Mother's Day & Andy's Birthday

I realize I'm just a little late in posting about Mother's Day but a lot has happened in this last week.

I got a lot of attention from our girls.  Christy and her family sent me an arrangement of flowers that lasted well over a week.

Amy and her kids came down on Tuesday last week to spend some time with us.  Dawn and her 2 girls came over, as well.  Chase was the only boy playing with 3 girls, but he came prepared.  As he entered the house, I noticed he was dressed with a cape on his back and he carried a hockey stick (his sword) and a tupperware lid fashioned to be a shield.  He explained to me that he was the knight who was going to save the princesses.  That sounded pretty creative and they played well together.  Well, most of the time they did!  A little later, there were some screams coming from the play room as Chase bounded into the kitchen where we adults were.  When we asked him what was going on, he held up a hand full of play jewelry and explained that he was Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to give to the poor.  What a character!

Amy brought a top that she had crocheted for me.  It fit perfectly and I love it.

Dawn also gave me a Mother's Day gift - a coffee mug with her girls' pictures on it.  I proudly use it every day for my morning coffee.

 Andy got the short end of the stick, I think.  His birthday was Monday, the day after Mother's Day.  He got a couple of cards!  Actually, they were very nice cards from his daughters and a few friends.

I've been able to work outside in the gardens a little.  The weather has been so nice - I don't think I could stay inside if I wanted to.  I happened to see a beautiful lace cap hydrangea called "strawberries and cream" at Trader Joe's one day when I was there.  I couldn't resist.  I had to buy it. 

Several years ago I planted a yellow rhododendron bush.  I'm so happy it is blooming this year.

On Wednesday evening, Andy got the chills.  He'd been coughing quite a bit, then started complaining about his back and sides hurting.  We took his temperature, but that was normal.  On Thursday, he stayed home and in bed most of the day.  Friday morning, he did have a fever and wanted me to take him to Urgent Care.  We got there a little before 8:00.  The sign said they didn't open till 9:00 A.M.  So we went back home and called his doctor.  She wanted him to come right in, which we did.  Before we went, though, Andy decided to think through, then write down all his symptoms.  We talked it over together so we would be prepared when we were in the doctor's office. 

When he doesn't feel well, he is especially foggy and more easily confused.  The doctor asked him what was wrong and he couldn't remember so I had to tell her all the things he had been experiencing.  Andy had written things down but didn't look at his notes or remember what we had talked about.  It is so important that I accompany him whenever he sees the doctor.  Dr. J said that since he has a propensity to prostatitis, she would prescribe an antibiotic.  She listened to his lungs and they were clear.  I don't know why he was coughing and congested, and she didn't seem to think it necessary to go down that track. 

He spent the rest of the day on Friday at home in bed.  He didn't feel much better on Saturday or Sunday.  By Sunday afternoon, he decided to take his temp again and it was over 100 degrees.  So we went over to Urgent Care.  That doctor saw him, listened to his symptoms and what Dr. J had done, and sent us back home, basically telling us that we need to give the antibiotic a little more time to take effect.

It's been a long, slow process but I think he's finally on his way back up.  He's still coughing but he's looking a bit perkier.

No Wasted Experiences

Our pastor has frequently said that God doesn’t waste experiences.  I have lived long enough at this point, that I can acknowledge the wisdom of that statement.  

It is a little over 38 years ago that we gave birth to our little son who was still born.  Who can imagine a more devastating circumstance?  We suffered and sorrowed and wept, crying buckets of tears.  BUT…God was faithful and present through it all.  He comforted us through His great compassion and tender mercies.  His Word became precious to us as we struggled to survive and find joy in our deep distress.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5:  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

God has given us great empathy and understanding for others who lose a baby or child.  Recently a young woman in our church became pregnant after years of trying.  She was elated, so excited about the baby – believing God had answered their prayers.  But the ultrasound showed lots of abnormalities in the baby and doctors told her and her husband that if the baby lived the whole nine months, it probably would die as soon as it was born.  My heart went out to this precious couple.  Even though there are differences in our situation, there is enough of a similarity that I can feel her pain.

God gave me the privilege of sharing our story with her and how God met us with His compassion and tenderness even in our pain.  You see, our experience was not wasted.  It was a special honor to be able to minister to this young woman with the comfort which God had comforted me.

Another friend recently went house hunting.  She found the “perfect” one for her and made application.  However, imagine her horror when the credit report came back that her credit was shot.  She was shocked because she had no idea.  As she investigated this, she discovered that the money she sent her daughter for her college expenses was all spent by this daughter on traveling to exotic places around the world.  Her money was all gone, but not only that, she was in unbelievable debt – all brought on by her own daughter. 

I spoke to this woman on Sunday and she had a glowing testimony of how good God was in helping her to find a cheaper apartment in which to live.  She was so effusive in how much she loved God and how he was her “all in all.”  Wow!  God didn’t waste this horrific experience in her life, but used it to turn her eyes and heart to Him.

What we think is absolute horror and destruction often turns out to be of great benefit and opportunity for growth and maturity and deeper love and dependence on our great God.

And now Andy and I are facing a difficult disease.  I hope this experience is also not wasted.  I have learned, and continue to learn, that I am not in control of my life.  My life is in God’s hands.  Am I willing for Him to do with me as he wills?  That is the question.  Sometimes it takes a while to let go of my feeble clutching onto what I perceive is the good life and happy endings.  I struggle and chafe and spend too much time worrying and stressing.  But in the end, the only way to experience the peace of God is to open my hands and let Him do as He wills.  

I can trust God's authority over my life.  I certainly can do nothing to control what happens.  But I daily need His grace and enabling power to embrace what He brings.  

Flat Line

I've been feeling somewhat flat line lately - neither up nor down, just kind of blah.  Which, I suppose, I should be thankful that at least I'm not depressed, discouraged, defeated, despondent, disconsolate and really down.  (how do you like all those "d" words!)  And I am thankful.

I am very thankful that we finally have spring.  The forsythia bloomed a wall of yellow next to the neighbor's driveway.  The weeping cherry was quite pretentious with lots of light pink flowers, now the pink dogwood is showing off with a darker pink, and the red bud trees really outdid themselves this year.  The PJM's and creeping phlox are in full bloom and the lilies of the valley and lilacs are just starting to flower.

The grass is greening nicely with all the rain we've had.  In fact, there are still many puddles in the yard.  It's a good thing Andy mowed the lawn before all that rain because he wouldn't be able to do it now.  We got so much rain in that 2 day storm that it looked like our house was surrounded by a moat.  And we had, and still have, little rivers in our basement running toward the drains and sump pump.  Another funny thing about all the water around our house was that the neighbor's ducks were swimming in our back yard. 

We had 4 doctor appointments in the last 2 weeks.  Andy saw his neuropsychologist who prescribed another medication for him to take, as well as adding a patch.  The doctor said it "might" help with memory.  He also saw his urologist and that visit went well.  He seems to be much better as a result of the surgery he had last June.  The other 2 doctor visits were for me.  I had a consultation with an internist for a colonoscopy my doctor wants me to have.  (Ugh!)  And I also had an eye doctor appointment.  Because of so much family history of glaucoma, my ophthalmologist is trying to be very vigilant.  She says that so far, I have very healthy eyes, optic nerve, etc. but to be on the safe side, she wants me to have a special test at a different office.  That has been scheduled for another time.  This coming Tuesday, Andy has another appointment with the psychiatrist.  How would all these doctors make a living if it weren't for the 2 of us???

It has been difficult to know how to answer people who ask how we're doing.  I appreciate everyone's concern, but there really is no answer, except maybe:  "some days are good, some days are bad."  I was thinking Andy was doing pretty well physically.  He was exercising with me and trying to walk more.  But in the last week or so, he hasn't been doing as well in that area.  He is often tired and doesn't seem to have much energy.  He tries to keep busy and not just "veg out."  I attempt to think up projects for him to do.  Last Tuesday, he spent the whole day in his workshop cleaning up his tools and getting them ready to sell.  I think he really enjoyed that - working with his tools.  A couple of weeks ago, he was helping with yard work.  Then today, he removed the canvas from the swing set.  It was getting quite ragged.  I asked him if he thought he could design and figure out materials he might need to construct a roof for the swing set.  He thought he could but that remains to be seen.

At dinner tonight, he told me he rarely knows what day it is.  I told him I didn't mind if he asked me, I'd tell him if he needed to know.  His memory doesn't seem to be very good, I'm sorry to say, at least not the short term memory.

One thing that I am really enjoying about his condition is that we are spending lots of time together.  He always goes with me on my errands now.  If I'm making a number of stops, he'll take along a magazine or his audible book and stay in the car.  But if I'm grocery shopping, he will go in with me and push the cart while I read my list and get what we need.  Sometimes he'll pack the groceries in the bags at the check out line - if he thinks about it.  I really appreciate having his muscles to bring in the groceries when we get back home. 

I have been reading another book to keep my thoughts from going too far in the wrong direction.  This one is by Brennan Manning, Abba's Child. 

I need to digest what I'm reading a little more before I review it.  Suffice it to say, it is a great blessing to belong to a Father who loves me unconditionally.  And His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness.  (2 Peter 1:3).  This verse is always such a comfort to me.  A paragraph of what I just finished reading:  "Were we forced to rely on our own shabby resources we would be pitiful people indeed.  But the awareness of Christ's present risenness persuades us that we are buoyed up and carried on by a life greater than our own.  Hope means that in Christ, by entrusting ourselves to Him, we can courageously face evil, accept our own need for further conversion, the lovelessness of others, and the whole legacy of sin in the world around us and in our own heritage.  We can then face death just as we can face life and the mammoth task before us, which Paul described as 'putting to death our selfish desires'."

He is Risen!

Happy Day

Verse 1:
The greatest day in history, Death is beaten
You have rescued me
Sing it out Jesus is alive
The empty cross, The empty grave
Life eternal You have won the day
Shout it out Jesus is alive
He's alive

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

Verse 2:
When I stand, in that place
Free at last, meeting face to face
I am Yours Jesus You are mine
Endless joy, perfect peace
Earthly pain finally will cease
Celebrate Jesus is alive
He's alive

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same OHH NO
Forever I am changed


Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious way
That You have saved me
Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious name

Chorus:
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

What a glorious glorious day,
I'll never be the same

© 2007 Sparrow

Christian lyrics - HAPPY DAY LYRICS - TIM HUGHES

It is a glorious day today.  The weather is nearly perfect, but even if it weren't, the thought that we serve a risen Savior gives great hope.  I was reflecting this morning about how the disciples must have felt those 3 days that Jesus was in the grave.  How utterly depressed and low they must have been.  Their hopes in the Son of God, their Messiah, their King - gone and dead.  They must have thought life was over.  What were they going to do now?  How could they go on?  They had no idea, no clue, even though Jesus had told them he was going to die and rise again.  Friday was the darkest day in history, but what they didn't know was that Sunday was coming!  From Friday, the lowest day to Sunday, the happiest day.  O happy day, indeed.

 

Pastor began his message this morning with an illustration from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.  I love that story, Tolkien masterfully contrasts good and evil, and even though he doesn't overtly talk Christianese, the parallels are unmistakeable.  In the story where Pastor picked up, Frodo and Sam are looking out at the land of Mordor (that evil place). 

 "The land seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or of foot.  Far above the Ephel Duath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale.  There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while.  The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him.  For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing:  there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

And that is characteristic of this life, too.  We are just passing through, there is light and high beauty forever beyond this life.  We may have suffering and hard times here, but this is not the end.  Jesus' resurrection makes our hope a sure hope.  Because he rose, we also shall rise; death is defeated.  And that is something to celebrate.

We've been busy the last several weeks.  Spring is always busy.  It's nice to be active outside again after the long, cold winter.  Andy has been feeling pretty good.  I've been pleasingly surprised at his energy level, tentatively waiting for him to come crashing down again.  His memory is still not good, but it's nice to have him feeling good anyway.  

A week ago, our magnolia tree was in full bloom.  I just had to get some sun therapy, sitting on the deck under those beautiful pink blooms and blue sky.

Last Monday we left work early and went to get Aiden for his birthday overnight with us.  What a sweet boy he is.  We had his favorite supper:  barbeque chicken pizza.  Of course, we had to watch a movie and have some ice cream together, too.  Tuesday was raining all day so we had a full agenda of indoor things to do.  Andy and Aiden got some biking in on Monday afternoon before supper, which is a favorite thing for Aiden to do.  They rode to the church, played on the parking lot, then rode home again.

 

On Tuesday we played games and watched another movie until time to head on home to the Lindsays.  We took along a cake with strawberries and blueberries and whipped cream for dessert.  Everyone was into having their pictures taken.

Then yesterday, we had a mulching party at our house.  Christy and her gang came down and worked all day on our gardens.  We had 5 yards of mulch delivered and they worked hard to get it all distributed.

I did my share of the work but no one took any pictures of me, so I have no proof.  Of course, someone also had to entertain the little ones.

At dinner time, Ricky and Amy came with their kids and Tommy and Kira stopped by, too.  What a house and yard full.  But a good time was had by all.

4 fairy princesses

 

The hungry guys

Sharing

 

Andy worked and played hard all day.  We were all concerned that he would be tired out, but he said the kids energize him.  Hmmm...he ended up taking two naps today! 

After church today, it was just too nice to stay in the house so we took a ride down to Franklin Parker Preserve in the Pine Barrens again.  We had been there several weeks ago and enjoyed it so much we just had to go back and explore some more trails.  We were not disappointed.  It was a perfect day.

Up and Down and All Around

My emotions have really been getting a work out!  I am happy, contented, trusting God one day (or even moment), then totally unbalanced and stressed the next day/moment.  I have really been ministered to in my reading.  I just finished Glorious Ruin by Tullian Tchividjian and am in the middle of 3 other books right now:  Heaven is Now:  Awakening Your Five Spiritual Senses by Andrew Farley, A Godward Life:  Savoring the Supremacy of God by John Piper and A Mind for God by James Emery White.

Some of the thoughts that have ministered to me:

"It is a great mercy that having doesn't make us happy.  If it did, we would be hopelessly deceived into thinking that things are God.  George MacDonald wrote:  'Happily for our blessedness, the joy of possession soon pales.' and 2 Corinthians 4:18:  "the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal'."

"When you find out you don't have to do anything for God, you are motivated to want to do everything for him.  Grace motivates, guilt kills."

"Grace is radically unbalanced.  It contains no but:  it is unconditional, uncontrollable, unpredictable and undomesticated."

"God says he will not remember our sins, they are covered by the blood of Jesus.  But what about Ephesians 2:12 when Paul says we should remember that we were separate from Christ, having no hope and without God?  Piper suggests that we should not remember the past if it hinders our current growth and obedience.  But if remembering can bring a deeper dependence on grace, a deeper love for Jesus and a greater trust in his power, then let there be a periodic remembering of the hopeless past.  But the norm should be forgetting the past lest it drag us down."

Psalm 130:4:  "There is forgiveness with you, O God, that you may be feared."  "God calls forth fear by forgiving sin, not by condemning it.  Grace!  If benefits hang on to our fearing God, then our fearing God hangs on the utterly undeserved forgiveness of God."

"The call of God creates life.  'Lazarus, come forth!'  We respond in the power of what the call created.  Ephesians 5:14:  'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.' God initiates and enables - our doing depends on God's doing it first."

"Set free from the imperative to perform and performance will shoot off the charts, set free from having to earn your future, you can enjoy the present, set free from the burden of self-focus, you will be inspired to serve others - grace inspires!"

"Joy that evaporates in the heat of affliction is not joy in God, but in comfort.  1 Thessalonians 1:6:  'You received the word in much affliction, with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit.'  Joy in tribulation is the evidence of joy in God, not ease."  (Piper)

"A theology of the cross understands the cross to be the ultimate statement of God's involvement in the world this side of heaven.  Luther said:  'God was not only hidden in suffering but was at work in our anxiety and doubt.  When you are at the end of your rope, when you no longer have hope within yourself, that is when you run to God for mercy'."

 "Only when we come to the end of ourselves, do we come to the beginning of God.  This is a common theme in the Bible:  desperation precedes deliverance.  Grief precedes glory.  The cross precedes the crown.  Powerlessness is the beginning of freedom."

"Life is a gift, freely given to us by God.  We do not possess it by virtue of our merit.  We do not own our life in relation to God.  It is a loan.  Luke 12:29:  the soul is required "back" by the Lord.  Life is God's and is on loan to us freely so that we might enjoy glorifying God with it.  It is always and totally at His disposal, never rightfully at our disposal.  Life belongs to God."

In spite of the blessings of God and His Word and reading the thoughts of godly men, when circumstances change, I come crashing down.  I stress and fuss.  I wonder how things will work out, then I feel bad because I know I'm not trusting God.  I'm so grateful that He understands and He doesn't leave me in those desperate times, when I need him more than ever.  I'm also grateful that His love for me is constant and changeless and not dependent on me and my behavior.  He loves me regardless of how I feel.  Talk about amazing!

Sunday was an "up" day.  The sun was shining and the temperature was tolerable.  A sunny day with blue skies is always helpful.  We decided to take advantage of the day and drive down to the shore.  Originally, we talked about sitting on the beach at Ocean City, but as we were discussing options, I mentioned that we hadn't been to LBI in a very long time.  The last time we had been there, it must have been winter and the lighthouse had been closed.  We investigated whether or not it would be open this time and it was...so off we went.  Good decision.  As it turned out, it was pretty windy which wouldn't have worked too well if we had decided to sit on the beach.

It was a glorious day and we climbed all 217 steps to the top of the lighthouse (and my leg muscles are still attesting to that climb).

An example of the difference between us:  I was marveling at the blueness of the sky and Andy was awestruck with the brick construction of the lighthouse!

The view from the top was awesome:

So you would think that all these wonderful thoughts from my reading and a beautiful day at the beach would put me on "top of the world."  But no, yesterday's mail brought a big bill that led me to spiral down into the pit of self pity and depression.  It is a constant struggle to remember and remind myself of the truth.  God is sovereign, He cares, He lavishes His love and grace on me.  He is not surprised by my life's circumstances but allows them for my growth and His glory.

When will I ever learn???


Psalm 63:3:  "Your lovingkindness is better than life."  Better than life???  To live in the love of God is better than anything.  Amen and Amen.

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

After a weekend of endless rain and dreariness, today's sunshine and blue skies were very welcome.  When we had heard the forecast for 64 degrees and sunny, Amy and kids had planned to come down to join Dawn and us for playtime in a nearby park.

But this morning, Chase woke up with a high fever and sore throat, so Amy had to cancel.  How sad.  But Andy and I called Dawn and together we decided that since it was such a nice day, we were going to take advantage of it.

So off we went, meeting Dawn, Kira and Kasey at Long Bridge Park and playing for a little while on the swings and playground.  I got to hold Kasey for a little while = happiness!

Kira was happy to run and walk but also wanted us to carry her piggy-back.  As much energy as she has, though, we didn't do too much carrying.

The sun is so bright!

Even the snake is enjoying the sun.

I can understand why people worship the sun.  It was glorious today.  I'm glad we were able to enjoy it because the rest of the week is supposed to be rainy again.