Reminiscing

Last year this time, we were in Hawaii as a special treat for our 40th anniversary.  What wonderful memories we made in such a beautiful place.  Someone asked us recently what did we like best about our trip.  There were too many "best" things to narrow it down to one. 

Our 41st anniversary came and went without much notice.  We didn't even give each other a card, although we did wish each other:  "Happy anniversary."  But lately I've been thinking about our life together and what a blessing it has been.  When you're young and your whole life is before you, there's no way to know what lies ahead.  And that's a good thing, I think, because I don't know if we'd have the courage to go through with it if we did know.  At a typical wedding, we vow that we will remain faithful in "sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, till death do us part."  Well, in 41 years, I think we've hit all those conditions.

Would I do it again?  Oh yes, a thousand times yes.  Over the years, I've enjoyed hearing Andy relate how we met and fell in love.  He likes to say that he saw me and knew he wanted to get to know me before I knew he existed.  We were in the same class at what was then PCB (Philadelphia College of Bible) back in the 70's.  He thought I was off limits because I had a ring on my finger.  Yes, I was engaged, but that guy didn't go to the college so he wasn't in any of our classes.  God had other plans for me, though, and that spring the engagement was called off.  

The next fall, Andy and I were in another class together and this time the teacher seated us alphabetically.  The desks in the room were arranged horizontally so Andy W was seated right next to Phyllis Y.  We were elbow to elbow!  The rest of the class oohed at us and that was the beginning of our courtship!  The name of that class was Methods and Materials of Christian Education.  Andy always liked to add at this point in his narrative that:  "He had the methods and I had the materials."

Andy was so sweet natured and kind right from the beginning.  I found myself wondering if he was for real and when would he show his true self.  But that was his true self.  He has always been loving and accepting of me, never critical or harsh.  

In the spring of 1973, Andy invited me to attend the spring formal with him.  
 

About a week before, I made a little joke about the benefit to my having a skill that would be able to help support him as he went through seminary.  He told me that we should not joke about that - that we weren't ready to talk about marriage.  Yup - he shut me down!  I thought to myself, "That's ok, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes for you to make up your mind."

But I found out later that was to put me off...he wanted to surprise me.  So after the formal, we went with 2 other couples to Atlantic City to walk on the boardwalk.  Each couple went their own way.  One couple was already engaged, the other couple became engaged, then so did we!  It was very cold on the boardwalk and I was wearing my winter coat.  

By the way, we were in Atlantic City but this was before there were casinos there.  The boardwalk was deserted that night except for us.  Andy took me to a set of stairs going down to the beach, then gave me a little gift wrapped package.  He had me open it, then as I opened it, he asked me if I would marry him.  When I saw what was inside the package, it was a fake diamond ring.  So I asked him, if he was kidding!  After he assured me he wasn't kidding, he was very serious, I finally said "yes."  

Of course, it makes a good story for him to tell people that when he asked me to marry him, I asked him if he was kidding.  But in my defense, just a week earlier I had been told we weren't ready to talk marriage, then when I opened the gift, I see a bubble gum machine ring.  What would a normal girl think!!!

It's been an exciting path that God has led us on these 41 years.  There have been mountains and valleys, as well as level paths, but we have had each other and God has been with us all the way.  I admit I prefer the level paths in the Pine Barrens of south Jersey.  It's easy and not so stressful.

This afternoon we climbed Apple Pie Hill (all of 207 feet above sea level).  Just that little bit of a climb set my heart racing and my legs screaming for oxygen.

 

That's as far as he went!

the view from the top!

But if you make the effort, it's worth it when you get to the top.  I have to admit, the view from the top of Apple Pie Hill isn't as amazing as some of the views we've seen from other mountain tops.  But there is something about being on top of the "mountain" that gives a feeling of accomplishment.


You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.  Psalm 16:11

Christmas Week 2014 - The Sequel

Our Christmas Day was quiet because we gave our daughters space to celebrate with their own families and their in-laws.  But we still had to celebrate with them so we chose New Year's Day for our get-together.

We've developed the tradition of having a brunch when we celebrate our family Christmas.  Between the 4 of us women, we provide quite a feast.  And it's a table full with all of us:  8 adults and 10 children.  Bring in an extra table for the Wallin/Lindsday/Sherf/Eberly gang.

 
There sure are a lot of kids!

A couple of the bigger kids!

We had our celebration at Christy's house because she was dog sitting and couldn't be gone from home all day.  The dogs were very well behaved, not doing much else but sleeping and loving cuddle time.

Claire likes to commandeer my camera and take lots of pictures.  Some turn out pretty good, others are easily deleted.  A favorite subject is Kasey.

Dawn got a good picture of Andy and me each with Kasey as well.

Don't mind that photo bomber in the background. 

Everyone had such a good time being together.  And I was happy to have some time holding any grandkid who would let me.

I came away with some good books to add to my growing library.  At present, good books are my life line to keep my heart from growing stagnant.  I got about 4 books and I started reading the smallest one first:  Humility by Andrew Murray.  

 

Andrew Murray lived in the 1800's, dying in 1917.  He was born in South Africa to missionary parents, although he received his education in Scotland.  he authored over 240 books, one of which is the one mentioned, Humility.  I am being challenged by what he wrote, showing how humble Jesus was and how all his teaching reflected that humility.

He wrote:

"Humility, the place of entire dependence on God, is, from the very nature of things, the first duty and highest virtue of the creature, and the root of every virtue.  What is the incarnation but Jesus' heavenly humility.  He emptied himself and became nothing.  He took on the form of a servant."

"The life of absolute submission and dependence on the Father's will, Christ found to be one of perfect peace and joy.  He lost nothing by giving all to God.  Conformity to Jesus consists of being and doing nothing of myself that God may be all."

"The path to the higher life:  down, lower down.  My life's work is to be a servant.  Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds me abased and empty, His power and glory flow in to exalt and bless!  My one care is to humble myself; God's care is to exalt the one who is humble."

I continue to find this to be a challenge.  All my life I've attempted to submit to Andy's leadership.  But in so many areas now that he is ill, I've had to make decisions.  I still try to talk things over with him, but the challenge in this is that I don't know how trustworthy his statements and thoughts are.  Sometimes they seem lucid and good, other times he is unquestionably confused and off.  Then how do I go the direction that is needed when it seems like I am disagreeing with him?  It's a fine line sometimes.  The last thing I want to do is to make him feel like he is a "less than."  Fortunately, he is still good-natured and teases that at least, he'll soon forget that I'm not doing what he suggested.  

He still tries to be helpful - it's just part of who he is.  But that helpfulness is not always helpful.  Our niece is going to be moving into our upstairs apartment, and she and her parents have been here painting and doing some work to get it ready.  Andy has been attempting to "help" them, but he often gets confused and can't finish what he started.  I'm sure it's frustrating for him.  It has to be hard, too, for him to see others working on "his" house, when in previous years he was fully capable and talented in doing whatever needed to be done.  He not only has the mental incapability, he is physically unable to work as hard as others without becoming exhausted. 

Today's message was such a good reminder that this is not the end of the story, we and all of creation are groaning, waiting for God to make all things new and right again.  What we suffer here, is light and momentary, compared to the glory we will enjoy with our God for all of eternity.

Romans 8:18-
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

2 Corinthians 4:17-
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

May I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, seeing him who is invisible, the one who is true humility, meek and lowly, servant of all - humbling myself to the life he has called me to.

Christmas Week 2014

In reading Ann Voskamp's blog earlier this week, I was reminded of how low Jesus stooped to be born in a stable.  She mentioned how her son "forgot" to shower after doing his chores in the barn and how embarrassed she was to smell the barn odor as they sat in church.  It reminded me of my own growing up years on the farm.  One spring as school was letting out, my dad informed my sister and me that we would be taking turns during the summer helping him in the barn preparing the cows for milking.  I took my turn first.  My job was to wipe the udders to prepare for my dad to put the milking machine on the cow.  Cows are not picky about what they lie in and their udders were invariably caked with manure.  My job was to take a bucket of water and a rag and wipe those udders clean.  I worked away diligently for a week, then spent hours washing my hands trying to get that manure smell off.  Ugh.  It was not easy.  Being the picky, fussy "Miss Priss" that I was, I talked my sister into taking my turn the rest of the summer.  To this day, she is my best friend!

I found one picture of a cow I used to own - in an old photo album, but the picture was unsalvageable.  This one, though, gives a good idea of what our barn was like.  The cows were all in a row with heads in the feed trough and back ends near the gutter.  As you can see, their tails are just caked with manure and they were very good at switching them in your face while you were cleaning their filthy udders.  Oh yes, it was a lovely job.

I also remember a certain boy who would ride the bus with us kids on our way to school.  He smelled like the barn.  The rest of us made fun of him and would sit as far away from him as possible.  

Of course, the manger scenes we put under our trees and see on people's lawns at Christmas time do not come near to showing the reality of Jesus' manger scene.  Can you imagine how other people must have snubbed his family?  How they must have smelled!

But it just proves how much God wanted to show that he came for the lowliest of the low.  He was not presenting salvation to the righteous, holy, pure, high and mighty - but to all.  Our hearts are desperately wicked and there is no good in any of us.  

Jesus told his disciples that he didn't come to be served, but to serve.  The amazing thing to think about is that he didn't stop serving with his death.  He continues to serve us as we live our daily lives.  I couldn't do a thing without his enabling power.

Speaking of Jesus' enabling power...I've been slowly getting some of my energy back.  Last year was so stressful with all we were going through that I was just managing to do the minimum to get through my days.  But recently, I've been sleeping a little better, and doesn't good sleep always help the morale and motivation?  In my case, it's an emphatic "YES."

We were by ourselves on Christmas day.  Our girls had Christmas with their own families and in-laws.  After being by ourselves for 10 years, it still seems strange to be alone on Christmas day.  Not that I mind or am sad or upset...it is just strange.  Fortunately, Andy and I enjoy being together.  

We decided to explore a park we hadn't been to before:  Palmyra Nature Cove.  What a nice park with lots of hiking trails.  It is right next to the Delaware River with a nature center and a butterfly nursery!  Although it was pretty windy, it was still a nice day for hiking and being out in nature.

 Saturday was an even nicer day with temperatures up in the 50's.  We couldn't stay indoors on a day like that so drove down to Chatsworth to hike in Franklin Parker Preserve.  We really like it there.  It's becoming a favorite for us.  With 9,770 square miles, there are lots of opportunities for us to keep exploring.  The sun was shining, the air was still, the sky was blue.  What was not to love!

Well, it's back to work tomorrow, but we still get an extra day off this coming week with New Year's Day.  And it will be our family Christmas.  We still have presents under our tree.  Kira asked me this morning when I saw her at church:  "Do you still have a present for me?"  Yes, Kira, we do...and for all of our other 9 grandchildren, too. 

Search for Meaning

I guess partying isn't for us any more.  How sad.  Although they're fun while they last, we do pay the price afterwards.  Two weeks ago, we were out two night in a row, breaking with our normal routine of quiet, peaceful, relaxing evenings.  Consequently, since then I've had a hard time relaxing enough to get to sleep which in turn, makes me exhausted during the days.  But I think I'm slowly getting back to feeling somewhat normal again - whatever normal is.  

I've been helping with Nativity again this year.  Every year since it's begun, I've been the official phone answerer on Nativity nights.  I answer the same questions over and over and get people to the church who are lost.  That can be quite the challenge since they're lost.  I have to try to figure out where they are, which direction they're heading, then get them to the church.  And some people are definitely directionally challenged!

I remember one year, I took a call from someone who was lost and when I started asking her questions to try to determine where she was, she became cross and said she didn't know where she was which is why she was calling.  Sigh!  I think the call ended in success, though!  Last year and this one, too, I am forwarding the church phone to my cell phone, then coming home and taking calls in the comfort of my easy chair.  Ah, praise the Lord for modern technology!

We only had to cancel Nativity one night this year and the remaining nights have been very well attended.  Andy and I are hoping to hit it ourselves tonight.  I am so ministered to by seeing our people work at portraying the gospel story.  Pastor told a story this morning how a man came to the Nativity 2 years ago, bringing with him a van of international students from his college.  A Chinese young man was part of the group and had never heard of Jesus on a cross.  He didn't even know what a cross was.  After he saw our 13 "Nativity" scenes, he was given a Bible and not long after, gave his life to Christ.  Since then, he has led other family members to Jesus, too.  

"Nativity" is a misnomer, I think, since what we do involves so much more than just Jesus' birth.  It really is the story of the gospel - from creation to the ascension of Christ.  And visual portrayals are so powerful.

I just finished another great book, this one by Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

Frankl was born in Vienna in 1905, earned an M.D. and a Ph.D. from the University of Vienna.  He was a clinical psychiatrist working with suicidal patients in mental hospitals before World War II.  Then in 1942, he was arrested by the Nazis and spent the remainder of the war in prison camps.  He was not exterminated like other Jews because of his training which made him valuable to the Nazis in treating fellow prisoners in the prison camp.  

What made his book so riveting is not only the recounting of his story but his rising above his suffering to find meaning even in the horrific circumstances of his life.

The following are some of the sentences I underlined throughout the book:

Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire...The salvation of man is through love and in love.

Sounds biblical, doesn't it?  "The greatest of these is love."  (1 Corinthians 13:13)

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread.  They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing:  the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

Dostoevski said once, "There is only one thing that I dread:  not to be worthy of my sufferings."  These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost.  It can be said that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement.  It is this spiritual freedom - which cannot be taken away - that makes life meaningful and purposeful.

When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task.  He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe.  No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place.  His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.

This resonated with me and helped me in my own situation.  The suffering I've gone through at various times in my life is unique to me.  Granted, there is nothing new under the sun and there is the commonality of suffering we all face in this life.  But the fact that my suffering is tailor made for me gives me encouragement.  I'm not sure where Frankl stood spiritually.  Being Jewish, I infer from his writing that he believed in God.  He quotes different verses from the psalms in a number of places in this book.  

What resonates with me in the uniqueness of my own life and the suffering I face is that, if it is tailor made for me, then God is going to enable me to rise above it and give me the strength to endure. 

I could go on and on about how meaningful this book was for me.  Every page had a nugget of truth that spoke to me and gave me encouragement.  I am going to keep it close and re-read it again soon.

There is a purpose to my life and what I am going through.  Am I going to sink in despair over the hardness of life or am I going to rise above my circumstances to look in the face of Jesus, trusting in the wisdom of his plan for my life?  By God's grace, I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  (Philippians 3:10-11)

There is a purpose to my life and what I am going through.  To God be the glory!