Fellowship of His Sufferings

Fight or flight - 2 ways people have of coping with difficulties.  Some people hear bad news and dig in their heels and go all out to find ways to make it better or fix it.  Other people give in or deny reality or try to run away from the truth.

As people have heard of what we're dealing with, some have tried to suggest alternative solutions:  Did you try this doctor?  What about these symptoms?  Maybe you don't really have Alzheimer's, maybe it's something else. Did you try these foods, mind exercises, etc. etc.  I really believe that people are trying to be helpful and are very well meaning in their advice.  However, what they don't know is that Andy and I are both very satisfied with our doctors' prognosis.  We have spent months and many agonizing moments attempting to discern God's direction and believe He has led us and brought us to this point.

I believe there is a third way to cope with difficulty - the way of faith (another "f" !).  Trusting God in our circumstances, believing He is in control and orchestrating events and situations for our growth and His glory.

A phrase I've been thinking of lately is:  "the fellowship of His sufferings."  I was wondering what the context was and decided to see if Andy could remember where that was found.  When I asked him, he was able to tell me it was in Philippians, but couldn't remember the chapter.  So here it is, Philippians 3:10:  "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death..."  Wow!  Knowing Christ includes sharing in His sufferings.  And I do want to know Him.  How did Jesus respond to suffering?  He did not open His mouth, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.  (1 Peter 2:23)  Granted, the suffering Peter is talking about is to encourage Christians who were suffering for their faith.  But I think it can apply to all suffering.  Jesus was not a fight or flight kind of guy, but He trusted His Father's wise and perfect plan.

So as we live with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, we want to trust that God knows what He is doing.  We are comforted by His Word that promises that this is only a "light and momentary trouble," and is "achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs [all these troubles]." (2 Corinthians 4:17)

We are not fighting or fleeing, but are by God's grace and enablement, attempting to live the life of faith.  Fixing our eyes on Jesus, seeing Him who is invisible - this is our hope and the anchor for our souls, firm and secure.

I confess I have my moments of tears and exhaustion, grieving our own kind of loss.  But even in those difficult moments (sometime very long moments!), God's Word is so comforting and sustaining:  In my weakness, He is strong; His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10); nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39).  He is enough, He is more than enough.

We were able to spend some time with some of the kids and grandkids this past weekend.  Dawn graduated with her second Masters degree on Saturday morning.  Andy and I drove over to Cairn University to be part of that special time with her.

 

And on Sunday, Amy and Ricky came down with the kids to spend the afternoon with us, then go through the Nativity.  They had originally planned to go to church with us, but it had rained overnight and frozen in their driveway, so they had a tough job digging out and didn't get down till mid-afternoon.  We don't see them as often so it was fun having them here and it's obvious the kids love being here, too.

 

Don't you just love all those happy faces!

Change of Plans & Snow

We had thought we would be over at the U of Penn today for research and testing on Andy's Parkinson's but I got a call on Friday afternoon saying that the machine used in the testing was broken.  A part for the machine was on order but they didn't know how soon it would be fixed.  But we can still do the testing later after the holidays if we're still interested.

I was actually glad to have a day to stay home.  It was snowing and traffic into Philadelphia would probably have been enough to give me a few more gray hairs.  So Andy and I did a couple of errands, staying close to home.  Then I did a little cleaning and Andy organized his tools.  They were a mess, strewn around the garage.  It was a good accomplishment for him, giving him something to do.  He needs to keep busy but it seems he can't think of things himself.  And I'm not sure what to tell him to do because I don't want to give him anything too hard that might cause frustration.  Or if he starts something, will he be able to complete it? He needed a little encouragement to finish this job and he was tired out by the time he was done, but he did it!

This afternoon, Tommy and Kira went sledding, dropping Dawn by to stay with us while they were gone.  That was a pleasant turn of events!  It was fun having her here, giving advice on Andy's tool organizing and telling me how to improve on my meal prep!  Seriously, I learn a lot from my daughters.  I have my way of doing things, but now that they have been homemakers themselves for a number of years, they've picked up new and improved ways of doing things.  I'm really glad they feel free to show me better ways.  I'm also very happy to be able to have the free give and take with our girls.

Tommy and Kira came back eventually and we got some Grammy and PopPop hugs and kisses from our favorite 4 year old.

We got a lot of snow on Sunday which was a big surprise.  The forecast had been for just snow showers but turned out to be about 8 inches.  It was beautiful coating everything with white.  Our upstairs tenants shoveled the driveway for us and had a lot of fun doing it.

We got more snow this morning but by afternoon, the sun came out. 

This was the best kind of snow today...making everything beautiful but melting on the roads.  I wonder if this is a sign that we're getting a lot of snow this winter.  We still have a week and a half before it's officially winter.  Well, what will be will be!

Thanksgiving 2013

The food we eat is important to our over all health.  Right?  Andy and I have always tried to eat sensibly.  We stay away from the SAD (Sad American Diet) consisting of processed "dead" foods and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.  We've done so because Andy's had issues with his health for most of our married life.  Now that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, we've had several people tell us that coconut oil is good for those diseases.  I'm not very good at understanding the science behind all this, but I do wonder about the effectiveness of all the expensive drugs that are out there to treat all the diseases we have.  For one thing, there are so many side effects to any drug you take.  For another, they are extremely expensive and are advertised and pushed by the drug companies who stand to make a profit on what they sell.  There is a lot more written on this subject than I care to go into or even pretend to understand.  However, when we heard about the coconut oil helping people with Alzheimer's, we thought:  "what do we have to lose?"

So I bought some and have been experimenting with it in my cooking and baking.  I've been told it can replace regular oil and butter and shortening and it's so much better for you.  I jokingly call the coconut tree the "tree of life."

On Thanksgiving Day, Andy and I went over to Pa. to Andy's brother's for dinner.  I had been assigned to make a cherry pie and decided to experiment using coconut oil to replace the shortening in the crust.  It was easy to work with and, surprisingly, tasted like my usual cherry pie.

I even used coconut oil in place of butter in the crumbs.  It was irresistible.  So now we are healthier than ever!

Our girls and their families came down to our house the day after Thanksgiving since they spend the actual holiday with their in-laws.  We had lunch together.  Amy had made a big pot of chicken, bacon, rice soup.  Christy brought home made rolls.  I made a salad and Dawn made the dessert.  Oh, yes, I also made another cherry pie.

After lunch, we took a hike at a nearby park.  This is a holiday tradition for us.  This one was a little more memorable because one of the kids took off through the woods and stepped into a big puddle.  This made her socks and boots all muddy and her feet were soaked and cold which made her inconsolable.  After trying numerous solutions that met with failure and continued tears, we called it a day and went back home.  I think all the partying the day before had worn the little ones out and it was harder to "go with the flow," although I admit having cold wet feet is just cause for angst.

On Sunday evening, our FOCUS family (older singles group from church that we had led for a number of years) put on a dinner for Andy and me.  They really did it up nicely, with a program and special things to honor Andy and me.  We got a lot of attention and were treated royally.

 

No, I didn't eat the cake...I just did the silly pose. After all, I doubt it had been made with coconut oil.

After the dinner, there was a program where our "kids" came before us and "presented" us with words of tribute for what we meant to them.

Some of the things that were written on the signs were

1.  You taught me that nothing separates us from God's love.

2.  By purity, knowledge, long suffering, kindness by the Holy Spirit, our sincere love...you are loved.

3.  You have helped me in many ways and touched my heart.

4.  You are my friend (this was written by a 7 year old boy).

5.  You have the patience of a saint.

6.  You are a comforting voice when the storms of life are raging.

7.  Time and again, you've chosen to listen, THEN give good counsel.

8.  Thank you for your fruit of the Spirit - gentleness

9.  Thank you for being like a second father.

10.  Through you I received great comfort and assurance.

11.  We have a strange and wonderful relationship with you.  We're strange and you're wonderful.

12.  You are a great example to me of great ability coupled with great humility.

13.  You have the gifts of teaching and hospitality.

14.  You opened my eyes and helped me to trust God.

It was an emotionally touching evening with these dear people.  We love every one of them dearly.  They won their way into our hearts and we greatly value their friendship.  It was so good of God to bless us with this ministry.

The rest of the week has been busy.  But I have another story to tell of God's care and attention to the details of our lives.  Over the weekend, I kept telling Andy that I wanted the outside Christmas lights put up.  I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the idea.  He especially didn't want to get up on the ladder to put the icicle lights on the eaves.  I didn't blame him since he's somewhat unsteady on his feet, let alone up a ladder.  But like a dripping faucet, I kept reminding him that I wanted it done.  In fact, on Monday morning, I asked him to check the web for what the weather was going to be like on Tuesday.  He reported that it was going to be mild.  So I reminded him that it would be a great day to put up the Christmas lights.  He didn't comment, so I knew he really didn't want to do it.

Mid morning on Monday, I got a text from M who said J had been talking to her about how nice our house always looks at Christmas time with the lights and could they help us put them up for us.  Wow! Several calls and texts were exchanged, then it was all arranged that M, J & her husband M would show up on Tuesday at 11:00 to put up our lights.  And they did!  We had so much fun doing it together.  Even Andy got into the fun of it.  Of course, he didn't have to go up the ladder, he just stood at the bottom giving direction and encouragement.  

Now all we need is some snow and we're ready for Christmas!

Actually, I'm hoping we don't get much snow this year.  I'm happy enough to enjoy it through pictures of years ago.

Andy is actually doing pretty well these days.  We are scheduled to go to U of Penn on Tuesday for some research/testing on the Parkinson's.  It will be an all day affair but sounds pretty exciting.  I don't think I'll be involved, but plan to take my Kindle for reading and playing my games.  They're going to give us valet parking and a ticket for our meals for the day.  Even though Andy is still forgetful and at times, confused, he is still Andy.  He is still gentle, good, kind, loving, caring and comes out with some good and funny one-liners at the appropriate moments.  

We continue to enjoy the moments God gives us and try not to worry about the future.  Many people are praying for us for which we are extremely grateful.  He is answering all those prayers.

And that's not all...

Andy began wondering if there wasn’t more going on than just the Alzheimer’s.  He was having significant tremors in his right hand, causing atrocious hand writing (yes, uglier than usual – ha, ha).  Then his teeth started chattering, and his legs were weak and shaky.  A friend thought he had Parkinson’s symptoms and we should get it checked out.

So I called his neuropsychologist and told him the symptoms Andy was having.  He said to make an appointment which we did.  When we got in to see him and he got checked, the doctor told us it was very good we came in.  He wanted us to make an appointment at Cooper Hospital for a DaT scan which is a fairly new test, only around for 6 months and in New Jersey, only available at Cooper.  The DaT scan shows conclusively whether a person has Parkinson’s or not. 

Well, last Tuesday, we were scheduled for this test.  We had to be at Cooper by 8:30 am.  Andy had to drink a liquid then wait an hour.  After the hour, he was free to go but had to be back at the hospital by 1:30 for the scan.  This was an interesting test because while having the scan, he was supposed to lie perfectly still.  For someone who has tremors, that is next to impossible.  So of course he moved in the first hour, and they had to re-do the test.  Fortunately, the test was ok the second time around.  And we were given the ok to go home.

Then we had to wait till Friday for our followup with the doctor to hear the results.  We were told Andy not only has Alzheimer’s, he also has Parkinson’s.  So now what?  The doctor told us the U of Penn is doing a Parkinson’s study and if we wanted to, we could see if we could get in.  So we’re in process of seeing if we qualify for that and if there are still openings.

After we got over the shock of Friday’s news, we enjoyed the rest of the weekend.

On Saturday friends of ours picked us up and we drove up to Washington’s Crossing to hike along the Delaware Canal.  It was a delightful fall day.  The sun was shining and it wasn’t too cold.  Believe it or not, we hiked 2 miles up and 2 miles back.  I couldn’t believe Andy was doing so well.  A couple of weeks ago, he couldn’t even go 1 mile without taking some time to rest because of the weakness and shakiness in his legs.

After our hike, we stopped for lunch.  It was a “dive” of a restaurant but the food was delicious.  We sat at a table near a window that rattled and shook every time the front door was opened.  It rattled and banged so much, it felt like it was going to fall over on us.  It was scary enough that we moved to a different table!  Oh, the memories we made!

On Sunday morning, we got a call from this same couple who said they had tickets to see the play, Pride and Prejudice, at the BristolTheater.  They had bought 4 tickets for themselves and their daughter and son-in-law.  We had been telling them the day before how much we love that story, so when their daughter called to say she had sick kids and couldn’t go, they thought of us.  What a treat!  It was a delightful play and we enjoyed it immensely.

I've been thinking about Job and his wife.  We've always been pretty critical of her because of her advice to Job.  But now that my own husband is suffering, I can understand her frustration.  I still don't think she was right, but I can understand.  I don't like to see Andy suffer, either, but I prefer Job's response then, ("the Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord"), as well as later in chapter 13 ("though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him").  

I am also inspired and encouraged by the response Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego gave to King Nebuchadnezzar when they were ordered to bow down to the image.  They told him:  "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."  

I hope and pray that I would have that same resolve and courage in the face of overwhelming circumstances. No matter how much hardship comes my way, I want to trust that God can save me from it.  But even if He doesn't, I will continue to trust Him.

Poor and Needy

"Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy." Psalm 86:1

Fifteen years ago, I decided I needed to more proactively memorize Scripture.  I am so glad I followed through on that because there's nothing like God's Word to comfort and encourage when you are facing hard times.  The first full chapter I memorized way back then was Psalm 86.  Every night, I say the psalm to myself as I'm falling asleep.  Sometimes I get through the whole psalm, but often I just make it to the first verse.  I do feel very poor and needy but thankfully, the psalm goes on to describe how it is that we can call on God in our neediness.  He hears our cry in the day of trouble (verse 6), there is no one like Him and no deeds compare with His (verse 8).  He is great and does marvelous deeds (verse 10).  His love is great toward me and he has delivered me from the depths of the grave (verse 13).  He is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness (verse 15).  And verse 17:  "Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord have helped me and comforted me."

God has given me many signs of His goodness and he has helped and comforted me.  Let me give a couple specific examples.

A number of weeks ago, someone called me to tell me that God had awakened her in the middle of the night and impressed on her that she should give Andy and me a check for a very specific amount.  She said she was going to send the check to us and we were not to return it because God had told her to do this.  The check came a day or so later and I was shocked to see the amount for $740.00.  I wasn't sure what to do with it, but decided to just stick it in the bank in a designated category for our health expenses.  When later that month, I was figuring out our visa statement and adding up all the co-pays, doctor visits, prescriptions and expenses related to health, I was so amazed to discover that the total came to $743.00.  Wow!  Talk about God giving us a sign of His goodness!

We feel God gave us our home and property that we enjoy, but with Andy's illness and my preoccupation with taking care of him, we haven't had the time or energy to take care of upkeep and maintenance recently.  We have so many beautiful trees on the property but with that beauty comes a lot of leaves to rake up in the fall.  Again, someone felt God was leading them to help us out and offered to come with their family and rake up all our leaves.  They came yesterday with their 4 children and raked for 4 hours.  It was a beautiful day and they seemed to really be having a good time outside doing all that work.  What a relief to have that job taken care of.

I confess that in spite of these and many more signs that God is taking care of us, this morning I was struggling with feelings of worry and fretting.  What is our future financial situation going to be like?  How quickly will Andy's illness progress?  How will I ever take care of him?  But God's Word comforts and helps.  Here are the verses that spoke to me today:

Psalm 32:7:  "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Psalm 62:1-2:  "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

Yes, there is no doubt that I am poor and needy, but "God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble."  (Psalm 46:1)  Fortunately, I don't need to depend on me but I trust in the One who knows the end from the beginning and gives careful attention to every detail. 

Naomi's & Claire's Birthdays

"Good things come to those who wait."  And Naomi had to wait a very long time to have her birthday overnight with us.  Her birthday in June was right in the middle of all the drama with Andy's sickness and myriads of doctor appointments, so we were unable to have her come over then. 

But now Andy is somewhat evened out, his depression seems to be under control, as well as the low grade infection he was dealing with.  This past week, we had no doctor appointments, so it seemed like a good time to host our little 8 year old.

I was able to leave work on Monday around 1:00 to go up and get her.  She was all packed and waiting outside the house when I drove in the driveway.  I think she was a little eager!

When we got home, she wanted Andy to teach her how to play solitaire on the computer.  He is still very good at that, winning every game.  He likes to check his statistics and is able to sit and ponder and patiently figure out each move in order to win the game.  So he patiently taught Naomi how to win solitaire.  And she got pretty good at it, too.

Her favorite dinner is chicken noodle soup.  She likes the way I make it (sorry, Mommy!), so I made that while she and Andy were playing games.  The grandkids also like my homemade rolls, and I like to keep them in the freezer for just such an occasion.

After supper, I taught her how to play Phase 10 - a favorite of Dawn and Amy's.  Naomi watches them play every time we're together along with Grace, as well.  So maybe next time, Naomi can join them.  She needs a little more practice in playing offensively, but she is getting the main idea, anyway.
 

Of course, at Grammy and PopPop's house, what is an overnight with us but watching a movie and having ice cream!  We watched The Cat from Outer Space, a Disney comedy and had a bowl of ice cream - um,yum.  After the movie, Naomi and I went upstairs to the attic room.  But before calling it a night, we had to read Uncle Remus stories till we both got tired.  I love hearing the giggles as Brer Rabbit outfoxes Brer Fox.

The next day the breakfast of choice was blueberry pancakes, then more Phase 10, Computer Solitaire and another movie.  This time we watched 101 Dalmatians.  I hadn't remembered the details of that movie, but it was so fun to see the good guys win and the bad guys, including Cruella DeVil, be outsmarted and outwitted by all the animals ganging up against them. 

We went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch, then back to our house for a few more games before heading out to take Naomi home again.  Having Naomi this week was good timing because Claire's birthday was Thursday so we could take her birthday present up with us.  We were able to visit with the family, then enjoy a delicious dinner that Christy had made and sing happy birthday to Claire. 

We're glad our grandkids like to come to our house because we like having them.  There's something about children that lightens the heart and gladdens the soul and helps keep a person young.

Blessings

Just because we are living with a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, our life isn’t over.  Far from it.  God has given us this life to enjoy and we are determined to do just that as long as there is still breath left in us.

It’s a beautiful time of year.  It seems like the leaves have been especially colorful or maybe I’m just more sensitive to the beauty of our world this year.  Andy and I are taking every opportunity to make excursions to the woods and revel in the loveliness of south Jersey’s woods. 

A week ago, the trees were still green leafed, but yesterday there was more yellow and less of them on the trees.  The weather was beautiful, perfect for hiking or just sitting on a bench to enjoy the day.

 

 

 

Another blessing we’re enjoying right now is our family.  While Andy is still relatively functional, let’s get together and party! 

On Saturday, Andy and I drove down to Dream Park in Gloucester County where the 3 oldest Lindsay kids were involved in an Alpaca Show.  The ride down and back was absolutely gorgeous with the sun shining off the different colors of fall leaves on the trees lining the highway. 

Then when we got there, how fun to watch the kids in their show and interact with C & C and Asher and Claire.  We thought it was ironic that the only boy in the show got the pink ribbon.  He was a good sport about it even though he wondered if his mom could dye it.

My personal opinion is that alpacas are one of the cutest animals.  After their show, they came back to our house and had dinner together.  Since it was so nice outside, the kids were able to play for a while outside.

Then on Sunday, Amy and Ricky came down with their kids and went to church with us.  That was a special treat to have them sit in the service with us.  After church, they came to the house and we had lunch together.  Amy had made chicken, bacon, rice soup and had also brought rolls and chocolate chip cookies from Shady Maple.  And again the weather was beautiful so the kids were able to play outside again.

Yesterday was another delightful fall day so as soon as I finished my house cleaning, off we went to Smithville Park for another hike. 

 

Who knows what the future holds?  But we don’t live there…we’re in the here and now and NOW is good!  So let's live it up!