God's Glory, My Good

Every year I write a Christmas letter that I send to our family members and friends, mostly those who live far from us, out of state. This year's letter was really a recounting of the blessings we enjoy, even in the midst of pain and suffering. I have been so encouraged to receive emails and some personal feedback on that letter. What is so encouraging is that God is using my own pain and focus on what God is doing in my pain to minister to others. And actually, when I've received the encouragement from others, it's usually been when I'm feeling down or sorry for myself. So God uses my own words to build myself back up. How kind and patient he is with me. I thought I would include that letter here as a reminder, once again, of how God is ministering to me:

December 2015

Dear Family and Friends,

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Luke 1:38

What an amazing response to the announcement that she was going to be the mother of the Messiah. The Lord really impressed on me that this is an attitude that I wanted to display in my own heart: not digging in my heels or clenching my fists to resist his work, but humbly accepting “bad” as well as good from His hand.

God has used Mary’s attitude to greatly minister to me. My eyes have been opened to the many blessings he has given us. Andy’s Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s illnesses may be deemed horrific and they are. But shall we accept good from God and not trouble? (Job 2:10)

Here are just a few of the blessings we enjoy from the “Blessed Controller of All Things” (1 Timothy 6:15, Phillips translation).

1

  As you can see from our card, God has blessed us with a beautiful family. Three daughters and their husbands have given us 10 grandchildren with 1 more due on Feb. 1. Christy has 5 children, ages 14, 12, 10, 7 & 4; Dawn has 2 children, ages 6, 1½ and one more on the way; Amy has 3 children, ages 9, 7, 5.

2

Another blessing is our church family, who has continued to minister to us. Many friends have stood with us, prayed for us, encouraged us and not abandoned us.

3

 Andy and I have discovered and enjoyed many parks in the county in which we live. Yes, even in South Jersey! Hiking is something we can both do, and we are reaping the benefits of nature therapy!

4

 We are in a season of acceptance of the “new normal.” Andy’s forgetfulness and confusion are not improving, but he is feeling healthy and well. We are enjoying our relationship and will soon be celebrating our 42^nd anniversary! 
5 But even if we enjoyed none of these gifts, we still know the Giver! I was reading in New Morning Mercies about our thanksgiving and was challenged by the author, Paul Tripp, to "never let our enthusiasm for the gifts replace our worship of and service for the Giver." Even if our family is somehow not in our life any more, even if our health is gone, even if we can't get out and enjoy nature as we'd like, God is still good and blesses us with his presence, his everlasting love, his kindness, grace, mercy and abundant life in him. Because Jesus became a baby, put on flesh like one of us, accomplished our salvation by his death on the cross, we have everything we need for this life and the next.

We enjoy Christmas this year because of the best Gift of all! We wish that for you as well.

Andy & Phyllis

This was a good week to put into practice what I believe about God being the "blessed controller of all things." A month or so ago, Andy lost a piece off one of his teeth. I contacted our dentist, a dear friend who attends our church and loves us like we're her own parents. She felt the tooth needed to be built up because if it wasn't taken care of, it would lead to greater problems in the future. We contacted our insurance with her proposal for the work, and they wrote back how much it would cost and that they would not cover it. In the meantime, we were in the middle of the Christmas and New Year holidays. I was beginning to wonder if our dentist was still going to take care of this and determined I would call her on Wednesday. Well, on Tuesday her receptionist called to set up an appointment. She said the Dr. felt we couldn't wait any longer and to come in the next day. The only appointment available at that short notice was at 9:00 in the morning. So I took off work to take Andy to his appointment. 

The Dr. used an anesthesia to numb the area and she noticed Andy was getting anxious. She stopped the anesthesia immediately and administered oxygen which is a calmer. She made a note in his file to never use that particular anesthesia on him again. The work took about an hour and a half and everything seemed to be fine. 

The next day, Andy complained about a headache. He stayed home in bed while I went to work. About an hour into my time, he called to say he wanted to take some medicine for his headache. I told him it was ok to take some ibuprofen. He said he didn't know where it was. I told him it was in the bathroom closet. A few minutes later, he called back to say he still couldn't find the medicine. So I went home and got him a couple of pills and gave them to him. On my way out of the bedroom, I noticed a bottle of aspirin. I asked him if he had taken any aspirin and he said he had. Aghghgghh! I didn't think it was a good idea to take aspirin and ibuprofen and told him so (in a calm voice!!!). He said he had taken it awhile ago, but that wasn't the case because I hadn't been at work that long. Fortunately, there were no ill effects from that.

He stayed in bed most of the day and that night after he was in bed, I was sitting in my chair, reading my Bible. He came out of the bedroom and started wandering into the living room. I asked him where he was going and he said he needed the bathroom. I told him it was in our bedroom and helped him over there. It didn't get any better from there. He was very upset and agitated and couldn't express to me what was wrong. I finally laid down next to him on the bed and stroked his arm and spoke calmly and soothingly to him. He finally calmed down enough for me to leave. 

On Friday, he seemed to feel a lot better. His headache was gone, but he was very confused. Every conversation he tried to start ended in a confusing jumble. I had no idea where he was going or what he wanted to say. He was still also agitated and anxious.

The same thing happened at night time as the night before. He came out of the bedroom very confused and upset. It was difficult to understand what was the problem because he couldn't verbalize it or explain it. It was all pretty irrational.

On Saturday morning, he actually broke down, with tears in his eyes, pleaded with me to take him to the hospital. I asked him why and he said he felt terrible. When asked what hurt, he couldn't explain it. We dealt with this for a while, him trying to tell me how he felt but failing, and me trying to understand and figure out what to do.

I felt that some nature therapy might be helpful but I was so exhausted myself. It had been hard to relax the previous two nights and get the sleep I needed after trying to calm him down. I just had no energy to get up and out. 

Finally, I asked Andy if he minded if I texted the dentist to find out if the anesthesia she had administered was still in his system and causing his anxiety. He was relieved with that idea, so I contacted her and she called me back. Her understanding and care were so helpful. She said the anesthesia would have been out of his system in 3 hours, so that wasn't the problem. What he was dealing with was trying to figure out why he was anxious, but because of his Alzheimer's, his reasoning process was just leading him nowhere - causing his deep distress. When I explained that to Andy, he visibly relaxed and agreed that that was what he was dealing with. Poor guy!

I had read in some Alzheimer's literature at one time, that any time a patient with dementia is administered an anesthetic, it can cause set backs in the memory. 

I don't know if there is still a problem. He seems to be much better emotionally, not anxious today. But he is very confused and none of his sentences make sense - and I do mean NONE. This is not an exaggeration.

He continually thinks other people are in the house. Or if we go on a hike, he'll ask if we're taking anyone with us. Or when we get there, he'll ask if we need to wait for someone to join us. Then when we're hiking, he'll ask where everybody is. It happens often, sometimes as many as 3 or 4 times in one outing. 

This morning as I was doing my hair, he came to the bathroom and told me he needed to talk to me about something. I listened and he said, "I think I'm having a problem with my memory." Oh really?????

This afternoon as we were driving home from our hike, we drove by Dawn & Tommy's house. He knew where we were, obviously, because he asked me if I'd ever been to Phyllis and Tommy's house. I said do you mean Dawn and Tommy? He agreed I was right. And I told him I'd been there many times. 

In a way, this is very sad. In another way, I'm amazed that God is enabling me to deal with this without falling apart. He's giving me the patience I've prayed for. He's giving me enabling strength to endure. 

I feel sorry for him. He tries so hard to express his thoughts. The problem is that he doesn't even know what he's thinking. He'll start on a idea, but can't finish it. I try to help him and understand what he's trying to say, but most of the time, it's impossible because his words are so jumbled up.

I finished reading Grieving with Hope. What a helpful book. I continue to grow in my understanding of God's purpose for us in this world. Life is a good gift, but this world is not our home. Many verses in Scripture remind us that this life is temporary and preparation for our life in eternity. Our goal in this life is to know God and sometimes, the best way to knowing him is to experience him in our deepest needs. We find out how desperately we need him. We are not independent, self sufficient people. 

One of the chapters in Grieving With Hope is: What Grief Teaches Us. He quotes Paul Tripp in the chapter heading:  "God will take us where we do not want to go in order to produce in us what we could not achieve on our own." And here are some of the things grief teaches us:

1. God uses suffering to help us grow.

2. Joy and pain can coexist.

3. Time doesn't heal all wounds..."God is the source of healing, but God isn't a magic wand."

4. You harvest what you sow.

5. Life was always out of control, but God is sovereign (in control)

6. God takes no pleasure in [anyone's] death.

7. Resetting your expectations.

8. God uses suffering for good. 

I highly recommend this book and will keep it handy to read again soon.

We did get out on Tuesday afternoon to hike in the Black Run Preserve again. It has become another favorite.

Then today after lunch we went out again, this time to Smithville Lake. It was pretty cold today - 38 degrees. In fact, as we were finishing up and heading to our car, it started to snow. 

Isn't this an unusual tree?

Romans 8:28-29

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers (and sisters).