On Tuesday morning we drove over to Target for her to pick out her birthday present, then went to visit with Andy. Dawn met us there with her other kids.
I brought Kira back with me for the rest of the day and spent the afternoon at our neighbor's house so she could play with the little girls next door. Those girls often ask me to let Kira have a play date with them, but I'm not Kira's mommy so I don't have much say in whether or not Kira can play with them. But this time, it worked out that they could play and play and play. I hung out with the mom - which was a treat for me, as well.
Andy is finally starting to feel better after getting the med situation resolved. He has been on antibiotics now for a week, and in fact, should be finished with that round today. He will now be on a maintenance drug to keep the bacteria under control.
He looks better but still has the significant tremors. I'm not sure that will ever be resolved but the doctor is trying a different med for that, as well. We'll see how that develops.
I've really resonated with the grief share emails I received this week. Earlier I read the following:
Can you truly say that God is good?
“One of the worst things you can do as a Christian is to go around with this plasticized mask on saying, ‘I love God, and He’s so good,’ when your heart is breaking inside,” says Dr. Joseph Stowell.
“Sometimes you may say, ‘God is good,’ with tears running down your cheeks, but He is good, and He will see you through, and He never wastes your sorrows. He didn’t waste the sorrows of His Son on the cross. He won’t waste your sorrows. He, by His magnificent power, will transform them into that which is good—that which brings gain to the kingdom and glory to His name.”
Everything God does is good. Believe this with your heart, and hold on to this truth for unfailing strength in times of sorrow.
Oh yes...I've been there with the tears running down my cheeks, even though God is good. I could write pages and pages on how good God is to me. Just one example from this week is the way he took care of something that was nagging at the back of my mind. Earlier in the summer, Tommy had trimmed my bushes along the driveway. They looked so good when he was finished. But by now, several months had elapsed and the bushes were looking ragged again. So I'm wondering if I should ask him to come over again or if I should ask someone else. You know, spread the wealth! I mulled this over for a couple of days and finally the Lord reminded me that Andy's friend, Dan, had told me that any time I needed any help around the house, just call him. Then my next thought was the memory that one time, Andy had told me that Dan loves to trim bushes. It was like a light bulb went on in my head. I texted Dan and he gladly and promptly made arrangements to come over to trim those bushes. He brought his 10 year old son and they did the job in a matter of an hour or so. The bushes look so much better and every time, I drive in and out of the driveway, I am reminded of God's provision: in friends who are eager to help, and his ideas on how I can get the jobs done that I can't do myself.
Another evidence of God's goodness is the ability he has given me to get outside, the strength and health to be able to work on my property. The last couple of days have been so pleasant so I've spent hours out there, picking up sticks, and "cleaning up" - happy things for me.
And several mornings ago, I looked out my back kitchen window and thought I saw a deer in the neighbor's yard. I grabbed my phone and went out to see how close I could get.
That was a blessing. I love to see deer. At least, I did that day. The next day as I was opening my shades, I was shocked to see my hosta plants that were now leafless. I guess the deer found them during the night and had a little snack. So let me edit that statement about my loving to see deer. Actually, I do still love to see them, I just don't love when they eat my plants.
I don't know if anyone else struggles with guilt like I do. I hear about other people doing certain things and I wonder if I'm doing enough. I know there are people with loved ones at Care One who are with their spouses all day long. So that makes me wonder if I am with Andy long enough. Then there are others who care for their loved ones at home in spite of unbelievable obstacles they deal with daily/hourly: changing diapers, dressing, changing clothes, bathing, hand feeding that takes hours per meal, etc.
Then the Lord led me to a wonderfully freeing verse in Scripture: 1 John 3:19-20 ~
"This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."
How often have I read 1 John but the truth of these verses never hit me like they did in this my specific hour of need. I can rest in his presence, even when my heart condemns me because God is greater than my heart. I need to remember that Jesus is not the Accuser, he always lives to intercede for me and on my behalf. I need to trust that he is leading me in my situation and not comparing me to others. It was so obvious that he led us to place Andy in Care One when we did, and if I experience doubts and self-condemnation, I need to remember that those do not come from the Lord.
Every year I read through the whole Bible and this year, I decided to read with a red pen handy. Every time I read about God's love for his people, I underline that phrase and thought in red. I've noticed that often God's love is not only mentioned, but is described as unfailing. God's unfailing love! So far I'm still only in the Psalms but I have lots of red lines to remind me that God is love.
Yes, God is good. I believe it with all my heart, even though sometimes the things I experience in this life don't feel good. It's hard to explain to someone else, but it's in hard times that we experience God's all sufficiency. He is the Rock on which we stand, our firm foundation, our Hope, our Shelter in the time of storm, our Strength, our Joy, our Peace, our All in All.
Psalm 119:68 ~ "You are good and what you do is good."
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