A New Chapter

As difficult and challenging as these last 8 months have been, it's a relief to finally have a diagnosis.  I have to admit it was a shock and not the diagnosis we would have wished, but we are both feeling fine with it and trusting that God, who has lovingly led us all along our life's journey, will continue to be with us to the end.

Alzheimer's.  The word is full of emotion and conjures up all kinds of pictures of old people sitting around staring into space or wandering around the neighborhood or doing weird and all kinds of nonsensical things.  The fact is Alzheimer's is a disease in which brain cells are dying.  There is no cure.  Different people progress at different rates, staying at one stage for longer or shorter periods of time than others.  There are some medications available that may slow the progression of the disease.  But no one can say how long someone may live with Alzheimer's or how quickly the disease will progress.

Realistically, we are all dying.  We just don't generally think about it.  To us, it seems like Andy is still young.  He's ONLY 62.  But we all die, some sooner, some later. 

Around the first of the year, some of our friends began to notice Andy was forgetting simple things that he had done automatically many times.  One of those friends strongly suggested we make an appointment with a neuropsychologist to have Andy assessed.  So that first appointment was in April.  That doctor ordered blood work and an MRI with a follow up appointment in May.  Those tests did not show anything and we were relieved to hear that dementia and Alzheimer's were negative.  Since then, we have come to realize you can't tell from blood work if someone has those brain disorders.  The MRI result just indicated that there was no mass or tumor.  That doctor strongly suggested we make an appointment for further testing with a neuropsychology test: a comprehensive 5 hour oral test.  Meanwhile, Andy contracted prostatitis - an infection in his prostrate - landing him in the ER with a temperature of 104 degrees. 

When he got released from the hospital, after consultation with the urologist, we thought that the infection had been the cause of his memory issues, so we didn't follow up to make that neuropsychology test appointment.  He had laser surgery on the prostrate at the end of June and we fully expected him to improve and be well again.  However, he did not improve and even his recovery from the surgery was painstakingly slower than we had been led to believe. 

In mid July, we went on our vacation to Moosehead Lake, but Andy was sick most of the time and did not participate in the family fun.  He did a little hiking but was lacking in stamina and the enthusiasm he normally exhibits when he is on vacation and with the kids.  He didn't read at all and swam very little, both activities that he enjoyed wholeheartedly in previous vacations.  He was forgetful, was often confused and seemed in a mental fog most of the time.

When we returned home, several people strongly urged us to follow through to make the appointment for the neuropsychological testing.  When I called, the earliest they could fit Andy in was October 7th.  We had to wait a full 2 months.  It was agony.  Meanwhile, we continued to go to other doctors.  We went to a psychologist, thinking Andy might be suffering from depression.  We went to his family doctor.  We also had a follow up with the urologist.  And we also saw a psychiatrist.  All the doctors were very helpful and he was prescribed medication for depression.  It didn't seem to help.  We struggled through until finally October 7th arrived.  Andy was at that testing for 5 hours, doing all kinds of memory games, simple math problems, hand coordination exercises, etc.  I wasn't in on the testing, but afterwards he said he was so humbled because he knew he wasn't getting the correct answers.  After the test, I sat in with the doctors and Andy while they went over the results. 

The doctors were very kind, explaining how he did, asking how he thought he did, then telling him that for a man of his intelligence and education, he didn't do even as well as a person with a less than 8th grade education.  (Andy had 8 years of higher education - after high school.)  I came right out and asked:  "So are you saying that Andy has Alzheimer's?"  And the doctor answered, "Yes, I'm very sorry, but that is what he has." 

Well, we were shocked and sad, but God was gracious as he always is.  He led us to Scripture, other reading material and dear friends to encourage us. 

This is our story - it is unique to us, but it is part of the bigger story - God's story.  He has a plan and his plan is perfect and good.  You know how some stories can be confusing when you're reading them, but in this case, we know the ending.  We live happily ever after in God's kingdom with our blessed Redeemer. 

I have often been reminded in the last several weeks of a song Andy and I used to sing: Trust His Heart.
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don't see him,
Remember you're never alone

Chorus:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
ALL our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him

(Chorus)

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

(Chorus)

When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart

Andy and I have been reminiscing and talking about the many blessings we have enjoyed together. We both are ok with the diagnosis of Alzheimer's knowing that life may get very difficult later.  However, we are committed to trusting God in this new chapter, knowing that He will continue to be with us wherever we go.  That wherever includes Alzheimer's.

Joshua 1:9:  "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Job 1:29:  "The Lord gave (healthy brain cells/intelligence) and the Lord has taken away (dying brain cells/Alzheimer's); may the name of the Lord be praised."