On Wallin Pond

Things are heating up...I got a call from The Tender on Wednesday morning letting me know that because of a couple of incidents, Andy would not be able to return. I asked Pastor for the rest of the morning off to make calls, write emails, try to come up with a plan for what to do about this.

Unfortunately, we were getting into the holiday weekend and doctors were not accessible (they had their nerve taking time off when I needed them!).

I thought I was going to need daytime care, and while I was at it, let's also get night time care so I could finally get some sleep. Because I had used a home health aide service back in March when I went away for the weekend, I called them. They already had our paperwork so I thought I would be more successful getting someone quickly.

And that's how it worked out. They arranged for a nurse to come out to do an assessment on Friday afternoon and had an aide here at the house on Saturday morning. Saturday went pretty well, but night time was horrific. I slept in the other bedroom and the aide sat in the chair in the bedroom with Andy to be available when he woke up. 

The first part of the night went ok, but around 3:00, he woke up and was startled to see a strange person in his room. He became very agitated and walked out of the bedroom and started yelling, "help, help." Needless to say, I was awakened and quickly ran to see what was going on. When he saw me, he told me to call the cops. I was able to lead him back to bed, then lay down beside him to try to calm him down. But he kept looking at the aide, so I finally told her she should leave and I canceled the service.

I'm in constant contact with our daughters who are encouraging me it's time to get him admitted into a facility. I am in complete agreement. I am only one person and I'm finite, at that. It's impossible for me to be on call 24/7. I just don't know how much longer I can function with so little sleep. For the last two weeks or so, I'm had about 3-4 hours per night. I have to say, though, I'm amazed that I can still function. That's obviously God's grace sustaining me.

The weekend had its good moments, though, being with family. Andy and I went to Andy's brother's for our traditional Thanksgiving with his family. Christy and her family also joined us this year. Andy was so anxious, he kept pacing around, trying to go out the door, and frankly, behaving bizarrely at times. I think his family members were shocked to see how far his disease had progressed. His mom cried several times, and I admit, even though I see him all the time, I was also very sad.

But it triggered our daughters' desire to check out a facility for him, so they set up an appointment for Friday afternoon. They all came down for our family time and that was also bittersweet. There were some funny moments but he seemed somewhat disturbed by the "noise" of the children - so unlike his pre-disease nature.

I hope all who read this post will pray fervently for us as we make decisions, contact doctors, meet with an elder law attorney, etc. There is so much to take into consideration as well as the process of moving him out of our home.

I am exhausted and can hardly think but I feel the Lord's presence and am not in despair. He is holding me up. I know he will not let me down.

Here are a couple of pictures from the weekend.

Tonight he is pacing around, moving furniture, rearranging things and telling me he has a lot to do. I try reasoning with him, but it does not compute.

Stooping very low engraves with care
His Name indelible upon our dust;
And from the ashes of our self-despair
Kindles a flame of love and humble trust.
He seeks no second site on which to build,
But on the old foundation, stone by stone,
Cementing sad experience with grace,
Fashions a stronger temple of His own.
Patricia St. John, Patricia St. John Tells Her Own Story