechwoods Preserve where we had hiked during the winter, we went back there and walked along the Rancocas Creek. This time the trees had their leaves and there was no ice on the creek or snow on the lane.

Another thing I did on Tuesday last week was get a new phone. Can't you tell by how nice my pictures are in this post - even for such an amateur like myself?

I was experimenting a little with my phone this afternoon on my berry bushes. The winterberry bush has lots of red ones and the beauty berry bushes are loaded with purple berries. The birds will have plenty to eat this winter.

 

All this partying takes its toll. But we don't have anything on the agenda for this week, and we may not be able to go out on Tuesday. The forecast is calling for rain. Time to get out another puzzle.