Meanwhile, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep my mind, heart and spirit in the right place. One of the books was passed along to me by Marian, our pastor's wife, When the Heart Waits. The author, Sue Monk Kidd, did a wonderful job of verbalizing what I am going through. She used the analogy of the caterpillar going to the dark place inside the chrysalis. She explains how necessary that dark time is for the transformation that results.
It was an encouraging read because I felt like I was gaining permission to "draw in" and regroup. It is not wrong to take time away to refresh the spirit and just sit in the presence of the Lord, drawing from his strength and seeking his wisdom for what we're going through. This was refreshing for a task oriented, list maker like myself.
There are biblical examples of people who went through dark, seemingly sidelined and unproductive, times: Joseph, Moses, David, and the best example of all - Jesus in the tomb and resurrection! God uses the dark times to show us more of himself.
We are facing a lot of unknowns right now with Andy's health. Is there a diagnosis? If so, what? Then what can we do to correct the situation? It seems like the answers are sooooo long in coming. We see one doctor who sends us to another one who sends us to one more who...
The encouragement in all these unknowns is that we know the One who knows it all. Nothing is a surprise to him and he will use every circumstance in our lives for our growth and maturity and to make us more like Jesus and to bring glory to himself. I have great confidence in Him and his perfect purposes in and through us.
The challenge is to rest in the knowledge of who God is. He is loving, faithful, kind, works for the good of those who love him, etc. Saturating ourselves with His Word is the only way to make it through this uncertain time. Waiting is a difficult discipline for those who like action. I am quiet for a couple of days, then I start thinking of somewhere to go or someone to visit or a job that needs to be done. But there quite a few verses that talk about the benefits of waiting on the Lord. One of my favorites is Isaiah 64:4: "Since ancient times no one has heard, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Or another favorite: "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31). And does my strength need to be restored and renewed!
Another book that has ministered to me (although I'm still reading through it) is Paul Tripp's Lost in the Middle.
It's written more toward mid life crises but a lot of it applies to where I am at this time, as well. He really understands the heart and the reasons why we do the things we do. We live in a broken world and things will not always turn out perfectly and the way we want them to, but we need to rest in the sovereign plan of God for our lives, trusting in Him completely. This can be difficult because no one likes to suffer, at least I don't. If I had my way, I wouldn't have any troubles - ever. But then I wouldn't know how much I need God. How can I experience the all-sufficiency of God except when I have no where else to turn. I love the saying I heard years ago from Corrie Ten Boom: "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."
A passage from this book that gets to the heart of the matter:
One of the hardest things for sinners to do is to wait. We have little toleration for delayed gratification, so when we ask God for things, we include our schedule for delivery in the request. But God's sense of timing is infinitely different from ours. Who would have thought that there would be thousands of years between the Fall and the cross? Who would have thought that the world would have to wait so long for Abraham's promised seed? Who would have thought that God would allow his chosen children to be subjugated to slavery in a foreign land for four hundred and twenty years? Who would have thought that the "last days" that Paul talked about would still be continuing? God has a perfect sense of timing. His moment is always the right moment. He never gets his schedule mixed up or gets things out of order. Yet the wait confuses us, because we reason that if the thing is a good thing then a loving God would deliver it to us with haste.
So although I have no answers for what we're going through, I am learning to wait on the Lord and be strengthened and find rest in Him and Him alone. A good thing to think on is: Do I find my satisfaction in His gifts or in Him alone? Do I need to understand perfectly what he is doing or feel entitled to enjoying perfect health the rest of my life? "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21). He deserves our praise, worship and adoration in any and every circumstance. Can I sing from my heart: "O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee" ?
In this time of difficulty, I want to be characterized as running to the Lord, not from Him. Yes, I am facing things that were not in my plan, but I am not facing them alone. God is with me, He is for me, He loves me. This moment of painful grace is sure evidence of his presence.
Psalm 62:1-2
Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
A passage from this book that gets to the heart of the matter:
One of the hardest things for sinners to do is to wait. We have little toleration for delayed gratification, so when we ask God for things, we include our schedule for delivery in the request. But God's sense of timing is infinitely different from ours. Who would have thought that there would be thousands of years between the Fall and the cross? Who would have thought that the world would have to wait so long for Abraham's promised seed? Who would have thought that God would allow his chosen children to be subjugated to slavery in a foreign land for four hundred and twenty years? Who would have thought that the "last days" that Paul talked about would still be continuing? God has a perfect sense of timing. His moment is always the right moment. He never gets his schedule mixed up or gets things out of order. Yet the wait confuses us, because we reason that if the thing is a good thing then a loving God would deliver it to us with haste.
So although I have no answers for what we're going through, I am learning to wait on the Lord and be strengthened and find rest in Him and Him alone. A good thing to think on is: Do I find my satisfaction in His gifts or in Him alone? Do I need to understand perfectly what he is doing or feel entitled to enjoying perfect health the rest of my life? "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21). He deserves our praise, worship and adoration in any and every circumstance. Can I sing from my heart: "O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee" ?
In this time of difficulty, I want to be characterized as running to the Lord, not from Him. Yes, I am facing things that were not in my plan, but I am not facing them alone. God is with me, He is for me, He loves me. This moment of painful grace is sure evidence of his presence.
Psalm 62:1-2
Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
1 comment:
Hello Dear Phyllis, I wanted to email you but I have only your FCC email address so I thought to contact you through your blog.
We have just learned of Andy's diagnosis and want to say (as you already know) how much we love you both and will be praying for you. I'd love to get together either just the two of us or with Andy and John as well. Don't know if you are up to it or your days are filled right now but should that work for you, please lets plan something.
John's 96 year old Aunt Marie (I have shared about her on my blog) passed away today. We have been back and forth to the Somers Point Hospital visiting her and will head there tomorrow to make funeral plans. She never had children, just John and his brother and a 78 year old niece from Indiana who has been here for the past month.
Looks like Jamie will be having her baby on Wednesday and we pray all goes well.
It is a little busy now but things should be better next week. I hope we can connect!
Love Lorraine
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