A Time for Everything

Earlier this week, I was struck by J.I. Packer's November 25 devotional in Your Father Loves You. He said Jesus' first words to his disciples after his resurrection were not condemning. Think about that! He had a lot he could have said to them about their behavior toward him during his arrest, trial and crucifixion. Isn't it tempting when we are betrayed to wag the finger in the face of the guilty and scold and harangue? But Jesus didn't do that. Instead he spoke words of mercy and love: "Peace to you!" 

He is always kind to his children, even when we mess up and feel unworthy of his love. I love Romans 2:4 where we are told that "God's kindness leads you toward repentance." Even in his dealings with Israel and their constant idolatry and waywardness, God tells them through Hosea: "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them." (Hosea 11:4)

How I need to be reminded of God's faithfulness and love, his unconditional acceptance of me because I'm clothed in Jesus' righteousness. He does not condemn - "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

I was telling someone how hard it is to not know the ending. When you're pregnant, for instance, you know that at the end of 9 months, you'll have your baby. Or when you're engaged, you'll see the end of being single when you finally reach your wedding date. But in my current situation, I have no idea how it's all going to play out. How bad will the illness get? How long will this go on? Will I be able to handle things financially, emotionally, physically, etc.?

And the answer is, NO. I will not be able to handle anything then any better than I can right now. Because the truth is that the Lord is giving me the strength and ability to do whatever I need to do whenever I need to do it. 

On Tuesday, Andy had a doctor appointment with the neuropsychologist. The doctor assured us that Andy's symptoms were still mild. And I had to give thanks to God for that. Yes, there may be unsettling details in the day to day, but he still is functioning well. 

We didn't get out at all last week because of the doctor's appointment on Tuesday and the bad weather the rest of the week. And truth be told, I just ran out of time and couldn't fit in a hike.

Amy and Ricky brought their kids down on Saturday while they went to a Flyers game in Philadelphia. It actually snowed all day - on April 9! So the kids couldn't go outside to play but were stuck indoors the whole time. We watched a lot of movies

and the girls played with the dress-up clothes, granting our every wish.

 
Most of the time, Andy sat around with them, but he did have a moment or two of play and rowdiness!

Sunday's sermon was hard for me. It was on saving yourself for marriage - which I didn't have a problem with. What got me going was when the pastor said that marriage is more than just physical, but involves emotional and spiritual oneness as well. That reminded me of how much was missing for me right now. In some ways, I feel like a widow, taking care of a grown up child. I am on high alert all the time, following him around, if not physically, at least in my mind. I know where he is at all times and what he's doing!

Yesterday at one point, he came out of the bedroom with 2 shirts on. They were both button down collar shirts. I asked him why he had 2 shirts on and he answered that he was cold. Well, that made sense but I asked him why he didn't just put a fleece on. I should just stop asking him questions like that, though, because he can't answer them.

One day last week, he asked me if I was married. I told him yes, then asked him if he was. He said, no. Another time, he looked at my wedding ring and asked if I was married. I told him yes, then asked him again, if he was. That time he answered yes. So I pursued and asked who he was married to. He said, Phyllis. I don't know if he knew that I was Phyllis.

Sunday was such a beautiful day. It was still chilly, but the sun was brilliant. I decided I had to get out in nature even though I wasn't doing very well emotionally. It's better to be out than sitting at home moping...right? We went over to Palmyra Cove and walked about two miles.

hints of green against the blue

someone else was enjoying the sunshine

Well, as the preacher says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4: "There's a time for everything...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." I may be in the pits today, but I can only go up from there. Besides, Jesus is still with me, yes, even in the pits. I have always loved Bessie ten Boom's statement to her sister while in the German prison camp: "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still." I sense his constant presence and I love him for that. He is always good.