On Wallin Pond

It's been over two months since Andy passed from death to eternal life. I didn't know if I would continue my posting. The best word to describe how I was feeling was: "numb." I appreciate my many friends and family members who are concerned about me. I don't always know what to say when they ask how I'm doing. I've come through deep sorrow and at the same time, have experienced moments of great joy.

The day of the memorial service, Pastor told me I could take off as much time as I needed. So I went to work the next day! I reasoned that it would be better than sitting at home by myself. And it was. But after another couple of days, I knew I had to get away. I was physically exhausted and emotionally fragile.

I called my sister in South Carolina and she immediately and graciously urged me to stay with her for a week. I quickly arranged for the office to be covered while I was gone and bought airline tickets.

We didn't have an agenda except to relax and be together. My sister is gifted in hospitality and loves to spend time in her kitchen. She treated me royally with gourmet food and the gift of just sitting in a comfy chair to read, think and chat with her. We did get in a couple of fun things: a pedicure, a hike in nearby woods and a trip to the Biltmore estate.

Raspberry cheesecake with coconut crust

Lemon curd

The grounds at the Biltmore estate in Ashville, NC, had a beautiful display of Chihuly glass sculptures that we enjoyed.

I had to leave SC earlier than I had planned because Hurricane Florence was on the way. I was able to change my flight out without additional cost and got home safely. The time away was such a gift, a respite sorely needed.

Then the following Sunday at church, I really struggled again. Everything reminded me of Andy: the carpet in the lobby (he oversaw the process of replacing it); the auditorium (he worked with Rich on adding decorative molding); walking by the nursery (he loved working with the kids and oversaw the staffing); and even the worship service (how many years had the two of us led worship?). Everyone seemed glad to see me and were kind to ask me how I was doing, but I couldn't help dissolving in tears and admitting: "not good."

But God in His mercy, provided another get away for me. Three Sundays in a row, I missed going to my own church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church, but a break from the pain of all the memories there was essential.

I have been very busy with family in the last several weeks: meeting with Dawn for coffee and conversation; having grandchildren over for special one-on-one time; spending time with the girls and their families, and going to Maine with my special friend, Ruth.

God continues to minister to me through various avenues. I believe He led me to consider what the purpose of the rest of my life should entail. I love the verse Paul wrote in Philippians 3:10 where he stated that he wanted to know Christ and make him known. Then I received Paul Tripp's Wednesday's Word on September 26. He talked about the fear of public speaking that many people experience. He went on to teach that many of us are not called to a public ministry of teaching or preaching, but we are all called to be God's instructors to each other.

He went on to explain:

The Apostle Paul instructs us all, in Colossians 3:16, to “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom.” In this context, Paul is talking about the myriad of everyday-life ministry opportunities that God gives to each of his children.

(This passage is not addressing seminary students or pastors or elders. At the beginning of the chapter, he starts with, “If then you have been raised with Christ…” That's all of us, any Christian, regardless of vocation or location.)

So what do these everyday-life ministry opportunities look like? David shares one in Psalm 51:13: “I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.”

This type of teaching doesn’t require us to lay out a comprehensive theology of grace. Most of us wouldn’t be qualified to do that. Instead, this type of teaching requires us to share our stories of rescue and transformation with others.

This one-on-one, informal ministry is not teaching the person about grace. Rather, I am sharing my experience of grace. People learn, not because I’ve opened the dictionary and given them a lecture, but because I’ve shown them the video of grace in operation in my own life.

What qualifies us to teach in the personal ministry context of everyday life is the grace that we have received in our own moments of need. By being willing to share my own story, I am being a tool of transforming grace in their lives...you will always be called to a life of daily gospel transparency.

So there it is. I have experienced God's lavish grace as I've gone through deep waters. I could not do this in my own strength and in my own power. And if God receives great glory by my display of His grace in my life, then doesn't that make all of this worth it? He alone is worthy. I want to make His name great and glorious.

Psalm 66:2
"Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious!"

1 Peter 1:3-7
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -- kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."