Pain, Gardening & Squirrels

Sometimes it's hard to deal with the reality of life. I mean, life is hard! Andy is so confused. I feel bad for him, even though it doesn't seem to bother him. On Monday, he started his first day at the Alzheimer's respite care center. It had been arranged that he would start out by going two days this week so that he could become accustomed to the newness of it. But he apparently did so well, that I got a call on Wednesday from the CEO who said he could start attending five days a week. I actually was wishing he could have gone on Wednesday, but by the time she called, it was too late to take advantage that day. But he went on both Thursday and Friday. I had a chance to observe him on Friday because I went in with him to attend a support group for care givers that met in a different room from the people with dementia. He didn't just sit down and observe or check out, but walked around to get more chairs out to accommodate people who were coming in. He still desires to be helpful and kind.

The other day he told me I was doing a good job. He said he gave me an A+. All the other girls would get an A, but I get an A+. (I don't know what other girls he meant!)

One of the things I am learning is that people with Alzheimer's are unpredictable. You just never know what they're going to do next. I was told we should hide their medications and take all their money away except for what you don't care about. Some people flush money or jewelry down the toilet. I'm sure there are all kinds of stories that could be told, some of which are funny, but others can be very frustrating. Of course, none of it can be held against them since they no longer have the capacity to think clearly.

Speaking of medications and money...
One day this week, Andy came to me holding his weekly pill container. Fortunately, he showed it to me and asked me what he was supposed to take. I told him he wasn't supposed to take anything unless I gave it to him. Then when he wasn't looking, I hid the container. 

On Monday morning, before I took Andy to his day care, he was in the office with me. I had to use the ladies' room, but when I returned to the office, he was talking to a man who had just walked in. I took over the conversation to find out what the man wanted. He showed me a restraining order paper and told me he wasn't allowed to return home. He wanted to stay in a motel in a neighboring town but needed money for the motel. I told him that I didn't have the money he needed and there was currently no one else in the building who could help or anyone I could turn him over to. Then Andy said, "well, how much do you need?" He said he needed $22. I'm thinking that's an odd number to need for a motel room. I again told him that I didn't have the money to give him. Then Andy took out his wallet and said he thought he had that much. He tried to count his money, but his tremors were too much for him, so he handed his wallet to me and asked me to count it. There were a bunch of ones, and I remarked that he didn't have $22 (trying to discourage the man so he would leave), but Andy said I should keep looking. And there it was: a five and a ten, along with all those ones. At that point, I just handed over the $22 and the man left immediately. I should have let it go, but I admit I scolded Andy for giving away his money. Andy said the guy looked fine. But I told him he was probably going to use the money to buy drugs. 

When we got in the car to go to his morning activities at the day care facility, he apologized profusely for giving away his money. And then of course, I felt bad for being so hard on him. In retrospect, I feel it was really my fault because I had known that people with Alzheimer's should not be allowed to drive or handle money. Well, it was a lesson learned. And I probably don't have to worry about there being a next time because he only has $2 left in his wallet.

I went over to the church this afternoon to do a little work because of tomorrow being a holiday. On the way home, Andy told me I could just drop him off at the house. I was a little confused about that, but I just said, "No, I'll come in with you."

One of the ways I cope is to enjoy my gardens. Andy and I worked at weeding them all (and there are a lot!) and trimming all the bushes (there are a lot of them, too!). We got that all done finally. I had planted some annual salvia earlier in the spring and it just wasn't looking good. A neighbor told me that others were saying the same thing about the salvia they had planted. So I decided to pull it all out and replace it with some perennials. I wasn't sure what to plant but it needed to be something that deer and rabbits don't like. The people at Perennial Gardens were very helpful, and I ended up with some dwarf butterfly bushes and Gaillardia (Arizona blanket flowers).

When I went to plant them, I handed Andy the shovel and told him to dig a hole right there. He actually didn't understand that. He tried to scoop up a layer of dirt instead of digging a hole. So I took the shovel and did all the work myself while he watched and cheered me on! Another lesson learned!

These dwarf butterfly bushes will get to be about four feet tall. I think the purple will look real nice against the white siding.

I'm really happy with my new flowers. I hope they survive. 

I've been having a running battle with squirrels at our bird feeders. I'm not ready to give up yet on putting birdseed out for the birds, but the squirrels are really frustrating me. They are awfully clever, even though I've spent money on supposedly "squirrel proof" bird feeders.

How did that squirrel know to lift that lid? Grrrrrrr. So I fastened it down, which lasted for a couple days until he chewed through the fasteners, lifted the lid, and crawled into the feeder head first. I guess it is a lesson in perseverance. If you want something bad enough, there's always a way to get it if you keep working at it.

I admit that between the birds and the shenanigans of the squirrels, I have a great show outside my kitchen window - better than watching tv. 

I continue to read through Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray. What a gifted man he was and how insightful and helpful his writings are. God is really blessing me through this book. "Abiding in Christ...I have a thousand times more given to me than I lost. God only takes from me that I might have room to take from him what is so much better."

I don't know how people go through the trials of this life without the Lord and his enabling grace. I think that whether people know it or not, God still enables them to endure. All of God's creatures can only live because of God's grace. "In him we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28) But how much better to live with the knowledge of the Lord and his indwelling presence - abiding in him and he abiding in me. 

In last week's sermon, Pastor mentioned C.S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain. I think Andy has every book C.S. Lewis wrote, and I decided to get it down off the shelf to read. I admit I struggled through it, it's too philosophical for me. But there are those little tidbits that people quote tucked in the middle of the books he writes. I liked this one in The Problem of Pain: "Because God already loves us, he must labor to make us loveable...God wills our good and our good is to love him. To love him, we must know him." 

And: "We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character."

And this one I've heard a number of times: "Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

He knows how to get our attention. Pain gives us the undeniable reality that we are inadequate and unable to deal with life on our own. We are needy, dependent people who cannot live apart from the grace of God.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)