I had a pretty good visit with him on Tuesday evening as well. But Wednesday was a different story. His tremors were extreme, and he told me he felt terrible. I checked with the nurse, and she said he had a temperature of 100.9, and they were going to get a urine sample. They did get the sample but the unfortunate detail of uti's is that when they get the sample, they need a few days for the culture to grow the bacteria in order to get the results they need. They did start him on an antibiotic but didn't get the positive results until Saturday morning when they started him on a more aggressive antibiotic.
Meanwhile, he suffered. He was so confused and pretty much stayed in bed all three days. Last night (Saturday) when I visited, he was in bed. The caregivers brought his dinner in to his room. He could hardly sit up, and I needed help to get him upright. Then he only ate half a sandwich before wanting to lie down again.
I felt so sorry for him, but so helpless to know what to do for him. He "talked" quite a bit, but nothing he said was understandable or made sense.
As I sat beside him, I was reminded that one of the first times he contracted one of these infections was when we lived in Portland, Oregon. He was studying at the seminary and working several jobs to support his family. We had our oldest daughter at the time, who was between 4-6 months old.
He became so ill, he couldn't leave his bed. He was shaking with chills and had a very high fever. When we finally decided to take him to the doctor, he was so weak he could hardly walk. Then being upright brought on queasiness and nausea. He actually threw up in the doctor's office. The doctor had him admitted to the local hospital, and he was in the ICU for several days before he started to get better.
As I was thinking of this, I couldn't help feeling so grateful that the Lord spared his life at that time. It could have turned out so differently - where I would have been a young widow with a very young child - all alone and so far away from home and family.
At this point, I'm grateful he is in a facility where he gets professional care 24/7.
In spite of the stress of watching Andy suffer, there were a couple of bright spots in my week. Monday was Aiden's birthday, so I left work an hour early and drove up to help celebrate. He is now 14 years old. He wasn't feeling that well, with a cold, so he decided he wouldn't come back home with me.
On Friday, Dawn called to ask if I wanted to go with her to Cairn University to attend a concert. It would be the last concert her former voice/music teacher was conducting before retiring. I'm not normally a spontaneous person, but I decided: "Why not?" Besides it would give me a chance to be with just Dawn for a while, and at the same time, we'd get to enjoy some high quality music.
The music was excellent and Dawn enjoyed reconnecting with her teacher and other former students and classmates. One of the songs the chorale sang was a song I've recently been listening to a lot: The Power of the Cross. What a beautiful song, chock full of truth.
"Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.
This, the power of the cross:
Christ became sin for us,
Took the blame, bore the wrath:
We stand forgiven at the cross.
Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face
Bearing the awesome weight of sin;
Every bitter thought,
Every evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.
Now the daylight flees,
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
'Finished!' the victory cry.
Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death,
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.
This, the power of the cross:
Son of God, slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.
Stuart Townend & Keith Getty Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music (Adm. by CapitolCMGPublishing.com excl. UK & Europe, adm. by Integrity Music, part of the David C Cook family, songs@integritymusic.com)
Isn't this a wonderful thing to think about: death is crushed to death and life is mine to live; won through Jesus' selfless love.
I finished Shattered Dreams. Although I was tempted to quit before I got halfway through, I'm glad I kept going. I was telling a friend I wasn't very impressed with the book. The author may be a good counselor, and I liked what I had seen of him on the Grief Share video series. The book was touted as a study of the life of Naomi, but he really didn't spend a lot of time with her. And when he did, I wasn't sure of his interpretation. But his later chapters were insightful and helpful. I especially liked chapter 17, "The Three Lessons of Brokenness."
According to Larry Crabb, the author, here are the 3 lessons:
1. Lesson 1 - "The good news of the gospel is not that God will provide a way to make life easier. The good news of the gospel, for this life, is that He will make our lives better. We will be empowered to draw close to God and to love others well and to do both for one central purpose, to glorify God, to make Him look good to any who watch us live."
He says that "without trials, only spoiled brats would enter heaven. And that would turn heaven into hell."
2. Lesson 2 - "When God seems most absent from us, He is doing His most important work in us."
"Seasons of personal suffering are opportunities for God to do His deepest work." He reminds us to think of the three hours of darkness on the cross, when Jesus screamed in agony, "God, where are you?" God said nothing, but it was during that exact time that God was in the Son reconciling the world to Himself.
3. Lesson 3 - "It isn't always good to be blessed with the good things of life. Bad times provide an opportunity to know God that blessings can never provide."
He adds in a later paragraph: "Feeling good is not the goal. When we feel bad, we have the opportunity to do battle against the enemy within that keeps us from entering the Presence of God with no greater passion than to glorify Him."
I also read Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus this week. This was written by a former devout Muslim who sought the truth. He writes elegantly and convincingly about his journey from Islam to Christianity. It was a boost to my faith to read how God led him through his searching and questioning to seek the truth.
Even though I spend a lot of time reading, working, and visiting Andy, I also squeeze in an hour here and there to do my yard work. I love this time of year, even though it doesn't love me. I can spend an hour outside, come in, then spend the next several hours sneezing and blowing my nose (all that nasty pollen). And it seems like the mosquitoes soon find me, as well.
Jesus prayed to His Father in John 17:3 that his disciples would "know You, the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." This is His highest dream for us, His children: to be more satisfied with Him than with anyone or anything else.
Larry Crabb says that we "can count on God to patiently remove all the obstacles to our enjoyment of Him. He is committed to our joy, and we can depend on Him to give us enough of a taste of that joy and enough hope that the best is still ahead to keep us going in spite of how much pain continues to plague our hearts." (page 137)
So when the dreams we have entertained are shattered, we turn to God. We are dependent on His dependability, reliant on His reliability. He is the Hope for our hopelessness. He is better than the wildest dream we could think or imagine, and that Dream will come true and never shatter.
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