Out with the Roses, in with the Nandina

We have so much yard work to do right now that we didn't go hiking on Tuesday or Saturday this week. As well as yard work, on Tuesday, Andy had a doctor appointment with his neuropsychologist. It had been 6 months since he had seen this doctor, who is the one who diagnosed the Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He says Andy's Parkinson's symptoms are still pretty mild. That made me wonder how bad it's going to get because he already has significant shaking at times, especially when he's eating or drinking. I wonder how he can possibly get a drink without spilling it all over himself. 

After the doctor's appointment, we just worked around the house. I had decided to get rid of the knock out roses in the front of the house. They bloom all summer which I really like, but they are not as effortless as everyone says they are. At least, not for me! Every spring, the bugs just eat their leaves so that there's hardly anything left. Then this summer, I noticed there was a lot of dead wood on them. So I'm not going to put up with them any more. 

They looked good for a while.

 

This summer.
 

Yup, as you can see...something needed to be done with that space.

I wasn't sure what I wanted there, except that I wanted color against the white porch. On Tuesday afternoon, Andy and I dug out the roses. Actually, Andy dug them out. I should have done it, though, because he was exhausted the next day from all the digging and chopping (of the roots). 

Yesterday, we took a drive to Perennial Gardens - one of my favorite places to buy plants. We looked around and found these pretty Heavenly Bamboo Nandina bushes. In talking to the man at the garden center, we were convinced these were a good buy. There is lots of color in the fall, with berries that last all winter to attract the birds. And they don't lose their leaves, so there's color all year.

We bought 3 of them and it was a good time to buy because they were 60% off!

I dug the holes myself and planted them because I didn't want to risk Andy overdoing it again. It wasn't that hard because the ground was pretty soft there. I like the way they look and I think in time, with a little patience, they'll fill out the space nicely.

The weather turned decidedly cooler and we just couldn't stay home today. So after lunch, we checked out our brochure to see if there was a new place to explore. We chose Whitesbog. It took about 35 minutes to drive there. In the early 1900's, Whitesbog was the largest cranberry farm in New Jersey. It is a historic village with a few families who still live there. We stopped in the Whitesbog General Store to get a hiking map and ask some questions. It is still a working farm, harvesting cranberries as well as blueberries.

 The trails through the woods were very pretty.

 

This tree is leaning precariously across the trail. Maybe I should hold it up so Andy can walk safely under it.

 

 

 Not sure what this is supposed to be???

 Some hints of fall color

It was a lovely afternoon. Some day we'll have to go back because there were many more trails to be explored.

Today's reading in  Paul Tripp's New Morning Mercies spoke to my situation. He wrote that there is "no need to fear what God will ask of you, because in the asking is always the promise of grace to empower your heart and hands." He spoke of God's call on Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses actually argued with God and tried to get out of it, but think how successful he was in the end. God has a lot of commendations of Moses in the Scriptures but when you think about it, it wasn't because of Moses' great abilities, but God who was with him empowering and enabling him to do the work he was called to.

I feel the same way, like I am totally inadequate to care for a husband with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. This feels overwhelming and impossible to me. But I am encouraged that if God has called me to walk this path, then he will be with me every step of the way. 

Paul Tripp's final paragraph in today's reading: "Because [I am] God's chosen child, [I am] never, ever alone. Because [I am] God's child, God will never send [me] on a task by [myself.] Hope for [my] success is not to be found in [my] personal strength and wisdom, but in the expansive glory of the One who sent [me.] Remember today that when God sends, he goes too!"

And another verse to remember is: "The one who calls you is faithful and HE will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24. Oh, how I need him.

The Jersey Shore

I'm very thankful we live where we do. Many people may think Jersey is the "armpit of the nation," but New Jersey has many redeeming qualities. I heard a message once where we were admonished to be content in whatever state we were in. And there are many things to be thankful for when it comes to living in New Jersey. 

One of those is our proximity to the ocean and "the shore." This past week, C & C were spending their vacation there with their family and were gracious enough to encourage us to join them when we could. So on Tuesday, our day off, and yesterday, Saturday, we made the trip down and spent those days with them. It takes us an hour and a half to drive the distance but it's so worth it when we finally get there. The drive itself is beautiful because we go "the back way" through the Pine Barrens where we hardly see any other cars the entire time.

It was a perfect week for them in regards to the weather, with blue skies, hardly any wind and temperatures in the 80's. Even the waves were calm on Tuesday.

The kids are happy at the beach, playing in the surf and sand all day.

Yesterday, there was a little more wind and the surf was rougher, but it was still a joy to be there. There's just something about sitting and watching the waves that restores the soul.

Andy did well with the break from routine. He spent a lot of time in the water and playing with the kids. He's so gentle and tender with them. I love that about him.

He has a 6 month check up with his neuropsychologist on Tuesday. I think his memory is getting worse. He is having more difficulty in finishing his sentences, forgetting what he was going to say or coming up with the word he needs to express himself. He is still engaged, though, and enters into whatever we are doing.

I'm having a hard time not worrying about the future and the unknowns of our situation. I know in my head that God has promised to provide for our needs, but I have no idea how he is going to do that. I know I don't need to know. My life of faith only requires me to rest in him and not fret about the future. So that is my current struggle. 

I was pretty tired out from all our excursions this week but Andy really wanted to get out this afternoon and not sit around all day. He kept after me until I finally relented. I went out on the deck first of all and wow! What a nice day. The sun was shining and there was a cool breeze. So I decided to take us over to one of our favorite parks close by. 

It was a nice leisurely walk on the gravel path and when we went up on the Rancocas overlook, we were pleasantly surprised by a field of yellow flowers!  It was gorgeous - and now I was glad I made the effort.

And then, of course, there's golden rod everywhere.
 

It was a good reminder to get out in nature and enjoy all the color because soon enough there will be only gray and brown.

Duke Farm

It's been a long hot summer...too hot for hiking. But just as we can get "cabin fever" in the winter because of being cooped up inside in bad weather, so we were feeling like we just had to get out. A week or so ago, someone had posted an article on facebook entitled 14 Secret Spots in New Jersey where Nature Will Completely Relax You. Doesn't that make you want to get right on this and make sure you visit all these wonderful places?  Along with the article and with each of these 14 spots, a lovely picture was posted. 

So I explored some of these places, trying to decide if there was one fairly close by that we could visit. Then I saw this picture:
 

Wow! A field of sunflowers! This was it...I just had to go there.  So I made our plans. I checked the map - Duke Farm is in Hillsborough, NJ which is only an hour's drive from our house. That didn't sound too bad. We packed a lunch and plenty of water and away we went.

Unfortunately, things did not turn out as beautiful as the picture. For one thing, it was incredibly hot that day - in the 90's. It wasn't too bad in the shade, but there wasn't much of that in the middle of the day. For another thing, the sunflowers were pretty much done. We were about 3 weeks too late.  Here is the real picture:

Pretty pathetic, huh???

The grounds are beautiful though, and we had a very nice walk even though we were extremely hot and uncomfortable. 

 

Duke Farm is one of the largest privately-owned parcels of open land in NJ.  Created by James Buchanan Duke and preserved by his daughter, Doris Duke, the property is rich in ecological, agricultural and horticultural resources. The farm is a parcel of land more than 2,000 acres.

There's an "orchid range" conservatory on the property and we went inside to see if it was any cooler inside. It wasn't! Orchids are always beautiful so we enjoyed them before looking for more shade.

 We were impressed with the property in spite of the heat. We felt it wasn't a wasted trip because now we know it would be worth while to re-visit in cooler weather, especially in the fall or spring.

The rest of the week continued hot and humid with the weather finally breaking on Friday when it rained all day. 

After church this morning, we were pleasantly surprised by how pleasant it was walking to our car in the parking lot.  There was such a nice cool breeze with fluffy white clouds and blue sky - a good day for a hike. I had several things planned, but a hike in cooler weather would be so nice, so why not go for it.

Andy never seems to care where we go, so I chose Pakim Pond. It was perfect. We walked about 2 miles into the woods from the pond. There were lily pads on the pond with even some flowers.

Unfortunately, I was unable to take any more pictures the rest of the hike which was a shame because the woods seemed especially green and full of vegetation. There were a very few leaves starting to turn orange and yellow so Autumn is on the way!

For some reason my iphone froze after this one picture of the pond, and I had a black screen till we got back in the car. I've been trying to take more pictures with my iphone instead of carrying my camera along on every trip. I am such an amateur when it comes to photography with a less than creative eye. I'm hoping to get a new phone soon with a better, more sophisticated camera. We'll see if that helps me to get better pictures. I'm told that you can't go wrong with these new phones. Actually, I probably can - but I'm willing to give it a try. 

Labor Day Sunday, 2015

It had been too long since we had all been together as a family. So it worked out for everyone's schedule to come down to our house on Sunday afternoon, Labor Day weekend. Oh, it was so good to be together again. I love our family. We are so blessed.

The Wallin "girls"

 

The whole gang

 It was gorgeous weather with beautiful people! Our hearts were full.
 

Amy, LBI, Another Puzzle and the Latest Book

We didn't just sit around at home this week. Monday was Amy's birthday and I had some gifts to take her, so we went up on Sunday after church and spent the afternoon with her and the family. I made a cake on Saturday that everyone enjoyed after our lunch together.

It was fun seeing them all and spending some time with them.  Can you believe it that our baby is now 34 years old?????

Isn't she beautiful?

Here is the evidence of some of the craziness:

 

Silly kids!

 

Traffic wasn't too bad on Sunday afternoon even on the expressway, although there were some pockets of "slinky traffic." That was Andy's term for the speeding up/slowing down phenomenon. 

Andy had been hinting that he wished we could take a vacation. But after explaining again why we can't go away, he was ok with my promise that we'd take day trips to the shore or other places close by. So when a friend last week invited us to visit them at their shore house, we decided to give it a go. Their place is on LBI so it was only an hour's drive from our house. It's been hot and humid here, but there was a sea breeze that day so it was a nice break to enjoy the outdoors and be a little cooler. We enjoyed lunch together, then went to the beach and sat on a bench at the top of the dunes, looking out at the ocean. 

Bob has a hard time walking, he's unsteady on his feet and his legs are shaky. So he walks with a walker or cane. He has been feeling depressed because he's slowing down and not able to do what he has all his life. I was amazed, though, by the way Andy interacted with Bob. He was engaged, asking questions about Bob's business and his family. The questions were perfectly normal and appropriate. He still has his pastor's heart. When we left, I felt like they really appreciated our spending the time with them.

I love looking at the ocean.

 

As much as we enjoyed the time, though, we were exhausted the rest of the week. We just can't seem to do even the simplest of excursions without it taking its toll.

I've been thinking of Andy and how it is around here. On the one hand, he is very forgetful, not even knowing what day it is. This morning (Sunday), after his shower, he put on a blue t-shirt and shorts. In fact, it's the same outfit he has on in the above picture! When I saw how he was dressed, I told him it was Sunday. He knew he needed to change into a nicer shirt and long pants. Later, when we sat down to have our morning coffee, he still hadn't changed. I asked him if he was going to change and he asked why. I reminded him that it was Sunday, and he said he didn't know it was. 

On the other hand, he is so sweet, kind, loving, good-natured and gentle. He's constantly concerned about the other person. In most cases, that's me. But at church, he's very much attuned to others, even when he's very tired. He was so tired this morning, he couldn't stand for all of the singing. But after the service, when people were talking to him, he interacted and talked to them as if everything was normal. Oh, sometimes, he goes off on a totally different direction from where the conversation was going. But in his mind, there is some connection. And everyone is so kind and loving to us. 

We worked on a very difficult puzzle for the last several weeks. With each one we do, we comment that this is the hardest one so far. But this one really was. We were able to do the white pieces, the clock, the man and outer edges fairly easily. But all the brown around the clock took twice as long as the whole rest of the puzzle.

But we finally finished it. And we're on to the next one now. I confess that I like doing the puzzles. I'm not sure Andy does, but he humors me by helping out sometimes. I think it's good for him to try and he does it because I ask him to.

Yesterday, Dawn stopped by with Kira and Kasey. We played with them for a little while over at the neighbor's house with the neighbor kids.

I finished a book this week loaned to me by a friend, Sensible Shoes. It's the story of the spiritual journey of four women. It was fiction, but not typical fiction because there was a lot of deep spiritual truth taught in a way that was engaging and riveting. I don't usually go for Christian fiction but this book was enjoyable and challenged me in my own spiritual journey. I highly recommend it.

Jesus Carries Me

Dear Angie,

A friend recently loaned my your book, I Will Carry You. About 2 years ago, my husband, Andy, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Then a couple months later, the diagnosis of Parkinson's was added to the Alzheimer's. Needless to say, this was very difficult to deal with. Andy has been a pastor for many years, a Senior Pastor as well as Associate Pastor. God has blessed us with a loving, wonderful relationship with many good friends. Since Andy's diagnosis, our church has rallied around us, offered many prayers in our behalf, as well as helped us financially with a huge love offering.

When my friend loaned me your book, I think her purpose was to encourage me in my walk with the Lord in the trial we are facing right now. Your testimony of the Lord's grace, comfort, and presence during your pregnancy with Audrey and subsequent loss really blessed me and I cried many tears as I read your story. What my friend didn't know is that almost 40 years ago, Andy and I also had a child that died. Our situation was different than yours in that, we didn't know ahead of time that our child would not live. I felt movement from our baby even the day before I went into labor. Ultrasounds were not done that long ago, so there was no reason to suspect anything might be wrong. But even if there had been an ultrasound, I don't know that things would have turned out differently. I went into labor at 43 weeks. Yes, that's right, I was 3 weeks overdue. When we were in labor, the nurse tried to find the baby's heart beat, but was unable to detect it. I was hooked up to ekg and monitoring machines, but still no heartbeat. I was in labor for 24 hours and was told I would deliver a still born baby. The doctor wanted to give me an anesthetic so that I would be unconscious when the baby was born. He said it would be better if I didn't see the baby because it would be easier to bear if I never got attached. If I knew then what I know now, I would have insisted that I be allowed to see the baby. But I was young and inexperienced, and the whole thing caught us so off guard. The doctor seemed to think the baby may be starting to decompose and wouldn't be good to look at. However, after the delivery, he told us that the baby was perfect, with blond hair and blue eyes. He weighed in at 9 pounds, 5 ounces! The hospital took care of the burial but Andy and I never got to see our precious son or hold him. I still cry when I think about this. Things are different today. I think doctors, nurses and health care officials are much more sensitive to the need for connection to the life the mother has been carrying and preparing for.

There were a number of evidences of God's fingerprints involved over my reading of your book and my personal circumstance. Before reading your book, I had just finished Jesus Wept by Bruce Marchiano. He uses the story of Jesus with Mary, Martha and Lazarus to show how Jesus sympathizes and shares our sorrow. So your using the same example was another affirmation of the truth. 

I had never heard of you, but when I googled you to find out more about you, I discovered you were the wife of Todd Smith, lead singer in Selah. This was another little evidence of God orchestrating details because I had recently heard some of Selah's songs and even downloaded two of them. And then I saw you were also involved with the Women of Faith, so you have the potential for many opportunities to minister to hurting women.

I love the title you chose for your book because it's a beautiful picture of how God carries us, protects us, nurtures us, loves us lavishly even while we are so needy, inadequate and terribly flawed.

Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability in telling your story. It had to be very difficult, but I've found that even though life is hard, it's therapeutic to talk/blog/share about it and wrestle with the grace of God through it all. He is writing our story, and his desire in everything that he allows to touch us is that we become more like Jesus. Hard times also remind us that this is not our home, this is only a temporary stepping stone to our eternal home. Some day we will see our babies again and spend eternity with them and our dear Savior.

I pray that you would continue to grow in your walk with the Lord. God bless you.

 

A Sister in Christ...