But having a couple of days in the 60's and 70's was a welcome treat. I met Dawn at Care One with her kids on Tuesday. We spent some time with Andy and he seemed more alert and tuned in than he had been for a while. He loves the kids.
When we got to Care One, Andy was lying down on his bed in his room. We all walked in and as I opened his door, I said, "Andy, someone's here to visit with you." He sat up and when he saw Amy and the kids, his eyes lit up, and he was energized to get up and come out to the lobby to spend some time with us.
Then Saturday morning, I asked Dawn if she was available to go on a hike with me and she graciously agreed to go with me. She only took Cole and that was easy since he was carried on her back. It was a 3 mile hike, so it got long for him, but Dawn had a package of Cheez-its. I kept on handing him one Cheez-it at a time and he was contented.
It was such a nice day we didn't even need a jacket.
Earlier in the week, I was asked how I was doing. I took the opportunity to tell how worried I was about the future. How I didn't know if I would have enough money to keep Andy in the nursing facility. And when my money ran out, would I have to move him to another facility, and it all seemed so overwhelming.
The rest of the week, I was really troubled by my worry, lack of faith and trust in the goodness of God. Then last night I was reading in Numbers when the twelve spies brought back a negative report to the Israelites. God was really angry with them because they didn't remember how he had led them and provided for them up till that point. He said, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?"
This really spoke to my heart. Worrying and not trusting God is actually treating him with contempt. When the future is unknown, I need to remind myself how God provided for me in the past. Remember how many people gave me encouragement at just the right time, the cards, financial help, lunches, dinners, meals, etc. that people gave at God's prompting.
So I have resolved that for now, I will not think about what happens two years from now. I will focus on enjoying each day and what it holds now in the present and will do so for this whole year. And I will not even make a plan for what happens after this year, but will trust that God will give me wisdom then for that time.
Of course, this is not something I can do in my own strength, so I'm trusting that God will help me grow in this area. He lives in me, and apart from him I can do nothing.
I came across an article that ministered to what I had written about several weeks ago. The Unwelcome Gift of Waiting - ugh! Who likes to wait? We're so used to instant everything. I can't stand it when I turn on my computer and it doesn't instantly boot up. But isn't it so true that when we wait for something, we are all the more gratified when the thing is realized?
The article was written by Vaneetha Rendall Risner who wrote a book that I think I need to purchase: The Scars that have Shaped Me. Several of her quotes in the article resonate with me:
“Waiting is not just about what I get at the end of the wait, but about who I become as I wait.”
“As we wait by faith, we don’t hold on to a particular outcome. We hold on to God.”
“God knows what I need. I do not. He sees the future. I cannot. His perspective is eternal. Mine is not.”
There are a lot of verses that encourage us to wait on God. So it must not be just a 21st century problem. One of my favorite verses on waiting is Isaiah 64:4 - "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him."
If we wait on him and his timing, he will do the work. And after all, he's a lot more creative than we are in working all things out for his glory and our good.
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